Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Rejecting or being Rejected      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 1
Rejecting or being RejectedPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
It is funny how people take rejection. Being on here for some time, I handle it with a smile and wish the person all the happiness in their search here. I don't take it personally if someone doesn't find me attractive or not into the things I am into. I try to take the high road even if it was mean spirited in the response. However, I have heard some stories that are just crazy. I have just ran into one myself.

There was a very lovely lady that I chatted with for over two weeks. We decided to meet for coffee. Even though she was very pretty, I didn't feel any vibe with her. It was like she and I didn't match at all on an intellectual level. So the next day, I told her that I was not interested in dating, but we could be friends and do things together. I knew she could easily find another man because of her looks and she spent most of the time we spoke talking about all the men that wanted her. However, she was not happy with being rejected.

She basically told me that guys like me NEVER turn her down and that I must be crazy. Trying to make her feel better, I just told her again that I don't think that she and I would be good fit. After several very hateful emails from her, she blocked me with this last statement, "...knew I shouldn't lower my standards to date anyone that isn't as hot as I am..."

Now that most of you have had a good laugh.. How do you handle being rejected or rejecting someone?
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 2
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:55:20 AM

How do you handle being rejected or rejecting someone?

In my younger days there was no internet... you picked up girls in public places and the rejection usually came in front of an audience ... you learned to develop thick skin and not look back. Being rejected by an online date doesn't bother me at all.

Generally, I don't actually reject someone from online. She simply won't hear from me again.
 zelig77
Joined: 2/7/2013
Msg: 3
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:42:42 AM

How do you handle being rejected or rejecting someone?


I have thought about this A LOT as I've read these forums, participated in the dating game. I wish we could all take a step back and realize that 'not being a good fit' for someone isn't a rejection of our being. It doesn't mean we aren't 'good enough'..... Unfortunately that is so much easier said than done.

I always aim for the 'it's not you, it's me' approach, just to soften any blow. Truth is, that really is true quite often - it's not that the guy isn't a good guy, he's just not the right guy for me.

But when I've heard the same thing (especially from someone I felt strongly towards?) Yeah, it didn't ring as true (ha - I don't take my own advice).

If it's after some message exchanges or a 1st meet/date, I don't really take it that hard at all though - isn't that what dating is for? To find a good fit. I do not expect to be right for everyone.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 4
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:53:43 AM
^^^Me too but Scottey...How do you handle rejection?
If someone rejects me for whatever reason.. I may not think, it be the real reason but what does it matter...I am polite and wish them luck on their quest.
To what good...would it do to argue or scold them?
Can't make someone like you.....move on.
 MrMeSir
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 5
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:55:36 AM
I have thought about this A LOT as I've read these forums, participated in the dating game. I wish we could all take a step back and realize that 'not being a good fit' for someone isn't a rejection of our being. It doesn't mean we aren't 'good enough'..... Unfortunately that is so much easier said than done.


nice comment, and this is against the rules isn;t it, to simply quote someone and give thems a thumbs up... bah, now i have to think of something to say, this was a stupid move going this far... still a post worth crediting.

I suppose i do disagree with it being easier said than done. as being in the right place with yourself definitly helps a lot, knowing that you, like them, are seeking benifits of a certain variaty, and by them "rejecting" you, knowing that they simply aren;t going to be asking those things of you, things you don't do already, because A)it's not who you are, and B, those are possibly things you really do not like to do.

I believe it would be wise for people to consult with people who have rejected them, not to know whats wrong with them, but to better understand the person they're seeking themselves. it's easy to assume what your dream partner would be, but reality is always quite different, and knowing why you didn;t fit with someone you thought you could, would definitly reveal more about the type of person, you yourself is actually looking for.

that better have been enough!
 dorani
Joined: 1/26/2011
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:07:48 AM
I very pleasantly told someone I didnt think we were well matched and wished him luck in his search. Got nasty email back running me down and saying its a shame for me I live in a council house.. my neighbours were horrible etc etc.. That was from one visit... He then had the nerve to pinch all I had said on my profile!! weird or what???
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 7
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:23:05 AM

A guy only asks this so he can keep his finger in the pie (double entendre not intended) in the hopes she'll change her mind and he can get into her pants at some later time

.... absolutely correct...
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 8
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:25:40 AM
I dont really consider someone looking at a profile, and deciding they dont like it...as a rejection. I know many take it as such, but to me, a rejection s when someone has met you and then decides not to persue anything.

I am always more comfy being rejected myself, then being the one rejecting. I dont like giving 'bad news' and I dont like being asked why I dont want to date someone. I just know I dont want to date them and dont feel I am obligated to explain myself.

