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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?      Home login  
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 andreabeaumont
Joined: 1/10/2013
Msg: 1
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
so im kinda confused about how the dating game seems to work so well for some people and completely against others. there are some women who always seem to be falling into relationships, as if there is a line of guys ready to pick them up the moment they get on the market again. other women appear to be perpetually single without much luck attracting real commitment from the men.

just by looking at celebrity examples: reese witherspoon at a very young age managed to not only find a guy but also marry him for years to come until they divorced. and then just a year or two after her divorce in her mid thirties she dates jake gyllenhaal and then winds up with jim toth and is now a happily married woman again. jennifer aniston on the other hand married brad for 5 some years...was single/in a string of short flings for years before she finally met justin theuroux.

its just a passing observation on celebrity gossip but i've seen women in similar situations in real life as well. i have some girlfriends who fall from one relationship into another...and then there is me...26 years and have been pretty much perpetually single.

what gives?
 Redfan45
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 2
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 3:15:13 PM
That question could probably go for both men and women because I am certainly stuck in the same prison as that.
So I couldn't fully say, because if I knew the answer I'd be better off than I am currently.
But I suppose a lot of it has to do with their attitude, social connections or how willing they are to do nsa stuff. Which most guys I know seem to be only interested in.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 3
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 4:35:08 PM
Body language, personality, style, and that smile that invites you over while the eyes take you all in!!

This is all personality and style for those with the looks to back it up, and most are born with it, or learn it at a very young age, and life has a way of promoting those that carry themselves well, look good, and act like those around them are deserving to be there!!

Go figure!

cd
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 6
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 6:02:18 PM
Or "twelfth"...........That the positive inside, the glass half full, the way one attracts others to know them better, can be just something one is born with, or finds out that it is the best way to feel about life, themselves and knowing others! And maybe, just maybe, the best way out of a life not afforded any of that!

There are quite a few of us that do not come from rich homes, and were not given the easiest way to success, with parents that abused each other and their children, married and divorced many times, considered from the wrong side of the tracks, on and on and on, but we still ended up being considered enticing to know, magnetic to be with, and enjoyed by others while there.

I will agree that money makes money, but given those that I know that have had it and lost it, brain power with personality and style will far outweigh just having the rich get richer.......In my humble opinion!!

cd
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 7
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 6:19:09 PM
Ah yes.....turning right when you could have turned left........well said!

cd
 victorianist
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 8
how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 6:49:30 PM
I also have noticed that some women attract men more readily then others and also noticed it isn't necessarily their looks that attract men. Some women project warmth and affection. Perhaps because they actually are warm and affectionate? Perhaps men find that attractive? I know I sure do. I'd rather be with a warm, caring, affectionate average looking gal than a drop dead gorgeous cold and selfish one.

Beauty might be only skin deep but ugly goes right down to the bone. There really are too many damned good looking ugly babes and not enough average looking beautiful all the through ones.
 ArtDeVivre777
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 9
how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 7:07:50 PM
Well, it's very simple, the more selective women or men are the less is their potential dating pool. All my very selective friends are single most of the time although they do have tons to offer, as it's hard for them to find a person who meets their set of criteria in terms on looks,character and social status.

However, for me and other less demanding and more realistic people,it's pretty easy. I rarely find myself really single,more in between relatinships or just dating till I find a new relationship.I do enjoy dating n meeting new people too.But I know I am not perfect myself and that's why my dating pool is pretty big too. I think we are all very attractive for some people and other people just won't want to date us, the smart thing is not to chase a dream but rather try to find a good match between those people who are interested to date us.
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 10
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 8:28:08 PM
Is their a real person behind this facade? I've seen previous posts by the OP, and this seems really disingenuous, as the OP has already complained about her dating issues and being single, and has made no attempts to change those habits or work on her own character.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 11
how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:14:20 PM

how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?


Oh I attract men like crazy. They call, email, text, buy me drinks, want to take me out, etc. BUT they are not the men I am interested in ergo I am perpetually single. C'est la vie
 andreabeaumont
Joined: 1/10/2013
Msg: 12
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:24:10 PM
spot4username that is my problem exactly i seem to always attract guys i am not interested in dating. baristas, waiters, grocery store clerks flock to me like birds. i get free stuff because of it all the time and am very flattered. but i am hopelessly attracted to WASPy nerdy guys with a slight touch of pretentiousness. unfortunately for me they tend to be attracted to vanilla blonde sorority girls- not worldly and sophisticated spicy middle eastern girls like me. :\
 andreabeaumont
Joined: 1/10/2013
Msg: 13
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 9:41:52 PM
Men tend to gravitate toward warm, friendly, and nurturing women -- women who will likely play a more submissive role in the relationship while supporting his best interests and enhancing his social influence. Women with a dominant, independent, or eccentric streak -- regardless of looks -- are not as attractive to men as long-term mates.


