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 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 1
Are there friend zone indicators? Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Recently we had a discussion within a group of friends about the good old friend zone topic.

One single guy mentioned he feels like he's always the confidant of the females in his life, be it co-workers or women he meets socially, they always seem to confide in him about all sorts of personal and professional issues.

Now he, along with most guys in our group interpreted this in a way that he's always the friend zoned one, while most women in our group were of the opinion that this is not an indication of him being friend zoned but rather that the women who confide in him feel comfortable and at ease with him.

Which leaves me wondering now whether there are any gender specific indicators regarding the friend zone issue?

What are the thoughts/ideas among the forum participants?

Thanks for your input.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 2
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 7:23:00 AM
He is being friend zoned because he does not have the balls to move to the next level. That means that instead of being a "nice" polite guy, he has to take chances, and move forward the attraction.

I seen this a lot. And usually this "girlfriend" guy is at the beacon call of the girl. The problem with guys like this is that at some point they may try to cross over, and by then it's too late.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 8:24:15 AM
Men (and women) get friend-zoned because the other person has no attraction - or does, but the chance is missed to act on it before it fades.

In cases like this, some people will try the "if they get to know me better they'll change their mind and fall for me" strategy, which the other person will mistake as accepting the friendship despite the attraction. Eventually there's an awkward conversation that has to happen down the road when someone has one too many drinks, or something similar where the just-friendship has to be clarified again.

If you want to find out whether someone is into you or not, just make a move or clearly announce your interest. They will react in a way that gives you your answer.
 wolvesatthedoor
Joined: 5/8/2013
Msg: 4
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 8:34:31 AM
When they tell you about a great guy they just met and that he might just be the "one".
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 5
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 8:38:28 AM
Now he, along with most guys in our group interpreted this in a way that he's always the friend zoned one, while most women in our group were of the opinion that this is not an indication of him being friend zoned but rather that the women who confide in him feel comfortable and at ease with him.


Guy Translation: If I'm good enough to confide in, why am I also not good enough to fuck? (Sex is primary: Simple)

Gal Translation: We want to talk about our thoughts and feeeeeeelings to someone who will listen, but that doesn't mean we also want to fuck you, or any of our other friends either, hello! Get your mind out of the gutter. God is that all you think about? Here I am bearing my soul and you're looking at your watch and wanting to know when the sex will happen? Perverts! (Sex is secondary: Waaay too complicated for simple.)

Male Friend Zone Indicator: He will fuck you but other than that he really doesn't want to hear about your problems and dreams or how was your lovely day. "What are you doing this weekend" is only of interest if it involves having sex with him.

Female Friend Zone Indicator: You are done here, put on your ugly pants and go home now, I have plans.

Yeah we can be just as callous. Woot!
 tnt8
Joined: 4/22/2013
Msg: 6
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 9:23:23 AM
It's very simple... to stay out of the friend's zone, the man needs to take the woman out on a date and kiss her at the end of the date. The first big kiss takes the relationship to a higher, romantic level. If you are not kissing, you are just wishing!
 y0uandi
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 7
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:35:18 AM

If I'm interested in a guy, I don't whine to him about my problems, I care that he sees me at my finest. With my male friends, I don't mind exposing myself. If a woman feels so comfortable with a guy that she doesn't care any more that he sees her whiny, flawed, pathetic etc, it means that the spark -- if there was any -- is gone.


True story.
 JS3344
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 8
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:38:28 AM
friendzone indicator = if you're at her place watching her dog while she's on a date.......you might be in the friendzone!
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 9
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:56:32 AM

indicators regarding the friend zone issue?

Lack of sexual interest is the best indicator ...
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 10
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:59:19 AM
If a woman is telling me about all the the other men who are trying to woo her then I am probably in the friend zone

If a woman is giving me a handshake or a wave or a sideways hug or a hug where her breasts don't press against my chest as a greeting or departing jesture then I am probably in the friend zone.

If a woman is telling me we are only friends or if she tells me after a few dates that there is just no spark or chemistry then we can be only friends.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 11
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 11:59:22 AM
Somebody needs to come up with something like a mood ring. Blue for friendzoned, green for midway, Red for "she might be into you"...
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 12
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 12:17:15 PM
Somebody needs to come up with something like a mood ring. Blue for friendzoned, green for midway, Red for "she might be into you"
Yes a mood ring for women would be handy I think it would also be good if we could get fair warning if they were in a mood to bite your head off - I'm guessing the appropriate colour for that would be black.

I'm thinking we should keep it simple for men ( and make it like a traffic sign ) red for stop, green for go and yellow for proceed with caution and be prepared to stop. Yes I think blue is appropriate for the friend zone - a colour usually considered to be cool, having the blues or having blue balls ( not getting any for a long long time ).
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 13
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 2:05:57 PM
When I want it to be clear that I'm not, and would never be, interested in pursuing something romantic with a man, I tell him he's like a brother to me. If a woman says that to you, it should be obvious no nooky will ever be happening.
 house_full_of_bullets
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 14
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 3:46:48 PM

that might be true for most places, but Alabama might be one exception

Yep. You're a Vol fan alright... :-D
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 15
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 3:55:40 PM
Ah yes, the classic "no boob hug." :D

As a woman I've gotten friendzoned frequently. The indicators from a guy are obvious: Mostly no sexual interest..no tension, no flirting, no comments or conversation indicating curiousity about my personal life, etc.

