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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > It's been a year, he won't give me oral!      Home login  
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 Mixedmisty
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 1
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Hello people,

Here is my issue, and it is a very big issue in my eyes. My guy and I have been together for almost a year and he will not go down on me, at all! I've done the patience thing, I've done the don't bring it up thing, I've done the politely ask and beg thing. Nothing. A few month ago after month and month of begging he finally tried doing it, licked for 2 seconds and stopped. It still made me so happy because finally I thought he was trying and I felt so much closer to him. But of course next time came and he said "I don't want to do it now, next time"...and next time came and still the same excuse.

Yesterday I told him that he doesn't understand how important this is to me and to probably any woman who is in love with her partner. I told him every time he tells me next time and there's no next time I feel like he doesn't care and that he doesn't find me attractive enough to want to please me. He said he thinks I am the prettiest girl he has ever been with but he just has always hated doing it. I am honestly considering breaking up with him over this and it feels petty but our amazing sex life doesn't feel so amazing because of the continuous lack of oral. Was I wrong for yet again confronting him? Should I just drop it?

Ps: I am very clean and wash myself especially before we have sex so me not smelling good is not the issue here. And also I give him head for hours and frankly I'm tired of him not reciprocating.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 2
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:07:35 PM
Op,this belongs in the Sex Forum but anyway.............quite frankly,if you've been with him for a year and he's like this,i cant understand why you're still with him.
Its terribly selfish of him to have you do oral on him for hours and he doesn't reciprocate.

And also I give him head for hours and frankly I'm tired of him not reciprocating.


STOP pleasing him orally until he returns the favor tho' *i* would've ended this relationship a looong time ago.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 3
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:10:20 PM
Drop it or drop him if it so dang important for him to go down on you! Some will some wont Some like to some dont
Yikes don't be such a crybaby! If this is your relationship's only problem then Get Over It! maybe he will surprise you 1 day and do it for 4 seconds!
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 4
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:15:23 PM
I am honestly considering breaking up with him over this and it feels petty but our amazing sex life doesn't feel so amazing because of the continuous lack of oral. Was I wrong for yet again confronting him? Should I just drop it?

And also I give him head for hours and frankly I'm tired of him not reciprocating


Well your first mistake was giving him oral to begin with without finding out if he liked giving it to you. Your second mistake was to continue giving him oral when he did not reciprocate the favor.

I say if this is important to you - and it sounds like it is - then dump his selfish ass if he is not interested in doing this little thing to please you!!!
 Uomo_Universale
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 5
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History
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:20:01 PM
You mean we can get away without going downtown for over a year? Just kidding, every decent lover enjoys pleasing their partner orally. Is this guy selfish in regular life, too, or does he just have hangups?
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 6
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:24:31 PM
I don't think it's petty at all-my ex husband was the same and I dealt with it for 11 years. It's not the reason we ended, but to me it shows a theme of being selfish. If he will not at least 69 I would stop giving him oral. You've told him it hurts you and he would rather go with just what he wants.

In the end it's your call-if everything else continues to be perfect and he is not selfish in other areas, it might be worth overlooking but you certainly wouldn't be in the wrong if you decided to end it over this. After going 11 years with none I would never last a year with someone who refused. And two minutes doesn't count let alone 2 seconds.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 7
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:24:43 PM
OP,
do you want to settle for that? in the past I went thru this and dumped a female because of the double standard. No more double standard crap for me, and you should do the same.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 8
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:32:41 PM
You have to have a frustrated mans mentality when your asking for it now at this point...
Tell him to get the F down there and not to come up till you say so period...
When he says he hates it, tell him to bad...
If he still resists, use a strong tone, and use guilt, mention that maybe we are not sexually compatible...
I have had a similar experience in my past, and yes, I followed almost exactly what you did, with the same result,lol, the old Next Time...
Tell him Next Time, there will be a different stud between your legs...
Throw in, it does not cost him anything to do it, its free,lol, it makes you feel good, and takes a little effort, if your not worth at least that, then ask him what you are worth?
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 9
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:52:17 PM



I’m going to suggest roughly the same as everyone else before me but with a variation on the reasons you’ve been given so far.

You should simply end the relationship as soon as possible. Talking about the problem to him in an effort to solve it will only make matters worse. If you stay with him, you will end up being _very_ unhappy.

