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 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 4
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You self mutilate and you believe this "little" kernel of personal information is something you should hide from someone you're romantically interested in? I suggest you make it very clear to this man you have some pretty severe personal issues, apologize or don't, and break it off. You have some very deep seeded problems that need to be resolved before you can even think about interacting on a romantic level with another human being.
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 6
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SI
Posted: 3/27/2013 1:33:33 PM
AH! Well, you'll have to inform him sooner or later--I suggest sooner--and allow the cards to fall where they may, but you'll have to be clear about why you did self mutilate, and this is the more important part, and that you no longer self mutilate. Some individuals get to express emotional scars metaphorically, and you on the hand are unfortunately bearing those scars physically.

Try to make the setting, time, and place comfortable for the both of you.
 ARadicalPunk
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 8
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SI
Posted: 3/27/2013 1:48:30 PM
Being depressed isn't a reason not to form new relationships, but you'll need to answer that question for yourself: evaluate where you are emotionally, and are you ready to begin a relationship (romantically) with another human being? You shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty if you're not ready to commit on an emotional level. Once you are in a better place and content you'll be able to express your character, desires, and wants without restriction.
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 10
SI
Posted: 3/27/2013 2:27:46 PM

(Msg #1. Raylene_xo) I am really into a guy from my other post but i guess im running out excuses and soon he will have to know... I self harm, not for attention or anything but for control, and I am reaching out to you guys for help on how to tell him. I cant Not tell him because they r on my wrists neck arms legs thighs and feet so i cant hide it, but i dont wanna scare him away. Help!!



(Msg #3) its not a first impression i did wear sleeves for that, but i cant keep making excuses for hugging kissing cuddling ect


Your problem is shared by many others. If possible invite the person to your place and have a few sites bookmarked on you computer dealing with this. If he is unfamiliar he will want to know if people who cut themselves typically cut other people. HAHAHAHHA (A poor attempt to lighten things up.)

The point being some people are not aware of what's involved. If he isn't familiar with self-mutilation he will want answers. As you mentioned it was your way to obtain control. I understand it to be the pain caused by self-mutilation helps override other pain. It's like hitting ones thumb with hammer to take their mind off a toothache.

Have some answers ready as he'll no doubt ask. You just may find he wants to help and you just may find the best boyfriend a gal could ask for.
 Oakphoenix
Joined: 1/17/2013
Msg: 11
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SI
Posted: 3/27/2013 2:47:41 PM
When you do tell him, don’t turn it into something that he should be concerned about. Be accepting of your past and explain to him what happened, let him know what you did to overcome it, and the reasons that you will never succumb to the way you were back then.

Everyone has a past that they may not be proud of, but to truly move past it is to accept what has happened and learn to move forward.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 13
SI
Posted: 3/27/2013 4:30:13 PM
You are needlessly sabotaging yourself.
(maybe to preempt being rejected?)

Until you meet the guy...
your scars are not an issue.
The meeting may or may not work out for a variety of reasons.
Only you are focusing on this.
and for no good purpose.

Meet
then
decide.

If the guy likes you,
he'll like the scars.

good luck.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 14
SI
Posted: 3/27/2013 5:09:07 PM
If you have truly accomplished the ability to stop self harming yourself then own those scars.
You are a survivor therefore deserve some confidence in yourself. Don't be embarrassed of those scars. Be ready to answer any questions or concerns he may have once he sees them but like I said... own them, don't hide them.
This kind of strength and confidence may help you continue to stop the self-harm and allow you to freely be intimate with your SO.
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