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Show ALL Forums  > Plentyoffish Site/Suggestions/Help  > FAQ: New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Mes      Home login  
Joined: 5/14/2013
Msg: 1
FAQ: New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message RestrictionsPage 1 of 33    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)

I am trying to send messages to people, even those I'm already in conversation with, and I keep getting the message: "XXXX is not accepting messages from someone of your age or gender", even if there are NO RESTIRCTIONS on their profile!

This has only happened overnight as it was working fine last night.

To learn more, please read a message posted by the site owner and Admin

message 16

Joined: 1/24/2013
Msg: 2
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 3:27:47 AM
I'm really sorry to break the bad news to you, but you're no longer a man. Due to the economy, POF acting as agents for the government have had to re-assign you as a woman, and changed your age to 137.

only joking, it's been changed to 89
Joined: 5/14/2013
Msg: 3
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 4:57:49 AM
What has been changed to 89??
My age still shows on my profile as 42.
Joined: 1/24/2013
Msg: 4
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 5:35:18 AM
I am been funny ha ha, on POF all sorts of things happen with no obvious rhyme nor reason. I've already mailed someone this morning, so it's not universal, I'm afraid. You've not sent some really really offensive mails have you? nah, thought not. I know on a very different dating site I'm on, everyday they mix up pictures on profiles, poor programming on their server dishing out the content. POF is even bigger so maybe today somehow something has been mixed up with your profile. Annoying, but if it persists tomorrow then howl at
Joined: 5/14/2013
Msg: 5
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 5:54:06 AM
OK. Thanks for that.
I understand the restrictions thing, and not being able to message someone who STATES certain ages on their profile (but can talk if they message you first), but these are people that:

a. Have no restrictions
b. I have already been in conversation with.

It's really frustrating that I am not able to talk to people that I have already been talking to.

As I am a new member, if I change my age down (and I know I can only do this until 14 days is up), it works, but I shouldn't have to be doing that!
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 6
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 6:23:07 AM
Most POF email restrictions are lifted after the first successful email.

You need to contact POF customer service at

No one here in the forums can help ya really.

Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 7
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 8:11:43 AM
I've noticed this, too. Apparently, POF no longer allows men to write to women more than 19 years their junior. You can't search on anyone more than 19 years younger than you are. I'm 54 and if I attempt to run a basic or advanced search for the 18-99 age range, the search and results are reset to 40-99. I can manually change the minimum age to 35 and that will stick, but if I set it at 34 or younger, it defaults again to 40.

I suspect that POF got a lot of complaints from women hearing from much older men, and put these restrictions in place. I'd be curious to know if the same restrictions are in place for women seeking men, men seeking men, and women seeking women categories.

Given the fact that POF gives users the ability to set age restrictions upon who may write to them, with people outside their age range unable to even see their ads when logged in, there's no legitimate reason for this to be put in place.

A better option than putting these restrictions into place would be to require all users to select a preferred age range, with those outside the age range unable to write to a person or see their ad when logged in (in other words, the same process which is in place for those who opt-in to setting an age range). That way, anyone who doesn't want to hear from someone above or below a particular age, won't hear from them, without restricting people who don't mind or prefer a significant age difference from reaching out to one another.
Joined: 5/14/2013
Msg: 8
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 8:21:43 AM
That's ridiculous!
It's an adult website and adults should be able to make INDIVIDUAL decisions!
As you say, there are manual settings where you can restrict the ages of people messaging you.

It's particularly stupid when they stop you messaging people you are already in conversation with!
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 9
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 9:52:48 AM
Whoa POF - there's interesting.....I realise that young women might moan about old gits mailing them, but does that give you the right to control the age range of searches?
(Please don't anyone start the 'it's a private business' speech, I'm well aware of that)
I wonder if this works both ways - am I no longer going to be worried about getting hundreds of messages from nineteen year old girls who all live in Manchester and are seemingly up for a great night out?
For shame - party poopers..........

vvvv Hawking Jr
I can confirm that site is auto-blocking messages and replies from (male) users that have messaged before if there is a significant age difference....this & other decisions will probably free up loads of server space, at the end of the day, it's a business, and cost-cutting is a priority............
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 10
view profile
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 10:02:32 AM

I'd be curious to know if the same restrictions are in place for women seeking men, men seeking men, and women seeking women categories.

I just tried, and got a youngster age 23, so I guess not. That said, I can't even imagine doing it seriously, lol!

After my first marriage ended, some forty odd years ago, I belonged to a number of different dating/parents groups, and in *every single one of them* the older guys after the young chickies was a major problem. There were only three final outcomes: either the group broke up into and elder/younger pair of groups, they found some other way to largely keep the older guys out (had to have a child living at home, etc.) or the group died because all the women under 40 left.

