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 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 1
I Chose The Wrong GuyPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Like many of us, I chose one guy over another. In the end, I made a mistake.

How do you proceed ? Do you approach the other guy ? I do not see his profile on the site anymore but I do have his cell number. Or do you just let it go and start again ?

From the male perspective, how would you feel if you were contacted out of the blue by a girl who rejected you in the past to pursue someone else ?
 _Passion4life
Joined: 2/23/2013
Msg: 2
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:13:45 AM
Had this happen to me a few times..... The one that got away will never look at u the same again....
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 3
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:15:01 AM
I know TN Pearl ...
That's what I am afraid of ... he was special and I messed up big time.
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 4
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:15:26 AM
I had a man do this to me, My question was, If I wasnt good enough then, why am I now?
How would you feel?
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 5
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:17:48 AM
Yes, this has crossed my mind, NOCLOWNING. It was not that he was not good enough, maybe he was TOO good. I've thought about appealing to him by being upfront and honest and admitting my HUGE mistake. Not sure he needs to be put in that position though.
 SaltLG13
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 6
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:19:56 AM
If the guy doesn't have his profile up maybe he find somebody already .But maybe he made the wrong choice also, never know.I will say : give it a try , won't hurt anyways . Give him a call.
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 7
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:23:10 AM
Good advice SaltLG13. I used to get random "checking in" texts a couple times a week from him ... we were always civil ... they dropped off about a week ago. Maybe he has found someone ... he deserves to be happy. I am going to text him later.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 8
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:30:00 AM
OP, if your still interested in the other guy and you parted ways on good terms, here's your chance:

Easter is coming up, so call him and wish him a super Easter weekend, chat about plans for the long weekend etc, just keep the conversation light and social until you can figure out from his reaction/response if he's still interested as well.

Either way, you can't lose. Even if he's not receptive to any more contact, at least you tried.

Good luck!
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 9
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:31:05 AM
If he has kept in contact with you after you chose the other guy...I'd give it a go.
Text him or call and just announce....that it's over and how you certainly made a dumb choice.
Leave the ball in his court.....that way it is open for him to say...do you wanna....
Good Luck! No harm in trying....maybe, he's not the right one either..
 QT3.18
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 10
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 10:32:36 AM
I know someone who had this happen. He left the girl, and then regretted his decision horribly. In the meantime, she found someone else, he found someone else. Neither of their respective relationships worked out. He often thought of what became of the girl he regretted leaving. 6 years later, he called her up, out of the blue. He apologized for his actions of 6 years prior, and for the last month, he has been turning himself inside out trying to do right by this girl. She is being very cautious, but appreciates his efforts, all the same. He has invited her out for dinner tonight.

I have no idea what I'm going to wear. :)

OP, send him a text, ask him how he's doing. Let the conversation flow naturally. Let him know that you are no longer with the other person, but leave the ball in his court.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 11
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History
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 11:10:13 AM

That's what I am afraid of ... he was special and I messed up big time.

Maybe, maybe not. Could be that if you'd chosen him instead of the one you did choose, you could still be here saying the same thing. Unless you knew both guys extremely well at the time, how could you know which one would be a better match for you?

Anyway, can't hurt to try to contact him - even if he says no, you're still better off than you are now, cause you'll know for sure. And if he says yes, so much the better.

Good luck.
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 12
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 11:15:38 AM
Tell him the truth. Put the ball in his court. You never know.
 TeaInTheSaharaWithYou
Joined: 2/27/2013
Msg: 13
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 11:41:29 AM
My gut feeling says that you are lonely and going after this guy because you feel lonely. Generally, when something is right, you never let it go.

You should proceed, but only when you are somewhat sure that you aren't going to do the same exact thing to him again.

HOW to proceed? You should call him, see what he's up to, and then if he's single, make a serious effort. If he turns you down for the sole reason thate you turned him down in the past, TRY HARDER.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 14
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 11:45:39 AM

Tell him the truth. Put the ball in his court.

No no no... If you are going to approach him.. pretend it never happened.

Just contact him and say you were thinking of him and that you wouldn't mind getting together sometime.
 Insanity_Inc
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 15
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 11:55:16 AM
Oh My G**! I actually agree with Stubidooo!! Crazy...

But seriously. Women, I'm not saying all women but most, tend to make a huge deal out of something that most men couldn't care less about.

