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Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 6
Well here I amPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Making up rules before experiencing a person is the wrong way to go about it. obviously you should agree to respect each other, and not cross any lines the other person doesn't want. but to bring games into by saying you don't want physical contact with someone, before you even know whether you do or not is too far, and a lie.

i have hang out, because thats all i want to do. i don't want to have a formal date, i don't want to have sex with strangers, i don't want anything but to hang out with someone and see who the are without expectations. if thats you i would stick with hang out and make sure people know your ultimate goal is to hopfully find a suitable life partner. neutral is better than forced in any direction imo
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 8
Well here I am
Posted: 4/2/2013 10:15:33 PM
I suggest you read "Dating 101 needed. Anyone care to share" in the Dating Experiences forum:

Also I suggest you change your headline to something short and positive. "Life is Amazing is my headline.
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 9
view profile
Well here I am
Posted: 4/2/2013 11:09:58 PM
Just a funny observation, before someone else points it out...... Don't put the words "sex" and "anal" in the same question........ Just sayin'
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
Well here I am
Posted: 4/3/2013 12:20:45 AM
from your op:

I DO NOT WANT sex or even any kind of hand-holding on the FIRST date.

from your profile:

I'm unique in that at first I'm VERY VERY quiet

so on that first meet, you sit there at a safe distance, saying nothing, with your body language shouting 'don't touch me!' be aware that few quality men are going to see anything worth pursuing in that.

The thing is, I don't know EXACTLY what I want.

it appears you're unsure whether you want even the most rudimentary interaction. the whole point of this website is to facilitate interaction of its members, yet it seems very important to you to broadcast how unwilling you are to do that.

you're free to take as tiny of baby steps here as you want. you don't have to please anyone but yourself - not the guys you date, and not your extremely helpful friend. i would urge you not to have high early expectations, though, because given your stated presentation, success could be a long time coming. good luck.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
Well here I am
Posted: 4/3/2013 3:12:00 AM
Based on what I've observed here, OP, I predict you will have the following experiences:

1. At some point, you will get a flood of messages from guys of all ages, obviously hoping for quickie sex. This is the standard thing that happens everywhere when a female announces that she is available (i.e. posts a profile).

It is akin to the old days, where if an attractive female walked into a dating-scene bar unescorted, she would be mobbed by every desperate horn dog in the place for at least the first twenty minutes. The more genuine guys (and smarter "players")always wait for the gonad-driven idiots to make fools of themselves before making their more carefully planned attempt at you.

2. You will get the impression already expressed here, that "this site is nothing but greedy fat people in heat, and little boys looking for cougars." This is because you will still be waiting to be approached, instead of doing your own searching and contacting.

3. You will respond to some people and get burned, discovering that their initial calm note was actually a mask for their desperate insanity. You will react by either hiding your profile, or deleting all messages without reading them for a while.

4. You will go through various phases of getting your hopes up, then feeling that there's nothing here for you, then wondering if the world has really been in steady decline since your childhood.

5. Eventually you will gain a sense of balance, and recognize that this is like any other "place" you can look for people in. Like shopping malls, some places will have plenty of stuff you'd like, but at prices you can't hope to pay, others will have bargains galore, but you will have to dig through piles of debris covered with the detritus of all the other people who have already pawed through it all.

Finding a mate is really just another of the many things we humans do, which requires that we keep a stiff upper lip; keep our hopes up and our expectations down; be ready to work hard for apparently not much in return for a long time; and keep at it until you get what you want.

Oh, and be sure to wear a good pair of sanitized work gloves at all times.
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 16
view profile
Well here I am
Posted: 4/3/2013 5:49:58 AM
Nothing to be scared about. You will get some messages from creeps and some will be con men. Some will be nice guys and some won't. Just be careful and use common sense. If they want to get your email and/or phone right away, that is usually a red flag. Set your boundaries and stick to them. It's about what you are comfortable with. You may not get as many messages or whatever, but don't let anyone try to push you in to a situation that you are not comfortable with. You will get alot of mail at first and then it will dwindle down.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 19
Well here I am
Posted: 4/3/2013 9:22:32 AM
By posting that you are interested in dating or hang out or stuff that is not interested in long term, it attracts all those happy guys looking just for sex. So inadvertently you are attracting what you do not want.

Now for me, I would not go out on a date with someone that was so resistant to touch. If on that first date, there was not some form of physical connection and chemistry, I will not call you for a second date at all.
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 23
view profile
Well here I am
Posted: 4/3/2013 11:57:21 AM
I DO NOT WANT sex or even any kind of hand-holding on the FIRST date...second or third maybe, but NOT the that too anal?

Yes , thats totally anal OP... the general rule is , car sex on the first date, use of powered devices on
the second and make your own private movies on the third... jk

Seriously ... whatever your comfortable with OP, and nothing more.
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 26
Well here I am
Posted: 4/3/2013 4:30:38 PM
Well, it doesn't sound like you are looking for just friends or a relationship based on your profile, as when you put a hang out as your intent ,you appear in a search together with intimate encounters users section.

I am sure you get tons of messages from guys looking for hang outs and intimate encounters, decent guys rarely will message women in those sections. There is nothing wrong with it, if it's what you want. But honestly, you are mature enough to know what you want, just go with your choices, "follow your dreams ,they know the way "lol "
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