|Common InterestsPage 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4)|
|Whenever one looks at the list of matches, some or many, or none at all, have a number in brackets to indicate the number of common interests. Other than breathing or walking, do most people find others of the opposite sex with common interests/hobbies?|
Posted: 4/16/2013 3:47:08 PM
|They don't have to be common. I can't cook, so if a woman can, it's a plus. I would use them as a general guideline to see whether you have an issue with his/her hobbies. Playing Russian Roulette would be something I don't want to see in a potential partner's interest list. Or if a widow lists chemistry, forensic science and Houdini as interests, I'd be a tad worried...|
Posted: 4/16/2013 4:17:17 PM
|Most people like to spend their time doing what makes them happy--fishing, hunting, camping, boating, motorcycle riding, playing online games, shopping, traveling, yard sales, volunteering, etc.|
Finding someone who likes doing the same things results in as a couple getting to spend quality time together--it is NOT 100% necessary but it will add an extra nice dimension to a relationship.
As an example, a wife who will play an online game, or ride a motorcycle with you, wont **** as much about the amount of time you are doing it if she is there beside of you.
If I read how a man spends every min he can in nature, camping fishing and hunting and then they state something like they will bring home all the fresh meat for the other person to clean and fix up -- I can tell that aint going to go anywhere. I have allergies really bad and the last time I tried to camp we ended up leaving days early cause I couldnt breath.
So does this mean 100% I would never ever consider someone who had interest different from mine--no...but if they expect me to give up my own interests for their pursuit of their interest there could be an issues later on.
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:08:12 PM
|I've never seen any of my matches come back with a number bigger than (4)|
Although I've had people message me , and I have compared the interests list
and came up with more but yet they don't show up in my matches.
So i don't think it compares the whole list.
If you can find someone that has 40% of your list , and you like 40% of their
list (that are not the same ) then give it a try .
Posted: 4/16/2013 7:58:29 PM
|Most any normal couple who are easy to get along with, could sit down and make a huge list of interests and find many things they would enjoy doing together. Who does not like to go out to eat once in awhile or go to a movie? Do you smell the coffee date? Common interests have nothing to do with love. |
You are not looking for someone with common interests. Rather, you're looking for mutual interest in each other. Believe me, if two people are reasonable and want to, they will find plenty to do together. Another myth busted!
Posted: 4/17/2013 5:13:01 AM
|I know a woman who goes on & on about common interests. Never married...well, she meets men here & there but never has a 2nd date. So much for common interests.|
I think you have to be likeable, approachable, relaxed, your authentic self. Emotionally sympatico. Lifestyle congruent (ie; drinker, vs non-drinker, smoker vs non smoker, couch potato vs walker/hiker, junk food eater vs vegetarian)
And non delusional- I've seen soooo much delusion in the forums...the most unattractive or broke people want attractive & wealthy - I guess to complete themselves, LOL!
Sometimes you meet a person who can turn you on to a new experience or hobby, it's personal growth & very exciting. I once met someone who taught me how to target shoot. Turned out I was quite good at it!
Posted: 4/17/2013 5:22:34 AM
|It's a deal breaker for me is a woman doesn't share some of my interests. |
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:00:46 AM
|Compatibility........The real foundation to a lasting relationship!|
It is so nice when you find someone attractive, and even more so when you have that wonderful chemistry, but the only thing that will endure time and more time, will be compatibility.........and thus the real quest continues, and until then, enjoy today, the moment, and the time you have!
Posted: 4/17/2013 10:36:03 AM
(ie; drinker, vs non-drinker, smoker vs non smoker, couch potato vs walker/hiker, junk food eater vs vegetarian) Even here, all bets are off if it's a match. . . . The really great love of my life and I? He drank/I didn't. I smoked/he didn't. I had heart issues that made me not peppy/he was Mr. Energy Off The Wall. He was a plain meat/potatoes eater that blanched when I offered a pasta salad. . . . He was an actor and a great story teller who had great stories to tell; I am a story devourer. . . . Both political activists: he marched/I tabled. He was a Buddhist/I'm a Quaker. We understood each other; we tolerated each other; we adored each other. I still miss him. Will as long as I live.