I had all kinds of nasty emails after telling someone I dont see us as a match, so if I were back to fishing for dates here ever again, I would not respond to any emails unless I was interested. Too much drama and people demanding reasons for how I felt. It never occurred to me to make such demands on any men I emailed. Why would I care why some man who maybe wasnt even real didnt want to chat with me?
 SimpleCltMan
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 9
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:50:44 AM

I hope you told her '"yeah...too bad your personality isn't NEARLY as 'hot' as you think you are, because this could have turned out VERY differently"...her loss man!!!

Never felt that way about her. I don't think I could have been mean back to her. Just not my style. That kind of stuff just poisons your soul. Yeah it was hurtful to hear, but in the end, I was more mature and let her have her say and continue on. You almost have to be more mature when someone rejects you or you reject them. You do want to soften the blow and be nice because there is some insecure and crazy people out there.
 zelig77
Joined: 2/7/2013
Msg: 10
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:51:43 AM

A guy only asks this so he can keep his finger in the pie (double entendre not intended) in the hopes she'll change her mind and he can get into her pants at some later time. [\quote]

Is it possible that this is NOT universal truth? That every single man doesn't have the exact same intent?

I will admit, I do love these here forums for a nice diversion (see "Are the forums addictive" topic elsewhere, LOL) but I am always struck by how a person feels they can generalize about an entire gender (sometimes they are the same gender, sometimes the opposite). Is it really true there are not individual differences? yikes!

Maybe I'm totally naive, but I've felt that I actually have made a couple of male friends from this site. Not the 'rule' but still. Men who initially contacted me with non 'just friends' intentions sure, but when there was not a romantic 'click' there was common ground just the same. The friendships moved on to email/phone chats/FB/once in awhile beers. I've been a sounding board for their continued adventures in dating and they've served that purpose for me.

Who knew they are just biding time to 'hit that'? :)
 zelig77
Joined: 2/7/2013
Msg: 11
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:55:24 AM

I don't think I could have been mean back to her. Just not my style. That kind of stuff just poisons your soul.


That attitude makes my day. Keep wishing on a star OP, you'll meet someone who deserves you, I have no doubt!

(And I agree with whomever above said that based on her extremely rude reaction, you dodged a bullet - better to find out people are like that sooner rather than later)
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 12
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 12:05:57 PM

Who knew they are just biding time to 'hit that'? :)

Women always "think" they have male friends when in reality if he would indeed "hit that" .. he isn't your friend. You can actually see it right here in the forums. People will post about how they are good friends but "maybe" she is now expressing interest and should he blah blah blah....
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 12:11:47 PM
Some women - not many, fortunately - are nasty. In those cases, I'm usually just happy to have dodged a b1tch. Most simply say not interested or not a good match - which is the same as I tell anyone in whom I'm not interested. Those, I usually thank for letting me know and wish them luck. Then, on to the next rejection! lol
 forrb23
Joined: 1/31/2013
Msg: 14
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 12:25:01 PM
are you kidding? I am a man, we thrive off rejection.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 15
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 1:26:59 PM
I've had some odd experiences of late, women getting very clingy even before we have ever met and when I let them know that I've changed my mind, they go crazy! Start sending vindictive emails, sometimes a couple of times because they haven't seen me log in yet. Just to get me to see that I've been blocked but they don't realize that messages get removed from a person's inbox after you block them! lol, it's actually quite comical. Newbies!

But some women hate rejection and won't let me reject them so they can try to open my eyes to what a mistake I'm making only for them to try and reject me a week or so later! lol, another funny variation. If that helps their fragile egos, okay then.

Getting rejected is a temporary blip in a lifetime, one might feel bad about it but one gets over them fairly quickly. It's really not a big deal.
 roadrunner2525
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 16
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 1:36:51 PM
I haven't been trying at all so I am rejection proof. I have to improve on my health first and then we will see what happens. Normally Narcistic people don't bother me so I am not much effected by personality disorders. My mind is pretty much already made up that I am not going to care that much. I will probably seek out someone whom feels they need someone to begin with and not someone whom looks like their entire life is one big party. The very attractive women scare me a little but since men don't mind using escort services I am just waiting for the economy to turn around. All of this love stuff is kind of foreign to me, I am more about lust than love and probably always will be. I just don't think I am marriage material. This doesn't mean I am not a nice guy or a safe guy whom a woman can rely on but if they are expecting flowers and gifts and anything beyond attention than they will have a hard time liking me. When I see the term looking for generous men I always think don't kid yourself, you aren't that hot. Too many hot women to choose from and I would rather spend less time with women I am attracted to instead of more time with women that I feel cause me to settle. It is easier to just be single than to settle. To me one date with someone attractive that ends in rejection is better than 10 years of settling with someone whom I don't find attractive.
 TiltAWhirl1120
Joined: 9/10/2012
Msg: 17
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 4:44:19 PM
Wow! Well that woman is certainly a narcissistic biotch!

