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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Being sexually honest when looking for new partner      Home login  
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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 2
Being sexually honest when looking for new partnerPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
ANYthing sex-related in your profile is public, and generally means you are sex-crazed and desperate if you are 'willing' to post such content.

My sex life with my Ex was pretty much non-existent, too - but advertising the change publicly is the wrong way to go about it. You are better off reading into THEIR profile details to see if you can glean an idea about how adventurous they may be character-wise - but even on FIRST dates, people get wary of talking sex.

Approach the subject cautiously - and maybe wait until the 2nd date or until they decide to bring up the subject themselves. Once people are comfortable talking about it, they are usually pretty honest - but NEVER force that conversation on ANYone!

Patience with your prospective partner is a real virtue in online dating, because so, so, so many of online daters have NO ability to wait. This isn't a video game where you can set all your preferences perfectly before you start playing - you gotta find out things as you go along - and sex preferences is one of them.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 3
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Being sexually honest when looking for new partner
Posted: 3/23/2013 9:28:25 AM
Not outlining details to the level that people need to have a smoke and a bite to eat after reading it is probably a good idea.

Simply saying.. "I'm adventurous in the bedroom" is enough information to open a dialogue between the two parties.
 Luthion
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 14
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Being sexually honest when looking for new partner
Posted: 3/23/2013 4:43:36 PM
I just point out that I'm open minded and liberal in general in my profile and assume that that is enough of a hint for someone to figure out that I'm probably not John Smith McConservative in the bedroom. *shrugs*

Sadly, any open expression of your sexuality in your profile is usually taken as an invitation for every horndog to run after if you're a woman, or rampant accusations that you're a sex crazed player if you're a man.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 15
Being sexually honest when looking for new partner
Posted: 3/23/2013 5:04:38 PM

(Msg #1. Devonfun) Being honest about frequency is quite easy, but how do you bring up the subject of how adventurous you are?
Or what would you put in your profile to suggest you were so?


I think anyone reading your profile would get the idea sex is important to you. As for how adventurous you are that can be discussed after the first meeting. It really is pointless to discuss it before you find out there is mutual attraction/desire.

I prefer to meet and not discuss anything of a too personal/intimate nature until an attraction/desire is established. Having used a telephone dating system in the early 90’s where no picture was available the first meeting involved a coffee/drink with everyday chit chat. After leaving and arriving home one would call, or not, the other and ramp up the conversation. Few people want to discuss their sexual preferences with someone they don’t even know or have met.

As to POF not being the place for folks like you (and me) I beg to differ with those who hold that opinion. I have received replies to my AD, met a lady and while we didn’t click we keep in touch. Just this evening I received a number of naked pictures from a member. They were sent in a joking, good-natured way. We’re too far apart geographically but my point is there are people on here who are sexually “adventurous”.

As someone mentioned ofttimes stating “sexually adventurous” is interpreted as wanting a one night stand or that sex is the only thing you seek. Don’t blame yourself. It’s our sexually dysfunctional society where sex is ridiculed, demeaned and the butt of jokes. (No pun intended.) Its nothing to see it used to sell everything from cars to carrots but God forbid if you discuss it seriously.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 21
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Being sexually honest when looking for new partner
Posted: 3/24/2013 12:06:45 PM
well, the fact is that sex,sex drive,and sexual desire are just as important as anything else,finding a match sexually is a biggy,so before anything becomes serious,I have to 'open up',so does she,or it will not go any further than simple friendship
 ArtDeVivre777
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 22
Being sexually honest when looking for new partner
Posted: 3/24/2013 12:10:13 PM
Well,it's hard to tell, if it's like trying to figure out who is a good driver before you see them driving lol

I'd say that the physical part of the relationship is very important to most people, kissing,hugging and making out is a great way to predict how good sex can be later on. If you enjoy it with your date , you can try to move to the next step, if you don't enjoy it with them,why bother to proceed with them as a romantic match. I think it's totally cool to kiss at the end of the first date if the chemistry is amazing :) this will give you a good idea if you want a second date n possible romantic relationship with a man.
 RB_64
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 30
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Being sexually honest when looking for new partner
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:15:46 AM
For me, the man would have to define the "naughties" for me to answer if I was interested. Actually, if a man spoke of sexual intimacy as the "naughties" I might end the conversation before it started as it would indicate to me that perhaps there were some hangups on his end.

Sexual intimacy between consenting adults is not naughty, bad or wrong in any of the variations that can be imagined and enjoyed between the participants. Humans are sexual creatures (even those who deny their own sexuality) so having open, honest, non-judgemental conversations about what our likes and dislikes are before facing disappointment in the heat of the moment is critical.

I want the man I will be sharing myself with to know where we can go before he unwraps the package. This requires the two of us to converse first.....and I don't mean minutes before the act. The sexual conversation is not a rapid game plan of what to do or not do. Ideally discussions on sexually intimacy unfold over time naturally and ultimately include the topic of sexually transmitted diseases.
 RB_64
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 42
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Being sexually honest when looking for new partner
Posted: 3/25/2013 12:10:45 PM
I absolutely will not be jumping into a sexual situation/going to bed with someone without discussing sex first. Way too risky and dangerous to do that to my physical health. Also, why would I add a new sexual partner to my history if I wasn't sure he was someone I wanted to be serious about? I totally disagree with the idea of not discussing anything until after the deed is done.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 43
Being sexually honest when looking for new partner
Posted: 3/25/2013 12:43:27 PM
I have in my profile that I have a high libido. I do not hide that, but I do not go into any details as to other aspects of sex, or toys, or preferences. Also, when I am on a date, I do not talk sex. Once we begin the intimacy process, that is, we have kissed, we have touched, we may mention some things. But I keep it general, more about protection, safe sex, that type of thing. We may have teased and talked about somethings, but in a fun way. Nothing that puts her on the spot, or even asks. The first time you have sex, to me is something that is driven by body language and actions, not words. You also don't go about it asking permission to do anything. You just do it, you escalate. If she is not interested, she will tell you to stop, or she will tell you that she is not ready (which usually means, not ready YET). If she is not interested AT ALL, she will let you know. At which point, you listen, you stop. You turn on the football game. Just kidding.
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