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 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 3
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Women and the Gay Question?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You are a gentlemen OP and those woman that do that to you...give women and gay men a bad rap. Thankfully most these days consider the source.

Just because they are female, doesn't mean they can't be idiots.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 4
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 1:56:40 PM

Women incorrectly assume anybody walking on 2 legs with a **** should be interested and a rejection cannot be for any other reason but "you're gay".

[some women. *rolls eyes*
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 7
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 3:29:01 PM

women are simply better at perceiving others and their true intend without speaking a word...we tend to be better at listening to our intuition too...


Haha..this is silly , you could have stated this better , by simply saying ......Women believe more of their own bullshet ,than men
 Belluvthebawl
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 8
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 3:57:55 PM
Well......if you rejected me I would assume you were either off your rocker OR gay cuz I'm the s**t!!! Just kidding!!! But do you see where I'm going with this?? Rejection stings so to justify it somehow kisses the boo-boo a bit.
 Belluvthebawl
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 11
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 4:15:02 PM
Aww Merlot.......you are quite charming!! I can see why the ladies are all over you!! :)
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 13
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 5:08:45 PM
OP: It's not really a leap if they ASK you if you are gay as it could be the reason you don't hit on them. If they ASSUMED you were gay then that would be a leap.

It's a legitimate question if asked and not assumed, and since it's 2013 and it's OK to be gay...so why NOT ask?

Are you really OK with people thinking you may be gay? Is it the prying that gets you? The assumption that you should be hitting on them?

I don't assume people who are out dancing are there for anything but dancing.

Why are you asking?


I could guess and say most gay men are not creepy towards women and don't hit on them and SOME men do. Maybe they are just wondering since you don't...why not?

It is common to be hit on in a dance hall setting and some don't mind unless of course the guy is "creepy" lol.

 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 14
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 5:34:09 PM

I never thought that I was turning them down or rejecting them.

They ask you out and/or offer a phone number, you turned them down, and you didn't think that was a rejection? It's the very definition of the word.

But IMO the reason you get asked if you're gay is because you like to go out dancing but you never date ANYONE you meet there. Most single people, and many who aren't, would be open to at least some of the offers they get. You're not, no matter who's offering, and even when you're showing what looks like interest in other ways, so they get curious.

I don't understand it, for that matter. I've gone out just for the sake of going out, and still wound up with phone numbers and the occasional date. Sometimes you meet someone when you're not looking for that at all. And if you're spending the whole night with a woman, she can't be so monumentally unappealing that no one would want to date her. It doesn't make any sense to me at all that you always say no.

It doesn't make sense to the women you're rejecting, either. Hence the question.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 15
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 5:42:03 PM
I have to agree with the poster way up there.

You get asked if you're gay because you turn them down. You just rejected them, you're not a creep, you MUST be gay. ONLY a gay guy dances and turns down those beautiful women they dance with.

Women's intuition my back end. Intuition is just a guess based on experience. Men have it too, but they don't rely on it because men settle differences more painfully than women do. If a man asks another one if he's gay, there's a significant chance of a serious confrontation. Women get away with it.

Then claim it's intuition.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 16
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 6:37:16 PM
Reason's a guy doesn't hit on a beautiful woman or rejects those beauties that hit on him. (in no particular order, though listed)

1. He's shy
2. He's jaded
3. He's gay
4. He's taken
5. He's busy
6. He's incapable physically
7. He's afraid
8. He's trying to prove a point to someone (ex?)
9. He's trying to come off unattainable
10.He's not interested in sex that much or at all
11. He's a tease
12. He's too interested in other things and does not want to get sidetracked.
13. He has sexual or other health issues and does not want to share or burden
14. He's just into dancing and likes to keep it that way
15. He believes accepting an offer might change how women relate to him
16. He's on the re bound and doesn't want to lead people on until he is over his ex.
17. He believe's men are shits and doesn't want to be like them so acts different.

Could be more, but being gay is not a far out reason. Did someone say (man or woman) that their gaydar is kicking in?

Why DON'T you accept an offer?

(My first post shouldn't be counted I didn't realize they were asking nicely and not name calling.) My fault.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 17
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 7:00:03 PM
I am a bit confused by the OP. You say you meet women who would like to date you, but turn them down due to being busy. Why then do you seek dating on POF???? Am I missing something?
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 18
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 7:38:27 PM
Nope...I didn't say it that way because that's not what I meant...what I said is seriously what I believe...lol


I used to believe in a woman's intuition, I thought women percieved things , men didnt understand.
Age and wisdom has changed my mind. Time after time I have seen women become victim to their own hyper sense of perception...men , not so much.


To the question..
.Being called/ask if one is gay, shouldn't be considered a derogatory or offensive action.
but ..if your never"with" a woman, and it appears you only want to dance with them,.these types of questions , shouldn't surprise you
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 19
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 8:39:29 PM
Reasons a gal doesn't hit on a man:

1. She's a ****

There are no more reasons
 m8t
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 20
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/4/2013 9:45:34 PM
^ hahahahaha~ I love it when a man tells it like it is!
That kind of reminds me of someone...

