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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > What would you want to hear from a girl when you're feeling down?      Home login  
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 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 3
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What would you want to hear from a girl when you're feeling down? Page 1 of 1    
This just reassures my position about not getting your honey where you get your money!!

Most men will not share the things you are talking about, and will "man cave" it and figure it out on their own! You are not yet at his level of accomplishments and occupational position, so, your thought process may be comforting, but your real knowledge of all the "in's and out's" of this situation, is far beyond your experience, in my opinion.

I say, take a step back, let him deal with it, his "ex", his boss, and all the other stuff related to his stress. The fact that he is bedding a student at his institution, and his "ex" knows about it, could bring more harm than it already has, if you get involved in any way.

My suggestion is to be there for him, comfort him physically, and when he comes home, open the door and give him the best blow job you know how to!! He will figure out the rest!

cd
 CSSOUTH1
Joined: 3/11/2013
Msg: 4
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What would you want to hear from a girl when you're feeling down?
Posted: 4/10/2013 11:58:16 AM
I'd like to hear that I'm hear for you and I'll stand behind you, and respect YOUR decision! I mean standing by/with someone, right or wrong.. I always stand beside my lady and I won't go against her in public even if she's wrong at the time. After may- would tell her my opinion on it and weather I thought she was right or wrong and hope she saw the truth, cause hell I may be wrong.. Wouldn't be the 1st, ENCOURAGEMENT, FAITH IN HIM& HIS DECISION
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 6
What would you want to hear from a girl when you're feeling down?
Posted: 4/10/2013 12:22:13 PM
Although insisting on giving the guy is BJ is part of these forum guys' sick fantasies, they do have a point of sorts - when the stress gets THAT bad, there's a point when nothing you can SAY will make them feel better. Messages over the phone are nice and sweet, but if he's to the point where his health is suffering - he needs a human touch and real help.

Actions speak louder than words, and a warm touch and hug does wonders. Maybe drive over to his place this weekend and help him tidy up a bit - I'm sure if he's depressed there's probably a mountain of dirty dishes or laundry that he has no gumption to approach. Even if he doesn't say 'Thank You' because he is so preoccupied, I guarantee he'd appreciate it.

Keep in mind - Women need a lot of TALKING to work through feelings - Guys need silence to clear their heads. Trying to encourage a conversation out of him is just NOT a great idea. Speak through touches; hugs, pats on the knee, little scratches on the back of their neck, things like that.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7
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What would you want to hear from a girl when you're feeling down?
Posted: 4/10/2013 12:27:45 PM
Haha, I'm in a relationship with an academic, too.

They sure are TALKERS, aren't they?

I do the:

That sounds hard.
You're doing great.
How can I help?

thingy.

When it gets to be too much, I sometimes draw a boundary and say that there's only so many times a day I can discuss the same thing. He's self-aware enough to know when I have a point.
What would you want to hear from a girl when you're feeling down?
Posted: 4/10/2013 12:37:54 PM
Guys need silence to clear their heads. Trying to encourage a conversation out of him is just NOT a great idea.

while generalizations should always be taken with a grain of salt, the point about not trying to make him communicate on your YOUR terms is on point.

you can't 'fix' this. you are incapable of doing anything that will modify his feelings to how YOU want them to be, so don't try.

here's what i like from my SO in these situations: when it's clear there's an ongoing issue, i like her to say, 'how can i support you?' that way i know she cares, i know she wants to listen, and i can count on her for help that's actually helpful, because i've defined it for her. i tend to see unsolicited 'help' where my feelings are involved as intrusive.

i also like her to shut up and listen when i'm discussing the problem or how i feel about it. i have found that people in 'fix' mode tend to be poor listeners, instead thinking of what solutions to offer and barging into my flow rather than silently letting me use talk as my own processing tool, and speaking only when it's clear i'm at a break in what i want to say.


I do the:

How can I help?

bingo.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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What would you want to hear from a girl when you're feeling down?
Posted: 4/10/2013 2:11:57 PM
I vote with Petreaus, and with the dog.

What I always want, more than anything else, is the reassurance that what my mate wants of me, IS me. Not what I may or may not accomplish.

After that, I will be much more likely to listen to what ever other suggestions she might have.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 12
What would you want to hear from a girl when you're feeling down?
Posted: 4/10/2013 2:12:26 PM

I have found that people in 'fix' mode tend to be poor listeners, instead thinking of what solutions to offer and barging into my flow rather than silently letting me use talk as my own processing tool...

Bingo. Getting feelings out in words - for a person who doesn't do so very often - IS very stressful, so patience is GOLDEN.

"Fix Mode" only works for broken vehicles and appliances, not people.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 13
What would you want to hear from a girl when you're feeling down?
Posted: 4/10/2013 5:50:58 PM
men talk about how things ARE. Women talk about how things FEEL. ask us how our morning went, and we'll give you a factual list, and assume you can determine if those experiences feel good or bad.

like the others said, be there for the person, wait for them to feel comfortable. I do that with women, it works with men, too :)

the big fly in this ointment, however is,

"when she found out about me, she's been kind of bad-mouthing him to the faculty and residents that he teaches/works with."

you're part of the equation. he may not want to get you fired up, maybe even worries you may get fired up enough to try to do something about it. in the end, tho, we can't make people do what they don't want to do, so again, be there for him, he'll come about when he's ready.

me personally, when i'm down there are times i'd love to hear from a hot woman (who could be with anyone, and gets attention from everyone trying to impress her) that I make a good impression on her. that i'm worth paying attention to, b/c apparently she noticed how well i'm handling things.

other times i'm just interested in a (pity) party of one :) lol
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