I used to take rejection personally, but now the way I look at it is the simple fact that just because I'm interested in someone doesn't mean they have to be interested in me. I've asked out three women in the past month and was rejected all three times, but I've learned to spin it into a positive. It's not the fact that I was rejected, but that I should feel proud of the fact that I had the confidence to even ask the woman out. With these two beliefs I never feel bad about being rejected.
 Jerilyn
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 18
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 8:24:19 PM
The best thing to do in the face of rejection is to accept it with grace. I can't imagine making a fool of myself by lashing out at the other person just because I'm not their cup of tea. The girl humiliated herself on top of everything else.... (She no doubt doesn't think of it that way, but more's the pity) .

So called "hot" women, are often the least able to handle rejection.... not a big surprise you got that kind of a reaction.
 Jragun
Joined: 3/9/2013
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 8:55:26 PM
I've only rejected one woman. I tried to be polite, she refused to believe me, we never saw each other again.
I've been rejected quite a bit. It hurts sometimes (like today, when I had one burst out laughing at me), but I always pick myself up eventually.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 20
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:03:33 PM
Some aren't happy getting dumped & will say anything to preserve their ego or have the last word. Chalk it up to bullet missed since it tells you what kind of person she truly is.
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 21
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/15/2013 4:21:49 AM
Why would you want to be friends and do things together when you decided she was not for you? Mixed messages.
You should have blocked her after the first hateful email. SHe probably didnt want to see you again either but didnt like a man who was less hot than her, rejecting her. That drove her crazy. lol.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 22
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/15/2013 4:35:31 AM
Personally, if a woman doesn't tell me that she thinks I'm batshiat crazy within the first couple of meets, I assuming she's the one that is a little more phucked up in the head than me.


My dream girl.


I worry if the "normal" ones aren't rejecting me.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 23
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/15/2013 6:50:31 AM
I have no problems with rejection. I actually like it. And I say that in the sense, that at least I know where I am with that woman and a simply move on, and know not to waste any more time with her. To painful than rejection is when a person leads you on because they pretend to be polite and don't like to give you the rejection speech. For those I simply call them, if they don't call back, I take it as a rejection and move on.

Me rejecting. I try to be nice, and polite and simply tell them that we are not a match. However, most of the time, you go out on the date. You don't feel is going to work. You call her, she does not responds, there's your answer. Move on.

I find that people that bend out of shape about rejection need to grow a skin. Women are 10 times worse than men. Very attractive women go ape sh it, when being rejected. To the point that the even start to pursue you.
 wannachat4now
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 24
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/15/2013 8:39:52 AM
This is how crazy women react to rejection that takes them down a notch. Women in general try to say hurtful things to men to make themselves feel better. Most of us have done this. We will attack what we think will take you down a notch, like your manhood, your penis, your looks. Then we think attacking you like this will make you change your mind and say "oh maybe she is right and I cannot do better" even though logically we know you are thinking we are nuts. Men and women are two completely different species. Men will get hurt and ignore it and move on. Women tend to make sure you, and everyone around them, are just a miserable as they are. We are emotional thinkers and tend to act out with our emotions where men are more logical and tend to act with logic. I know a lot of women will read this post and get mad, and tell me how wrong I am. Now while they are telling me this they will say mean things and act out of emotion proving my point. If you think logically about this I am right. It is just something you have to understand and accept about females. We have a lot to understand and except about males.

I think you are a stand up guy for telling her and not trying to move forward for your own personal gain. You could easily have tried to get in her pants and did not. I would much rather a guy do this to me then to pretend he liked me and use me for sex.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 25
Rejecting or being Rejected
Posted: 3/15/2013 10:09:31 AM
I don't consider a "no thank you" as a rejection, either. I've experienced true rejection to differentiate between a "no thank you" and a "**** you," and a "no thank you" to me is the same as saying hello to somebody at the local library and never seeing that person, again.

If I had five dates with the same man without the complication of premature sex, I still wouldn't consider a "no thank you," at that point, a rejection. I never considered myself as a product on an assembly line that gets rejected if it isn't exactly perfect, though the man might treat his relationships in that way and I happened to intersect between his terrible judgement and the truth...still, I wouldn't take it personally. This is not to dismiss people's feelings.

I'm not qualified to play guessing games with people's psyches: I can only assume from a layman's perspective that people who hear word rejection from something they garnered from the pop psych crowd and incorporate into the way in which they relate to others, don't comprehend its true definition or how it's defined in the context of relationships. THIS is what needs to change.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Rejecting or being Rejected