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 vita_bella
Joined: 1/25/2008
Msg: 1
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tips on becoming a better sex partnerPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
The last 3 men I've had sex with did not act like the men before them (not that there were that many) and before the draught, so to say...

Rick was older by 5 years and we dated long distance on and off for 5 months. The first night we had sex, it was a one shot deal, I think he was inconvenienced by the condom (and the more they insist on not wearing one, the more I insist they do)
Not spectacular, I don't even think he achieved full erection (although he did ejaculate) but he had pleased me orally beforehand so I was content. We had sex once again the next day and then we didn't see each other for a month, when he didn't want to jump me at first sight... But we did have sex later that night. And the next night, all he wanted was for me to help him masturbate, even though I was leaving the next day. And we broke up before we saw each other again.

Jim was 7 yrs younger and local. We dated once or twice a week for 2 months, had sex twice with 2 weeks in between, where we didn't see each other... (Needless to say, I was very horny, we had awoken it and it was hungry!) And we decided to stop seeing each other another 2 weeks later, on the date that would've been our third night together, before we got to the naked part. I felt as though he wasn't interested in closing the gap between our romps.

John is 9 years younger, virile and sexy. We aren't dating, I'm basically looking at him as a FB... He's also not all that keen on 'connecting' again after our 2 nights together, even though the 2nd night, we were together for about 6 hours and didn't sleep much...(starting at 4 am - clearly a booty call which I initiated and he didn't need any convincing.

Short of asking them, how can I tell if I'm just bad at it?? And if I am, how do I get good at it?

I shower (I take a sustained erection during his oral on me as a good sign) and I'm responsive and actively trying to please them, not just lying there but...
I don't get.
Help?

PS: I did research the threads and came up empty.
PPS: I'm ESL so please be gentle on me if I have typos or didn't explain well enough. Also didn't mean to be so wordy.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/2/2013 10:30:12 PM
Could it be your appearance that left them uninspired? Would you consider yourself as an attractive partner?
I am not being a smartypants, I am actually trying to think of potential reasons for why the relationships fizzled.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 3
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/3/2013 3:46:35 AM
Oh for God's sake.. don't watch porn to improve your sex life. Porn is FAKE. No... just no.

The only way to know is to ask. Communication is key.

From the sounds of things OP, you've stumbled on a series of men that might have only been interested in having sex with you, not an ongoing relationship. If you're ok with that, carry on. If you want to make it amazing, you'll have to talk about sex before you have it. Ask them what they like, tell them what you like.

It's really important that you know what you like and want and can communicate that need to a partner.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 4
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/3/2013 6:42:02 AM
Perhaps what worked for other women they've been with doesn't work for you. Women vary a LOT more in this than men. If they tried what worked for them before with other women, and you don't respond well, they may be at a loss as to what else to try, and may even undermine their confidence a bit. It takes time to learn someone new, or completely new approaches they've never had to learn before. In this, communication is key if you want satisfaction sooner rather than later - or at all.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 5
tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/3/2013 7:00:58 AM
my guess is it has nothing to do with how good you are in bed and more to do with you just not being a good match for them or them not being interested in anything long term ..I have been with lots of women over the years and the worst I ever had was wonderful..what I'm saying is some of the women have been better in bed than others ..but I have never broke up with any woman solely because of her sexual performance ..it has always been my experience that sex between two people gets better as they get accustom to each other
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 6
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/3/2013 7:33:33 AM
Well, I decided to look at your post history as I suspected something other than just being "bad at it".
Your posts run a few different themes but one is that you are always second guessing yourself and having difficulty with communicating. I believe this goes hand in hand with what DearDog and Completely_Incomplete are saying.

You said at one point that English was your third langauage and that you sometimes used words that made you seem arrogant ( paraphrase)
Maybe this is in play or maybe you arent coming across as interested.
It could also be that you are subconsciously putting up barriers to a relationship, but I have a feeling it may be more you second guessing yourself than anything else.
 Luthion
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 7
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/3/2013 8:09:48 AM
The best sex comes from building an emotional connection.

If you want to get better in the sack, find someone who you can connect with on an emotional and physical level, who you not only respect but feel a *desire* to want to know better. You're physically unsatisfied because you're emotionally unsatisfied.

For me personally, the sexiest people are those I can learn new ways of thinking from, who want to share their thoughts with me and teach me to view the world in their own unique light. It's mental sex for the brain, and its the hottest thing every.
 Luthion
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 8
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/3/2013 11:27:23 AM
Porn is typically real people having actual sex.

Just because the plug is in the socket doesn't mean the appliance is going to work.

With most porn, the basic act of sex might be taking place, but that doesn't mean it's genuine. It's all done for show, not personal pleasure. What you see in the vast majority of porn rarely if ever makes for actual enjoyable sex.

