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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > this ladies, is how good guys become jerks      Home login  
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 Filipinoheat1988
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 1
this ladies, is how good guys become jerksPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
So for the last 3 weeks I have been friends with this girl. She knew that I was very infatuated with her. She made jokes about us having sex etc.
She just broke up with her boyfriend who was a total jerk(sat around watching sports on valentines day) so I thought if I was around and she was ready, we'd end up together. She took pictures of us hugging to make her ex jealous so I really thought she was into me.
Last week we go out and she brings a guy that I knew she had a crush on. An hour later they're making out and leaving me to be the third wheel. So this random get alcohol poisoning and passes out outside. Knowing first aid I put her in the recovery position and stay with her until the ambulance came. They ditched while I was doing this. I find them at another club later on.
Anyways I get angry, went home and texted her ex that nothing happened between us and that she just used me to make him jealous and that she's making out with some other guy. She has made out with other guys while we were out and I got the hint.
I no longer talk to her after I yelled at her for using and ditching me. So now I'm done being the nice guy. Another good man turned into a jerk. This is why you don't lead men on ladies.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 2
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 12:01:10 AM

She took pictures of us hugging to make her ex jealous
So, she displayed her immature and vindictive behaviour to you... you joined in.. and now you are blaming her because she behaved exactly as she had shown you she would.

You then went on to behave in an immature and vindictive way yourself.

And now you are whining about it in here hoping for sympathy.

Did I sum that up nicely?
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 3
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 12:17:04 AM
Egh in my opinion good guys don't become jerks rather they become who they truly were as I find most self-proclaimed good guys turned jerks were just looking for an excuse to justify the behavior they've envied, idolized, or wanted to display.

Another thing I find common is how often these self-proclaimed good guys turned jerks claim they were lead on.

How did she lead you on when:
- you two were friends
- she made out with other guys while you two were out
- you knew she had a crush on another guy
- you knew the reason she took pictures of you two hugging where to make her ex jealous
 Filipinoheat1988
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 4
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 12:31:11 AM
Wow that's a grim look at good guys. I don't idolized treating women like crap just to get them. I do however get tired of white knighting girls only to end up as their friends. It might be different when I get a little older but at my age everyone is just playing games. If you're too nice you become the "friend" while the guys who know how to play women get them with no problem.
So what you're saying is that making sexual remarks while knowing full well how much I was into her isn't leading me on. For example that night when we were making plans she said "I'll come over to your place, we'll phuck and then go dancing". How many women says stuff like that to guys?
How were my actions vindictive and immature. I didn't find out she was sending those pics to her ex until later that night. She took the pics while we were hanging out that night, sent it to her ex, ditched me, get a ton of angry text from her ex. I tell him the truth because he's my sister's roommate and we can't avoid each other. The last thing I want is to get arrested for a physical altercation.
Yes I do realize I was too dumb to see the red flags.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 5
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 12:40:27 AM
That's a 'grim look' at good guys turned jerks. Telling how you glossed over the "turned jerks" part. Also telling is you using the term whiteknighting which supports my guess that you're not a good guy or near as good as you think. Are you under the impression that because you're nice to a gal she's obligated to have sex with you, date you, or have a relationship with you?

It's not because you're too nice that you become the friend. It's because she's not physically attracted to you or find you a worthwhile sexual/romantic partner but is under the impression you're a decent person to hang out with. But yeah you blame it on being too nice because it's so much easier to put yourself on a pedestal where the only possible reason you could be rejected is because you're too nice. The reason guys who know how to play gals get gals with no problem is because they're playing them as it's often easier to get something through dishonesty than honesty.

