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Joined: 3/27/2001
Msg: 1
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POF in UKPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

How bad is the intimate encounter like messages for women in the UK? I know from the administration side the UK is by far the most pervy of any country.
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 2
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:08:52 PM
it can be pretty bad. demoralising. i'm not looking for that (when i was looking) and even if the guy's profile says they're after friends/dating etc...basically they lie - they are so gross, it's unbelievable.

cos they have the safety of a keyboard, they think they can say what they like.

but thankfully, we do have a block feature.

*thank you for asking*


edited to add - i know that's a danger of online dating that you will get the creeps but, it's funny how 'personal' it feels when it lands in your inbox.
also worth noting that mine have all come from 20s to early 30s age range.

oh and if not hidden (as a woman) and you log in late at nite, it's at your own peril (lol). that's when they're ALL out, it would appear.

Joined: 2/21/2013
Msg: 3
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:10:53 PM
The leader has arrived!
Joined: 2/27/2013
Msg: 4
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:15:10 PM
The most pervy?? seems quite tame on here to me.
The sleazy men [as you put it] will find other ways to perv it up surely?
Like maya said, they will just alter [lie] about what they are looking for
Joined: 4/16/2011
Msg: 5
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:16:37 PM
^^^^ hahaha Spidey, you do make me giggle! We are so blessed to be in the presence of such greatness!

On topic - errrrm, yes dear leader, even at my ripe old age, I've had my fair share of pervy messages.
Joined: 10/27/2012
Msg: 6
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:18:38 PM
i get my share of pervy messages from guys looking for relationships let alone intimate encounters.... they all go on my blocked list
Joined: 9/5/2012
Msg: 7
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:23:20 PM
I thought we would have been way down the pecking order.....

Well , had a few they usually pretend to want to play with my Star Trek Chess set or me play Call of Duty with them
I might add nothing that I couldn't deal with by using the filters if necessary.....
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 8
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:28:04 PM
I think you are barking up the wrong tree.

You, when buiding the site at its inception placed in the ability to look for an "intimate encounter" and you, as the site owner are now removing it. That is your prerogative. And many will applaud that.

But that is not the same problem as in the question you post in your OP.

Many on here send sexually explicit messages. I have received them myself and I am in an age bracket that is surprised to see it! But they are not necessarily from those with the intention of "intimate encounter" as the reason for being on the site. These messages can be from anyone whatever their stated intention is.

So it is not because people are looking for an intimate encounter, it is because the site is free. Easy to join, costs nothing to send or receive messages and therefore is subject to abuse .

You have chosen this route as your peferred method to economic success. I wish you well.

But I have never sent a sexually explicit message to anyone. I have been in contact with a number of people, of both genders and of all ages and I pride myself on behaving in a proper manner. Please do not label me with a "pervy" label, with your moderations to the way the site functions in a manner that affects everyone in an attempt to control the bad side of your chosen method of operation.
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 9
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:45:49 PM
Bill - for goodness sake don't hold your breath waiting for the apology!

Joined: 4/9/2011
Msg: 10
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:47:22 PM
I think you are barking up the wrong tree

I quite agree, doing away with the intimate encounter thing will not stop those that get a kick out of sending sexual messages, people who are in a dull boring lives get behind a keyboard and grow horns, take the keyboard away and they would not even say Boo to a goose in real life ..

and like Old Bill its not just the men that do it, i have had these sort messages from young ladies, and their intentions are not looking for intimate encounters put on their profiles........ but hey you have given us the "block" function ...

As for the UK being the most pervy country, i doubt that very much, it maybe that some women in the UK are more likely to complain the most .. perhaps if you put the link for the forums back on the top line you will get a better response from a wider audience and not just us that know how to get here .

Edit........... as the young lady said in the article, she got into a relationship from here so job done ......... again its our lovely press trying to make something out of a dull boring every day life story ..and the Guardian does that so well
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 11
Posted: 5/21/2013 2:34:14 PM

How bad is the intimate encounter like messages for women in the UK? I know from the administration side the UK is by far the most pervy of any country.

I for one did get fed up with both sleazy messages from guys....and the messages from guys in their 20s and 30s. I tightened up the age restrictions to get rid of the messages from men too young but still get the occassional sleazy message.

I am glad the chat box is gone. That seemed to be just another excuse for men with no profile pictures to want to start talking filth within a few minutes.

I personally have no problem with the new age restrictions.......just think 14 years is maybe a bit too tight. 20 years might not have so many people up in arms.

I also know couples who have met on here. :)
Joined: 1/24/2013
Msg: 12
Posted: 5/21/2013 2:37:54 PM
all press is good press ;)

if that user keeps up this sort of behaviour he'll be banned, I heard he had sent mails to girls over 14 years his junior :0

most of those heavy breathers were me after struggling furiously to force a twopenny in the slot which had been jammed.

have you done the pervy test that markus rolled out the other week, I've not seen any mention of it since. Maybe after testing me, thats how he came to the conclusion britain is full of pervs.
 Jo van
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 13
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Posted: 5/21/2013 2:44:00 PM
It's against forum rules to post a "polarised" thread, which only invites responses from one gender.
-But I'm prepared to let that slide..
So if I might offer an opinion:

Obviously, other than anecdotal evidence, I can't comment on how many unsolicited "pervy" messages the ladies might get.
From what I've read on the forums, over the years, it seems to be fairly commonplace, more so I suspect, if the profile pictures are at all 'revealing', eg., lying on a bed, in underwear etc., or if the user is attractive.

