Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How can you date when you are SO bitter?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Imagineour
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 6
How can you date when you are SO bitter? Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Lol I am happy with my life, I love my friends and family, I have an awesome career, "I am frustrated with simple meet and greets" that's exactly what you read in bitter profiles. Or mentioning a frustration of a different nature" dates that go no where" time wasting playing games. That= made of LOL.

Yeah plenty about the forums too like what was mentioned the bottom line is it is always going to be a challenge to avoid those people so a dating site is going to be a place for them to just put themselves out their. Some don't do it intentionally like you said. It just makes them undateable.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 7
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/27/2013 9:17:30 AM
The funny thing is if you meet a person who is very bitter and ask them why they are so bitter, they will say: "I'm not bitter. I just won't settle for less than what I deserve." Which is the crux of the problem causing the bitterness. People come to the magical fairy tale land of internet dating and expect to find total perfection-someone who is gorgeous, rich, is in perfect shape and has a perfect personality. Nothing less than that will do, and they want that right now-there is no time to waste. Then, when reality starts to sink in, and discover that there are imperfect people on the internet that don't meet their 500 requirements needed to date, they get frustrated and over time, that frustration turns into bitterness.

People are told to never settle for less than what they want, So the people with the 500 "must have" requirements who won't bend on any of those "must haves", and won't settle for someone who has 499 of the 500 must haves, will be here forever moaning about how their aren't any nice guys/women on the internet. People who are realistic and not b1tch about how they've been wronged in the past in the love department will have have a greater chance of success.

A common topic on the forums is when someone goes on a meet-and-greet and a few dates and it ends for whatever reason, never leading to marriage and happily-ever-after. Then they come on here complaining how they were played and how horrible everyone of the opposite sex is. That has bitterness written all over it and shows the toxic side of the person.
 PR816
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 8
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/27/2013 9:25:43 AM
Iknow I became very bitter about dating.I just could'nt believe how difficult it was.However I started again and found someone who seems really nice and we've been dating for a couple of weeks.[I know thats not long but it is becoming a record]But in the back of my mind I cant help but think the last time we talked may be the last time we talk.Strange.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 10
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/27/2013 10:01:01 AM
OP, I agree - it's your attitude that makes the difference. You can focus on the good in your life, or you can focus on the bad, and this applies to every aspect. I think people who are bitter are really afraid to let themselves hope, or something. I think you have a great attitude and more people should emulate you.


...I can't figure out if they're a good representation of how the majority of people on POF feel or if they're just a much more vocal crowd when it comes to their bitterness, disdain, and rudeness.

I think its the latter; they come here where they can vent. I met a lot of guys, and the majority of them were decent enough. I did meet one guy who, after 6 months of dating and wanting to be 'exclusive', was actually on here seeking out new women. That hurt, but hey - that happens regardless of whether one meets offline or online. And it's not representative of most guys I know in the real world.

I refuse to jump on the "I'm so awesome that no one deserves me and I'm so bitter that you better do everything 100% right" bandwagon. I want to live a life full of hope and possibility and that includes my outlook on dating.

Yay, you! :) But, admittedly, sometimes, it can get you down, and what I did when I found myself more down than up was to take a break. I'd hide my profile, or deactivate it, and simply wait till my head cleared - then come back on. And ultimately, I had far more good experiences than bad. I think anyone who wants to date successfully has to maintain a positive attitude or they're going to end up either alone, or in a dysfunctional relationship.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 11
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/27/2013 10:32:03 AM
I try my best to preach positivity into profiles, and pull out any and all negatives - preaching about what you DON'T want in dating is functionally useless.

The bitterness that people approach these forums with is usually from a very narrow field of experience, and assumed to include the whole of mankind. I try my best as a forum 'regular' to show people that there IS other people and better options, and that their bitterness is more self-created and self-fueled than anything OTHER people have done to them. Changing your attitude is as easy as changing your mind - but people often need to feel supported and empowered to do so.

That being said - you realize that complaining about OTHER people complaining is very redundant?
;) It happens in here a lot!
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 13
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/27/2013 11:46:57 AM
Bitterness is toxic. Grudge-holding only hurts the person nursing a grudge. Forgiveness is healing.

I consider painful experiences an annealing process, like strengthening steel with fire. Instead of becoming bitter, we can grow stronger and learn from experience.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 15
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/27/2013 1:08:14 PM
tickle me pank:

"Being bitter is just being negatively idealistic."



