Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you believe in typical gender roles?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ChefSteph71
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 1
Do you believe in typical gender roles?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
This is most likely a loaded question, but I am going to give it a shot anyway. First and foremost, I must state that I am a lesbian because I am not asking for male/ female roles in a relationship. Lesbians have a tendency to label themselves as either butch or femme. While there are most certainly variations to both of these roles, I find it very confusing when searching this site to accurately portray myself as fitting into either of these categories. While I am most definitely not a girly girl, I do not fit into the total butch category either. So, I guess the real question I am asking is, do you believe in typical(or in my case, not so typical) gender roles as it applies to my situation? Any input would be greatly appreciated.
 victorianist
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 2
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 8:48:24 AM
Being hardcore hetero, I can only offer opinion from that perspective, but as I reject the premise there should be gender roles for hetero men and women, I see no reason there should be for gays. I believe the concept of gender roles is a remnant of the past that one hopes will one day be nothing more than historical reference - alongside slavery and luddites. I believe anyone (gay or straight) that believes gender roles should be retained is a troglodyte neanderthal.
 FletisHumplebacker
Joined: 2/8/2013
Msg: 3
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 9:02:58 AM
Same sex gender roles? Is this a trick question?
 lapsteelplayer
Joined: 3/7/2013
Msg: 4
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 9:20:12 AM
I don't think it has anything to do with gender but I do believe that the most successful relationships happen when there is a dominant member and a more subservient member regardless of gender. Two dominant personalities can lead to constant head butting, two subservient personalities sort of drift. But one partner being more dominant seems to work for many couples. I don't think it matters what the gender of the dominant partner is.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 5
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 9:30:54 AM

anyone (gay or straight) that believes gender roles should be retained is a troglodyte neanderthal.

And that's why you have to make your own sandwiches... (goes back to his cave)


Same sex gender roles? Is this a trick question?

The question is 'gender roles', which was used perfectly correctly. Gender refers to the behavior while sex refers to what's between your legs. Political correctness advocates like to use them interchangeably, which is only one of many reasons I don't like them.

OP, carve your own niche and find a good partner. In some form we all have to. Am I a complete Neanderthal as the gentleman above insinuated? I'm not sure I fit that 'role' completely either, although I personally look for a more traditional woman in that sense. Then again, I wasn't making that statement in the first place.
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 9:40:11 AM
I think the idea of gender roles has F-ked up the minds of people in general!!

How about just not labeling yourself and talk about who you are.

The only gender role you need to worry about is who ever can open the pickle jar should have that job lol!!
I have not met one i could not crack.
 FletisHumplebacker
Joined: 2/8/2013
Msg: 7
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 9:50:21 AM

The question is 'gender roles', which was used perfectly correctly. Gender refers to the behavior while sex refers to what's between your legs. Political correctness advocates like to use them interchangeably, which is only one of many reasons I don't like them.
Gender refers to behavior? Wow. Biology sure has changed since I was in school.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 8
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 9:58:49 AM
^^^
Originally gender was used for grammar, but it also took on the meaning of sex (male/female) as that is part of the set of genders (male, female and neutral). Look up Merriam-Webster definition 2b for 'gender':
"the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex"

I prefer the word 'sex' much like I call a female dog a 'b!tch' and a donkey an 'ass'. Yeah, I get a kick out of that. :-)
 Belluvthebawl
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 9
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 10:26:41 AM
I believe in the fact that there is a "head of household" who is ultimately responsible for the decision making and overall protection of the family. I want this to be my husband!! In your case I would say the same should apply.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 10:27:04 AM
I may be a little off base here, but when I think gender roles, I am concerning myself mostly with how she acts, not so much what her "duties" are. I want a woman that expresses feminine attributes. Seems that with this constant strive to compete with men, women have also adopted masculine traits as well. Living in Japan for the last 10 months has been quite an eye opener as to what it means to be feminine. I can see why so many servicemembers will extend their orders and/or retire over here.

I would still expect a partner who works at least part time and who cooks. As far as cleaning goes, I've have always been the cleaner person by comparison when looking at my past relationships.
 AthatitaApudetat
Joined: 9/26/2012
Msg: 11
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 10:42:07 AM
Puting aside my christain belief on man/women roles I'll say this... relationships are like a buisness and in buisness there are partnerships. everyone has a role to play to make it profitable. find the role you and your parnter is comfortable with and put 110% into that role. There is no law requiring one to be Masculinity and one to be feminine. even in hederal relationships sometimes the woman plays a more Masculin and the guy is more feminine.
 relaxingwithyou
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 12
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 11:44:32 AM
I don't think all gender roles are societal or programmed, I'm genuinely very feminine, grew up in the south where that is programmed and encouraged. But under the same conditions some of my female friends were much more assertive and less feminine than I. Don't know if others are intrinsic in their roles or if they are programmed or it's a reaction to life circumstances.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 13
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 12:19:55 PM

Lesbians have a tendency to label themselves as either butch or femme.