If I think someone is gay I ask.
I wear my big girl pants, and can handle rejection without insulting people
that are kind enough to dance with me.
 monocryl
Joined: 3/4/2013
Msg: 21
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/5/2013 12:41:05 AM

These women would continue to dance with me and sit and talk. No one ever walked off mad. They were all very decent women, honestly. A few times, I ended up talking with some of them until 3:00 AM.


I think they were hoping that you were gay after you refused a date. Because 1). rejection hurts less that way and 2). it's pleasant for a woman to have a gay companion she can talk to, for the reasons you describe.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 22
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/5/2013 11:18:58 AM

Merlot5
I have been offered phone #’s or asked out. I always politely decline due to a busy life.

I’m sorry, but this simply does not compute. You have time to go out dancing, you have a profile up on a dating web site, but you don’t have time to date? There’s something wrong with this equation, it does not balance.



Several times a year, these same women gently ask if I am gay.

How is it linking the two themes of “not a creep and gentleman”, lead to the notion of “being gay?”

It makes perfect sense to me. You think the woman is attractive enough to dance with, to talk with, to have a drink with, but not attractive enough to get her phone number and take her out on a date? As I stated above, this does not compute.

1) You are either interested in women, or you’re not.
2) You either think she’s attractive enough, or you don’t.

It really is just that simple. Now one of the places where I occasionally hang out, there is a significant percentage of LGBT. It is not at all unusual to be asked about your sexual preferences by someone there. (smile)
 Teemax
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 25
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/5/2013 6:44:35 PM
I go to casino to gamble, clubs to watch bands,not pick up .... People have to appeal to you, ?????
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 26
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/5/2013 7:04:31 PM

Actually, I have never dated anyone from POF.

So you refuse dates when you go out, and you don't look for dates when you stay in.

In short, it appears, you don't date.

You had to know that many readers here would be every bit as curious why not, as the women you reject while out! Not even so much, why don't you date, as why, since you don't want a date, do you not instead seek venues wherein date-seeking is not expected behavior of a single person?

But clearly you don't want to say. Okay then. That is your prerogative.

I think it's very strange behavior.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 27
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/5/2013 7:11:23 PM
I don't think as one poster suggested that just because a woman is at 'that kind of establishment', she's looking to get...lucky. However, I do wonder why the OP has no interest in dating if he enjoys talking to them so much.
 monocryl
Joined: 3/4/2013
Msg: 28
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/5/2013 7:40:21 PM

I don't see POF as strictly a dating site; I see it more as a window to the human condition---both the troubling and the inspirational.

Fair enough. I envy your wisdom in this.
But this is North America and people insist of finding a label and name for what you're doing. You would fare much better in Europe, if you had the luxury to go :-)
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 29
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/5/2013 10:16:28 PM
18. He's happy with his life and he's only too aware that even the best of us come with baggage that he does not feel the need to deal with when it's soooo much easier just keeping it light. ;)

anyway that was my excuse when I dropped out of the dating pool for awhile.

Happy feet!
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 30
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Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/5/2013 11:34:38 PM
I would never think her to be a lesbian.


I might if I saw her always out dancing and never dating and yet hanging out with a group of men all the time.

(gay is quite common ).

Around here you pretty much ask if they're gay before you hit on someone. It's the polite thing to do.

Being rude and calling someone gay because they don't accept an offer is not cool and one could get in trouble for being a jerk if anyone over heard.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 31
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/6/2013 6:09:22 AM
In the past I have been asked if I'm gay, including from my daughter,once, when she was younger. Basically, it was/has been because of my actions(or lack of actions) and my indifference to most people in the romantic end of things. If you meet certain stereotypical examples of a certain "type" people will assume and/or ask. Sometimes even people that you've "known" for a period of time, I have found out.

Not so long ago, a female friend offered some playtime as a way to get me out of a funk that I have been in recently. She couldn't understand my quick dismiss of her offer, and the gay question came up. She laughed afterwards when I pointed out that if I acted like most men and had persued to jump her bones when I first met her I would never been her actual friend but, more than likely labelled a "player" or total "jerk".

I almost used to take "offense" to the question but, living where I do, and meeting the people that have, I take it all with a grain of salt.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 32
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/6/2013 11:02:05 AM
So OP you like to go dancing without any intent of getting physically close to any woman, you turn down women who ask you for dates and you complain that there are too many women and not enough men on the dance floor and you like to wear white or pink sunglasses ( I am wondering if the rest of your look is a little flamboyant as well ) and you are wondering why women are asking you if you are gay.

Of course some women will think you are gay if you turn them down for a date - women are not used to being rejected and nobody likes being turned down. They would probably rather think of yourself as being gay than think of themselves as being unappealing.

I have to say OP you are presenting yourself as being a bit naive for someone of 55 who writes intelligently and I have to wonder if this is part of the act you put on to be charming. Maybe women really go for the naive gay bald guy routine could it be the modern day equivalent of the dumb blonde routine.
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 33
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/6/2013 11:13:34 AM
I find that people that use the term 'gay' in a negative context are usually that of a bigot, ignorant, very judgmental, or all wrapped up in one sloppy, undesirable package tied with a shoestring.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 34
Women and the Gay Question?
Posted: 4/6/2013 11:25:43 AM
I don't think OP is necessarily gay, probably isnt, but I just wonder why one would make a profile on a dating site INDICATING one is looking for dating, if one never dates.

Why not just say on your profile you are here for the forums only, or something?
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