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 irishgirl_72
Joined: 9/19/2012
Msg: 1
Is he uptight about sex?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
My boyfriend never wants to make love with the lights on or during the daylight hours. In the beginning, he said he was bashful and that was ok with me, but now its been a few months and he still only wants to make love in the dark. Ive never seen him without clothes on or even barechested. Is he ashamed of me? Is he ashamed of what we are doing?
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 2
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 10:00:22 AM
He is more likely self-conscious about his own body. If you gradually increase the light (candles, next time low light from a lamp, next time a brighter lamp, etc.) and compliment him on his body, namely what you SEE, he may warm up to it. He needs to feel that you get more excited the better you see him.
 Schatzi2015
Joined: 3/3/2013
Msg: 3
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 10:06:15 AM
His just afraid to show you his body........let him work up to it.
 irishgirl_72
Joined: 9/19/2012
Msg: 4
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 11:09:04 AM
Yes, he kinda is a little chunky, but I dont care about that. I like the whole package. Ive encouraged him to join the gym I go to and we can excercise together.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 11:13:59 AM
Some people are just "only in the dark" types. So even if he turns into Adonis at the gym, he might still be a lights-out guy. Some people only kiss and have sex with eyes closed, even when the lights are on.

Not me, I like live, participatory Porn way too much.
 russell5417
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 6
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 11:57:16 AM
He's probably an alien from outer space someplace.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 7
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 12:57:40 PM
Put a red light bulb in the lamp (or candles)and tell him it's time for some sexercise in the bedroom!

Insecurity or not...there is no way in hell I'd want to have sex with someone I couldn't see naked! I'm a 'fatty' and it's hard for me to be 'exposed' during sex too,but sh*t,
that's part of it!

Remind him that we are ALL insecure about our bodies(even you I presume) and overcoming our hang ups is paramount to having a sexy, trusting and secure relationship!
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 8
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 1:16:11 PM
If you're impatient, just lay naked on the bed with your legs apart a little while the lights are on. Tell him: "If you touch that switch, you won't touch this..."
 ManOfAdventure28
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 9
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Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 2:14:12 PM
He never wants to make love with the lights on in the daylight hours......sounds like he's just trying to do his bit for the planet. Does he go around turning all the lights off and making sure that appliances aren't on stand-by?

Why the hell do you need the lights on during the daytime? Do you live underground? Are you having sex in the front view, being judged by your best silverware and crocery?
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 10
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Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 2:20:47 PM
wolftxusa66 offered this response to the OP's problem:
If you're impatient, just lay naked on the bed with your legs apart a little while the lights are on. Tell him: "If you touch that switch, you won't touch this..."


Wolf, while I understand the rationale behind the offered solution, and truly I was thinking along the same lines myself, I'm afraid if the OP attempts this maneuver she may initiate a another issue centering on lover's ability to perform.
My personal thought is that lover boy is not comfortable with current situation and he is either ashamed of his body, her body, or perhaps he is dealing with a conflict between the current situation and some teaching from his youth. I'm not poo-poo'ing that earlier teaching, I'm saying it may be present. There is info missing here I think is pertinent.

TK
 irishgirl_72
Joined: 9/19/2012
Msg: 11
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 3:00:21 PM
That isnt what I wrote exactly. He doesnt want to make love with the lights on OR during the daylight hours. I dont need the lights on if its light out.
 ManOfAdventure28
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 12
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Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 3:15:32 PM

That isnt what I wrote exactly. He doesnt want to make love with the lights on OR during the daylight hours. I dont need the lights on if its light out.


Hmmmmm. Sounds like a classic case of "He's a vampire".....good luck with that
 preachers
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 13
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 3:31:55 PM
I hope his not really a woman!
 poker_fan_in_nyc
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 14
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 4:02:26 PM

I hope he's not really a woman!