I love it! More PC! Lol
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 16
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/27/2013 1:57:16 PM

Don't you think thats a little jaded and insensitive? What women want to be in your group of friends for you to decide which one you want to date?

It's merely a different approach, it lets him meet people without worrying about whether its the "one"; he can see who they are, instead of who he hopes they are, or hopes they aren't. What's wrong with that? My guess is that the OP isn't collecting a bunch of "friends who are women" in order to select his future bride, but that he's fine with making friends as well as finding a mate. Most likely, if he meets 10 women, 1 might actually turn into a real friend with whom he maintains contact, while he continues his friendly dating activities. There's nothing wrong with his approach, even if its not yours.

You are playing games and buffering yourself instead of just dating from a dating site and you think everyone else is bitter?

You sound envious.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 24
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/28/2013 10:33:27 AM
Deciding to stay friends with a date that didn't carry that 'spark' is NOT playing games - it's called 'Networking' and making (and keeping) friends.

I lost a helluva lot of local friends in the divorce, so when it came to making new ones, it's tough to meet new people sometimes.

One of my closest friends is a lady I met through online dating - we knew after one date that we didn't have that 'spark', but we lived in the same neighborhood and hung out at the same haunts, so it became a 'natural' match to pal along with her and meet other people. I've probably got about 25+ friends that I would have NEVER met if I decided to be angry and defensive because she didn't want to be my significant other. We're both dating other people now, and still play volleyball and hangout together about once a week. Keeping a good attitude is sometimes more important than keeping a romantic relationship.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 25
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/28/2013 2:28:45 PM
I agree this is a dating site, and soliciting relationships in here should be assumed to be for romantic reasons FIRST - but that doesn't mean healthy friendships CAN'T happen. Yeah, to some extent it seems hypocritical to be on a dating site for non-romantic reasons, but there's nothing that says you CAN'T BE, either.

The main reason why people complain in these forums about exclusivity is their own insecurity. If you trust your partner, it shouldn't mean a damn thing where they may be chatting online - because it's only CHATing, not CHEATing. The infidelity part happens in the real world, not here.

There are literally thousands of people in online dating that state 'Friends First' in profiles because they DON'T want to complicate new relationships with the pressure to have sex and force exclusivity for any reason - most are women, too - so for a GUY to state that reason really should be taken as a rare ideal, not something sick or phony. The cynicism in here is so thick you can't even cut it with a chainsaw.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 26
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/28/2013 3:00:51 PM
I don't date, anyone, ever. Not bitterness though; simply a recognition that I have less than nothing to offer. For the same reason I do not go shopping on days when I have no money, I don't try to date when I can offer nothing that women value in men. Waste of time, better spent on things I can succeed at.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 29
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/28/2013 6:07:37 PM

How can you date when you are SO bitter?


Quite a few years ago, while I was actually "bitter" I decided to leave the dating alone.



I then started drinking.



Still not dating.



But things are much better now, thank you very much.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 30
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/28/2013 7:28:52 PM
OP, during your 5 week online POF experience you've noticed some..... bitter people.

People who've maybe been online too long. People who have bad attitudes, negative outlooks and no hope whatsoever for happiness. These people seem to have a dark cloud hovering over their heads.Following them wherever they go. Their poor attitudes seem to have their own gravitational field. Sucking every ray of warm healing light into the black holes of their existence.

If only these "Negative Nellies and Bitter Bills" could get together and depress each other. Wait, they can...Just like every other person in POF land. Everyone is who they are. Finding someone who likes you for that is....Positive, and worth the effort, IMHO.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 31
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/28/2013 9:01:14 PM
You have a great attitude OP, I'm an oldtimer on the site and have to say overall it has been a positive experience, I've met some great men who I never would have if I haven't been online, this doesn't mean I haven't gotten frustrated at times with dishonest individuals, but that happens in the real world too. I think expectations are unrealistic about the site, some think after a couple days you should be able to find your soulmate, it takes time and patience, you also have to be realistic that you might not find that special someone at all, you are not entitled to anything in this life, sometimes it's just good timing and a little bit of luck doesn't hurt either.
Some individuals just don't handle adversity well, it's easier to blame everybody else then to step back and take responsibility for your choices in life, some have entitlement issues, some like drama, others get caught up in the same hate cycle not realizing how they are projecting themselves to others, negativity simply isn't attractive and when they aren't successful then everyone else is shallow or too picky using any excuse to avoid that they are the common denominator.
My choice is not to take the site too seriously and if it's meant to happen it will, I've got a good life and consider myself very lucky to have close friends and family, a career I enjoy, hobbies to keep me entertained, someone special in my life is just an added bonus.
 MrMeSir
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 33
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/29/2013 7:02:01 AM
Ahh the irony of bitterness.

