Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > humor  > best joke of the week      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mrmajestik
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 1
view profile
History
best joke of the weekPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away . The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000 .The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home .The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead . I just can’t take that chance!"
 holby
Joined: 7/7/2012
Msg: 2
view profile
History
best joke of the week
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:41:43 PM
I called the circumcision society
The other day they just
Cut me off
 LoveBeautifulDays
Joined: 2/21/2013
Msg: 3
best joke of the week
Posted: 3/29/2013 1:39:22 PM
Jesus is alive!!! whoohoo!!
 CatManDo1959
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 4
view profile
History
best joke of the week
Posted: 3/29/2013 11:50:53 PM

Jesus is alive!!! whoohoo!!

...and he lives where?...

"Jesus lives in my heart."
"Very good." said the teacher. She picks on another kid
"Jesus lives in Heaven." Very good said the teacher.
Little Johnny is in the back just waving his hand to be called on. The teacher didn't want to call on little Johnny but it nevertheless.
"Jesus lives in the bathroom."
After a moment, the teacher asked why he lived in the bathroom.
"Every morning when my dad gets up he bangs on the bathroom door and asks Jesus Christ! are you still in there?"
 KellGA57
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 5
best joke of the week
Posted: 3/30/2013 12:54:13 PM
LOL Hadn't heard that one. Loved it.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 6
best joke of the week
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:59:37 AM
Jerusalem is not a holly land nor was Jesus born there, as well nor was he a "Jew"....

Judea and Galilee were two separate states and political entities, as illustrated on the map of Palestine in the time of our Saviour in your Bible. Jesus Himself was not a Jew (Judean) or resident of Judea, He was a Galilean or resident of Galilee (Matthew 26:69; John 7:41), and a Judahite or descendent of the Tribe of Judah. The Judeans of prominence were not of the Tribe of Judah, but of Edomites. Pilate was being ironic when he wrote the sign "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Judeans" for the Cross (John 19:19). That is, "the Galilean who was King of the Judeans," as in "Queen Victoria of England, Empress of India." Jesus grew up in Nazareth in Galilee. His disciples were fishermen from the Sea of Galilee. And although He visited Jerusalem, he spent most of His life in his home country of Galilee. John 7:1, "After this Jesus stayed in Galilee; for He could not walk in Judea, because the Jews sought to kill him." His followers were constrained "for fear of the Jews" (John 7:13, 19:38, 20:19).
 holby
Joined: 7/7/2012
Msg: 7
view profile
History
best joke of the week
Posted: 7/21/2014 10:50:47 PM
Did you hear about the dyslexic boy
Who cried FOWL
The WOLF ate him
 timestuff
Joined: 1/5/2014
Msg: 8
best joke of the week
Posted: 9/1/2014 9:46:04 AM
You have received a YouTube video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbu0dOzKCm0
 timestuff
Joined: 1/5/2014
Msg: 9
best joke of the week
Posted: 9/1/2014 9:46:37 AM
You have received a YouTube video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbu0dOzKCm0
 timestuff
Joined: 1/5/2014
Msg: 10
best joke of the week
Posted: 9/1/2014 9:47:04 AM
You have received a YouTube video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbu0dOzKCm0
 timestuff
Joined: 1/5/2014
Msg: 11
best joke of the week
Posted: 9/1/2014 9:47:31 AM
You have received a YouTube video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbu0dOzKCm0
 timestuff
Joined: 1/5/2014
Msg: 12
best joke of the week
Posted: 9/1/2014 9:47:58 AM
You have received a YouTube video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbu0dOzKCm0
 MiEagles
Joined: 10/26/2014
Msg: 13
best joke of the week
Posted: 11/2/2014 6:47:11 PM
Fact: Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you're a wizard.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 14
best joke of the week
Posted: 11/14/2014 6:05:10 AM
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1, you have to be single and 2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. When they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.'
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 15
best joke of the week
Posted: 12/13/2014 11:38:50 AM
someone has to keep this thread alive :/

Why did the chicken kill itself?


To get to the other side
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 16
best joke of the week
Posted: 12/14/2014 9:05:19 AM
The blonde decided she was finally going to ride a horse even though she had no experience or lessons.

As soon as she got in the sadlle the horse took off at a steady, rythmic pace.

She began to slide from the saddle and grabbed for the horses mane but was unable to hold on and began to slide down the side of the horse.

In a panic now she tried to jump from the horse but her foot got caught in the stirrup and she was now helplessly dangling at the hoofs of the gorse as her head struck repeatedly on the ground.

Nearing unconciousness now she was saved when seeing her dilema Ed the greeter at walmart walked over and unplugged the horse. And you thought they only said hello.
 high-ground
Joined: 6/16/2013
Msg: 17
view profile
History
best joke of the week
Posted: 12/15/2014 10:28:20 AM
The wife left a note on the fridge.
"It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Dad's."
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.... Not sure what she was talking about.

-----------------------

I was in St. Petersburg, Florida the other day and I saw a bumper
sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Detroit." So I broke
the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires and left
a note that read, "I hope this helps!"
 kayaking333
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 18
best joke of the week
Posted: 12/19/2014 10:57:04 PM
I notice that the humor section did not have anything posted for 2014 -----do we not have anything recent? We all can use a good laugh. Trish
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 19
best joke of the week
Posted: 12/27/2014 5:03:03 PM
A little boy came home with his parents from church one Sunday.

He seemed a little depressed, so his mother asked him if something happened in Sunday school class that he would like to talk about.

He told his mother “Well, we were singing songs and the teacher made us sing about a poor bear named Gladly that needed glasses and I can’t stop thinking about him.

She said he was cross-eyed and I feel bad for him. The mother couldn’t understand why the teacher would teach such a song in Sunday school, so she decided to call her.

To the woman’s amazement, the teacher said she only taught hymns that morning. Then the teacher began laughing out loud and said to the mother, “I know what Jeffrey’s’ talking about!

We learned the hymn ‘Gladly The Cross I’d Bear'”.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 20
best joke of the week
Posted: 12/28/2014 7:26:56 AM
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
 holby
Joined: 7/7/2012
Msg: 22
view profile
History
best joke of the week
Posted: 1/3/2015 1:25:35 PM
A friend of mine was arrested
For stealing the tail off a donkey
He tried to pin it on me
 lovecenter
Joined: 5/14/2012
Msg: 23
view profile
History
best joke of the week
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:40:58 PM
Best joke of the week, hmmmm you decide... Ahh let's do holiday stuff

1) What's the diff between Bill Cosy & Santa? Santa only got three ho's bro
2) How is Cosby like Santa? He doesn't come until you're asleep.
3)The average vagine is 8 inches deep The average penis is 51/2" long so in Los Angeles we have 13 miles of unused ****.
 NotGorshkovAgain
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 24
view profile
History
best joke of the week
Posted: 1/13/2015 1:57:42 AM
The first joke my daughter ever told me that actually made me laugh:

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and an elephant?

Really, REALLY big holes all over Australia. (I think she was 6 at the time)

----------------

How do they have safe sex in New Zealand?

They paint big red X's on the backs of sheep that kick.
 holby
Joined: 7/7/2012
Msg: 25
view profile
History
best joke of the week
Posted: 1/20/2015 5:46:00 PM
Bono and edge
Walk in to a bar
The barman says
Not U2 again
 holby
Joined: 7/7/2012
Msg: 26
view profile
History
best joke of the week
Posted: 1/20/2015 5:48:53 PM
I think my
Local priest is on crack
He recons
Letters pray
Show ALL Forums  > humor  > best joke of the week