Skip the big emotional drama and call him and see if he'd like to get together. :)

Don't bring up the past unless he requests an explanation which he likely won't.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 16
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 12:00:56 PM
I think a few of you are missing the point that....they still kept in contact while she was dating the other guy...HELLO!
He will be receptive to a meet....
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 17
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 12:14:01 PM
When you are ready, you could call the other man and ask if he is still single. Suggest getting together for lunch or dinner. The worse thing he can say is no.

No risk, no gain. It's worth a try.
 gofurguy
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 18
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 12:52:53 PM
we all make mistakes, if a woman was really into me and realized the other guy was wrong, a heart felt apology and ask to take him out
 lostinalostworld
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 19
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 12:57:53 PM
Try it, some guys don't mind being the second fiddle, lmao.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 20
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 1:06:51 PM

How do you proceed ?

I proceed by going forward rather than back.
I mean it's inherent in the definition of the word "proceed."
I realize I made a mistake, try to learn from it, and not repeat it.


Do you approach the other guy ?

No. Things have changed and I am already biased, and they are now biased.


do you just let it go and start again ?

It's not really "starting" again, it's going forward.
You started about the time you came out of your mother.
There's not really anything you can start again.
Everything you do you bring your past with you.
Internally and/or externally.


how would you feel if you were contacted out of the blue by a girl who rejected you in the past to pursue someone else ?

Depends on how attracted I was to her.
Depends on who I was or how I felt at the time of rejection and how I was rejected.
Some things I could feel (on some level, although not always conscious of it):
- She must be really really into me, but with the rejection and all those negative associations I am not all that into her, it's not an even playing ground, it might be fun for something fun and guaranteed short term.
- She's just rebounding so just have some rebound sex, I wasn't enough then, she went for the BBD, so she's a BBD lady.
- What the fck does she want? Is she that insecure and can't be alone so she hops from person to person?
- This is probably what being in a relationship with her is going to be like. Problem comes up she can't handle, she runs away, then comes back. I don't want a yo yo relationship.
- She doesn't learn from her mistakes. I am not her teacher. I don't want to take the risk she is going to pull the same thing again.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 21
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 1:11:47 PM
I vote go ahead and contact him, because what do you have to lose? Worst thing he can do is say "No," and he probably will (I would, if the position were reversed), but if that does happen, you'll just be in the same position you were already - i.e., not having a date with him.

And he might just say "Yes."

I, too, agree about not bringing up the past, and just telling him you've been thinking of him and would like to see him.

Note, you may be idealizing him by comparison, and find that he isn't really all that if you do see him. It happens. So try not to get too invested just yet, if you can help it, not only because he may turn you down, but also because of that possibility.

If he does see you, and he is as great as you remember, well, then terrific!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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History
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 1:20:58 PM
I'm not that full of myself to think that oh he picked someone else over me he's a jerk, screw him. So what, she picked the other guy and it didn't work out. That's why we date, not everything is some personal affront to you, you don't always need to be first in line, good people find good people very often after they've found the wrong good or bad people along the way.

Instead of the big drama bit about how you chose badly, just ring him up and say hi, how are things going. Who knows, maybe he's just as wrong for you as the other guy, but nobody will know unless you contact him.
 Beckyml27
Joined: 1/12/2013
Msg: 23
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 2:30:00 PM

I'm not that full of myself to think that oh he picked someone else over me he's a jerk, screw him. So what, she picked the other guy and it didn't work out. That's why we date, not everything is some personal affront to you, you don't always need to be first in line, good people find good people very often after they've found the wrong good or bad people along the way.

Instead of the big drama bit about how you chose badly, just ring him up and say hi, how are things going. Who knows, maybe he's just as wrong for you as the other guy, but nobody will know unless you contact him.


Bingo!
 cute_and_stubborn
Joined: 12/6/2010
Msg: 24
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History
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 2:40:43 PM
Did they know about each other?
 RB_64
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
I Chose The Wrong Guy
Posted: 3/23/2013 2:50:48 PM
OP, I vote for contacting him if you are interested. Decide which is more comfortable a text or a phone call. You mentioned you had recent (a week ago) contact from him, so it really isn't a text out of the blue. Keep it positive. Never apologize unless you were rude. Simply deciding between two people is not necessarily rude it is simply honest and upfront that you intend to date one person at a time. That is actually an admirable choice.

Good luck!
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