Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Need help communicating      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 bigal80ak2
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 1
Need help communicatingPage 1 of 1    
I was wondering if some girls would have a conversation with me to help improve my conversation skills? I am very rusty at that and need a little help sometimes with how I say things and knowing what to say. I figured speaking to a few would help me out and maybe get a few tips on what I am doing right and wrong? Think of it as helping me practice for the real thing. Plus I feel like I ask to many questions and its less of a convo and seems like an interrogation. I am asking women because they are my target audience so to speak.

Thanks.
 ImReadyForUnow
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 2
Need help communicating
Posted: 4/27/2013 6:34:32 PM
Before you can chat with anyone even for practice you need a profile that they can connect and engage.
Go to profile review and ask for help.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 3
Need help communicating
Posted: 4/27/2013 6:36:54 PM
Take a class on communication skills. Ask for a free tutor.

Join Toastmasters. Toastmasters has helped many shy people learn to speak effectively.

Ask open-ended questions to get the conversation going (not questions that can be answered with a "yes" or "no"). When you listen and show interest, people will think you are a great conversationalist. Typical "getting to know you" questions include:

1. Where did you grow up?
2. Tell me about your work.
3. What do you think of this band? (if you're listening to live music)
4. Where did you go to school?
5. How long have you been single?
6. Do you have any children?
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 4
Need help communicating
Posted: 4/27/2013 7:48:30 PM
There's no difference. Conversation is conversation. The best pick-ups are done by guys who just have ordinary conversation with these chicks.

IN THE STREET - Icebreaker - "damn it's cold out there. Can't believe it was so hot earlier." Talk about the weather, then it gets personal. "Where are you headed?" "What are you doing there?" etc. etc.

GUYS WHO TANK say things like "I really want to get to know you better" 'or "you're so beautiful, you have to let me take you to dinner. Can I have your number?"

IDEAL CLOSES are SIMPLE and LOW PRESSURE - "Have to run. Maybe we'll finish this another time. What's your number?"

A WOMAN'S WHO IS JUST BEING NICE OR IS OUTGOING keeps the conversation going.
AN INTERESTED WOMAN gives you her number when you close.

If you spend time trying to configure a magic approach, you'll make yourself a nervous wreck before each pick-up and you'll come across as a stiff dude who (obviously) is an anxiety laden dude who's trying to mac.

RELAX, talk about life, keep it LIGHT and FUN, and OFF OF DEEP STUFF - i.e. "are you single?" -- you'll find that out soon enough..get your date scheduled first!

Good luck! Remember..have fun..
 ImReadyForUnow
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 5
Need help communicating
Posted: 4/27/2013 7:53:55 PM
Here is a conversation with some who is interested in you.

You:Where did you grow up?
Me: I grew up in Chicago but moved to Baltimore for college and you?
You: I am a native and went to GA Tech to study engineering. Tell me about your work and what aspects you enjoy.
Me: I am a clerk for a law office, we work on some big cases in town. I have a small role to play but it is very interesting and I'm learning a lot. I see that you have a dog me too, what kind of dog do you have?
You: Your job sounds very interesting as an engineer mine can be a bit boring but I work with some great people. Misty is the name of my dog, he is a 7 year old mutt and very sweet. Tell me about your dog.
Me: My dog is a lab named Tosca she is 4 and a bit playful and I like to take her on hikes.
You: There is a great dog park in mid city at the corner of State and main. Would you like to grab a coffee and let Misty and Tosca play on Saturday morning while we continue this wonderful conversation?
Me: That sounds like a lovely idea, here is my number....

When you are talking with someone who is interested the conversation is 50/50
 corporealcull
Joined: 11/25/2012
Msg: 6
Need help communicating
Posted: 4/27/2013 8:25:14 PM
One important thing, don't fake interest. If you don't find what you're talking about interesting, find something about it interesting, perhaps even steering it in that direction. If it's still impossible, then just forget it, she's not worth your time, or you hers.

People can usually tell the difference if you're faking, besides it comes off as desperate.
 RyanohRyan
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 7
Need help communicating
Posted: 4/29/2013 2:15:01 PM
You could probably use a wingman social buddy, and should get OUT thrice weekly to all your local special interest Meetup groups. Talk about the venue and the subject with several people who seem interested, be relaxed and don't worry so much about any particular outcome of your conversations... Just smile and be friendly to most people there. Don't try to impress anyone.


This the best advice I've read so far, and pretty much the only advice I would take from the replies so far and that is because this is genuine. Your goal is to be more social and to feel more comfortable in uncertain situations (talking with women whom you don't know). All that should be important to you is gaining experience.


There's no difference. Conversation is conversation. The best pick-ups are done by guys who just have ordinary conversation with these chicks.

