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 AUTHOR
 SouthernNYyankee
Joined: 2/13/2013
Msg: 1
How long has it been?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Is this a valid question to ask a woman real early in the getting to know you stage? Why do guys ask that sometimes during the first conversation or at least very early? what difference does it make in getting to know someone? I was told that's how he judges character. He doesn't want to be involved with someone who looks as sex in a casual manner. Then just ask how a person feels about casual sex! Thoughts?
 _Passion4life
Joined: 2/23/2013
Msg: 2
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:16:49 AM
It means he just wants to steer the conversation towards sex, noting more, nothing less... If u had sex last night, he feels he can have sex with u today....if u had sex 2 yrs ago, he feels ur ripe for the picking and will be open to his advances. It all means nothing except that he only wants to talk sex...
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 3
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:16:55 AM
^^^^^and what she said...
If a man asked me that...I would tell him it's none of his business!
I would think him as tactless and disrespectful as well....each to their own.
Especially, if it's a first e-mail....maybe, after the second date...then we can explore each others thoughts about sex.
I feel like I am living the "Groundhog" Day Movie.....just answered a similiar question on another thread.
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 4
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:32:35 AM
Just because a questions is asked does not mean you have to answer it. If it offends you, say so and move on.

Personally, I see it more as honestly wanting to know about your sex life. Talking about sex does not bother me in the slightest ... I go only where I am comfortable with each man individually. Many men are just looking for sex and want to know if you are open to that. Many want to know that information to put you in a category. And many want to know it's been awhile so they can conquer you. Women are not always so different.

Not to mention with the STDs out there today, I think it's a legitimate and valid questions even if it were framed in a less than tactful manner.
 SouthernNYyankee
Joined: 2/13/2013
Msg: 5
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:35:12 AM
Thanks all, I didn't answer. I agree with all you've said. Just thought I was missing something. I am sticking to my instincts.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 6
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:51:08 AM

He doesn't want to be involved with someone who looks as sex in a casual manner.


Yeah.. that's why he brought sex up right away ....

I've never asked but I had a women tell me once it had been so long she had forgotten what one looked like... caused me to laugh till I almost cried.. whether or not something is a bad subject is always a matter of context and the two people involved.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 7
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:53:07 AM
OP, if the guy was an adult, around your age, my thought is that they don't come any more foolish than him.

The last time some clown asked me that very same question at a dinner date I took an extended look at my watch, like I'm thinking for a few seconds then looked at him with a smile and replied "about 5 hrs or so?" and promptly left him to his own devices.

Foolish question, foolish answer, simple as that.

You live and learn, it has not happened again ever since.
 Belluvthebawl
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 8
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 11:14:44 AM
Testing your boundaries.........
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 9
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 11:17:05 AM
Just answer them in minutes.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 10
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 11:50:12 AM
I've developed a lazer blast look that speaks volumes (you know, the kind our parents and teachers had). It works very well and leaves them with their mouths hanging open. End of that conversation.
 patrick28t
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 11
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 12:08:46 PM

OP, if the guy was an adult, around your age, my thought is that they don't come any more foolish than him.

The last time some clown asked me that very same question at a dinner date I took an extended look at my watch, like I'm thinking for a few seconds then looked at him with a smile and replied "about 5 hrs or so?" and promptly left him to his own devices.

Foolish question, foolish answer, simple as that.

You live and learn, it has not happened again ever since.


I would take the 5-hour answer seriously, and not assume it to be sarcastic.

Personally, I have had sex hours within a first date.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 12
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 12:20:38 PM
It's not a question a gentleman asks on a first date. Period.
 OzzGirl22
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 13
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 12:31:50 PM
Once I had a guy ask me on our first meet how often I diddle my twinkie........
To ensure that I never saw him again I told him I was Catholic and did not believe in that kind of stuff. lol
 Belluvthebawl
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 14
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 12:39:05 PM
^^^^^ Diddle your twinkie?? But Hostess stopped making Twinkies.......lol
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 15
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 1:18:04 PM

Is this a valid question to ask a woman real early in the getting to know you stage?

It depends on the conversation and the two people having it.

I mean I know a lot of people sit online and chat chat chat chat and build up fantasy relationships.
And one thing they start talking about is what they "miss."
Not to mention some people have a different sense of humor.

