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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it      Home login  
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 nickmiles
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 1
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like itPage 1 of 1    
me and this girl have been dating a week, have known each other for 3 weeks, we have been by with each other like every day....she has had a rough past but is trying to change into a better person

shes 20 im 25,,,,she said she wants to be friends no matter what happens between us so she wants to take it slow so we don't get all serious at first and someone gets hurt. she said shes afraid of messing up because i'm a nice guy and needs someone like me in her life because she has dated jerks her whole life but im different she said.

she said even though we have only been together a week it seems like we have been together for much more the way we know each other and how we get along. she said she has trust issues from her past

she said she wants to take the relationship slow but has said stuff about meeting family and other stuff. she even wants to stay over some nights, which doesnt sound like shes taking it slow to me lol..i mean we spend alot of time talking and holding hands and that

im confused,,how serious is she? i really like her and dont wanna put myself out there if this is just a temporarily thing for her or could this be a situation where it develops more?
 nickmiles
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 2
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 8:25:40 AM
yes we have done stuff. it's confusing becauase she has said take it slow but she wants me to meet her family and she is already talking about staying the night now
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
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girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 8:30:55 AM
When a person's words don't match they're actions, they're lying - either to you, or to themselves.

Trying to figure them out is going to lead to confusion and madness.

She's messed-up. Run.
 QT3.18
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 4
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 8:36:32 AM
Let her stay the night, and then when the entire thing goes south, (quel suprise) then you will be added to the long line of "jerks" that she has dated, for taking advantage of her in her "vulnerable state".

This girl does not know reasonable boundaries for relationships, and at the age of 20, if she has only dated jerks "all her life", then one must look at the common denominator.
 Belluvthebawl
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 5
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 8:39:29 AM
I'm with LilliMarleen on this!!

Don't allow this one space in your head. :)
 nickmiles
Joined: 1/9/2013
Msg: 6
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 9:13:47 AM
she went through a rough period when her father died. she is trying to get rid of that past. she wants to move on and she said she needs someone like me in her life instead of an ***hole that keeps her down
 BroFish
Joined: 5/4/2013
Msg: 7
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 9:31:03 AM
Its sounds like you might be a rebound bro. The girl is only 20 years old. She is at stage in her life
where she thinks she knows what she wants when in fact she doesnt. It is confusing for her because
she has never been with a decent guy. She is thinking 'why haven't I been succesful with what I'm attracted to?' Generally, people are only use to what they are accustomed to. That being said, while she knows she should be with someone who will treat her right, she will continue to be attracted to jerks.

I suggest you let this young one figure things out on her own before you end up in the friend zone with your
feelings hurt. Thats as real as I can give it to you.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 8
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 10:29:01 AM
Teenage girls change their mind about liking you six times before breakfast. A 20-something that shows very view signs of maturity is not too far removed from that behavior. Being around her is like standing next to a guy juggling chainsaws - it may be fun to watch, but at any second they could slip up, or worse yet - turn on you - and before you know it you're missing important body parts. It's your choice - but I'd suggest getting out of the kiddie dating pool and look for something deeper.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 9
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 10:48:15 AM
Looking back into my memory....I was quite a different person at 25 y.o. than at 20 y.o.
Things obviously "smooth" over the passage of time. A 65 y.o. is naturally compatible with a 60 y.o., for example.
Good luck in determining what is right for you with this woman.
 Bearfish13
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 10
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 10:51:10 AM
My take,

obviously you dont know what the future will bring so see what happens, or you can call it off now, Good Luck OP
 AGuy_4U
Joined: 11/29/2012
Msg: 11
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girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 10:58:31 AM
No matter what happens she want to be friends? There are red flags all over the place. she has too much baggage and too much drama. I would run like hell! She may call you a jerk, but at least you will have your sanity.
 The_Curvy_Doll
Joined: 12/14/2012
Msg: 12
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 11:05:47 AM
It seems pretty obvious. Even though she wants to take it slow, she has a habit of taking it too fast, which has gotten her in trouble in the past. It sounds like she gets hurt a lot because she gets too attached too early and pushes the emotional intimacy too quickly, a behavior which makes many women vulnerable to being used and dumped by players. Since she has a number of bad experiences under her belt now and is somewhat cognizant of her overly attached behavior being partially to blame, she is telling herself she will resist the urge to attach too quickly and "take it slow" instead to avoid hurt and disappointment. But it's that's like a compulsive over-eater proclaiming that they want to diet, only to eat a a whole chocolate cake 5 minutes later. What a person wants to do (what they know is healthy and wise to do) and what their compulsion compels them to do is often very different. If she has a habit of not lasting with people she goes too quickly with and you want to last with her then the wise choice would be to remind her to slow down.
 RyanohRyan
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 13
girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 11:54:10 AM

When a person's words don't match they're actions, they're lying - either to you, or to themselves.


Gold.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it
Posted: 5/9/2013 12:39:01 PM
I think Curveydoll has it most correctly.

I remember being Twenty. It's a time when a person has heard and learned all the right things to say, and they have begun to recognize that the good advice (like take it slow) IS good, but they haven't actually learned how to do any of it yet.

I think that's where this young girl is. As Curvy says, she proclaims she wants to take it slow more as a prayer or a magical chant, than because she has any real idea what it means.

If you want to help her, the main thing you will need to do is to recognize that her words are just wishes, and that patience will be required on your part, to allow her the time it will take her to figure out (if she can) what the words mean.

A lot of our young lives are like that. We know we should be brave, but when we see what is called bravery, it just looks like "waiting while things get scary." We know we should be persistent in pursuing our goals, but that often seems to be identical to ramming ones head against a stone wall. We know we should "go slow," but the only way we really understand "going slow," is that we don't say "yes" or "no" quite as soon as we did the last time someone asked for something from us.

I suggest you add a continuum of possibilities to the only two you are allowing her in this thread. Allow her to go too fast, and then run backwards as she senses she did. Don't demand that she's "lying", just because she doesn't know as much about herself as she thinks she is supposed to say that she does.

Things might or might not work out between you, and no special tricks will make the difference. But if you don't allow people the leeway to make any mistakes, you sure as hell wont be allowing them room to make things right, either.
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > girl wants to take it slow, but doesn't come off like it