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 Cbegs88
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 1
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.Page 1 of 1    
Is there such a thing as requesting to meet up with a woman too soon? I don't and won't consider the first time we meet a "date" so I figure it's not really a big deal as to when, be it after a day of chatting, two days, a week but I'm wondering what most women think.

Is asking too soon creepy considering you've been conversing well and seeming to enjoy what each other have to say?

When would this window of opportunity close? I know a few times in life I've missed the chance to take a woman on a date by believing she wasn't as interested at the time or by taking it slow to show my discretion and patience.

This question is directly relevant to my situation this time around. I have found interest in a woman I've been speaking to for a few days and I don't want to appear as uninterested. Would you consider it being acceptable if we both enjoy our conversations? The way I see it, if we're not compatible and we should know after meeting immediately if we're clearly not then no hard feelings, nice to meet you, and thank you for playing, right?
 Bluegold007
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 2
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 8:14:28 AM
Dude i swear, your on pace for setting the record of thread postings.

Talk to a woman for a day, then ask to meet. If she delays it, she isn't serious then you move on. Simple stuff
 longhaired189
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 3
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 8:33:00 AM
It's going to depend on the individual woman. Like many humans they are unique individuals with varying comfort levels as to what is too soon.

Set your own standard as to what the time frame should be and go with that.
 Cbegs88
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 4
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 8:59:13 AM

I can only speak for myself, but if a man isn't even capable of sustaining an intelligent conversation by phone and/or email, there's no way in hell I'd waste a minute of my busy day meeting him for a coffee or whatever. A day of chatting and let's meet is creepy territory for me. Other than that, I'm not really watching the clock.


Well obviously I meant after sustaining a good connection and conversation with a woman. I'm not a big fan of wasting time and someone that cannot sustain a conversation with me is not worth meeting in my eyes.

I wanted to quote more to answer but doing this from my phone is a huge hassle.

Taking it slow means waiting a few weeks/months? I'm not sure I've personal never dated online before. I did end up dating a woman that was a good friend of one of my friends, we ended up conversing through Facebook then getting each other's numbers hours later, and ended up dating 3 weeks to a month later. That's kind of different though.

Honestly I'm just new to online dating so I have absolutely no idea what's considered appropriate or standard or not.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 5
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 9:04:01 AM
I suggest you listen to the woman and adjust your pace to her needs. I want to meet within two weeks to a month.

Personally, I insist on a telephone conversation before meeting. I pay attention to how well the man communicates and listens. Three key questions I work into the conversation:

1. How long have you been single?
2. Have you had a long term, loving relationship after your divorce?
3. What are you looking for in a relationship?
 Cbegs88
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 6
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 9:09:25 AM

I suggest you listen to the woman and adjust your pace to her needs.

Personally, I insist on a telephone conversation before meeting. I pay attention to how well the man communicates and listens. Three key questions I work into the conversation:

1. How long have you been single?
2. Have you had a long term, loving relationship after your divorce?
3. What are you looking for in a relationship?


I dislike phone conversation for the most part. :| number 2 isn't relevant to me considering I'm not married and probably won't meet many divorcees in the ages that interest me, though that is a good question to ask to those reading. :)

I will ask question number one beforehand now that sounds like a good question to ask. She asked me number 3 already, I honestly never asked this question before but I can see its information being invaluable. I think also asking why a person is using POF or what they intend to find here is a good question too, although it's closely related to the 3rd.
 moonchildmn
Joined: 4/1/2013
Msg: 7
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 11:04:20 AM
I will ask question number one beforehand now that sounds like a good question to ask. She asked me number 3 already, I honestly never asked this question before but I can see its information being invaluable. I think also asking why a person is using POF or what they intend to find here is a good question too, although it's closely related to the 3rd.


DO NOT ASK THESE QUESTIONS

For God's sake...you're trying to date a girl, not interview her. I've been asked these kinds of questions on the phone or during a first date and the wind just goes out of my sail. Dating is supposed to be fun, not an uptight job interview. These kind of questions can be answered eventually. Most people talk too much anyway on first dates and they'll tell you personal/private info without promting.

You're the man-you ask her to meet. She says Yes or No
You're the man-you offer her a choice or two of a date. She says Yes or No
etc...
If she starts playing silly games, then you move on to someone who is more receptive and not uptight.

And to answer your original question, everyone is different. I like to meet within two weeks if possible, or even sooner. Someone who is serious about dating will not intentionally slow down the process to a snail's pace.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 8
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 11:36:57 AM
My general approach is a handful of messages. Perhaps five each, for a total of ten exchanges.
Figuring we are both enjoying the banter...I move to suggest a specific meeting spot and time.
Take a look at a map to make her drive as easy and convenient as possible.

