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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?      Home login  
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 exeterguyfriend
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 1
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I'm frustrated that a friend met someone on here and had the guy move in 3 days after she knew him. Basically his ex is kicking him out in a week and he needs a place to go because he's too poor to get a room locally even though he has a job. He met my friend, was the 'best thing in the world' then told her of his plight. He stated if he doesn't find a place in a week, he will have to move back with family 2 hours away. My main problem is a man literally trolled this site looking for women to 'rescue' him. Do you think my position is unreasonable? My friend states she is so comfortable and doesn't want to lose him but I fail to see how him moving 2 hours away is losing him? Please if i'm wrong here let me know. Or maybe he's that great a catch someone else will snag him?

Now why the man cannot move back home and continue to date her is beyond me. I have personal experience with dating someone 4 hours away and it wound up in marriage. So it's not like 2 hours is the end of the world. There are so many weird things I don't understand about the relationship and she refused to call or visit me this week citing she was 'too busy' which to an extent is true. But she would always make time for me in the past. She knows I disapprove so is probably avoiding me. i don't blame her. I finally will be getting a visit tomorrow. I know I wont change her mind but I will at least find out more about this guy and hopefully get more insight.

This person also has no possessions other than clothes so is pretty much all moved in. Can someone tell what I'm missing here? how does one have NO possessions? Was he in jail? oh wait she doesn't even know his last name so I cant look it up lol.

Has anyone ever heard of such a relationship actually working out? If one of you posted a success story it would put my mind at ease. She admitted she's a rescuer and likes to help people and for some reason this guy is apparently worth moving in and taking a risk on. I admittedly have blinders on and just think this is an awful idea and regardless of if this works out or not, I feel it's a horrible way to start a relationship, basically blackmailing a woman into having her ask him to move in.

that's how I see it

what are your thoughts?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 2:06:33 PM
What do you wish for us to say? Of course her idea is completely ill-conceived.
The only people thinking it is a good idea is the guy getting the new living arrangement and your female friend.
Step back and let her do what she wishes to do. Or find one of her female friends to talk sense into her.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 3
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 2:15:36 PM
let your friend make her own mistakes. Who knows, could be happy ever after..for a while..and that may be good enough for her.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 4
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 2:37:13 PM
This is really none of your business even though you mean well. Can it succeed? Of course not.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 5
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:01:44 PM
As a friend you done what you are supposed to do. You gave her your opinion and what you think about the all thing. Now step back and enjoy the show. It is up to her to dicide what SHE wants to do. Might it work??? of course it might. But the chances are that it won't and she would get hurt or even worse taken for a ride and would lose lots of money in her attemp to rescue him. But thats what life is about its the choices we make and how and what we learn from them. Just remember its not your choice and its not up to you to rescue her from doing a stupid thing. Cause then you would end up being the bad person...
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 6
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:04:08 PM
Wow, when she comes home one day and all her s**t is missing she won't feel comfortable with him. Ive not ever heard of that kind of situation working out because IT'S iNSANE, but if she's an adult she can do whatever she chooses, regardless of how stupid it may be.
 Misguided_Old_Mule
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 7
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:08:27 PM
Define "succeed."
vvv If people can have sex on the first date, why can't they move in together after 3 days? Answer that one my fellow POF geniuses.
Exactly. Perceived ratio of risk to benefit.
And in OP's question -- sounds like a potential match; the dude needs rescuing while she needs to rescue somebody.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 8
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:15:13 PM
If people can have sex on the first date, why can't they move in together after 3 days? Answer that one my fellow POF geniuses.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 9
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:15:22 PM
It is not impossible that this can work...it is also not impossible to win the lottery...I give them the same odds actually.
 QT3.18
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 10
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:23:47 PM
I had someone move in with me after a month. Same thing. His landlord was selling the house he was living in, blah blah blah. He lived with me for 3 years.

The worst 3 years of my life. And I am not exaggerating.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 11
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:32:01 PM
The first thing that comes to my mind is she picks losers so she will go through the same BS and he will manipulate her even further and she will buy into everything. OP, you are in your 40's. I realize this isn't about you but why would you not have enough sense to figure out that this doesn't even need to be asked. If it is a friend, you are an adult where you can tell her how you feel. After that, she will do what more then likely who she always has been and that is someone who enjoys the moment but doesn't think past the moment. This guy is good, he knows how to manipulate at the right time. No possesions, no nothing. Oh absolutely, this is a great match......lol
 MsWrong2013
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 12
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:41:56 PM
Honestly, regardless of what anyone says on this forum will do u no justice because ur friend is not the one posting this question nor will she see the response.

My advice is this, talk to ur friend and let her known of ur concerns. And if she doesn't listen, then perhaps let her make her own mistakes and to learn from it.