It's not leading you on as your relationship with her (friends) and her actions (being interested in other guys) show those sexual remarks were most likely jokes. Perhaps her way of dealing with your likely unwanted infatuation.
 Filipinoheat1988
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 6
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 12:42:43 AM
Yes I made a move on her 3 days before. I tried to kiss her but she just pushed me away, giggled and said she wasn't ready. Tried to kiss her earlier that night as well and got the same answer. 2 hours later apparently she was ready. That's what I meant by I got the hint. She made out with another guy yet she wasn't ready for me.
 Filipinoheat1988
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 7
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 12:54:14 AM
Also telling is you using the term whiteknighting which supports my guess that you're not a good guy or near as good as you think.
Listen you don't know me. You don't know anything about what I have done in life. I admit I'm coming off as a jerk right now. You can try to psycho analyze me all you like, but there are many people who will testify about my kindness. Its amazing how you can make an assumption of my whole life through a few posts. I'm not nice to just girls I like. You've obviously been scorned by some jerk so I'm going to ignore you from now on. She never said she only sees me as a friend.
Tell me how many guys would defend a homeless person being attacked by 3 randoms? I still have the scar on my head from being hit with a bottle. When the girl was choking on her own vomit others watched and laughed as I took care of her. When a friend was going through rehab, I took his children in for a year, fed them, potty trained one and taught the other how to read when I was 22. If that's not a nice guy, I do not know what is. So I ask you kindly to keep you're judgements about my character to yourself.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 8
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 1:00:59 AM

Its amazing how you can make an assumption of my whole life through a few posts. I'm not nice to just girls I like. You've obviously been scorned by some jerk so I'm going to ignore you from now on

Hypocrisy is a common trait in many self-proclaimed good guys I've know. Nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply you are nice to just gals you like...perhaps a Freudian slip?

I'm aware I don't know you hence why I said "my guess". It's quite amusing that you go on about how I don't know you or your life and me making assumptions but make you made a definite claim about my life stating it's obvious I've been scorned by some jerk.

If she didn't only see you as a friend you wouldn't have put you two were friends.

Likely those testifying to your kindness was unaware it came with strings that you feel entitled to and you lash out when you don't get what you want. That's not genuine kindness but kindness to get what you want and kindness that stops when you don't get what you want hence the good guy turned jerk bit of yours.
 Space_Weaver
Joined: 11/27/2012
Msg: 9
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 1:07:00 AM
Why are you letting the actions of one person change who you are? In a way you created this circumstance for yourself, so she is not totally to blame. If I help someone, it is because I want to with no expectations of a returned favor. I don't wait around for someone to falter and then come to their aid like a knight in shining armor with my hand held out for a payment. Kind of manipulative, don't you think.
 Filipinoheat1988
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 10
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 1:14:55 AM
If she didn't only see you as a friend you wouldn't have put you two were friends
So if we did both like each other but never made the move, what would you call them then? You start off as friends then become more.

Likely those testifying to your kindness was unaware it came with strings that you feel entitled to and you lash out when you don't get what you want.
Oh yes because I love having a permanent scar for a homeless person that I will never see again.
Only this woman has made me feel alienated and angry. I've been friendzoned before, I listen to women complain about their boyfriends all the time. I have no problem being just friends as long as the girl makes it clear from the start.
Just last night I started texting this girl that I met. She told me "I have a boyfriend that I love but you're a sweet guy you should look for a sweet girl". We are still friends and go dancing together all the time and I'm nice to her and everyone else without wanting anything is return.
I'll probably still be the same type of guy and just feel angry for now.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 11
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 1:30:14 AM
So if we did both like each other but never made the move, what would you call them then? You start off as friends then become more.

That if and starting off as friends then becoming more doesn't apply here since you both didn't like each other- you knew who she liked and it wasn't you, she rejected you TWICE, she made out with other guys when she was with you, and she only seemed to be remotely romantically physical with you when using you to make her ex jealous.


Oh yes because I love having a permanent scar for a homeless person that I will never see again.
Only this woman has made me feel alienated and angry. I've been friendzoned before, I listen to women complain about their boyfriends all the time. I have no problem being just friends as long as the girl makes it clear from the start.
Just last night I started texting this girl that I met. She told me "I have a boyfriend that I love but you're a sweet guy you should look for a sweet girl". We are still friends and go dancing together all the time and I'm nice to her and everyone else without wanting anything is return. I'm extremely nice to gay men as well. That must mean I want sex from them as well.