First, I strongly suggest you do not follow the advice of stopping from giving him head. A relationship isn’t trade commerce whereby one gives this for that. Obviously those who suggested it agree but, your stopping turns it into that kind of arrangement which is obviously not what a relationship is supposed to be.

Second, if you let him know that you are about to break up with him over the issue, he may reluctantly eat you for a few minutes. The fact is, you will get the worst head of your life and, you will probably end up resenting it even more than not getting any at all.

You give him head because, hopefully _you_ like it and, _also_ because you derive satisfaction from the pleasure you can give him. That’s the healthy combination of reasons. Women who give for those reason give _great_ head, to die for but, we usually settle for cumming (it’s not nice to die on one’s partner). The same is true of guys eating their girl. If either part is missing, you are going to get a lousy deal not worth having and that is what you’ll end up with if you manage to have him do it.

Succinctly, you are sexually incompatible with your current partner. Find someone else. You can’t fix it.

 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 10
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 8:53:17 PM
OP, are you really a guy?
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 11
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:19:22 PM
Seems like a shallow and lame reason to end a good relationship. Does the guy atleast finger you? Ever try 69? Is there anything sexually that he wants but you don't? Are you in Love? Has he ever done it in past relationships?
I say its a little petty but it is your right to break up with someone for any reason you consider good enough
You may find a guy whos great at it. He may find a woman who does not like it. "they do exist"
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 12
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:28:12 PM
It's not about being selfish or reciprocating. Those are liberal terms for an 'equal', 'fair', '50-50' world. You did the dishes Monday so I do them Tuesday. That works for roommates in college but not for relationships. It's rubbish. I routinely skip profiles that mention those quoted terms because nothing good comes out of it. Ever.

The answer is amazingly simple: You are not sexually compatible.

- Why should he force himself to do something he doesn't like?
- Why would you want a half-ass job from somebody who is not into that?
- What does his BJ have to do with your cunnilingus? I could see your point if you tried to say "I did something I don't really like for him, so he can do the same for me.", but that would only mean you are even less compatible.

In a perfect sexual relationship you get everything you want and do everything you like. Your partner complements you in your likings. If you try new things, see how you like those. Some things are neutral or grow on you, so those are ok, but if you don't like something you shouldn't do it. For example, woman on top doesn't do much for me. If she likes it, she can ride me into the sunset because I don't dislike it either. But I will not be pegged (sorry Margo), so I won't do it. Oral is on my list of must-haves, not to please her but because I want it. So I'm looking for a woman who doesn't peg and likes to receive oral. Anything else would not work out.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 13
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History
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:28:17 PM
You should break up with him, this is a big deal to you and it's something he really does not want to do. He shouldn't have to if he doesn't like it and you shouldn't have to live without it if you like it. It's always going to be a huge elephant in the middle of the room. Some are going to say that if that's the only problem...that's not true, a problem that big will make your relationship miserable and unfulfilled. It's not like you just don't like his shoes or something, he refuses to do something that to you is a fundamental part of love making. He also shouldn't have to feel like a failure in the bedroom and he should no more have to preform oral sex on you than you should on him if you were that turned off by it. Things like this don't get better with time, they get worse.

If a partner refuses to please you sexually, it's not a good relationship. I don't know why someone is always telling people that a crappy sexual relationship is just fine, better than nothing, because it is not. He's not happy being harped at and she's not happy feeling frustrated, how anyone could call that a good relationship is beyond me. A crappy sex life leads to a very unhappy crappy relationship. Telling someone they are stupid for passing up a relationship that doesn't work for them is really pretty damn insulting.
 Mixedmisty
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 14
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 9:36:59 PM
In response to some of the previous posters:
Yes he is selfish in certaint situations, but I can live with that because when I bring it up he actually does try to work on it.

That's another issue is he does not finger me at all either. He rubs my clit but it gets so sensitive I can't even get wet properly. He is very well endowed and I am sort of beginning to hate his big****because its bringing me more pain than pleasure. He won't finger me, he won't eat me out, he rubs my clit and then sticks it in and since I'm not even wet it hurts like hell. I now use lube every time we have sex because I can't stand him getting in me before I even have a chance to warm up.

One time he was telling me (which pissed me off beyond belief) how his ex never shaved down there and he made her shave to eat her out. Then he tried smoothing it out and telling me he only ate her out ones in three years but the damage was already done.