And the "no boob hug" is a dead giveaway..he will position himself so that when he hugs goodbye or hello our chests are not touching.

And...the greatest self esteem builder of them all: Listening to his woeful dating tales about other women he wants.

RUN..do not walk..out of that situation. There is no hope.
 moonchildmn
Joined: 4/1/2013
Msg: 16
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 4:03:26 PM
I'm only taking about dating:

Men get moved into the friend zone when they talk about their ex-wife, last girlfriend, martial problems while they were married, how far behind they are on child support, why they split with their last siggy or wife, etc. on a first date.

When I hear the tales I feel one thing: pity. Poor thing, his wife cheated, she's mean, his ex girlfriend got a DWI, etc. etc. etc....all this on the first date. While I agree it speeds up the process of deciding whether to move forward, it's just not cool conversation for a first date.

I've only been on one first date where the conversation of his ex didn't get brought up by him. I never, ever ask about the ex,,,,mainly because I never need to.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 17
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 4:21:44 PM
I think there might be a third category. At least the way I think of it.

The "friend zone" is where people end up who were at least momentarily considered for lover status, or who attempted to cross the line into lover status. That's why it's a "zone."

Then there are those in the running for "lover," or who already are one...

And then there are the people who from the start, were defined as non-sexual entities. Who is in that group can vary, but it has nothing to do with how attractive they are. It usually has to do with other designations, such as that they are a coworker (and the person confiding in them NEVER gets involved with a coworker), or they are an ex of their best friend, and so on. There are lots of such people who could be identical in every way to your ideal mate, but who you will never see as even HAVING sex organs, because of how you think about them from the start. The most obvious example, would be someone whose sexual orientation was such that the two of you would NEVER come together.

Now to me, that's a separate category from "friend zone," just because I think of things that way.

In any case, for sure, if you find that an attractive member of the opposite sex is confiding in you regularly, you can definitely cross them off your list of "potentials." If they saw you as a sexual being, with ANY potential to be a lover, they would NEVER talk to you as though you were one of them.
 infinity2018
Joined: 5/5/2013
Msg: 18
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:02:07 PM
I agree with you. I'd like to be friends first and know more about the man before dating him. That's why the ones who ask to meet me right away w/o trying to know a little more about me or w/o trying to contact me first by e-mail kind of scare me. I feel more receptive if I've communicated w/ a man for a little while.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 19
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/16/2013 1:49:40 PM
There's nothing wrong with being a friend unless you have no use for anyone who isn't gonna "come across."

A woman who asks you about sensitive, personal matters is exploring your philosophy, honesty and treatment of others. Those are important things to find out before getting emotionally involved, too, not signs of exclusion.

And, finally, a girl who has explored you and likes you but doesn't find you to be what she wants may still say nice things about you to other women.
ED BEAR
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 20
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/16/2013 2:32:39 PM
Thanks everybody for your input.

Reading the posts, seems like there really are slightly different views by the different genders, interesting.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 21
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/18/2013 12:48:42 PM
Ps_4 comment had me dying of laughter.
No body wants a girl who got train'd by the ball team, football team. If wrestling got their way in, you know the pokey loook like diced meat.
Being that dude that girls confide in gives one insight on how dumb they really are until that fish aint fresh anymore and they wisen up.
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 22
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/18/2013 7:04:59 PM
Sure are op. When that person wants to continue hanging out with you, on YOUR dime, and contributes NOTHING to it. Doesnt show any physical activity/affection towards you, continues making exuces as to why he/she wont kiss you. They're probably looking for the BBD, and will continue using you(or someone) for all they can, until a better situation occurs.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 23
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/19/2013 7:19:31 PM
Hey, a friend doesn't expect you to pay for their life or do their bidding. THAT's a user, male or female.

Anything you'd do for a bud you can do for a female friend without fear. And that includes holding their purse or driving them home if they're not fit.
ED BEAR
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 24
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Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/19/2013 7:20:42 PM
Hey, a friend doesn't expect you to pay for their life or do their bidding. THAT's a user, male or female.

Anything you'd do for a bud you can do for a female friend without fear. And that includes holding their purse or driving them home if they're not fit. Would you leave a friend behind to crash into a tree or be taken off by a scary drunk just because he/she wasn't sleeping with you? What kind of friend would that make YOU?
ED BEAR
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 25
Are there friend zone indicators?
Posted: 5/20/2013 2:06:45 PM
The biggest friend zone indicator is a lack of sex. If a woman doesn't make it fairly obvious that she's willing to have sex with you, you're in the zone.
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