The funny thing about being angry and bitter, is that you create that reality yourself, the world on its own is full of compassion and love. Fear and failing to understand is the biggest part of it, people try to protect themselves from their imaginary reality by hurting others, who inturn try to avoid them, or as is the case with some, end up getting hurt further as it's not uncommon for two people to face off in a self protection mode, while hurting themselves and sometimes others.

When we let go of it, good things come, if we can stay away from those trying to control reality, as we don't control reality. im not religious, but i believe if one is, they can understand it better, by knowing god is everything and we don't control god, we can know that love is out there all around, having faith in that is what works, has worked for thousands of years. Again, i am not religious at all, nor do i believe in god, i do however, see why religion has existed for so long, as they all hold many truths.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 34
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/29/2013 10:27:28 AM
I find that poeople, who are bitter often hold onto it as a way of saying:
1. I am important enough that somebody did this TO me.
2. Their bitterness is a direct manifestation of their victim stance.
3. They are unwilling to accept people as they are and are bitter about their self limiting choices.

Either way, they have painted themselves into a very tiny corner and have no way of getting out except to understand that they have done so. I think it may also be a case ( in some circumstances) where the bitter person is holding onto the feeling to punish those who left them beforehand.

Bitter people just havent finished the cycle of healing yet.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 36
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/29/2013 12:01:39 PM

Oh god! I don't know what you do or don't have to offer but this attitude alone is enough to keep most women away. It is the BIGGEST turn off ever. I mean you might be right, but the fact that you are saying this and you are feeling this even if you went out and met someone they would be able to smell it on you.

My point is, this attitude might have been the reason you were not successful...so you can't really say you have nothing to offer when no one stuck around long enough to find out due to the attitude that you have nothing to offer.

It's kind of self-fulfilling prophecy and I think it's sad when people reach this level.


I didn't feel this way when I was still trying to find someone. I thought I had a lot to offer, but I was finally forced to rethink my belief. I have asked out over 200 women over a period of many years, and ALL of them turned me down, most with a level of viciousness that I still cannot understand. I understand a woman getting offended if a guy asks her out in a non-respectful way (eg. "Hey baby, let's f--k"), but not when a guy asks her to go on a respectable date. I didn't ask anyone again, after being turned down, so I wasn't bugging or stalking anyone. I wasn't asking out women who were way above me in looks, money, education, etc.

At the same time, I did get asked out by women on occasion. Most never spoke to me again after one date, and those who did see me again would, in most cases, date me for a long time (several months) while refusing to have any physical contact with me. I don't just mean sex; before you do that, you should have held hands, kissed, etc. Right? All of them admitted that they were repulsed by me even before asking me out, but I appeared to have money and they wanted someone to spend money on them, take them out to eat, etc. till the guy they REALLY wanted came for them. Many actually were obsessed with someone they already knew but he didn't want them.

As I've gotten older, I've had a lot of women with several kids fathered by losers try to get me to take care of their kids financially; some came right and asked me to do so! No, thanks. I have a 16 year old son, and my money and attention are his (he lives with me).

Finally after the last woman I dated dropped me instantly when a loser with a guitar showed up in her life (she's still supporting this loser financially because he won't work...they're still together, lol) a few years ago, it was time to analyze what was wrong with me. A very good friend suggested that I find out what women want, and then carefully think of what, exactly I have to offer.

I spent a couple of years talking to women I knew who were friends or otherwise willing to tell me truthfully what they wanted in men and what they thought of me. I also spent a considerable amount of time in the university library while I worked on my MA, looking at social science research on human mate selection. One old friend, a woman who is like a sister to me, told me that I had nothing to offer but affection, and women can get that from their dog or cat. Harsh, but she was right.