This is true!


IN THE STREET - Icebreaker - "damn it's cold out there. Can't believe it was so hot earlier." Talk about the weather, then it gets personal. "Where are you headed?" "What are you doing there?" etc. etc.
This is pointless. Why talk about the weather when you can be introducing yourself?


IDEAL CLOSES are SIMPLE and LOW PRESSURE - "Have to run. Maybe we'll finish this another time. What's your number?"
There is no point to doing something like this. The girl you are interested in is right there in front of you. Your opportunity to get to know her and for her to get to know you better is in the present.


A WOMAN'S WHO IS JUST BEING NICE OR IS OUTGOING keeps the conversation going.
AN INTERESTED WOMAN gives you her number when you close.
This is not true.


If you spend time trying to configure a magic approach, you'll make yourself a nervous wreck before each pick-up and you'll come across as a stiff dude who (obviously) is an anxiety laden dude who's trying to mac.
Precisely why you do not approach a woman with the idea of talking about the weather, or getting her number only to run off.


RELAX, talk about life, keep it LIGHT and FUN, and OFF OF DEEP STUFF - i.e. "are you single?" -- you'll find that out soon enough..get your date scheduled first!
If you keep it too light then she will not know why you are even talking to her. You're actually better off telling her the reason why you are talking to her- that you are interested.


One important thing, don't fake interest. If you don't find what you're talking about interesting, find something about it interesting, perhaps even steering it in that direction. If it's still impossible, then just forget it, she's not worth your time, or you hers.

This is important. If you realize you are not interested in what she is talking about, try to find out what makes it interesting to her.
 RyanohRyan
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 8
Need help communicating
Posted: 4/29/2013 5:28:30 PM
A willing participant in helping communication skills is not the right start. The right start is approaching the women you are most afraid or nervous to approach. At first you will try and fail miserably...or you will try and fail, but learn from the experience and move on.
 Bearfish13
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 9
Need help communicating
Posted: 4/29/2013 10:13:57 PM
it's something that you have to pick up on your own, plus, it comes with experience
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 10
Need help communicating
Posted: 5/4/2013 3:08:09 PM


This is pointless. Why talk about the weather when you can be introducing yourself?

Uh, this should be pretty obvious. It's evident you're engaging in a pick-up or sounding like you're selling something. Who introduces themselves right away unless they have a specific agenda? The response to that is the defense mechanism kicking in.
Example:
You: "Hi, I'm Tom."
{now pause}
She doesn't give a sh*t about what your name is. You're a stranger. You EASE your way into the introduction through "light" conversation. It should come across as NATURAL and A BIT SPONTANEOUS. IN THE MOMENT.
Once you do the whole "Hi, I'm Tom" it's also an indicator that "this is going to be a long one" if she isn't all that interested. If you happen to start a conversation and it grows..she stayed on her own and it comes across as it "just happening".

You exchange names as you're almost about to close..not before...unless she asks...



Precisely why you do not approach a woman with the idea of talking about the weather, or getting her number only to run off.

Wrong again. the weather is your ICE BREAKER (the fact that you inferred that the weather would be the central focus of the conversation makes me wonder if you know what you're doing at all). It's your job to shift it to the personal. 90% of the time a woman in the street is on the go (as most are). Anytime you randomly approach someone in public that isn't planned you keep it BRIEF as not only dating strategy, but COMMON COURTESY to show you value that person's time. If someone's out it's assumed they are USUALLY going somewhere or doing something.

Letting your initial conversation function as a date is just as bad guys who email chicks for weeks before a first meet. You wait until you're on your date to give more of the store away.

You don't stick around after you get the number for a lot of reasons. More than we have time to name right now. Bottom line: Don't give her a reason to change her mind. You close and bounce. Once she gives you her number that's a sign she's comfortable. If she was uncomfortable, you should be paying attention the signs anyway, but regardless, you wouldn't get the digits.



If you keep it too light then she will not know why you are even talking to her. You're actually better off telling her the reason why you are talking to her- that you are interested.

mmmmm.. once again...that's rushing to show your hand. Kills challenge. But really, it shouldn't matter if she knows or not. By the time the conversation is OVER she should be HOPING your intent is ROMANTIC unless she has a man. She'll be giving you cues trying to woo you. (i.e. touching you to make a point, twirling hair, dilating pupils). That's what you want. She already knows how far she wants to go with you within the first minute of the conversation anyway. So you saying "I'm Tom and I think you're pretty and would like to take you out sometime on a romantic date" is neither here nor there.

Hate to break it to you: Unless you're writing this from a nursing home, your dating practices won't get you very far as is.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Need help communicating