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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Exclusivity... after one date      Home login  
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 cliffycashew
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 1
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Exclusivity... after one datePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Several months ago I had a first date with a guy that went reasonably well, and immediately said he was wanting to "have fun" (sex) first, as that would develop emotional chemistry. He also asked for exclusivity after the first date, whether we had sex or not. I didn't buy it, and explained that I was unwilling to have sex early in a relationship without getting to know someone first/building emotional connection, and he took a hike. Fast forward a few months, and he's back... offering to not have sex at all as we get to know each other. We talked via phone yesterday and are meeting up in 2 days. But he asked that I not go on any dates in between now and then. This seems odd to me and kind of controlling, asking for such exclusivity so early. What are everyone else's thoughts on this, or suggestions on what to do?
 sturbo001
Joined: 4/17/2011
Msg: 2
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Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:20:10 PM
humm well i beleive u allready know what to do... hope so from what i read hes playing and think u know that..
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 3
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:22:32 PM
Sounds like a very strange fellow. Why are you meeting him again? My suggestion would be, don't do that.
 hotsurferchick4u
Joined: 3/9/2013
Msg: 4
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:23:49 PM
OP, this guy seems very insecure and a complete control freak, yikes!! It's also a red flag that he expects exclusivity when you two aren't even really dating yet...wtf. It seems like he sees you as a challenge and once you sleep with him he's likely to "take another hike". Tell him to get lost is what I would do :0
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 5
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:27:22 PM
Got a lot of other dates planned in the next two days? The poor guy has given up sex, what more do want?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 6
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:27:50 PM
He sounds like a bit of a weirdo to me. He barely knows you and has a list of guidelines?
There are so many NORMAL guys in the world that you don't have to deal with that nonsense.
 SILLYGIRL111
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 7
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Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:30:03 PM
`I\

I would not meet this man!













I
 cliffycashew
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 8
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Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:35:05 PM
Yikes... guess that's what I was thinking - but the more puzzling question is his complex! Not even sure how to explain whatever is wrong with him.
 hotsurferchick4u
Joined: 3/9/2013
Msg: 9
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:38:38 PM
OP, you seem to agree that something is wrong with him. Stay home!!! :0

Oh and {have sex first as it would develop emotional chemistry} is BS as he was just trying to manipulate you into sleeping with him.
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 10
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Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:39:06 PM

But he asked that I not go on any dates in between now and then.


I'm interested to know whether or not you agreed to his terms.


seems odd to me and kind of controlling


You are correct, with the exception that it's not KIND of controlling, it IS controlling behaviour.

It's likely that this person will continue to test your boundaries.

Personally, I would cancel the date.

MrsF
 TeaInTheSaharaWithYou
Joined: 2/27/2013
Msg: 11
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:40:43 PM
I would clearly state to him that you are not okay with exclusivity and probably wouldn't be until at least 3-4 dates, and only then if everything went well. Tell him that if he can accept those terms, you will give this another go, but if he gets up and takes a hike again, it's over.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 12
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:42:09 PM
That fellow is weird. He disappears for a few months and is worried about 2 days from now until the date? He has issues, especially because it's just dating and not sex.

Having said that, I would feel a little weird myself if I was dating someone and DURING that time she couldn't keep her legs together for some other guy. That wouldn't make me feel special.
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 13
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:46:54 PM

What are everyone else's thoughts on this

That there really isn't enough information.

How was this expressed

said he was wanting to "have fun" (sex) first, as that would develop emotional chemistry.

"Thanks for the first date. Let's have sex. I will only date you again if we have sex. I only date people I have sex with after the first date. That's how I develop emotional chemistry."
or
You: "What exactly do you want?"
Him: "I don't know what I want really. I just want to date someone and have fun. I'm not looking to get an instant commitment."
You: "So what does that mean? You just want to date and have sex?"
Him: "I guess. I do think you develop emotional chemistry during sex."

How did he express this

He also asked for exclusivity after the first date

"I want you to be exclusive with me."
"I just can't date people that date around, it's just not me, when I date someone I only date them, so I know I am not compatible with people that are constantly dating other people."

And how was this expressed

he asked that I not go on any dates in between now and then

"I don't want you to date anyone between now and then."
"I hope you aren't seeing anyone else."
"I have this big event planned. I hope you don't go on a date between now and then and get swept off your feet."

Or IOW what did he say vs. what you heard?


suggestions on what to do?

Seems pretty simple.
If you started this thread and painted the guy as kind of a controlling insecure freak, why do you want to go out with him again? Morbid curiosity?
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 14
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 2:49:37 PM

Not even sure how to explain whatever is wrong with him.

I understand the academic curiosity, but what's it matter really? You're not going to find this out. He probably has no idea, himself. Some things, we don't get to know.

Let's just say he's weird. That'll do.
 4x4fan
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 15
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:09:14 PM
Hmmm????
Good question.
Men often want sex first, which is probably wrong. Women often want an emotional connection first, which is also probably just as wrong.
Why you ask....
Men want sex, women on emotional connection. A woman can error if she gives a man sex too early without demanding a relationship, right? (the old...why buy the cow if the milk is free saying comes to mind). But...the flip side is also true, why would a woman give a guy sex if her emotional needs are being mey already, which is what you suggest you want.
There's a happy middle ground someone.
 BBW2013_
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 16
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:16:04 PM
Tell him to go" have fun "with some other lady.
Actually don't say that he might flip out he sounds nuts!
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 17
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:19:01 PM
Creepy scary red flags shooting in every possible direction.. but you decide.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 18
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:19:07 PM
I see this as the beginning of control/manipulation/possible future abuse. My best advice...RUN! RED FLAG ALERT!
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 19
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:21:51 PM
OP, why you "allowed" communication with this guy again after the first time is a red flag on your part.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 20
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Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:26:16 PM
He just wants you nice and horny for when you meet the next time, and then he can let you jump his bones because you are, and he said he is willing to wait!!.....lmao

Maybe you should ask him if you can at least use your "bob" until you two decide on doing the sex thing??.......;)

cd
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 21
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:30:33 PM
LOL C Deacon.. delightful way with words on that one.. I can't stop laughing. Thanks
 tallbrowneyedlady
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 22
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:41:53 PM
Controllers turn into wife and child abusers.
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 23
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:00:42 PM
sounds like a guy I know. He is not having any luck right now and is trying you again. What kind of a control freak is he, that he asks you not to see anyone else!! Why meet him. Red flags are waving so hard I can hear them flappin from here!! If he took a hike before he will hopefully do it again, if you are silly enough to meet him and sex is not on the agenda. Do not tell him where you live or your real name. I dont like the sound of him, one bit.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 24
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:33:10 PM
^^^ Sorry, but that's not a Master/slave nor Dom/sub relationship unless the sub agrees to it after getting to know the Master (or Mistress) and negotiating the terms and limits. Obviously the OP doesn't know this guy well enough to be his sub or slave.

OP, this guy seems awfully insecure. Why are you giving him another chance? Please don't do it out of pity.
 EyesRgreen_62
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 25
Exclusivity... after one date
Posted: 3/24/2013 5:07:46 PM

Sounds like a very strange fellow. Why are you meeting him again? My suggestion would be, don't do that.


What Helen said and I also ask, why are you wanting to meet him again ?
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