I am kinda beginning to think because he is very very well endowed he feels that makes him an amazing lover and he doesn't have to do shit else.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 15
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 10:01:47 PM
I think it's almost laughable how people come into these threads complaining that people 'owe' them some kind of affection. It's total bullsh1t. You give affection and sexual favors because YOU wanted to, not because you expect to get 'paid back' in some way. That's the choice YOU made. If you want oral for yourself, demand it! But make no mistake you're demanding it simply for your OWN pleasure, not because of some sick idea of a sexual 'balance sheet' says he OWES it to you.

Some people are selfish with their affection, some people are miserly with it, some people are uncomfortable with certain sex acts, but NONE of that can be treated like some sort of cash value that you can BUY from granting your own - it doesn't work that way - it NEVER works that way. That's no better than the guys that come in here saying they 'deserve' sex because they've paid for dinner for the last 3-4 dates!

You give affection because you want to. You receive affection because you like it. If you're not comfortable with your level of affection, you gotta SAY something - just don't EVER say he 'owes' you, because that's a lie. If you say something and nothing changes, well, that's when you have to decide what YOU want to change.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 16
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 10:18:11 PM
OP, are you really a guy?


After reading the OP's second post I have the same suspicion.
 Iknowimcute
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 17
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 11:49:50 PM
end the relationship now - everything you've described screams that he isn't interested in your sexual pleasure - which is just as important as his - and if it's not working after a year together - it's not going to work after ten years together

if you're not sexually compatible then the relationship with either end anyways - or you will live without true sexual satisfaction - is that how you envision your life?
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 18
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 11:55:57 PM
@ Dino57 mhmmmmm.....it certianly is. I used to get these weirdos all the time when I had to work in a hoisery store. They like to explain therebaiter story in graphic detail all the while wasking off. You could hear it over the phone!!! Op, point it away from the keyboard! How sad.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 19
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/17/2013 11:56:22 PM
Listen, this is how it is with him--you can't train him. Just let it go. Your mistake was going a year with a self centered person who isn't interested in mutual relations, just his own pleasure. Why isn't that a reason to go? Kinda obvious months ago. You cannot change people.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 20
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History
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/18/2013 12:10:32 AM
Since you apparently like this "guy" I will recommend that you find another that you can share your oral with while keeping the well endowed stud around for straight sex. I guarantee stud man will get off the schneid and start licking envelopes.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 21
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/18/2013 2:06:48 AM
This is pretty easy really. I don't hold anything against because he doesn't want to perform oral. Clearly he doesn't like it. It's not like doing a certain position you don't enjoy to please your lover. It's not like kissing more than you'd like, or letting him play with your breast more than you like. There are lots of compromises you can make in sex to accommodate something your partner enjoys more than you do. In my opinion, oral sex really isn't one of those things. If he hates doing it, how would you get any enjoyment from it. I would find that so distracting - knowing that he couldn't wait until he was 'allowed' to stop.

You aren't sexually compatible. Yes, he is selfish because he doesn't even finger you or do anything else to make sure you are wet enough before having sex. BUT he hates oral. You love it. Again, it's simply that you aren't sexually compatible.

You have to decide if you can live without it, and if you can, stop asking for it. Forever.

Otherwise move on to someone else who you are sexually compatible with.
 varyk
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 22
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/18/2013 2:09:26 AM

The answer is amazingly simple: You are not sexually compatible. In a perfect sexual relationship you get everything you want and do everything you like.


That about sums it up for me, if you are not satisfied and he isn't receptive or unwilling to push past his comfort zone to please you, you either accept it and focus on other aspects of your sexual relationship or you stop complaining and find someone you are more sexually compatible with. Oral is something that is full pleasurable for both if you guys actually enjoy pleasing each other and are into it. Why in the world would you want him to do something that he apparently has an aversion for? Take stock of what you are willing to live with and decide what you want and decide. Good luck!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 23
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/18/2013 5:00:02 AM
Well obviously your kitty cat is not all the appealing. Ya either figure out how to make it more appealing or basically you're phucked. Literally.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 24
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/18/2013 5:10:36 AM
Uggghhh reminds me of my ex. He was all about the blow job, but he wasn't willing to reciprocate. I finally stopped doing him, he never did me and all he wanted was boring missionary sex. And that was for only about 10 seconds then he was snoring. No big surprise that relationship failed. I won't be quite to tolerate of the next selfish man I encounter.
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 25
It's been a year, he won't give me oral!
Posted: 4/18/2013 5:19:33 AM
Must be a guy and a troll post at that.
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