FOr some reason, we women tend to think that 'omg, some guy took an interest in me and is actually talking to me, hell no I won't let him go". That sort of a mentality needs to be thrown out the window. Really we don't to cling on men like that at all. Why? Because we need to be independent on ourselves and our own choices. And shouldn't have to 'want' a man to complete us.

I think ur friend has some low self esteem issues that she needs to work out that's why she's clinging on a guy after 3 days.

Good luck
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 13
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:44:40 PM
You aren't missing anything. Your friend is missing some brain cells. Stupid is as stupid does. But not really any of your busines. Stop giving your advice unless she asks for it. Be available to pick up pieces when it crashes and burns.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 14
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 3:58:47 PM

My main problem is a man literally trolled this site looking for women to 'rescue' him.


He is a f*cking leach and should be flogged and sent to live with family two hours away. Or maybe they don't want him either. Me, if this was happening to a woman friend of mine, he and I WOULD be having a talk whether my friend liked it or not.


talk to ur friend and let her known of ur concerns. And if she doesn't listen, then perhaps let her make her own mistakes and to learn from it.


That sums it up nicely but there is no perhaps. When it all turns to sh*it and she cries on your shoulder be there like a friend that you are and make no bones about telling her what a dumbsh*it she is.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 15
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:07:22 PM
Definitely it can succeed no doubt for at least one of the partner .
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:15:22 PM
What's that generic saying some people like to throw around????

Oh yeah, "live for today"!!!!!!


Isn't that what your "friend" is doing???? "Common sense" says this shouldn't work. Of course, "common sense" also said Bush wouldn't get re-elected but, we all know what happened next.

Not much ya can do OP, other than express your "concerns" . After that, supposedly, "friends" are suppose to sit back, watch the train wreck, and then offer a shoulder to cry on. Yeah, that's ticket!!!!!!
 Belluvthebawl
Joined: 2/19/2013
Msg: 17
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:21:02 PM
Can't fix stupid..........
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 18
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:21:25 PM
Motown, people can pretty much do anything they want, but that doesn't make it a good idea. Personally, I don't think sex on a first date is all that smart, but each to their own. IMO though there is a world of difference between having sex on the first date and moving in together after 3 days. More difficult to get rid of the guy for one thing. Then there's the whole question of finances-those picky common sense things: is he gonna help with the bills? Particularly the bills that will increase because he's there? The possible negative effect on the person's life increases a great deal more from him living there rather than from sex on the first date. Can she be 100% sure he's not a druggie, or abusive, etc? Those things don't usually show up during sex on a first date or the first 3 days since 2 people meet.

Really up to the woman, though. Like the rest of us, she's gong to do what she wants to do-no matter what anybody else says. Can it succeed? Sure.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 19
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:29:40 PM
OPie, she rescues him; you rescue her. Difference?

Succeeding? I'd give it a very dim maybe. I had a friend who had a girl in the same situation move in with him after their first date. They were together for several years. She considered him her mate; the reverse wasn't also true.
 somekinda_wonderful
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 20
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:51:46 PM
On my third date with my last partner, he spent the night, and he spent every single night after that with me. Yes it was stupid, should have never have worked out, we even discussed the fact that we were foolish and impetuous, but it worked. Would I do it again - no, I can't envision getting that lucky twice in a row.

Let your friend make her own decisions, you can let her know about your concerns, but its still her choice. Who knows maybe she's one of the lucky ones
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 21
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 6:17:22 PM
Unless you like drama you need better friends.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 4/26/2013
Msg: 22
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 8:21:55 PM
It's about as smart as cleaning the toilet with ammonia and bleach at the same time.
 theanswerguy2
Joined: 4/3/2013
Msg: 23
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 8:43:46 PM

Has anyone ever heard of such a relationship actually working out?


Yes.
"Dharma and Greg".

But that was just a TV show.


what are your thoughts?


I think your friend needs a CAT scan.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 24
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moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 9:22:24 PM
I've made some horrendous mistakes with men in my life but so far I've never been desperate enough to move a man in with me after three days. That's a doozey. Could it work, sure, but hardly likely. I wouldn't think too much of a man who would think about doing this, I'd consider his actions to be a good call on what his character is. But she sounds the same as him, so who knows, might be made for each other.

You might want to reconsider who you think of as friends, since bringing strangers into her home could lead to some pretty nasty stuff and you being around that could put in you the middle of some pretty nasty stuff. Just saying...
 marilynh77
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 25
moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?
Posted: 5/10/2013 9:57:52 PM
I would find new friends for I don't hang out with stupid! Be careful of who you friends with, birds of a feather flock together!
You mean well but stay out and watched her fall, don't pick her back up due to she's a grown woman!
Some women are desperate, insecure and plain stupid!
Let her learn her lesson, be there to talk to her but don't be her rescuer, let her learn.
Men prey on stupid women! Not all men, just conartists. Your friend is dumb! If I was you, I would find better people to hang out with.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > moving in after 3 days...can it really succeed?