But it seems to me that all this will lead to is even more guys lying about their ages. . . .
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 11
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Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 10:06:36 AM
This is probably worthy of a red text highlight, moderators, as this is a MAJOR change. Perhaps the biggest one in the site's history!

I can't test the "19 years your junior" theory (aka POF's new "Romeo & Juliet" rule), but I can tell you that I can no longer search for women under the age of 21 IF I am logged in. So if you're close to my age, apparently either the cut-off age is 21 or it is somewhere around 14 years your junior. It will require a lot of different aged people testing this to figure out exactly what's going on.

Now I can still search for 18-20 year-olds if I am logged out, but as I don't really want to freak out an 18-year-old with an email, I haven't tested whether I can send one of them an email after finding their profile while logged out, then logging back in to send the email, but I'm guessing Quantum knows what he's talking about and I probably can't. (There also appears to be no upper limit -- if I search for people 30 years older, they show up in my searches.)

What's most interesting about this change is what the OP is suggesting: that possibly even AFTER you have already established communication with someone, you still aren't allowed to message them if they aren't within POF's age guidelines for you. I would VERY much like to hear if anyone else can verify that is the case, because that's just nuts if someone outside POF's enforced age ranges can email you and you can't email them back. This will definitely have a strong negative impact on forum friendships.

And speaking of which, it will also be interesting to see if women have the same restrictions we have (if not, that's a whole other can of worms!). And what if moderators aren't exempt -- how will we communicate with them about issues we are supposed to contact them privately about?

Obviously this is all part of Markus' plan to "clean up POF" -- which apparently has now taken the step of becoming a fully fledged nanny state and is protecting people against their own "ignorance" about the site's functionality, but obviously, once again just like with the "date review" crap in the other active thread, the innocent are being swept up with the supposedly guilty. And in this case, I think he might well be shooting himself in the foot because you seriously think there won't be a rebellion if consenting adults can't communicate with people they choose to communicate with? I definitely agree with Quantum's last paragraph -- there are much better ways to deal with whatever Markus thinks is a problem than secretly implementing his own age restrictions against everyone's will.

EDIT: I just read Wooby's post -- I suppose that means WOMEN don't have these new search and email restrictions -- just men. Like I said, another can of worms! Can others verify this?
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 12
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Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 10:26:01 AM
It seems to be about 14 years difference for me. It's not a major drama as frankly I'd expect very few young ladies younger than that to have much in common with me... Saying that, it does seem a bit draconian to impose this in the way it has been and frankly as it's an over 18 site I am disappointed that the assumption by POF seems to be that we don't deserve to be treated like adults.
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 13
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 10:26:09 AM
..............So I was in the middle of an exchange of very pleasant (non-sexual) messages with a 22 year old lady from Wales (she initiated contact, btw) when I find that I cannot reply to her last message.....just what the fvck is that about?
Would someone care to lighten my darkness?
Why should the fact that I am 67 mean that I can't reply to an established conversation?

Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 14
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 10:33:21 AM
Does this mean that the little teeny boppers can no longer message me? I'm all for that but... I don't think it is a decision that should be made for a person. If a person wants to impose age restrictions we already have that tool in place. I removed mine ages ago when I became a "forums only" user. When I had a for dating profile I had a one liner about only being interested in men close to my own age.

I really don't see the reason why the site would want to restrict contact and views. I thought "clicks" were the bread and butter around here.
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 15
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Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 10:39:43 AM
It's nice to see a lady who also feels it's not really a sensible move.

I've checked and it has now blocked a couple of existing friendly conversations I was having... All in all a very disappointing move from the powers that be.
Joined: 3/27/2001
Msg: 16
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Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 11:02:15 AM
if you are are looking for women the youngest you can search for is your age -14 this rule is only in effect if you search for women under 35. Women 18 to 21 can only be contacted by men under 30. (not fully implemented yet)

Women who are 18 come to the site to find people to date, they don't come here to find "friends" with men in their 50's. Over all for young women its just a horrible user experience as for some of them over half their messages are from men double their age. This change only effects 1.7% of first contacts between users on the site but it will make a huge difference in terms of female perception of the site.
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 17
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Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 11:21:54 AM
Still a very heavy handed implementation given that it has cut off existing conversations with zero warning.
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 11:52:12 AM
Not only does this cut off existing conversations, but if a woman outside of a man's POF allotted age range sends him a first contact message in the future, he can never reply to her (which I suppose in your world is for her own good). Basically, you're treading on women's rights and treating grown women like children who can't be trusted to make their own decisions -- what is this, the Taliban?