Eric_Summit:
"Hey TennisGirl67, this has been really fun. How about meeting to put a live person to our notes? What do you feel about 'Bamboo Grille' this upcoming Tuesday at 7:30 p.m.? They have live music..."
TennisGirl67:
"That sounds like fun. I have yoga class that night. How about Monday at 6:45 p.m. instead?"
Eric_Summit:
"Perfect! See you then."

If the process extends too long you will invariably put each other into friendzone status. Exchange a handful of SOLID notes, perhaps speak on the phone, yet migrate to a live meeting before letting things languish FOREVER in the cyberworld. There are very few valid reasons to wait months, and months, and months to meet.
 Cbegs88
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 9
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 12:54:06 PM

My general approach is a handful of messages. Perhaps five each, for a total of ten exchanges.
Figuring we are both enjoying the banter...I move to suggest a specific meeting spot and time.
Take a look at a map to make her drive as easy and convenient as possible.

Eric_Summit:
"Hey TennisGirl67, this has been really fun. How about meeting to put a live person to our notes? What do you feel about 'Bamboo Grille' this upcoming Tuesday at 7:30 p.m.? They have live music..."
TennisGirl67:
"That sounds like fun. I have yoga class that night. How about Monday at 6:45 p.m. instead?"
Eric_Summit:
"Perfect! See you then."

If the process extends too long you will invariably put each other into friendzone status. Exchange a handful of SOLID notes, perhaps speak on the phone, yet migrate to a live meeting before letting things languish FOREVER in the cyberworld. There are very few valid reasons to wait months, and months, and months to meet.


Well looks like I've went too far with every woman I've spoke with so far. Most women I've spoken with have sent at least 20 messages haha. I'd prefer getting to know a bit abut them here first I think. Also, geez smooth operator. Things don't go that smoothly with women in my age group sadly. I'll try your approach though Eric! You appear to be the dating guru!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 10
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 1:21:37 PM
Cbegs88...trust me...many women have performed the classic POF Fade-Away and it happens to everyone here. It is experienced by both genders equally and you will absolutely encounter it yourself. In my case, not all women prefer a muscular, educated, caring, well-groomed, fit, and humble man with brown hair. That is how it goes sometimes. ;-)

By exchanging twenty messages (a staggering FORTY in total) you are setting the stage to see lots of your time wasted. Send a few notes back and forth and then make the determination about a live meeting. The other things a quick drink and snack prevents is you could be exchanging endless messages with a bunch of 16 y.o. boys who are using their older sister's photographs! Migrating to a live meet will rapidly discard the penpals, cheaters, assorted frauds, and those seeking purely online accompaniment. Have fun!
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 11
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Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 2:06:14 PM

Well looks like I've went too far with every woman I've spoke with so far. Most women I've spoken with have sent at least 20 messages haha. I'd prefer getting to know a bit abut them here first I think. Also, geez smooth operator. Things don't go that smoothly with women in my age group sadly. I'll try your approach though Eric! You appear to be the dating guru!

Every woman is different, and will have her own set of *rules* she follows.

My former partner has been the one and only guy that I met before 4-6 wks of chatting. It was probably 2 wks from first contact. He asked, I said yes. BTW... he was 23. We were together for 5 years.

I don't like being interrogated, but the questions listed earlier are pretty common getting to know you kind of questions. They help show where the other person's mind-set is, and can reveal some interesting information about them emotionally as well. For example, I learned that I don't want to get involved with anyone that is newly separated. Got burned hard a few times, and don't want to do that again. If it's been less than a year, or if they haven't filed for legal separation, No thank you.
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 12
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 2:26:41 PM

Is there such a thing as requesting to meet up with a woman too soon?

Not for a first meet. The longer you wait for a first meet the harder going forward will be.. don't believe me? do a forum search and look at stories of folks who talk about their experience of waiting weeks to meet and then "something happened" and they aint togetha any'mo.



I don't and won't consider the first time we meet a "date" so I figure it's not really a big deal as to when, be it after a day of chatting, two days, a week but I'm wondering what most women think.

*Shrug* To make such a declaration means you're taking this first meet stuff too seriously. Fine, don't call it a date. But, really it is -- just a short one. If she calls it a date afterward .. that shows romantic interest..




When would this window of opportunity close? I know a few times in life I've missed the chance to take a woman on a date by believing she wasn't as interested at the time or by taking it slow to show my discretion and patience.