Sure, you might learn or two oddities, but that really is an incredibly rare example.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 9
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/3/2013 11:42:39 AM

Yes, it is acting and most of it is certainly embellished, but it can be educational, as well.


Hmmmm....lets see. What EXACTLY have I learned from porn?
Well here's my top ten!

1. If you want to get laid a lot, be a plumber, pool cleaner or motorcycle cop.
2. Skinny nerdy chicks alway have gorgeous heads of hair when they take of their glasses and wear camisoles and garter belt stockings under their seemingly utilitarian clothes.
3. If a woman is home alone, she is always ready to get laid. ALWAYS...with anyone!
4. Gals wearing raincoats are ALWAYS naked underneath.
5. If a guy has ANY type of personal crisis, down to and including losing his pen, some random girl will take pity on him and give him a BJ.
6. Peter North will always win a squirtgun fight.
7. Secerataries are the easiest women on the planet.
8. Nurses will do ANYTHING to make you feel better.
9. Porn makes you think you actually have a chance with a porn actress. Look at Ron Jeremy...
10. No matter how much makeup you put on em, BlueRay will expose it all and make you yearn for the days of VHS.

Im just joshing with you.
Correctly applied and viewed it may provide a smidge of inspiration, but most of it is just people shagging in unrealistic situations which breeds unrealistic situations in the real world.

I cant watch it without giving it the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" treatment...;)
 dishearteneddave
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 10
tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/3/2013 6:50:10 PM

(Msg. #1. Vita_bella) I shower (I take a sustained erection during his oral on me as a good sign) and I'm responsive and actively trying to please them, not just lying there but...
I don't get.
Help?


It all comes back to the insidious sex teachings prevalent in our culture that sex will just happen and will naturally be good. Even some of the most open of individuals are not only cautious about offending someone but are unable to take constructive criticism.

As others have said communication is vital. Like any other activity where two people are involved communication is the key to a great time. As for long distance relationships I would never consider them. They're emotional vampires.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/3/2013 7:12:09 PM
Thing I have learned from porn:
* Ice cubes can be fun
* Putting the glass dildo in the fridge can be fun
* Guys like to hear women make noises and seriously slobber while giving head
* Some chicks can squirt half way across the room!
* Babysitters get paid with dik instead of money these days
* Aholes take a minute or two to go back to normal!!

Everyone is correct........communication is key!
Also.....paying attention to your partners responses is key.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 12
tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/4/2013 8:45:10 AM
Someone must have written a "dummies guide for better sex". Is that on the bookshelves?
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 13
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Posted: 5/4/2013 4:22:21 PM

Porn is typically real people having actual sex. Well, porn is a pretty broad category. I suppose Hentai videos are not "real" people... or even always people, but you CAN learn from watching porn. I learned how to give a woman a squirting orgasm from porn, for example. Yes, it is acting and most of it is certainly embellished, but it can be educational, as well.

Betcha you weren't watching commercially produced porn, or maybe you picked up one of Nina Hartley's educational videos (commercially produced) or something. The majority of commercially produced porn is horrible crap that shouldn't be allowed out into society.

For the gentlemen that had the "what I've learned from porn" lists going.. you forgot some:
All women orgasm after 30 seconds or less of licking her clitoris.
All men have a magic tongue that can make a woman orgasm in 30 seconds or less.
All women like it when a man cums on her face.
All women like to have sex with other women just as much as with a man.
When a woman squirts, it sprays 6' or more.
There is NEVER any sh*ty messes when you have anal sex and the woman always cums from it.
Everyone, every where, is always DTF.
All sex positions you see are easy and effortless and can be maintained for a long time without getting tired, breaking a rib, or scraping your backbone raw.
All men are hard until they cum for the 4th time.
Men take at least a hour to cum the first time.
Every woman has massive boobs that hold their shape and never move.
All women shave their genitals.

Porn sets up unrealistic expectations and causes self-esteem issues for both genders.

When I'm at the club with friends and they have (commercial) porn playing on the big-screen... we rip it apart and critique it because it's so horrible and unrealistic and not plausible.

Now... amateur porn is an entirely different animal.
 Luthion
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 14
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/4/2013 5:46:25 PM

All men have a magic tongue that can make a woman orgasm in 30 seconds or less.

Hey, I can't speak for the entire male species, but...
 Trevork52
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 15
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/5/2013 3:13:14 AM
Quite right No_1 ! Now if folk were to look up wifelovers ........
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 16
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Posted: 5/5/2013 10:51:23 AM

Hey, I can't speak for the entire male species, but...

Please don't take this the wrong way... do you have any idea how many men claim this? Or claim to be sexual gods in bed? Honestly, any man that brags about his sexual prowess gets put on the ever growing list of guys I'm not interested in having anything to do with.

I won't speak for others, but for me.. if the guy is bragging about anything, my experiences have shown that he's not exactly what he claims he is.

And yes, I know you were teasing and being all light-hearted about it.

