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 namelessface1983
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 1
Low sex drive in young womenPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So my gf is in her late 20s and over the course of the last year I can count on both hands the number of times we've had sex (once every other month if I'm lucky). It's become extremely frustrating for me and everytime I try to bring of up, it turns into an argument.

So I guess I'm asking what could cause this. Because when we first started dating we had a lot of sex then it just stopped all together. And it's causing problems for the both of us
 _Passion4life
Joined: 2/23/2013
Msg: 2
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 6:47:50 PM
My ex boyfriend was like this, I googled "sexless relationships" and found a lot of info, but when the dust was cleared from my eyes, I found out he was sleeping around....so he was getting sex, I was not. But of course there could be other reasons for her lack of having a sex drive....good luck!
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 3
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:17:04 PM
Could be not happy with you as far as not getting other needs met.
May feel like you think sex is the most important part of your relationship.
Does she complain about any other part of your relationship or how you treat her?
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 4
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:21:28 PM

So I guess I'm asking what could cause this.


I don't know but if you find out this 60 year old man would like to know. :(
 Curt2.0
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 5
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:21:57 PM
It could be, like it's been suggested, that she's feeling unsatisfied by other aspects of the relationship and sex has waned as a result. She could be one of the type of women who use sex as a lure to 'get' a man but taper off once the relationship is stable because she actually doesn't care for it. Also, birth control can really mess the ladies up.

My opinion though.....she's only a girlfriend, not a wife. After a year of bringing it up, you've served your time. If she isn't willing to explore what's causing the lack of desire or isn't willing to communicate it to you, it's time you've moved on.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 6
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:25:19 PM
My ex had a low sex drive once the relationship was established. It's highly unlikely to get better, so I suggest you break up and move on, find someone more compatible while you still can.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 7
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:32:51 PM
''My ex had a low sex drive once the
relationship was established.''

I am not bashing but it is usually around this time that a man starts taking a woman for granted.
Huge sex drive killer!
No more fun, romance, no more saying sweet things to eachother, very little talking ect.......
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 8
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:54:17 PM
I did step up, but she stepped down. You know, sometimes it IS the woman's fault or dysfunction. After years of couple's therapy, the various therapists agreed with me.
 namelessface1983
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 9
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 8:22:11 PM
She was diagnosed as diabetic. I don't know if that has a hand in the situation but its possible
 namelessface1983
Joined: 4/27/2012
Msg: 10
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 8:24:00 PM
The biggest complaint she has is that I want too much sex.

Aside from that I feel I treat her pretty well. I cook for her more often than not (granted I enjoy cooking)
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 11
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 8:47:28 PM
Ok this one is easy.
It is both your faults but she will probably never see it and can't help it to some extent.
Women are conditioned to think there are more important things in a relationship then sex.
So you have to make her think that her needs come first. These are probably talking, effection that doesn't lead to sex and remembering things she likes.
So lay off sex for a few weeks. Spend more time Starting conversations about her day ect. Snuggle on the couch. Next time you are at the store pick up her favorite whatever. Call or txt once in a while ''just to say hi''
After a couple of weeks say things to her like you want to be close to her. You miss her naked. Never say things like i miss sex, i need sex ect.. Make it about her not just sex.
Spend a long time kissing ect with your close on next time you are going to go for it.
Continue to do these things after you start having sex again. It takes very little effort on your part and you may have a very happy and willing woman.
 pinkmittens
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 12
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 9:23:11 PM
Think about what you "do for her" not in the bedroom. Maybe she just thinks it will keep you doing those other things.

Talk to her about it and just come to realize that you both want different things. IF you both don't work on it then forget it! Move on ... plenty of monogamous nymphos out there! hehe
 Curt2.0
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 13
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 9:26:12 PM
^^^^^or don't. Seriously, she's your girlfriend. Don't waste your life trying to make her into something she isn't or walking on eggshells hoping to get ass.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 14
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 9:38:54 PM
Ahh, that's nothing to be concerned about. Is she showing yet?....6-8 months after the birth, things will get back to normal.LOL
 Bohica4u
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 15
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 9:50:32 PM
sorry to say the truth but if you are not happy and satisfied sexually in this relationship sooner or later it will manifest itself into anger and frustration at which point more damage will be done. If a solution can not be found best to end the relationship and find someone compatible with your sex drive..
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 16
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 9:51:55 PM
First, why shouldn't people do nice things for eachother. And i don't mean sex.