see its interesting to me that you would say that. i consider myself an extremely warm friendly and nurturing person. i usually always have a smile on my face and am very enthusiastic, peppy and cheerful. by virtue of living as a live-in babysitter to two adorable little boys, i am naturally nurturing and maternal haha. i also grew up in a large loving family with a doting father who treated me like a princess. so i consider myself very blessed and am thankful for all the love that has surrounded me thus far in life.

when it comes to gentlemen however, its a whole different story. last summer i met who i thought was this wonderful boy whom i fell very hard for. he fit the archetype that i have always found attractive: this cute preppy white southern boy with an intoxicating blend of ferocious erudition and puckishness. he was nerdy and so smart but also aloof and fratty. i was instantly smitten. when we met he had been with his college gf for four years but thought i was attractive and tried to kiss me at a party. i pushed him away and said that if he wanted to kiss me he'd have to wine and dine me and break up with his gf. he said he wasnt happy with her but he didnt know how to break up with her because he didnt want to hurt her feelings. he said she made him miserable- told him me was ugly, fat and a loser and she wouldnt believe him when he told her he loved her or that she was beautiful. long story short- he broke up with her and we dated a week later for a month. he introduced me to all his friends who said i was a "gem"- they were all glad he had found someone wholesome and normal and not a "psycho ****". all of a sudden he disappears. i dont like to chase men so after trying to contact him thrice i leave him be. 3 months later he starts drunk texting and dialing me saying he screwed up and was an idiot and he didn't realize how much the break up would affect him. i was morose after he disappeared so i take him back. we date again for a little over a month when he dumps me again. he says he still has feelings for his ex and that his heart is mixed up and i am an amazing girl who deserves someone who can give me his all. right now he said he cant do that and he doesn't want to treat me any less so he has to step back. this was during the holidays last year but he still drunk texts/dials me saying he misses me and dreams of me. :\

i was devastated- he was still in love with a girl who supposedly made him miserable and treated him badly. all of my kindness and affection was lost on him. :\ so...im not sure i believe in how guys want a sweet nice caring girl...in my experience they want ****es. this girl is apparently a "hateful" and "terrible" drama queen but she had something that made this really wonderful guy be with her for four whole years. and yet here i am...who is everything she is not and i get dumped because of memories of her. its such a mindfuck.

after this incident i am very shaken and deeply mistrust my naturally kind and sweet nature...should i be colder and ****ier to the guys i date now?
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 14
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:05:09 PM

i am not interested in dating. baristas, waiters, grocery store clerks flock to me like birds. i get free stuff because of it all the time and am very flattered.


You're objectifying men here in a negative way. Why are men from more humble professions an issue? You have a sense of entitlement, and why would men with more lucrative careers waste their time, effort, and money on an individual like you? Exactly what do you bring to the relationship--besides a lame character and personality?


i am hopelessly attracted to WASPy nerdy guys with a slight touch of pretentiousness.


What exactly is a "[wasp]y-nerdy guy?" Are you expecting men to dote on you?


unfortunately for me they tend to be attracted to vanilla blonde sorority girls- not worldly and sophisticated spicy middle eastern girls like me. :\


What exactly do blondes have anything to do with your relationship issues? Why are you focusing on other individuals, and not focusing on what could be keeping the men you wish to attract away from you? Are you setting unrealistic expectations? How extreme are your world viewers? The age old adage, "the grass is greener on the other side" does not hold true in reality.

You need to start to seriously examine yourself: behavior, character, education, goals, expectations, ethics, and desires, and see if you really do have unhealthy, unrealistic, and unreasonable demands of would be partners.
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 15
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/24/2013 10:26:43 PM

WASP = white Anglo saxon protestant.


No shit? Guess I learned something new.
 andreabeaumont
Joined: 1/10/2013
Msg: 16
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:20:37 AM

You're objectifying men here in a negative way. Why are men from more humble professions an issue? You have a sense of entitlement, and why would men with more lucrative careers waste their time, effort, and money on an individual like you? Exactly what do you bring to the relationship--besides a lame character and personality?