For the most part, in online dating, you're generally gonna want to stick to one or the other.

There are plenty of Straight profiles in here that try to pander a bit to everyone - they claim they are an adventurer and have a wild side, yet they are domestic and well-behaved. For the most part, they come off as weak personalities who cannot show their true colors. Sure, people can do the dishes AND cut down trees with an axe, but for the purposes of people advertising, trying to show both in ONE Ad just looks ridiculous. Emphasize your strong side first - BE your personality - your 'other' side will show through without trying too hard.
 ReadBeforeWriting
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 14
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 12:33:07 PM
I am a huge advocate of traditional gender roles and think the destruction thereof has been disastrous to Western society, for heterosexuals.

For lesbians, though, there is usually present some innate degree of gender ambiguity; whether from physiological factors or psychological, or both.
I have known lesbians who bordered on transgendered, and those whose presentation was androgynous, and all various versions in between.

Not sure what your issue is; if you feel comfortable in a strongly gender specific role, there are niches in the lesbian community for you.

If you are saying you DON'T fit a specific gender role, I would think you'd be MORE likely to find partners, not less, as from my observation (granted, a straight female's) the lesbian community has more gender- ambiguous folks than ones who identify strongly with one end of the gender role spectrum or another.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 12:34:44 PM

I think the idea of gender roles has F-ked up the minds of people in general!!

How about just not labeling yourself and talk about who you are.

The only gender role you need to worry about is who ever can open the pickle jar should have that job lol!!
I have not met one i could not crack.

+1.
Is this a who should pay thread in disguise??
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 16
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 12:45:11 PM
I've known a few lesbians.
(never carnally)
And some seem to be a butch and fem pair.
But a few couples were both fem.
(lipstick lesbians?)

I think as in all things online....
you can only describe yourself best you can.
And describe what you seek best you can.
Then let the chips fall where they may.

In the end....
we are attracted to the person
not the concept.

good luck.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 12:51:10 PM
"I don't think it has anything to do with gender but I do believe that the most successful relationships happen when there is a dominant member and a more subservient member regardless of gender. Two dominant personalities can lead to constant head butting, two subservient personalities sort of drift."

In some cases, the above it true, while in others it isn't. A true Alpha personality works best with another true Alpha personality. I personally am a true Alpha, and I would never get into a relationship with a partner who wasn't a true Alpha also. I know it works, because it has worked for me. My last husband and I had a very successful marriage and we were both Alpha. I can write pages on why it works but I won't bore the readers.
I do think that many people don't know what a true Alpha personality is all about, and this why many people think Alphas need to dominant their mate.

" Lesbians have a tendency to label themselves as either butch or femme. "

My two best friends are lesbians. They have been in a very successful live in relationship for 11 1/2 years now. Neither label themselves as butch or femme, nor do they act as femme or butch in any way.

Labels are for filing nor for using on people.

"So it doesn't really matter if you are gay or straight, you're still a human being, you're still driven by the desire to have babies."

No, no they are not!!! Not all people anyway!
Just because some people are driven by the desire to have babies, why do they think all people are like minded.

Most of my friends live in a child free zone by choice. Many people don't want to be parents. Many people have other callings than being a parent. Many people are aware the the earth can't support the people who are already here. Many people don't see the logic in having to have mini me's. Many people don't have to leave proof after they die that they existed.
Some people find children to be an ick factor. End of rant!
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 18
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 12:57:43 PM

Do you believe in typical gender roles?

Huh?
You mean like the tooth fairy and santa claus?
Do I believe there are static absolute gender roles that jump out of the bushes, bite people, and under the full moon those people then transform and conform to them?
No.

Are there constant societal pressures that work on you in sometimes subtle to sometimes obvious ways to get you to conform to social group standards so everything is consistent, normalized, stable, and safe? And do those things constantly change and are extremely resilient and adaptable?
Yes.


do you believe in typical(or in my case, not so typical) gender roles as it applies to my situation?

Yes. Based on my idea of "typical" since you didn't really define it.
What's the purpose of romantic relationships?
Do you think it's to fulfill you as a person? That other people are simply there for your own self actualization?
Simply for you to feel loved and happy and joy and just have positive emotional reactions or to enter some nirvana higher function or plane of understanding?
Or is it babies?

IMO romantic relationships are a means to pair bond for the ultimate purpose of babies and to provide a stable and secure environment for them until they're able to function in the world independent of their parents for their most basic needs. Or, if unable to have kids, to relieve the natural pressures that are influencing your behavior.
So it doesn't really matter if you are gay or straight, you're still a human being, you're still driven by the desire to have babies.

When you are going after a romantic relationship you are being driven by a gender role.
And being a human being you were raised in a society, (deserted islands tend to not have POF access), so you will ultimately choose one, the other, or some combination in between the spectrums.