Second you have been with her over a year, what is one more month going to matter? You would probably spend that long just debating the break up.
The other posters might be right.
It is too bad when women don't see sex as, as important as other parts of a relationship. They don't even seem to know that they are missing out too. They have it in their heads that they must focus on other things.
But if all she needs is a few little things to make her feel important to you, is that really a big deal? Won't it be worth it to see her smile?
 Curt2.0
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 17
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/15/2013 10:07:15 PM
The whole purpose in dating, for most people, is to find out if someone is a compatible mate for marriage. She's not, not for him anyway. One could argue that if the relationship had value to her she'd make an effort to please him. She's not. She writes him off as wanting sex too much. Yes, more the once every two months....sex crazed perv right there. Why try to force a round peg in a square hole? Every day that passes is one day closer to death, why waste it with someone who doesn't make you happy?
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 18
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/16/2013 1:04:23 AM
Does she know that you're on here looking for "Intimate Encounters"
 MrMeSir
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 19
Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/16/2013 1:07:34 AM
people have ups and downs with their sex drive, no ones fault, doesn't reflect the relationship either, thats a female talk show gimmic to attract more female viewers, it has no foundation in actual phycology, other than the obvious of no one wanting to mate with someone they don't like as a person, which is a no brainer? Unless your gf doesn't like you as a person, it's not a problem.

There's really only one thing you can do, and that's bring up the part where it's negatively affecting you, it's an activity that requires two people and is part of a relationship, you need her to resolve her issues here, if she has no solution, than you two options, be an enabler for her issues by staying with her, or leaving her, and hoping she realizes it's better to live life working through her problems, rather than ignoring them and hoping they resolve themself. Perhaps later you two could reconnect.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 20
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/16/2013 1:52:28 AM
Could be a medical issue, could be that she's asexual or close to it. Could be it got boring with you.

You have to talk to her about this. If she refuses, and sex is an important thing to you, leaving her might be the last option.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 21
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/16/2013 5:27:23 AM
One thing you ought to think about, OP, is that by putting nonsense in your profile (you clearly are NOT a 19 year old, under five feet tall), you both break the rules of the site, AND you sharply limit how much useful information you can get from any forum posts. I know you say you did this because you were in a rush to get to posting, but that is false rationalization.

When you start from a lie, nothing truthful can come about.

Please come back after you are a real person, and I will myself try to help you with what ever I can.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 22
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/16/2013 5:58:23 AM
Family/society basically teaches
women that all he wants is ''one
thing'' if you have sex before you are
sure he really cares about you he
won't respect you, he will use you. We
are taught to play defense to the
point that some women become
almost non-sexual. If we think we
have to play defense most of the time
the best way to do that is to stop our
selves from thinking about sex and
ignore sexual urges.
Many women if they feel taken for granted, turn it off. They don't even realize they are doing that.

Men on the other hand are taught to
some extent, that they can not control
their sexual urges and it is ok to allow
sex to consume their minds which of
course is complete BS also.
So this causes the great sexual divide
between many men and women.

Maybe she is just tired of you and staying for fear of being alone.
Maybe it is a defense thing. You might keep running into this with other women also.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 23
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/16/2013 6:57:13 AM
If you've had previous g/fs and had this problem, it may be you. Otherwise, it's probably her or the combination of you two.

Not every relationship can be fixed, or is even worth trying to fix. Sometimes you're just incompatible, and should not be together.

If she's unhappy with you - and maybe not even realizing it - then how much effort is it worth to first figure that out, and then decide if it can be fixed, and then actually try to fix it? Unless there's something extraordinary here otherwise, my opinion is that it's not worth it. Only in a marriage that started out good is it more expected and worthwhile to do so - but probably not in a b/f-g/f situation.

And if she's tired of you, or staying out of fear of being alone, then you certainly should move on.
 stricking
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 24
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/16/2013 9:11:35 AM
for whatever reason she is not happy in the relationship.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 25
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Low sex drive in young women
Posted: 3/16/2013 9:59:19 AM
Forrumonly
I am curious what the therapists did say about your wife.

If i was in the OP position i would leave. If he doesn't want to i pointed out some things to try.

It is too bad that when a woman does not have a healthy sex drive she doesn't think there is anything wrong with that. Chances are other women she asks about it will tell her it is normal and just happens and all men really want is sex.
Sad.
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