LOL. what about my having preferences seems to personally offend you? people are allowed to have their preferences. im sorry that girls being attracted to high achieving smart put together guys makes you feel insecure- im not here to cater to your sense of self. :\

i would bring a lot to a potential relationship. im smart, have had some of the best education provided in the world, well traveled speak 5 languages have dined and wined with a gallery of the world's who-is-who. im also a sweetheart and lovely and would move mountains for someone i care for. its dangerous to judge people without knowing them ;)



What exactly do blondes have anything to do with your relationship issues? Why are you focusing on other individuals, and not focusing on what could be keeping the men you wish to attract away from you? Are you setting unrealistic expectations? How extreme are your world viewers? The age old adage, "the grass is greener on the other side" does not hold true in reality.


you have a point here...i was just pointing out an observation of mine that guys i find attractive tend to find girls like that attractive...perhaps my expectations are unrealistic...to think that a cute preppy white guy could fall for an exotic global nomad like me.
 andreabeaumont
Joined: 1/10/2013
Msg: 17
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/25/2013 7:39:47 AM

For some reason most men are all attracted to the same thing in women. That's why certain women get all the attention. And thinking about it I can't even define what that thing is. Reese Witherspoon just has that girl next door feel in spite of being gorgeous. Jennifer Anniston seems kinda snobbish and uppity to me, even though that may not be true. Myself, I find nothing more attractive than a girl who is beautful but still gives off that girl next door vibe. It's all in the vibe.


hmm interesting...i think for myself that i dont posses that "girl next door" vibe because...im not a "girl next door"- guys have likened me more to a "femme fatale" or like sophia vergara or Gaby Solis on Desperate Housewives...and i can come off as snobby and uppity....i guess its in how i was raised...
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 18
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/25/2013 8:35:16 AM

LOL. what about my having preferences seems to personally offend you? people are allowed to have their preferences. im sorry that girls being attracted to high achieving smart put together guys makes you feel insecure- im not here to cater to your sense of self. :\


Smart, successful guys are put off by women that fetishize them to the point in which you do. I can pretty much default - tell when a woman wants to date me because she's fetishizing artists/"safe" black guys/wants someone who lives where I do/is in my income range/whatever. And I refuse to date them seriously for that reason. People having only one ultra specific "type" that they go for shows a general closed - mindedness that is completely unattractive in a woman, and while we might have short lived flings with those women, we aren't going to date them (my friends, who are around or more successful than me, and all vary in race/type/career are all of the same mindset). We/they want well rounded women that don't allow themselves to view the world in such small boxes.

So, truly high achieving, smart, put together guys don't want what you're selling. The only guys you're going to get are people that AREN'T truly smart and successful; the more desperate types that DEPEND on being fetishized to date women who are "hot" but have nothing else going on with them. ie. the socially awkward, not wanted, guys that go teach English in Asia just to be able to get hot Asian women who are trying to hook American men to up their own social classes.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 19
how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/25/2013 9:12:25 AM
[Quote]see its interesting to me that you would say that. i consider myself an extremely warm friendly and nurturing person. i usually always have a smile on my face and am very enthusiastic, peppy and cheerful. by virtue of living as a live-in babysitter to two adorable little boys.

OP I'm not attacking what you do for work, but as a live in baby sitter you probably make as much as the server, barista, or grocery clerk you are looking past. The only difference is your employer provides you with a place to live and access to vehicle to use. Two big expenses the server, barista and grocery clerk has to deal with.

Maybe the guys you are interested in wants someone who isn't a live in baby sitter.
 andreabeaumont
Joined: 1/10/2013
Msg: 20
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/25/2013 9:38:51 AM

OP I'm not attacking what you do for work, but as a live in baby sitter you probably make as much as the server, barista, or grocery clerk you are looking past. The only difference is your employer provides you with a place to live and access to vehicle to use. Two big expenses the server, barista and grocery clerk has to deal with.

Maybe the guys you are interested in wants someone who isn't a live in baby sitter


i've never encountered a guy who has had a problem with my side job as a babysitter- in fact most seem very attracted to the whole "nurturing/maternal" side to me. also keep in mind this isn't my primary job- i live in the dc metro area where its really tough to break into the international development field as a recent college grad. during the day we have "fancy" elitist jobs-during the evening we bartend, waitress, babysit to make ends meet.

i love how sore guys on here about my preference for ambitious men. haha. don't worry there are tons of hot girls who don't care for ambition or drive- you just got to find them.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 21
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/25/2013 9:56:04 AM
The baristas and such that hit on you aren't making ends meet while "breaking in?" How do you know the guys hitting on you won't be hugely successful in a year's time?

I mean, I "get" not dating non-successful people; I wouldn't date a babysitter or nanny or similar because I have really snooty tastes, enjoy "the finer things in life," and like random events whenever I please and not having to worry about being able to do it. Having to support someone else to do those things with me CONSTANTLY gets old quick. So I generally tend to date professionals for that reason.

