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 sassafrass1234
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 1
Boyfriend Online this week Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
m in a relationship with this guy that I truly adore We met on POF but recently I checked back and he is still on here and apparently he was (online this week) we been together for the past 6 months in a relationship I dont know what to do I mean what is his business on here and his pictures are still up and he was online this week and im using my friend profile just need it to get some advice from the guys here

what you think I should do?? do you think he is just curious to see whats out there?

thanks
 sassafrass1234
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 2
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:07:19 AM
so this means hes out there im so disappointed I trusted him
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 3
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:08:30 AM
This is fairly common for on-line relationships. People get addicted to looking and are never satisfied. While you believe you're dating him, but it's apparent he's not dating you -- or won't be as soon as he finds a replacement. You probably shouldn't have deleted your profile unless or until your boyfriend did. Hiding it, well, it's just too easy to log back on and see what's going on in the old fishpond. That should answer your question as to whether he's just curious to see what's out there. If he's happy with you, he wouldn't be curious. I'd keep a close eye on this one.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 4
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:12:39 AM
Did you two agree that you would delete your profiles or did you just assume he would?
 sassafrass1234
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 5
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:16:13 AM
I just assumed he would we been talking/dating since april last year and got in a relationship in Oct/Sept 2012
and I havent been on here for a while I dont even have my profile is deleted Im using a friend profile she told me that she saw his profile and apparently it says (online this week)
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 6
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:17:41 AM

I just assumed he would

Assumption is the mother of all f*** ups.

It's time to talk to him.
 Jesselia
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 7
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:22:10 AM
After 6 months of being together, yes he should have deleted his profile unless he is here for friends or the forums. If not, he's still looking and most likely has already cheated or is planning to cheat on you. Talk to him directly and clear this mess out. There's no need to be paranoid and torture yourself with what-ifs.
 Belluvthebawl
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 8
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:24:23 AM
NEVER assume!!! There must be a mutual agreement of exclusivity and the taking down of the profiles. You simply can't hold this against him right now since you never had the conversation. Have the conversation and see what he says.....but I can almost guarantee that he isn't going to like the fact that you and your friend are "checking" up on him here.

One other thing to ponder.....if he has the POF app on his smart phone, he will be automatically logged on when he is in a Wi-Fi hot spot as well as when the program auto-updates.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 9
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:40:12 AM
You have a good friend, here (I take it this is the same one whose pretty picture we're seeing). Friends should look out for you and she did.

Break up with him and get a full battery of STD tests. Immediately. Follow up in 6 months for a definitive check on HIV/Hep C.

And think back on any Douchebag Warning Signs he may have displayed that you didn't think much of at the time, so you can avoid a similar douchebag in future. Once you have a little distance on it, like a week or so, you may be able to spot things in retrospect that didn't seem significant then.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Remember that they're not all like this - you just got a dud this time.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 10
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History
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:49:09 AM
You have been dating the man for 6 months, if you can sleep with him then certainly you should be able to ask him what he is doing on a dating site. He could be a forum viewer/post like me or he could be checking the merchandise.
Either way your communication level must be really shallow if you have no clue where the relationship is at this point. No matter what he tells you I doubt you will believe it, after all YOU decided to snoop around on here for a reason, a good enough reason for you to convince a friend to give you her password. You did not trust the man before you discovered his extra curricular activities.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 11
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 11:50:32 AM

Douchebag Warning Signs he may have displayed that you didn't think much of at the time, so you can avoid a similar douchebag

Why don't you say douchebag one more time? Some of you women have such obvious issues with men ....
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 12
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History
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 12:14:28 PM
Online dating sites, especially the free ones, are very addictive. Once you've registered/signed on, you could hardly leave it forever even you've found "the one". I believe lots of people love the forums. I think people are always curious, and there are times they still feel lonely even when they have a g/f, b/f or engaged and married, so they just get on here to kill times and want to see what's going on. It's hard to find a loyal person in a relationship nowadays. You just have to learn to trust blindly (which I think is dumb though) and take it or leave it.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 12:17:09 PM

I just assumed


Ass u me d.