LOL...I have heard stories about this!!
In the story I heard her (boy)friend would only go down on her etc...there was no giving of a bj on the other end...
I'm sorry I don't get how that's possible because I would assume there would still be some type of touching down there with her hand...guess it kept getting pulled back...

so OP do you touch and give BJs to him at least?
(so we can at least move on with this theory)
 irishgirl_72
Joined: 9/19/2012
Msg: 15
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 4:35:55 PM
No, he isnt a woman. We have had sex. I would appreciate some real advice, not jokes (Man of adventure)
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
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Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 4:54:21 PM
He has the answers you need, we can only guess, and you've given us nothing at all to go on.

Could be psychological (i.e. you are right, he's uptight). Could be sort of cultural. Could be self-consciousness. Could be he doesn't really like women. Could be he secretly sneaks out of the room as soon as the lights are off, and sends in a stunt lover.

You aren't going to get much more from us, unless you can ask him to at least try to explain for himself. We might recognize something he does say, as meaning something else.

My only solid suspicions, are that he happens to be either someone who thinks sex is bad, and so can only do it in the dark (where no one can see him do bad things), or he is someone who can't get turned on enough when he can see what is going on. And these are just old things I've heard about. I have nothing from you to point to.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 17
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 5:11:40 PM
Or maybe he saw a measuring tape on your nightstand and is intimidated by all those 'big penis' threads. As long as it's too dark to read the numbers...
 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 18
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 10:03:13 PM
hey maybe he isn't interested in looking at you during sex. maybe his fantasies are better than reality. never know.
 Bahamut
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 19
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Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/7/2013 10:30:28 PM
"I hope he's not really a woman!

LOL...I have heard stories about this!!
In the story I heard her (boy)friend would only go down on her etc...there was no giving of a bj on the other end...
I'm sorry I don't get how that's possible because I would assume there would still be some type of touching down there with her hand...guess it kept getting pulled back...

so OP do you touch and give BJs to him at least?
(so we can at least move on with this theory)"

Oh I saw a movie about this one time! The chick used a dildo in the dark to pretend she was a dude. I think everyone got murdered or ODd in the end. Based on a true story. Very sad.
 pawtofr
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 20
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/8/2013 12:50:11 AM
He is more likely self-conscious about his own body is right. Have you been dating this guy for awhile?Is this a real problem for you? If it is I am sure if you two are having sex you can ask him about this.
 *Dr_Hugnkiss*
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 21
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Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/8/2013 1:22:02 AM
"he kinda is a little chunky, but I don't care about that...I've encouraged him to join the gym"

There is a little incongruence here; If he is self conscious about his weight then asking him to join a gym might be fueling the fire, so to speak.

I reckon pushing the boundaries is the way to go, not just the light but in all aspects, that way you'll be showing him how much you like him with no mixed messages.
 ManOfAdventure28
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 22
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Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/8/2013 2:19:03 AM
Geeze. Why does everyone single me out and pick on me?!

I say, rig up some lighting that is remote controlled. Next time you're having sec hit the switch and dazzle him with light.
Or....introduce handcuffs/tie him to the headboard and then turn on the lights.

Or how about when he's in the shower, join him. Unless he showers in the dark too.....
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 23
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/8/2013 2:45:24 AM

I would appreciate some real advice, not jokes


I gave you some already.


Put a red light bulb in the lamp (or candles)and tell him it's time for some sexercise in the bedroom!

Insecurity or not...there is no way in hell I'd want to have sex with someone I couldn't see naked!
I'm a 'fatty' and it's hard for me to be 'exposed' during sex too,but sh*t,that's part of it!

Intimacy= In to me see.

Remind him that we are ALL insecure about our bodies(even you I presume) and overcoming our hang ups is paramount to having a sexy, trusting and secure relationship!
 HowRJ
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 24
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/8/2013 6:17:59 AM
I don't like having sex with the lights on either......and I have the body of a god.......Buddha
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 25
Is he uptight about sex?
Posted: 4/8/2013 6:18:34 AM
I don't know what to tell you hon. Men are normally very visual ... they want to see everything. One thing these forums keep reminding me of is that there is a lot of "odd" out there.
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