I did have things to offer, but none had any value to women. I am unable to change some of the things that are wrong with me, and the others I am unwilling to change. I would have to become a completely different person, abandoning my work, my hobbies, my ethical and moral beliefs, and my basic way of life. I couldn't live with myself if I threw away all that made my life worth living. I can live without women; I cannot live without the things I would have to give up for them.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 37
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/29/2013 12:11:59 PM
POF keeps giving me an error when I try to edit my last post, so here is what I was trying to add:

I have had a few of the women who wanted me to support their kids try to entice me by asking this: "Don't you miss a woman's touch, being with someone, sex, kissing, etc?" Asking me this is like asking me if I miss driving a Rolls Royce. Problem is, I have never driven one, and never will. They're out of my reach, and I'm perfectly happy with my Crown Victoria. Most of the women I have dated would not even hold my hand. What do I have to miss?
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 40
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/30/2013 11:47:12 AM
Feel better now, juliettes7? Spitting on others sure feels good, doesn't it? You might try learning reading comprehension though. My analogy about shopping had nothing to do with women being gold-diggers. Nothing. Just meant that you have to have something to offer women for them to want you. Doesn't have to be money. Few women i have met actually cared about that, but the ones I said were looking for someone to support the kids fathered by men they found attractive ACTUALLY TOLD ME THIS IN PLAIN ENGLISH. You would know that, had you actually read what I wrote.

You're so obsessed with the golddiger theme that you are projecting it on everything I said. How sad. When I sad I had to change everything about myself, I did not say anything about money. I have that! I'm a high school teacher, I make more money than most people where I live (most jobs here pay $8 an hour...really bad economy), so money is something I have. If I thought that was all women cared about, I'd not need to change a thing.

What I am saying is based on long experience and what women have TOLD ME. Can't get any plainer than that. If you're too dumb to understand, that is on you. Sorry. Some people just cannot be taught.

Like I clearly said in my first post, I didn't not feel this way about women until I finally sat down and began to logically evaluate what was wrong with me that made me so unattractive to women. Once I figured it out (and I am very thankful to the many women who were willing to honestly tell me what they TRULY thought), I had a decision to make. I could change everything about my personality, or I could give up on women. I chose, of my own free will, to walk away from women because I was not willing to give up so much of what defines me as a person. That's my choice and my right, I'm not sure what you find so offensive about it. By happy, there's less competition for women when someone like me 'drops out' of the race.

Women had always acted like I was some frightening monster when I talked to them. I am so awkward around people, and that is what turns them off, not any bitterness that I DID NOT HAVE at the time. That's who I am; I am badly damaged psychologically and emotionally because of things that have happened in my life. I was already broken before I even got to be old enough to date. I just didn't realize it at the time. Why spit on someone like me, I am hurting enough already.
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 41
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/30/2013 6:35:32 PM
“You go on with your life, be friends, or just walk away. No need to be upset at them because it didn't work out.”

Ok, so the above is the root of your question, isn’t?

Let me guess, you’re ex hates your guts, and will no longer speak to you, so now you think everybody else is bitter that come on here and cyberspace with a community of single people.

Everybody is bitter sometime in their life, and it can happen over getting ripped off at the check out counter, or your boss, or the way the idiot was driving on highway ‘watch my arse roar’ while I show you road rage. lol

Bitter is as common as beer anymore in this society.

I’m I bitter, no, but lately I”ve been pissed off at my boss for being an ego maniac arse hole, should I be bitter and not go to work tomorrow, and act like nothing has happened? Yeap, I got my zen on…. lol

I don’t date because I don’t want a relationship and neither do I need anything more than what I have, I’m happy and pissed off! At least for today I am, tomorrow will be a different story about another arse hole. Does that make me bitter? I don't think so, that makes me human living in a human world with all kinds of different characters.

All the world's a stage and we are all players! Yeap for those who want to get pissed on by dating a bunch of losers, then you're walking right into the bitter world of the neediness of the human race.

Here's a fact over 60 percent of people I meet everyday are bitter, or back stabbers or liars, or have some kind of addiction... so which is worse ?