She did make it clear seems more like you got your hopes up because of a few not to be taken serious sexual remarks.

Amusing show of your lacking reading comprehension as nowhere did I state you were being nice to get sex. I did state your kindness seems to come with strings if your kindness isn't to get what you want and doesn't stop when you don't get what you want then why are you done being the nice guy and going to be a jerk because of one gal? If you were truly nice without wanting anything in return then you wouldn't quit being a nice guy and become a jerk based on this one gal.
 Filipinoheat1988
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 12
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 1:42:41 AM
I did state your kindness seems to come with strings
Once again I respond with "Oh yes because I love having a permanent scar for a homeless person that I will never see again."
I'm going to be honest I'm really bad with reading signs. I thought her sexual remarks were serious and flirty. I married my high school girlfriend and she was my first serious one. I always thought she was just playing hard to get and that making out with other guys was simply a result of her drunken stupir. I really thought that she was interested in me but just wasn't ready for a relationship. The first guy she made out with didn't anger me because she would never see him again. The second guy did because I knew she wanted a relationship with him.
As I stated beforehand I probably will still be a nice guy just feel hurt and angry right now. Many of my male and female friends keep telling me that I need to act like I don't care about the women and make them chase me instead aka be a jerk. Which is totally against what I am. For some reason it works for my male friends so I thought I would give it a shot. Do you have any tips?
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 13
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 1:58:57 AM
Once again I respond with "If your kindness didn't come with string then after one gal you wouldn't state you're going to stop being a nice guy and be a jerk because being kind to her didn't get you what you wanted".

It seems less like being really bad with reading signs and more like you seeing what you wanted. You only saw her sexual remarks which is one sign and seemed to ignore or rationalize away the many other signs like- her rejecting you twice, you two only being friends, her making out with other guys, and you knowing she had a crush on another guy.


For some reason it works for my male friends so I thought I would give it a shot. Do you have any tips?

My tips are to be the jerk you truly seem to be and stop looking for bs excuses to justify behaving like you really want to. That anger and hurt you feel seems to be the fallout of your insincere kindness that comes with strings you didn't get what you wanted and feel entitled to/deserving of so you're angry and hurt about it.
 Filipinoheat1988
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 14
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 2:10:30 AM
alright you continue with your psychology degree there. So because I was angered by one woman who did not turn out well for me, changing my attitude towards dating, all my years of kindess towards others is suddenly nullified. So I'm actually a bad person because I've become callous towards the whole dating scene?
Would you like me to make assumptions about you? You followed me on both of my threads and insulted me. What does that say about you? Seems to me a person who does something like that is typical of self centered teenage female bullies. More specifically those who live in a place like Hollywood that consider themselves better cultured than the rest of the world. I'm done reading your pseudo psychology bs.
From what I've read on your other posts you seem to be great at making assumptions and generalizing men. You speak as if your opinions are absolute. That most men are just looking for sex and that we feel the woman is obligated to sleep with us once we start making out. I can now see that you are not worth the time nor effort to have a conversation with.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 15
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 2:19:42 AM
I already have a psychology degree so I don't need to continue it here. You deciding to stop being a nice guy and be a jerk because your kindness didn't work on one gal suggests when it comes to dating gals your kindness is to get what you want and when you don't get it you lash out.

You already made assumptions about me and I haven't followed you on both of your threads I just now noticed that the other thread was yours. Yeah I'm such a typical self centered teenage female bully for telling a guy who wants to stop being a nice guy and be a jerk because he thinks him being nice is why he's rejected seems not to be a nice guy and just looking for an excuse to be a jerk.
 Filipinoheat1988
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 16
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 2:38:39 AM

I already have a psychology degree so I don't need to continue it here.
That explains everything. I'm sorry but I don't think I should be psycho analyzed from a 22 year old who probably doesn't even have their Ph.D in a medical field that isn't even considered a science. It usually takes 5-7 years to receive your Ph.D. So unless you started your degree when you were 17 in high school, you're lying or you have and Eh.D.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 17
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 2:42:42 AM
I graduated high school quite early and during high school did something called dual enrollment with dual degrees so not only did I graduate way early I also graduated with an Associates and Bachelors degree. So yeah I'm not lying and it is quite possible for 22 year olds to have PhDs especially with something called CLEP and other credits by examination that can take off months to years of classes with a few exams.

