Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Pre-qualifiying quality men      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 In_Gratitude
Joined: 4/1/2013
Msg: 1
Pre-qualifiying quality menPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've been on a few dating sites this year and my overall observation is that POF men seem to be more interested in a situation that leads to sex fairly quickly (within the first three dates) - any other ladies having this issue, or am I just not properly qualifying the men in advance?
 eattoplease55
Joined: 10/22/2012
Msg: 2
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 4:01:27 AM
Well...HELLO!.....it is up to the individual at least most adults to figure out the deal with the other person....Im here for intimate but as of yet havnt met her....and prob wont as the ones that are here arent at all stable....and your sounding the same....Ive met woman and thru a sometimes great time having a cup of what-ever with them find they have no idea what their looking for.....then there are the nuts.....sooooo.......sit back and relax....or keep on qualifyin as you say.....!
 baldguy500
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 3
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 4:53:32 AM
OP

This site is FREE...so you're going to find men less interested in a solid relationship. If this was a pay site the people on here would tend to be more serious. But since it's free i wouldn't hesitate to bet $500 that half the guys on here are married.

man is just an animal underneath the sun...we sleep we hunt for food, we look for sex, the only difference between man and animal is we can question why, while animals do not question why.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 4
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:08:17 AM
Great, another one of those attitudes that wanting to find out about sexual compatibility means they are not quality men. Just put on your profile that you won't have sex for a year and see what quality catches you get. Anything else that has to be your way or the highway? Keep telling yourself that waiting longer ensures, no guarantees a solid relationship while having sex earlier means he's just a pig and only wanted sex...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:22:33 AM
I'm curious...
how do you know they only want sex???

a lifetime of sex always begins with a "first time"......
in other words....a "first time" doesn't have to mean an "only time".
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 6
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:33:39 AM

Great, another one of those attitudes that wanting to find out about sexual compatibility means they are not quality men. Just put on your profile that you won't have sex for a year and see what quality catches you get. Anything else that has to be your way or the highway? Keep telling yourself that waiting longer ensures, no guarantees a solid relationship while having sex earlier means he's just a pig and only wanted sex...


that sounds so insecure and laden with control issues to me. Why do you need to know about the sex right away before other things? People, things and attitudes change over time. How are you going to get into a growth situation with someone if you are this self-centered?
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:34:15 AM
The "sex on the third date" is a "standard rule" that's been applied by many to dating.

If you don't follow it, make it well known in advance.

I don't follow it. I have sex with someone only when or if I'm ready. Not a minute before. Don't like it? Don't date me. It's really that simple.


Great, another one of those attitudes that wanting to find out about sexual compatibility means they are not quality men. Just put on your profile that you won't have sex for a year and see what quality catches you get. Anything else that has to be your way or the highway? Keep telling yourself that waiting longer ensures, no guarantees a solid relationship while having sex earlier means he's just a pig and only wanted sex...

I had sex with my ex husband about 2 years after I first met him. No lie. The only reason we had sex was because I was drunk and horny. Oh.. he was drunk too. That was a 10 year relationship.

I made my last partner wait over 6 weeks, and that was 6 weeks of multiple "dates" a week. Actually.. we spent 6 out of 7 days together... and I still didn't have sex with him, or let him kiss me. That was a 5 year relationship.

Quality men WILL wait for quality women.

That is not to say that someone that has sex immediately isn't quality either.
 _Meta_Man_
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 8
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 5:35:39 AM
to the OP at least part of the problem is sex is easy to find but a real friend and partnership is very difficult to find...so people are willing to settle for the sex instead of having neither. I don't think they realize one is not the precursor for the other though....
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 6:22:39 AM
Every relationship is unique, there fore every relationship will have different timing involved. If men are just sticking it out to get laid on the third date then they arent worth your time.
That said, it could just be that the combination of intellectual mind and playfulness make for a very stimulating combination.
Maybe they are responding to that.

But yes, women have complained to me about this rule. Oddly enough when I tell them I dont endorse this rule, it sometimes has the opposite effect .
Either way, you call the shots as you see fit.
You are under no obligation to follow that "rule" and a man of quality will understand and most likely not play by that rule either.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 10
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 6:51:58 AM

that sounds so insecure and laden with control issues to me

Oh cut out your psycho-babble. I'm not telling y'all that you should have sex in a relationship. Y'all are making assumptions and drawing conclusions what including sex in the getting-to-know-each-other process means, and you/OP equate it with a lack of quality. I'm not going to waste two years or even six weeks on a woman to find out that she's a dead fish in bed. I might as well argue that your insistence on 'no sex' is a form of OCD and much more of an indicator of control issues.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 7:31:56 AM

I'm not going to waste two years or even six weeks on a woman to find out that she's a dead fish in bed. I might as well argue that your insistence on 'no sex' is a form of OCD and much more of an indicator of control issues.