The difference being that I'm making that choice from a point of relative success and are dating comparable people, and you're an intern that babysits that thinks that someone that has already gotten to that point is going to basically support you on faith that you'll turn into something "eventually." Meanwhile, you're turning everyone comparable to yourself down, AND dating based on class ideas and fetishization. When I was barely making a living and was trying to make a "name" artistically, I wasn't trying to go specifically after doctors and lawyers.

I also haven't seen anyone responding to you being "sore." I see an inability to self-assess and see realistic criticism as "attacks" which makes you kneejerk to ad-hominem responses however.

You're doing the same thing every "nice guy" does in their threads. They're overweight and boring and have dull interests and don't take care of themselves and think they're "deserved" a model, and then go off on how women only go for "bad boys." Why do you think an attractive, successful, intelligent white Protestant guy would go for you as opposed to the other 100 women that would be attracted to him that month as well who might already be successful and not attracted to them specifically because of their image?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 22
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/25/2013 10:59:14 AM
You aren't offering what you're asking for in a man.

Become what you are trying to attract.
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 23
how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/25/2013 6:25:23 PM
Men for the most part don't give a shit about education level/income/etc..of a women (of course within reason, you have to have some standards like not dating a drug addict, convict, women with 4 kids from 3 dif.. father, etc..), men are pretty easy to please if you think about it O.o..I have a bachelors and a professional job but I am not expecting that from a potential partner, I mean don't get me wrong if they do have those thing it's just a cherry on top.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 25
The reason you are perpetually single is because you are holding out for a specific type of man, pre
Posted: 3/26/2013 5:34:36 AM
N2AK49:

"Who cares who you've rubbed shoulders with? Who rubs your shoulders when you've had a long day of trying to make ends meet?"

Quite the words of wisdom! Love it!
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 26
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The reason you are perpetually single is because you are holding out for a specific type of man, pre
Posted: 3/26/2013 7:30:12 AM

LOL. what about my having preferences seems to personally offend you? people are allowed to have their preferences. im sorry that girls being attracted to high achieving smart put together guys makes you feel insecure- im not here to cater to your sense of self. :\

i would bring a lot to a potential relationship. im smart, have had some of the best education provided in the world, well traveled speak 5 languages have dined and wined with a gallery of the world's who-is-who. im also a sweetheart and lovely and would move mountains for someone i care for. its dangerous to judge people without knowing them ;)


C-u-n-t, don't ad hominem me (attack my character) just because you can't take constructive criticism of your need to be pampered and doted upon. You have an overly strong sense of entitlement, and there is a huge difference between having expectations and preferences of potential relationships, and having unrealistic expectations and preferences of would be partners. If you do have an education it does not show in your literature, comprehension, or ability to be subjective. Matter of fact, you have an inability in all these cases.

When you objectify men negatively as opposed to positively you put up a great big sign that says the following: stay away from me I'm only after your money, career, and securities. I haven't judged or critiqued you beyond what you've written here on the forums or what you've shown in your profile. Your anecdotes mean absolutely nothing when trying to attract another human being--unless that individual is just so completely shallow you need a resume of fine dining, ballroom attendances, and a Bentley to even register on their dating radar.

Good luck catching your "sugar daddy" because I guarantee you're going to be nothing more than a fling and nothing less than a one night stand, and especially when you try and reach outside your world views.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 27
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/27/2013 11:54:55 AM
Everyone is different. Don't waste your time on advice about "what all men are like."

Not everyone likes submissive or dependent women.

Men who don't want children will avoid women seeking children or with religious convictions that promote reproduction.

On the other hand, "fashion" in partners is a serious influence. Because so many people fell social pressure to prove their worth by attracting the sort of women people will be impressed by, what's "in" often trumps what would be desired in the absence of those social pressures.

I don't need to point out, do I, that being wanted as a badge of success isn't for everyone?

Spend some effort asking what people want from a partner, and what they think you can bring them; ask yourself what you are willing to offer, and what you hope for, too. DONT assume that there is a Standard Dysfunctional Family we should all aspire to.

And, if you want to show your value as an intelligent, literate person, polish your writing skills.
ED BEAR
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 29
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how come some women are man magnets and others perpetually single?
Posted: 3/28/2013 7:32:13 AM

RadicalPunk you had my support until you called her a**** That's a huge breakdown in communication and is the exact kind of man that women have all too often been scarred by so that good guys like me have to get the 20th degree before they'll reply to a email. You were actually acticulating your thoughts well. That suits you much better that resorting to juvenile tactics. Just my two cents.


I never said I was above being an ass, and if someone is going to attack me personally then that individual better be ready to defend their self physically or intellectually. Don't defend her, and call a spade a spade. Two wrongs don't make a right, but I'm not going to coddle an adult who feels the need to attack my character, and especially when my character isn't in question.
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