Though nice and telling evasion of your claim on how I'm bullying you and how I followed you to other thread...because oh dear clearly I couldn't have just posted an answer on whatever threads are most recent.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 18
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 3:37:59 AM

Its amazing how you can make an assumption of my whole life through a few posts.

you just got through prissing about how you became a jerk because some dumbass girl wouldn't kiss you, so it wasn't hard, really.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 19
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 3:52:14 AM
You are doing a very standard performance of refusing to listen to the people who are answering your post. Look up and read "nice guy" threads, and you will find your same mess, including your bad attitude, and illogical reasoning printed out in voluminous detail.

Here is the baseline:


Life, including other people, present you with the problems and challenges, and they are responsible for that.

However, YOU are the one who chooses the solutions: and you are 100% responsible for what you choose.


If your solution to "bad" people is to become a bad person yourself, you can whine all you want about how the horrible things done to you are why you made that choice, but it is still YOUR CHOICE.

You want full credit for being nice to people? For defending the downtrodden? For fighting against inequity? Fine. But then you MUST also take full credit for deciding to be a jerk, now that you are doing that.

It's math. Not opinion, not politics, not social games.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 20
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 3:52:52 AM
I kept reading and reading, and still I never got to the part where the gun was held to your head.

So, a better title for this thread would be: This is how people blame others for their own dumbass behavior.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 21
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 6:02:06 AM

So, a better title for this thread would be: This is how people blame others for their own dumbass behavior.


I laughed so hard nearly spit my coffee out on my keyboard!

But yes......in essence what you said is true.

But that all being said, it's sad how people in contentious relationships use others to make their (Ex) SO jealous. - that exactly wasn't right either, but it seems to me the OP was a willing participant........but got the hint later on.........
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 22
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 6:49:13 AM
So, a better title for this thread would be: This is how people blame others for their own dumbass behavior.


I am going to second that motion, do we have a quorum


"If your kindness didn't come with string


Don't most peoples kindness come with a strings or boundries even dogs don't love unconditionally if you treat one badly enough it's going to eventually turn on you.
 anon.john
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 23
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 7:08:47 AM

Yeah I'm such a typical self centered teenage female bully for telling a guy who wants to stop being a nice guy and be a jerk because he thinks him being nice is why he's rejected seems not to be a nice guy and just looking for an excuse to be a jerk.


With this little nugget into the female psyche, I am convinced I will never understand how your genders crazy brains work. I would need a diagram to decipher that thing. And like a monkey with an abacus.
 NOCLOWNING
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 24
this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 9:23:03 AM
You need to find a single woman. Sounds like you hang around with alot of drunks.
She does sound like a real winner, makes out with all kinds of guys. Maybe you would of scored, if there wasnt
other men around. You were the last choice.
You helped out a homeless person, that was very nice. But to bring it up over and over again, sounds like you want
some kind of reward.
If you always do, what you always did, you will always get, what you always got.
 dahlingdarling
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 25
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this ladies, is how good guys become jerks
Posted: 4/13/2013 10:22:06 AM

Don't most peoples kindness come with a strings or boundries even dogs don't love unconditionally if you treat one badly enough it's going to eventually turn on you.

The string I'm talking about is getting what they want from said person because they are kind. Different opinions most people I know are kind because they want to be not because they're using kindness to get something from.

Dog's love is quite a different topic to me as love is nowhere near equatable to kindness as most people and animals I think choose who they love based on their own preferences. That's not love coming with strings that's love based on character.
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