Posted: 4/17/2013 11:11:50 AM
|Miss Wooby you have a good point with your post. I was just thinking back when young, I never met a boy wondering what his interests or his commonalities with me were. We just met and dated. Found out things about each other as we went along having fun! Thing is with dating sites and preferences, I think they preclude us from meeting some great folks if we let it.|
Posted: 4/17/2013 12:50:46 PM
|I think it is nice to have several common interests, but to also have a few activities you do with your buddies/girlfriends. |
For example, lots of folks list golf as an interest. If I sensed that a person was a total fanatic about it, I would probably give their profile a pass. Not that there is anything wrong with golf , or them. In fact I have golfed more than a few times in my life.............................. I just don't do it anymore for the same reason I no longer do ballet or gymnastics................ I'm not any good at it, and all the practice in the world ain't gonna change that. Besides, if I want to chase a small white ball around on a green surface, I can just shoot billiards.......................... it costs a lot less and I'm in out of the rain..... :-) If my partner simply wanted to enjoy a couple of games of golf each week with their buds, more power to them. If I get invited to the 19th hole to join them for a beer 'n burger afterwards I'm perfectly satisfied.
Conversely, I understand completely if my partner isn't delirious with delight at the prospect of spending an afternoon hunched up in a bird watching blind.................. you're either a "twitcher" or you're not.
We don't need to be Siamese twins. Several of my married friends have come close to murdering their husbands in the first couple of years after retirement BECAUSETHEGUYSWANTTODOEVERYTHINGTOGETHER!
Posted: 4/17/2013 1:47:48 PM
Common interests have nothing to do with love. True,and if it leads up to to that.
As that level is much more personal between two people. Instead of saying common interest imo, your character, honesty & trust can never be compromised or just taken for granted.
You are not looking for someone with common interests. Rather, you're looking for mutual interest in each other. Believe me, if two people are reasonable and want to, they will find plenty to do together.
And if your in a healthy relationship, u can still do many things together, alone and with your friends.
imo,the best relationships are just that.
This 24 /7 stuff together is too well.........too much to me.
Posted: 4/17/2013 6:35:01 PM
|After reading others posts.. I guess i do look at their interests but not to see if we have everything in common, but would I enjoying doing the things he does.. is there and over lap? There are certain things I would look at like gaming and movies and and think.. my kids do that.. I dont. I use the list more to look at someones interests and wonder if going out with this person would be enjoyable.. however I have been wrong a few times. I love motorcycle riding, not just because of the ride, but every time I have dated a man with a bike, the summers were always filled with fun things to do, fairs, car shows, events. I really enjoy these things so that might be a plus, however, he has to be more than just a biker.. I also seek someone I can talk to so i wil look at the way his profile is written.. so common interests is not everything to me.. its more the whole package. JMHO|
Posted: 4/22/2013 5:26:55 AM
|Common values and interest in each other will trump common interests every time.|
Posted: 4/22/2013 6:24:08 AM
|^^^Yes, plus the willingness to develop new interests . Sometimes being with new people can open your eyes to new things if you have the right attitude. And at this age it's no big deal to have some separate interests, too. (That does not require a romantic partner.)|
Posted: 4/22/2013 6:40:35 AM
|IMO people put in interests that are too narrow and don't have much meaning.|
For me: I like pizza, but I wouldn't put that in as an interest. I like to bowl, if she doesn't bowl I am not going to lose any sleep over it. If I never bowled again in my life I would hardly notice it.
I like erotic sex, a woman would have to share that interest.
I put in biking, we don't have to share specifically, but she should be active enough to be able to bike, walk, whatever. Camping, means to me not hate being outdoors in a tent. Not that I camp that often, but I like it sometimes.