You take things slow AFTER the first meet. Remember, you don't have any stock or currency with this girl yet. She's never even met you before.. You're a profile, picture, and maybe a voice on the phone. There's nothing to hang onto yet.

Slow = not calling all the time, not trying to get into a relationship right away, not being clingy.
Silly = Waiting a month to meet her, and then having eighteen million phone conversations and texts between dates, only to see her FIVE weeks later because you think you're being a Don Juan by taking it "slow" #Fail


*COUGHH*
Here's how it works:

AFTER THREE - FIVE GOOD MESSAGES
GET HER PHONE NUMBER
CALL HER (TEN MINUTES TOPS)
ASK HER OUT FOR COFFEE (OR A DRINK)
THIS WILL TELL YOU WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE CHEMISTRY
YOU CAN ALSO VET THIS GIRL TO MAKE SURE SHE ISN'T A LOSER OR A USER
FINISH DATE
WAIT FOUR DAYS OR SO AND ASK HER OUT AGAIN. DON'T ASK HER OUT ON THE SPOT. YOU'LL LOOK STUPID.

YOU CAN WAIT NOW AND TAKE YOUR TIME BECAUSE YOU'VE SPENT TIME WITH HER AND SHE SUPPOSEDLY HAS HIGH INTEREST.

HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE HAS HIGH INTEREST?
1) SHE TAKES YOUR CALLS
2) SHE AGREES TO GO ON DATES WITH YOU
3) DOESN'T CANCEL OR SAY SHE'S TOO BUSY TO SEE YOU
4) SHE TOUCHES YOU ON A DATE (Not the other way around)
5) HER EYES LIGHT UP
6) SHE'S SMILING AND GIGGLING AT THE CORNIEST OF JOKES
7) OPEN BODY LANGUAGE

MOST IMPORTANTLY..WHEN YOU GO IN FOR THE KISS (DATE ONE - IF YOU'RE UNSURE OF HER INTEREST STILL ..DATE TWO - IF IT'S CLEAR SHE'S HIGHLY INTERESTED)... SHE DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE CHEEK, BUT KISSES BACK .

STRAIGHT FORWARDED AND SIMPLE... KEEP IT LIGHT AND FUN AND NOT DEEP AND COMPLEX AS YOU APPEAR TO BE..AND YOU'LL BE FINE..
 Misguided_Old_Mule
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 13
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/3/2013 2:50:56 PM
I'd recommend to err on the side of asking too soon vs. missing that window
just because
if it feels right to you, but feels too soon to her,
all she gotta do is say that.

I dislike phone conversation for the most part.
Agree but to avoid wasting time, best to do this at least once before meeting; talking by phone in real time makes it harder to disguise certain issues compared to EMing, IMing, texting.
WAIT FOUR DAYS OR SO AND ASK HER OUT AGAIN. DON'T ASK HER OUT ON THE SPOT. YOU'LL LOOK STUPID.
Disagree. Waiting 4 days risks the appearance of gamesmanship, disinterest, or a schedule too busy to allow for dating.
 Somesingleguy1974
Joined: 11/22/2012
Msg: 14
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/4/2013 3:50:43 PM
To me there is never a chance that you can meet up in person too soon, but there is always the chance you could not meet up soon enough. There is always that window of opportunity that if you don't take it you will probably see it slip away.

No matter how many messages you exchange back and forth with someone online. You will never know if the two of you have any chemistry together in person. And all that time spent online could be wasted.
 AndreiShadows
Joined: 5/2/2013
Msg: 15
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/8/2013 1:48:54 PM
I wouldn't meet a man after only one day of talking.
Men's brains are more focused and one-directional.
Their line of thinking: I like you, let's meet RIGHT NOW!

Women's line of thinking:
He seems nice... I wonder if he's real/dangerous/has a job/is etc etc etc

It takes balance, men are pushing for the quick meet, women are pushing for long drawn out conversations to get to know the man. Neither strategy works. A woman HAS to be comfortable but not too comfortable. A level of excitement is required for a woman to go out with a man and women can kill this for themselves. A man needs to understand that women are naturally more cautious due to the nature of online dating (I don't know you, and the majority of men who talk to me are only looking for sex from me).

Three days of talking, one of those days needs to include a voice or video chat conversation. No texting all day. As a man, always make your intentions clear, but state them respectfully. Ask her out, make the date within three days if you can manage it.
 Bearfish13
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 16
Meeting in person and the window of opportunity.
Posted: 5/8/2013 1:56:17 PM
Me, I wouldn't jump the gun too quickly, I wouldn't ask here, first i'd move from here to telephone/text then if things are still smooth at that time i'd ask her out
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