I'm not saying you don't have a "big problem" that you're trying to get a handle on, but Quantum's suggestion made a lot more sense: FORCE ALL users to choose an age range in mail settings just like you have forced so many other "mandatory" questions on us. You obviously must think the primary issue is that many young women don't realize they can set an age range in mail settings and that's why they're getting a lot of unwanted attention from older men, so just MAKE them set an age range, and if even after that they still choose 18-99 or whatever, then that must mean they really don't care what ages contact them and aren't just ignorant of mail settings. Wouldn't it be better to let women make their own choices about who they can communicate with? Or at least be fair about it and don't allow cougars to contact young men either. The way you're going about this seems EXTREMELY sexist and quite 1950s-ish (or, again, modern day Middle East-ish).

This doesn't really have a lot of effect on me because I rarely first contact any woman outside of my "allotted POF age range," but several women who first contacted me (most by way of the forums) were outside of my "allotted POF age range" and I think I would have been a little annoyed to not be able to answer their questions, particularly the one that was originally from my hometown area -- I'm not quite sure if you know what you're talking about when you say some didn't come here to find "friends" (despite having a category on the dating side just for that). But then again, you obviously know the women on this site better than they know themselves.

On an interesting sidenote, I suppose this means all women under 30 who have forum issues that need to be discussed privately with a moderator can only contact miss allison, since Trapped can no longer respond to them.
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 19
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 12:42:12 PM
I tried to search from 20-35 and it jumped upto 26-35 ...why is that ???
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 20
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 12:44:29 PM

lightstar1 - I wonder if this works both ways...

I just messaged you and it went through.

We've been in touch with one another before but as the OP said, he was being blocked from those he was already in contract with, I wanted to see if that would stop me. It didn't despite an age gap of more than 19 years. I haven't tried writing to anyone 19 years younger than me.
Joined: 8/22/2012
Msg: 21
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 1:46:32 PM
I was contacted by a younger girl who lives in my neighborhood and we weren't even talking about dating... and she initiated the contact. Granted, I am 37, and she is 20, however now I can no longer contact her. Not even a 23 year old!
That's ridiculous honestly. I am a "upgraded" member too and I WILL NOT be renewing this garbage.

I have a feeling younger girls will be lying about their ages more now than they already have... and men will start lying about their ages too.

A BETTER FEATURE would be to prompt the user to ask what age ranges they want to talk to max and min. And tell them they can adjust these settings.

Also, maybe another SUGGESTION that isn't so harsh, make messages OUTSIDE the range show up in a "FILTERED" folder so the user can still look if they desire.

I vote to revert to old site until these changes are made more clearly. Also, you should warn the users already in conversations that this change was made by the admin and NOT the user doing this.

Do I have to make a "younger" account so I can re-connect with this girl? I don't want her to think I've blocked her or stopped responding. I think it's plain RUDE!
Joined: 4/24/2013
Msg: 22
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 2:01:30 PM

This new feature overrides a woman's own age filters regardless of what she may had selected? Is that correct?

Just a suggestion, but wouldn't it make more sense to have these age filters automatically set up when profiles are created YET at the same time, make them adjustable by the user if they choose to?

Also can this filter be overridden if the woman initiates contact first?

^^ very good suggestion made.. i prefer men that are 40 - 49 ish.. but now i'll have to limit my search to 47 and below..

what if i start chatting to someone that i really like that is 47.. he has a birthday the next day and hence becomes 48 - because he's now 15 years older i can no longer continue my conversation with him? These new limits actually cut off existing conversations?

Is there any way of making this new system work by allowing people who have been added to someones favourites list to message the person that added them? please ?

or exactly as miss allison said.. to have already in place filters that the person has to manually override if they want anyone outside that range to contact them,,
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 23
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 2:15:22 PM
The creepy old guys brought this on themselves.
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 24
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 2:22:11 PM
I'm confused

is it just males who can no longer message younger women regardless of the age range they set or is it women too?

if it is only males,has turning this feature on negated any conversations already in place? if the female was to write to the man again ,would it work like the other restrictions placed that prevented people mailing others who would be able to reply if they were written too first?

or has pof decided that only people within specific age ranges can now talk to each other?

I think I like the suggestion [for everybody not just women] to mke setting an age range a mandatory part of setting up your profile,then younger females who are happy to hear from older males can do if they so wish
Joined: 4/5/2013
Msg: 25
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/19/2013 2:29:33 PM
I agree that much older men who pursue women young enough to be their daughters - maybe granddaughters - is a little creepy. I'd love nothing more than to censure such behavior, because I know that people are tired of being annoyed and harassed by people much younger or much older (this is why we have the age filters). However, the choice entirely belongs to the young women, receiving and sending the e-mails, to contact whom they wish.

The presumption is that people over 18 have the legal right to make their own decisions.

IMHO, I don't think of this a a woman's rights issue, per se. Of course, it's clearly ageist (at least where the women are concerned), it's censorship, and it makes the filters the users may choose to engage useless, if not eliminated at all. I'm guessing that they'll equally resent much older admin making their social decisions, for them -- that's if it has anything to do with the aforementioned issues. I could be wrong.
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