Travel is exploring new places.
Music is general, all music, probably not a good interest since nearly everyone will like music.
Some people are allergic to smoke, they really hate being around smokers, I could see putting that type of thing in. I don't like smokers, but I can tolerate it.
Posted: 4/22/2013 7:37:19 AM
|Good points, dragon. Seems that you possess flexibility and would be able to adapt to someone without a lot of common interests. However, if someone has an interest that they are completely obsessed about that the other does not share at all, that can be a problem. For example, there are lots of football fanatics, I would prefer someone that is not one of these. Been there, done that. Another example might be someone who wants to travel all the time is probably not a good match for someone who does not like to fly.|
But these are things that can be determined fairly early on. Not everybody is a match, even if both are good people.
Posted: 4/22/2013 8:12:58 AM
|As a previous poster mentioned, it's the willingness to try new things. (see thread on dancing).|
My 'common interest' necessity was him being physically active and leading a healthy lifestyle. After that, the cards just fall where they do. People with energy find more energy to do new things. Mostly attitude. I don't care if he likes football and I enjoy ballet. I can go to ballet with my friend...but we can take an art class together or something else new that neither of us have done.
Posted: 4/22/2013 11:02:33 AM
how about values, ethics, morality, religion, health, diet?
LOTS of stuff to line up for a long-term relationship.
Posted: 4/22/2013 11:10:32 AM
do most people find others of the opposite sex with common interests/hobbies?
Posted: 4/22/2013 12:48:17 PM
"> Good points, dragon. Seems that you possess flexibility and would be able to adapt to someone without a lot of common interests. However, if someone has an interest that they are completely obsessed about that the other does not share at all, that can be a problem. For example, there are lots of football fanatics, I would prefer someone that is not one of these.
Reminds me of a good friend of mine, he and his wife came close to a divorce.
Not sure what their issues were, I am pretty sure he wasn't cheating. But I used to room with him, one time he got 3 TV sets and a radio so he could listen to 4 seperate sporting events. So he is a bit of a sports fanatic.
Traveling is not just about fear of flying, some people are like my father, a real home body. Some like to explore new places, that is IMO a difference that is likely to create friction. Though my mother and father stayed together for 50 years till he died, I know she would have much preferred if he had wanted to travel and go biking with her.
Posted: 4/22/2013 3:50:46 PM
|The key word here is obsessed; football being a good example because many people probably know someone who is obsessed with a sports team. Being obsessed is very different from enjoying football, and watching games each week or whatever. I dated a guy once a long time ago that lived and breathed football--that was all the man could talk about! His entire life revolved around OU football. It was absolutely crazy. That is what I was referring to.|
Extremes/obsessions as far as interests or hobbies go can be very problematic in relationships, and it has nothing to do with the other person not being capable of entertaining themselves in their free time.
Posted: 4/22/2013 4:08:35 PM
I have a widower friend in Wales. He said to me: "You know, I have someone to go hiking with, I have someone to go to the art gallery with, I have enough family and friends to share meals with, what I miss is someone to do absolutley nothing with."
I knew exactly what he meant - he missed her puttering in the kitchen while he read the paper, or him puttering in the garage while she puttered in the garden, or just sitting quietly watching the TV news, just knowing someone you loved was just a few steps, a light touch and a quiet whisper away.
This is the important stuff, not whether he likes fishing and you like to crochet. There are enough folks spouting off about red flags that now we have to add "he likes football, I hate football" "I love to dance, he hates dancing". Geez. If you can't entertain yourselves during a bit of free time...work on yourself. If you repect each other's differences you can't help but enjoy what you have to share. I don't want a clone, differences add interest to the relationship...just as much as what you do together.
Glad someone gets it! I miss being held by someone I yearn to hold me...
Posted: 4/22/2013 4:45:37 PM
|Just don't expect him to do it standing up with music playing, lol.|