The 2 years was primarily due to the fact that we never saw one another. He was a friend of a friend of mine, not a suitor. Not until the night we had sex for the first time. Then he became a bed-mate.. not a boyfriend. I didn't lead him on, I told him straight up that I was only interested in sex with him. You presume to know a lot, especially when you don't have all the details.

The 6 wks is because I have the need to have a level of trust with someone before I get naked in front of them. Yes, I realise that is a bit contradictory considering what I just said. Between my ex-husband and my previous partner, I've learned that it's better for me to go slowly. Again, there was no leading on, no assumption that there would be sex, only that I wasn't prepared for it until I was ready. I'd just come out of an emotionally intense relationship and didn't feel it was fair to the new guy to be an emotional wreck in his bed.

What you see as a control issue, I see as responsible. I'm not controlling any man by withholding sex (at least not at that point in the relationship, that come much later, and in a fully informed, fully consented to relationship, with someone who WANTS to be controlled in that manner). I'm controlling myself from making a decision I might otherwise regret. And for me it's not "no sex", it's "no sex until we're ready, both of us.. not just one of us." Anything less would be irresponsible and possibly illegal.

Whatever...
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 12
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 7:55:35 AM

it's "no sex until we're ready, both of us.. not just one of us."

I totally agree with you. And I've been taking more time than the magical 3 dates in some cases myself.

No, I'm not presuming to know more than what is written here. My first post was about OP who CLEARLY associated early sex with a lack of quality (if you combine the body of the post with the heading). I reject that statement.


He was a friend of a friend of mine, not a suitor. Not until the night we had sex for the first time.

See, you had sex on your first date then, so you should understand what I was trying to say. You were not dating (as your first post may make it seem) for two years. And you did not dismiss his quality when the sex started the very night of him becoming a suitor. That was pretty much my point - it is no indicator of quality.

My comment with respect to control was geared towards the other poster who inferred insecurity issues. Talking about 'presuming to know a lot'...

I see that a lot on the forums and IRL: Some believe that they have to hold out to improve/check the quality of the man. That's playing games. Doing it in the first night or after six weeks because the time and circumstances are right is more how I operate. You put it best - when both are ready. I'm simply not interested in a woman who categorically isn't ready for x amount of time for some moral medal or whatever the reason is. Guess what, a pig of a man may 'wait' and get his sex elsewhere in the mean time. Those of us who focus on one woman at a time get annoyed by procrastination tactics, not by a genuine unreadiness (is that a word?).
 baldguy500
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 13
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 8:13:47 AM
place nice kids............

btw i can pee farther than any of you...
 floating_boats
Joined: 4/8/2013
Msg: 14
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 8:32:52 AM
This site is probably not the greatest place to meet people. Just as you find men are only after sex, I find that women here are superficial.

Since I'm only looking for friends I would hope they wouldn't be as superficial but this isn't the case. I guess you get what you pay for.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 15
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 9:39:55 AM
It depends on how you qualify "seem to be more interested in a situation that leads to sex fairly quickly". On a date are they talking about sex a ton? Or by the 3rd date are they offering you to come back to their place or your place which you assume all they want is to deliver a pork-sandwich?

I think you can pre-qualify guys online, based on their profile & the few messages exchanged, along with the first meetup that's short n sweet. The less information about him (but oh, he's cute in the one pic!) the more chances it will be outside what you're looking for. You don't want to be paranoid and need everything on them, though. It's just that if you're looking for a Relationship, see how he is in his profile and how he comes across in messages & in person at first. Don't make the first meetup a big DATE, so you can get a feel for him to see IF a real Date would be good.

If he's not being physically overly-touchy and he's not Trying to steer convo into sex via messages or during the first meetup, and at the same time his other qualities seem to resonate with the type of guy you seem comfortable with, then it should be pretty uncommon to be running into horn-dogs humping your leg on the 2nd date (the actual real 1st DATE).

With that said though -- just because a guy would like to go back to yours or his place on the 3rd or 4th date, where yes, some making out would occur and he'd be game for a little more than that and possibly then some -- doesn't mean he's ONLY interested in that. Real interest = sexual interest, so some form of sexual expression (kissing, making out) is going to be needed within the first few dates.

It's actually quite common for two people, if they feel they've hit it off, to have sex within 3-5 dates. And it's not out of this world if two people hit it off to hit the sheets on the 1st or more commonly 2nd date and develop a relationship. It's just that for those who don't want a relationship, they'll most certainly PUSH for that.

And you can make out, fool around, etc -- but cut a guy off at a certain base-path if you let him know beforehand you don't want to have s-e-x. And at the same time, don't unintentionally lead a guy on by sex convo building up 'cute' sexual tension then saying "buh bye!" -- some gals can get a power-trip kick out of teasing a guy they are mildly into... and to those, I have zero sympathy when guys' hands are all over them when they don't like it! They deserve that pushiness then! (Not saying you are; just a warning not to be like that!)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 9:40:22 AM

no_1_bby
Quality men WILL wait for quality women.