Never assume. Have the talk. See where it goes.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 14
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 12:17:24 PM
Don't be passive aggressive! Talk to the dude, tell him you want to be exclusive and that you want him to delete his POF profile and that you'll do the same. Lay down your expectations moving forward, take the time to think about it first before talking to him, write a letter if you think it's a good idea. If he's serious, he'll comply. Tell him that you want to witness the deletion event and that he can watch you delete your profile, too. Do not "learn to trust blindly", that is a bunch of childish nonsense.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 15
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 12:17:40 PM
Oh... I never worry about these things unless the guy is in Chat Mode for a couple of hours. IF that is the case, then you should definitely talk about things. Otherwise, you might be overreacting a little bit...unless there are other issues at hand.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 16
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History
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 1:03:03 PM
let us know what he says after you confront him. Could be something very innocent. Like...he dared to check the forums.
As for getting a "battery of tests" lol, suggested by someone...you should..anyway. All should.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 1:12:04 PM
Tell him the truth about how you found this info out, show him your post, then with an open mind, pay attention to his reaction and his reasons. Don't try to make it look good or bad for him, just do an honest appraisal of what happens next when he's confronted by the facts as you know them. Then make a decision based on what you wanted in a relationship and what is really going on. I know it's hard not to be emotional right now but if you want to really know what he's up to, ask and be open to the truth even if it's so not what you want to hear.

If you are going into the talk with facts, yes, you will be confronting them, no matter how you'd like to make it sound like something else.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 1:14:38 PM

after you confront him


This has written disaster from the get go. If you go with the intention of confronting, having ultimatum, then you will have a confrontation that will evolve into, defensive postures, to which you will say, why be defensive if you do not have anything to hide. So stop that.

You are not confronting him, you are are having a talk. A state of the union sort of conversation. If you tell him "this is what I want and you better do this with me now or else." I will choose else. I would give you the boot. Many guys do not like to be cornered.

Now if you approach it in a friendly way. As him where does he see the relationship going. Then if you are saying yes to each other. Tell him that you closed down your own account. Ask him if it would bother him if you were still looking. Your goal is for both of you to be in the same page, without confrontation. If it becomes my way against your way, one wins, the other one loses. From a behavioral point of view what that really means is Lose, lose.

So think about what you're going to do next.
 jengerflower
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 19
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 1:30:34 PM
Talk to the guy. Give him a chance to explain. I can relate to this. He may be upset that he got caught, or feels that it wasn't a big deal. Tell him honestly how you feel about it. Talk honestly about having profiles, and boundaries of what is acceptable and what isn't. If he's not willing to discuss it then he may not have the same level of commitment you do. At that point decide if it's worth staying in the relationship. In his defense, you can't hold much against him if you are basing all of this on your assumption of him deleting the profile.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 20
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 1:34:19 PM
Flumingo, when it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck... the only sensible and safe thing to do is to check one's shoes for duck poop.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 21
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 1:40:47 PM

Flumingo, when it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck... the only sensible and safe thing to do is to check one's shoes for duck poop.


Not really, you could be getting Aflack for all I know.

Quack, quack!!
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 22
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 2:07:04 PM

Not really, you could be getting Aflack for all I know.



The obvious alternative is coming here for the forums, but she'd be able to see his posts in that case. And he'd almost certainly also talk to her about it - there is some very funny stuff in here! Then, too, there's no reason a forumite wouldn't hide his profile, since he's involved, so her friend wouldn't have seen it.

So... it's a duck, all right. I'd love to think it's a cute insurance advertisement, but it's just a duck.
 OzzGirl22
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 23
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 2:43:11 PM
This has happened to me with the couple on-line relationships I have had in the past.

That sucker punch in the gut feeling that you have when you find out that they have been online really sucks the big wang.

Going forward if I ever have another you can bet that I will make sure we have the exclusive and profile hide/delete conversation before we get serious and I will not just assume he has the same mindset as myself.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 24
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 2:44:34 PM
A lot of people forgot about the one possibility that has become more and more prevelant here in the POF waters. I would like to suggest that yes, it could be those damn aliens again impersonating your boyfriend. They have been known to come into the waters, scoop up said person, take over their body's and mind's, and do all kinds of silly things.

Tis true.


I was talking to one the other day.
 Wreckless81
Joined: 2/5/2013
Msg: 25
Boyfriend Online this week
Posted: 3/11/2013 3:00:12 PM
Do what so many people don't seem to know how to do.

Talk to the guy. Ask him whats up, and then trust your gut.
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