Gentlemen, be humble. Let your actions speak for themselves. I promise you won't be disappointed.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 17
tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/5/2013 12:04:33 PM

The best sex comes from building an emotional connection.

Yet another man card revoked. What a load of crap.

do you have any idea how many men claim this?

Do you know how many women claim to be "all that" .. "worth the wait" .. etc and then turn out to be nothing more than a cold fish in bed? When a man disappears after sex it isn't always because that's all he wanted .. sometimes .. it really was that bad.
 Luthion
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 18
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/5/2013 2:45:32 PM

Yet another man card revoked. What a load of crap.

It's works pretty fine for me so far. I'm not the sort of person who sleeps around or enjoys casual sex, but the sex I've had in my time has been pretty damn great, for the very I stated. If actually being attentive to a woman's desires and building a connection of trust and intimacy before having sex with someone revokes me of my "man card", then good riddance to it, because that's a petty insulting definition of what makes a man.


Please don't take this the wrong way... do you have any idea how many men claim this? Or claim to be sexual gods in bed? Honestly, any man that brags about his sexual prowess gets put on the ever growing list of guys I'm not interested in having anything to do with.

It was a joke. If you've read any of my posts on this forum, you'd know I'm not the sort of person who cares much for machismo and chest beating.

I don't really need to brag, anyway. Actions speak louder than words, as they say.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 19
tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/6/2013 9:24:37 PM

It's works pretty fine for me so far.

If talking like a girl is working for you, keep at it.

I'm not the sort of person who sleeps around or enjoys casual sex,

I understand... the world's oldest profession and a trillion dollar porn industry is build around the fact that guys think like you

If actually being attentive to a woman's desires

blah blah blah... keep thinking saying crap like that will get you laid.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 20
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tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/7/2013 5:41:46 AM

Yet another man card revoked. What a load of crap.


I gave up my "man card" right about the time I gave up my secret decoder ring...when I was eight. :)
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 21
tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/7/2013 5:51:08 AM

blah blah blah... keep thinking saying crap like that will get you laid.


We are so sorry to inform you, your human card has been revoked. You may apply rejoin the human race at or after your 55th birthday.

You can appeal the decision to Oprah who can intervene on your behave, but we think that may be a Hail Mary attempt.
 Luthion
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 22
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Posted: 5/7/2013 7:38:21 AM
I understand... the world's oldest profession and a trillion dollar porn industry is build around the fact that guys think like you

Then they must be doing something wrong, because I've never given a single cent to either. My life isn't lacking in any means of sex, whatever your apparently challenged sense of masculinity would like to believe. I just choose not to indulge in it unless I'm actually close to someone first.

blah blah blah... keep thinking saying crap like that will get you laid.

I "get laid" when I feel comfortable with a person.

"Getting laid" is not some sort of big achievement to me or something I actively seek out.

Old fashioned? Sure. Do I care? Not really.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 23
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Posted: 5/7/2013 8:27:42 AM
Old fashioned? Sure. Do I care? Not really.


Luthion....SURELY you must have felt the huge, gaping hole in your soul when your man card was forcibly ripped from you? Tearing the very fabric of your playschool universe to tiny plastic tatters?
Oh! The horrific agony of not belonging to the weebles and the little people!
How can you stand it?
Does it not feel hollow and unreal not to be a card carrying Man?!

The last time I saw a reference to a man card was in a disney film where they basically played the entire movie out that he was a total douchebag for doing the mancard thing.

Mancards and Princesses...who knew?

:)
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 24
tips on becoming a better sex partner
Posted: 5/7/2013 8:43:37 AM
Before I sign up for a mancard, I had a few questions.

Do I get reward bonuses for use of my mancard?

Are there discounts on escorts? Surely they give discounts on condoms? How about beer?

Is the card honored at most gentleman’s clubs?

If I sign up, will I get annoying phone calls from hookers and other advertisers?

Are there different levels, like a black diamond double horn-dog mancard?

Do women carry a femcard, can a card carrying woman ever hook up with a card carrying man?

Is it possible for these two to breed?

If they do breed, is the result a gay child? Or is it like matter anti-matter?

I already carry too many cards, just want to know, what advantages there are to a mancard.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 25
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Posted: 5/7/2013 9:37:09 AM
OP ... well after all the banter and also some genuine good advice.... what you need is a systematic approach to evaluating/ refining/ expanding your sexuality....

consider these amazon searches

kama sutra video
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tantric sex dvd
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_11?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=tantric+sex+dvd&sprefix=tantric+sex%2Caps%2C171&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Atantric+sex+dvd

nina hartley guide
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_12?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=nina+hartley+guide&sprefix=nina+hartley%2Caps%2C171&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Anina+hartley+guide

If these links get blocked you will have the search terms... this is the core of the tools you will need as life, relationship and love skills that you seek..
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