There is a difference between
"Ugh. I hate dating. I miss sitting in front of the fire cuddling, kissing, being held, someone caring about me and I know they care. I miss passion."
"How long has it been since you've had sex or a night like that?"
Vs.
"Did you see the Packers game last night?"
"How long has it been since you got laid?"
Vs.
"Freaking youtube never works or it's the cable internet crap I have to constantly call. I hate the government. My neck is killing me. I have headaches all the time and I swear I am going to kill that damn dog if he doesn't shut up!"
"Geez lady, how long has it been since you got laid?"

So

Is this a valid question

It can be.


Why do guys ask that sometimes during the first conversation or at least very early?

Sometimes they want to know if you are open to talking about sex, or if it's taboo and wrong.
Like they've had this "epiphany" that "we're all adults, we should talk about adult things," and try to put it into practice.

Sometimes it's a means to find out if you have a FWB. Lots of guys will avoid a woman like the plague if she has same sex friends, friends with ex's, or a FWB.

Sometimes they just want to steer the conversation to sex because that's what they want and that's what is on their mind.


what difference does it make in getting to know someone?

Every answer offers feedback and information.


I was told that's how he judges character. He doesn't want to be involved with someone who looks as sex in a casual manner.

Never trust reasons without consistent behavior to back them up.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 16
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History
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 1:23:07 PM
I don't talk about sex early on, I'm not going to be having sex with him, so why would I need him to be asking such personal questions. I would find that a weeding out feature, we just met, we are strangers, why would I need to tell him my sexual history? Ugh
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 17
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 2:58:21 PM
@ patrick28t: Having had sex 5 hrs before the date, a guy would have most likely been in high spirits and therefore capable of an engaging and spirited conversation! Meaning known better than to ask fool-fool questions worthy of an overly self conscious and socially awkward teenager.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 18
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:09:40 PM
@ realitychecktable4one: By all means, feel free! If you should ever end up on date with a socially challenged moron, it works like a charm, smile!

And hopefully helps him to not repeat this faux pas.
 Dem_ian
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 19
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History
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:20:41 PM
I believe that a good conversation can verse about anything but only when things are set on the right tone.
The OP question is all about testing boundries, but of course, how that is asked and how that is followed is the real challenge.




what difference does it make in getting to know someone?

Every answer offers feedback and information.


I was told that's how he judges character. He doesn't want to be involved with someone who looks as sex in a casual manner.

Never trust reasons without consistent behavior to back them up.


Amen to that.
 RB_64
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 20
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History
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:45:33 PM
Some questions don't deserve answers. I don't mind discussing sex in general because I believe sexual compatibility is critical. But details? Really? When, where, who, how, why......no, not happening.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 21
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History
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 3:58:27 PM
These sound like boys and not real men!! Why would I ask you that early on in the getting to know each other part? Most women that are somewhat insecure or just starting to date again, may bring that part up on their own, but it will not come from me!

I am much more concerned about how clean and healthy you are, when the time is right to be sexual, and that the both of us can prove it, or be tested together......then and only then, might it be appropriate to ask if one has been away from sex for some time or not.......and that should be stated by each without needing to be asked by the other.

cd
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 22
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 4:29:00 PM
Depends... HOW early are we talking?

I mean, in cases where you haven't met yet, or you're on a first date, yeah, it's inappropriate. But beyond that, I don't know what "very early" means to you.

If you're at a point where it's looking like you're going to keep seeing each other, and there's a definite whiff (or even a whomp) of mutual attraction, this is information you both need about each other because of incubation periods. Presumably you'll both want to get physical at some point. Nothing offensive in having some sense about sex.

This may be what the asker was really getting at. 'Cause you're right, it isn't a necessary question in order to determine someone's general attitudes about sex.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 23
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 4:54:06 PM
If I had already had sex five hours before going on a date with another girl, I'm not sure how motivated I'd actually be to go out on a date.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 24
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:17:06 PM

I've never asked but I had a women tell me once it had been so long she had forgotten what one looked like...


Know watcha mean.
It's been so long, I've forgotten who gets tied up.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 25
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History
How long has it been?
Posted: 3/23/2013 7:36:53 PM
I've had a lot of women ask me the same thing over the years. It didn't offend me because its not something I see a reason to get offended over. There are bigger issues in my life than some silly question on a date.
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