Unless you do believe relationships are simply there to fulfill you as a person, that other people are simply there for your own self actualization.
Then any romantic relationship is going to simply be short term at best and this question becomes moot.
Because then you don't really have to be anyone, you can choose to be anyone you want, all in order to fulfill getting what you want from the other person.
In that case gender roles have absolutely no meaning except as a facade to manipulate others into getting what you want.
And picking one, or adhering to one, is only going to be for a short period of time.
 ChefSteph71
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 19
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 2:39:40 PM
I am very glad that so many of you have responded to this post. Most of you have been very liberal minded in the question asked and coming from a small county of many people who have issues with the homosexuality factor to begin with, I greatly appreciate your honest input. I believe I feel more at ease, after reading all of your posts, to simply be who I am and not try to conform myself to one role or the other. While I do understand that there are a few of you who feel that there must be an authoritative and a submissive personality in a relationship and others of you who feel that there does not, I think that it depends on the people that make a connection, for what seems to work for them in the relationship. Again, I thank all of you for your responses and look forward to hearing more of your opinions if you feel so inclined to give them.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 20
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 2:46:25 PM
I was reading this book on Tantric Yoga and one of the things that they talk about is that there's a masculine and a feminine in every person. The masculine is represented by breathing out, the feminine by breathing in. In relationships we also tend to do the same. Have a feminine side and a masculine side. I have several friends that are lesbians. In every single one of these couples there was a difference between the "Butch" one and the "girlie" one. Some times that difference was very pronounce, sometimes not as much.
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 21
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 2:57:19 PM
Agree with what ReadBeforeWriting says in the first sentence about the disaster to western society .Can thank the no fault divorce courts for rendering traditional marriages not viable any more . Some one in different thread made the point of 44% of people getting married but the divorce rate is around 50% . With over 46,00 divorces a week last year in America , in a society that was based on the family unit ,wonder how much longer this society will last . Getting to the point where something will have to give , or break .
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 4:22:40 PM
There is another side to this subject area, which I think bears scrutiny. I also happen to think that it has a LOT more to do with the "disaster to western society" mentioned by a couple pf people.

That is, that human society is a very interwoven thing. Everything interacts with and effects everything else.

In the case of this specific thread, "traditional gender roles" are not a stand-alone feature of life, anymore than anything else is.

Consider asking WHY certain roles or activities came to be assigned to one sex or the other (or perhaps ask how anything comes to be called 'traditional'). The roles are an integrated part of the fabric of the society itself; the roles were not assigned as they were, because genetic triggers caused everyone to act as they do, they were assigned gradually as a society evolved, and had to deal with the challenges of life in general, and the challenges of competing within the society, and with other social groups. The gender roles were not made up in response to the needs and desires of each sex, because of their sex, they were assigned as challenges arose, sometimes even by chance.

Here's where the "disaster to western society" comes in. What changed for Western society, that made people feel unsettled, happened LONG BEFORE the "gender role assignment wars" were launched. They were changed by the progress of technology, which made all sorts of things that used to be true limiters that everyone had to deal with, no longer applicable.

Essentially, the challenge to traditional marriage has never come from those who want another arrangement. The challenge came from the fact that traditional marriage stopped being either a necessary, or a particularly useful tool to promote the progress and health of our species. After that fact of life became clear, THEN people began suggesting alternatives.

[special note: I am in no way suggesting that sexual ORIENTATION was affected by technological progress, so don't get nuts on me. ]

Anyway, that's all a long way of getting to suggesting to the OP, that she ponder not gender roles, since that is unnecessarily confusing in her situation. Instead, look at your life with your partner as requiring you to act as a team, and figure out how to parse duties: processes allowing independence, and processes requiring coordination, and processes requiring one partner be dominant. Neither modern society, nor your non-traditional relationship requirements, have built-in role assignments any more. Therefore, you can no longer rely on a sense of "right and wrong," or "natural" or other vague social delusions to make your choices for you.

When decisions about these things need to be made, discard all sex-linked labels, and either make up your own, or choose a batch of gender-neuter labels, to avoid triggering emotional responses in each of you, which really have nothing to do with the task at hand.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 23
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 4:26:48 PM

so don't get nuts on me

Nice pun. :-)
 ksayer1
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 5:10:43 PM
Igore and MsAlgonquin

You guys are so smart! I love reading your posts!!

At different times and in different cultures gender roles have not been what we think of as typical gender roles. I won't go on about it, but it is interesting to read about.
Our culture has and is changing.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Do you believe in typical gender roles?
Posted: 3/21/2013 5:27:25 PM
I think Igore's post should be read by certain forum members. If they understand what he is saying they could solve some of the things that are causing them to be bitter and then they could move on with their lives.

A workable relationship needs two people of the opposite or same sex that are compatible in our culture during the year 2013. Roles have no bearing on this.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you believe in typical gender roles?