The problem here is that you are defining the terms so that what you said is automatically correct. What you’re really saying, or at least implying, is that if I won’t play by your rules, then I am not a “quality man”.

I think, believe, strongly argue that many men, high quality men by almost any definition except yours, would completely, totally, categorically reject your definition of “quality men”.
 raxarsr
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 10:20:27 AM
to say that all guys want sex by the 3rd or 4th date is as true as all women are more interested in a guys bank account than anything else

both have a bit of truth to them........but neither one is accurate

op.........theres a whole lot of guys who are not only willing to wait till shes ready.....but actually prefer that



these are the guys you skip past and dont bother replying to
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 18
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 10:42:53 AM
Sure some will wait.
I have, but me being "quality" is up for interpretation.

and those wanting to get laid probably aren't looking for just sex anyway... add a sandwich or huge bowl of cereal.

saying that men on POF are____________ isn't going to be very fair, just the same as POF women are_________....
fill in your whine, but generalizations are generally wrong.

if you keep having the same results, it's not everyone else's problem.... or fault.... so maybe try changing something you have control over.

quality is subjective. we almost all think of ourselves as a good person, or a person of quality.... but if we're right- why are there so many rants about how we're all so much less than perfect, or ideal, or even desirable?


Looking at Kennedy or Clinton as a basis of what "regular" guys want is hilarious.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 10:45:57 AM
Quality men don't have libidos? Hmm. No doubt, if you do find one who meets your criteria of "quality", you'll later complain that he never wants sex with you! However, many good men will wait a little, even if they make an attempt early on. Good, quality men are also going to be in high demand, and will have plenty of good, quality prospects who probably won't make them wait beyond a few dates.
 lapsteelplayer
Joined: 3/7/2013
Msg: 20
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 10:53:38 AM
I think I'm a pretty quality man, but when I was dating I had a two date rule: no kissing by the second date = last date.

Having lived with a woman for 21 years who was not demonstrative physically, I vowed never to get caught in that night mare scenario again.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 21
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 11:00:58 AM

Quality men WILL wait for quality women.
That is not to say that someone that has sex immediately isn't quality either.


Add to that;
Making a person wait to have sex doesn't automatically make you a 'quality' match.

'Quality' Guys DO have levels of tolerance, just like women do. If you become enough of an azzhat, guys are going to leave no matter if sex is in the equation or not.

In my experience, the 'spark' of sexual attraction makes it's presence known early in a relationship, even if the 'act' does not occur within the first few dates. That being said, the 'spark' can disappear just as quickly - for just about ANY reason. If there is no spark, there really IS no romance - you're just friends. I'd rather test that 'spark' than ignore it - because until I'm too ancient and fragile to have sex, sex IS GOING to be part of any long-term romantic partnership I have. If I claimed anything less than that I'd be a liar, and anyone else inside this dating site that thinks I'm fine being 'just friends' is a fool.
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 22
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 11:08:52 AM
if I wanted to hang out, go out to dinner , etc. with someone I am not having.. or "NOT GOING to." ... have sex with I would just hang out with my male friends

they usually are easier to talk with and make more sense, anyway


OH, *AND* they most often pay their share/ pay their way - do not expect to be constantly 'treated' because of their reproductive equipment- as many women do, who are in no way using such with me , anyway.


the whole point of men & women being together is (*gasp, SHOCK!*) to have sex at some point..make love

even if you think it is dirty, bad, evil or goes against what your 'god' tells you to do
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 23
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 11:12:47 AM
Here's a few sites that basically stamp pof as being a hookup site an then gives men advice on how to hookup/get sex..SO NO o.p there is nothing wrong with you or what your doing..its the certain men who are only after NSA or 1niters an then when they have these sites that basically promote Plenty of fish as a get laid site if you play your cards right of course you have all kinds of characters on here...


http://www.goodlookingloser.com/2012/07/15/get-laid-plenty-of-fish/


http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=147330193&page=1

ask men website also list this place as a hookup site

an get aload at the reviews from edate

http://www.edatereview.com/013822displayreviews.aspx
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 24
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 11:28:31 AM
^^


Wow...even THIS POS 'played his game' longer and obviously better than you...


why exactly is he a "POS" to use your term? ..because he had sex with some women, who apparently wanted that too?

if they were adults, of age and sound mind to make a choice..I don't see the problem? or why you would denigrate him as a "POS" ?

are adult women not capable of making their own choices now, according to you?

the only "non-POS" men are those who date one woman for 6 weeks or so before having sex?
 whippedboi
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 25
Pre-qualifiying quality men
Posted: 4/12/2013 11:40:19 AM
^^
In the initial stages, I made a slightly sexual profile that

presented me as a “player”.


I don't know him, don't know about him, did not read the entire link


but this part
:


In the initial stages, I made a slightly sexual profile that presented me as a “player”.


would seem to indicate they knew what they were getting into?

or is he lying also about that part, "presented me as a “player”.

but yes lying is bad, wrong
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Pre-qualifiying quality men