Be the change the world needs.
Jan
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 42
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/30/2013 6:42:44 PM
^^^^Sorry to here that ILOVEHISTORY...I hope things get better for you..You have to ignore the trolls. No shortage of these types on this site. Pretty much 80% of the people on this site will run otheres down like dogs. Pretty much most of society is like this in real life. People in general could careless. It is all about them
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 46
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 4:35:02 AM
I have to agree with BARNABYJAMES1 on his most..Yes most women love the drama/thrill in their lives...A guy that has his crap together scare most women off..I read a post in another thread from a woman that siad just because you are a good guy nothing is owe to him. Well this is true,But just because a guy that is a drama king(drug dealer,drunk,lazy bum,convict,jail bird,abuser,deadbeat)then nothing should be owe to this type of man either..The thing is these winners do not stay single.They have there choice of women..I have yet to see one stay single.Women love these types.They seem to love MR.Exciting..And the worse ones are the arrogant types(been everywhere,done everything,seen everybody,got everything) Pretty much big mouths.And of course women beleive evrything these fakes got to say.But the guy that can back up what he siads and lay back are scare to death of these types of men
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 47
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 5:25:03 AM
Well Nova, that’s most of the population! Good guys? Where? The only good guys I meet are married, or cheaters. The bad boys? Where, here? You betcha, here, 90% or higher of the men are liars. I had to laugh at MR.Exciting though never meet one of them that could actually write a proper paragraph and use spell check. I had to ask myself what would be Mr. Exciting? Hum? Golf and sports? Good guys like golf and sports. Most good guys wouldn't want to take a vacation without planning every detail of the trip, and then if the other parties wanted to do something that wasn't planned, Mr. Good guy would be beside himself! That is just one example I can think of at the top of my head. lol

Just for the record, not all women date bad boys either. Big mouths? Lol I had to laugh at that one; at least one knows where you stand with them, lol. Got to watch out for those quiet ones, never know what they got hiding in their history.

I did appreciate what Terramay said, “Moral of the story, either take a break, or push on for the 134th one who you'll end up marrying.” However, her odds are based on her age bracket of dating. Just think what what us older folks are up against, hum? I just doubled it; 268 for us older folks. Lol

People have mentioned “fakes” here a lot. Everybody is a fake in one way or another. “fake it to you make it” was one the biggest mantras and promoted by selling courses back in the 80’s! I guess being a fake depends on an individual’s definition of a fake. The human pride and vanity is what you see as “fake”.

Anyhow Mr. Nova, you sound bitter and pissed off in your argument.
I think it’s ok to be pissed off, but you got to get your zen on like me. Lol
Jan
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 48
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 6:20:07 AM

Good guys? Where? The only good guys I meet are married, or cheaters. The bad boys? Where, here? You betcha, here, 90% or higher of the men are liars. I had to laugh at MR.Exciting though never meet one of them that could actually write a proper paragraph and use spell check.



People have mentioned “fakes” here a lot. Everybody is a fake in one way or another. “fake it to you make it” was one the biggest mantras and promoted by selling courses back in the 80’s! I guess being a fake depends on an individual’s definition of a fake. The human pride and vanity is what you see as “fake”.


It seems a lot of bitterness in here and accusations of being 'fake' boil down to NOT living up to the other's expectations. There's no possible way to completely define a personality in an online dating profile text, or even explain it all in the first few phone calls OR dates - there will ALWAYS be things you don't (or won't) know about the person. So here's a question - is that REALLY 'lying'? Is that REALLY being 'fake'? We're all human beings, right?

There's going to be a point when you meet someone that you will be attracted to, and you will STILL stay attracted to them (and build trust with them) despite their flaws. An essential part of a relationship is just simply 'getting along' with someone, no matter what the circumstances.

There ARE a remarkable number of bitter people online - and for the most part, they are angry at THEMSELVES because they keep finding flaws in other people they cannot overlook. If I had one wish for online dating, it would be that we would know exactly how many years/sites the OTHER person has been online - because the longer you linger in here, the sharper that fault-finding skill gets - and there is a point when it is no longer a good skill to have.
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 49
view profile
History
How can you date when you are SO bitter?
Posted: 3/31/2013 7:10:58 AM
Societal issues, unrealistic expectations, peer pressure, denial, jaded points of view, extremists, and hypocrisy. I'm sure their are more reasons as to why men and women are bitter, but I'm gonna go with entitlement for now. Total assumption, but I'm bored and wanna play this game of maybes too. Fook men! Down with bras! Women are just gold diggers! Rawr!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How can you date when you are SO bitter?