It seems to me, that this is a problem of anonymity, or at least the misguided perception of that, in the minds of the perpetrators.

We used to have the same problem of "heavy-breathing" type phone calls, made to women, before the telephone system offered "caller ID"., which almost stopped them dead, instantly. (It probably still goes on, but to a much lesser extent, from pay-phones, and anonymous 'PAYG' mobiles)

It seems to me that the internet still has a way to go, before the laws relating to sexual (or other forms of) harassment which exist "in the real world", are implemented on-line, in this context. But there have been prosecutions and successful convictions for offensive/hate messages. (Racial hatred, even "jokes" about bombs etc).

Sexual harassment is a reportable criminal offence, everywhere else, I don't see why anyone should feel they need to "put up with it", on the internet, or anywhere else. (Regardless of gender )

It is perfectly possible to track down individuals to their real-world locations, via their IP addresses and ISP's.
The internet is now very-much a part of the "real-world", it's simply another means of communication, within it.

Also, I'm no lawyer, but it seems to me that anyone lying about age, gender, or anything else, "for personal gain" (and surely finding a partner and/or sex, is just that..?) is fraudulent, there are also existing laws which cover that.

I have always tried not to write anything which I'd be ashamed of, either on the forums, or in "private messages".
My user-name is my name. I am under no illusions.
I think people need to "wise-up" about the internet, it's not anonymous, there are footprints, all the way back to you.

Anything you write, in the "public domain", however briefly, (and even if it's immediately deleted,) can come back and 'haunt' you.

People need to start getting their heads around that....

Having said all that...
I'm immensely proud that we've been voted "Most Pervy Nation",
thank you...
(There is absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of mutually consensual perviness. [IMO])

Go us...
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 14
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Posted: 5/21/2013 3:05:04 PM
How bad is the intimate encounter like messages for women in the UK? I know from the administration side the UK is by far the most pervy of any country.

3 day forum ban surely followed by posting restrictions for posting a gender specific op.

Many women would feel quite offended if they went some time without receiving such messages,especially from "hot" guys. In many cases they are only deemed as such because the guy is a swamp donkey!
The fact is that most of those who get off from sending pervy messages in the hope of getting lucky will do so regardless of restrictions.

This was looming large below the Op ...

If this thread is spam, a self pity thread, or any other type of thread that is against the rules request to have it deleted.
Reason for deleting:
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 15
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Posted: 5/21/2013 3:07:28 PM
Its true, its not just women who get full of sexual messages from complete strangers.

I get them to from men. If you have the option of intimate encounter then obviously they are going to be looking for an intimate encounter.

Even without that some fellows get horny and want sex ad hoc so it cannot really be policed. Its bad enough one cannot type the word coc ktail meaning an alcoholic drink, so how on earth will you be able to police what some may consider to be a full on request for sex in a first message.

"I have looked at your photo, and read your profile. I long to feel myself pressed against you, to feel your warm breath against my neck, ears and mouth. To have your hands run over me, for you to feel the sensation as mine do the same. When wet I would like to ease myself to your pleasure. How do you feel?"

"I have looked at at your photo, and read your profile. I feel for a long time now I am hard pressed to find someone like you. I went for a run today which wore me out, it made me feel warm, I was out of breath with the sun on my neck and ears, my mouth was dry . It was strange to feel this sensation after all these years, I was wet through by the end of it, but I have to ease myself back into exercise, would be good to have a jogging partner, how do you feel about that?"

Whilst I have just quickly knocked these two up, where and how could one know which was one a come on by just a program on a computer.

I too feel that a +/- 14 year limit is strange. In the gay world I know many couples whose age difference is well over this, and this is not a sugar daddy or prostitution relationship. There are admittedly sites for younger seeks older etc but I have always taken, and told folk that this is one of the rare all inclusive sites.

I do have a problem with people approaching me selling sex though and have reported such people, kept the messages at the time, but see they are still on here (though no mention of thier work on the profile), but I guess that is another matter.

Thank you for deciding to approach us for feed back..

PS as you have used the forums for this feedback, any chance we can have the forum link from the home page restord??

Many Thanks
Nottinghamfellow UK

PS I have often read on these forums that men get perve messages from women too... perhaps the men dont report them...
Joined: 6/3/2012
Msg: 16
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:11:19 PM
The 14-year+ age gap for messaging is very odd. I once dated an older woman (outside of POF) who was 15 years older than me. It suited us both. POF is getting ridiculous.
Joined: 2/22/2013
Msg: 17
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:13:25 PM
with respect to the actual changes to site - whilst i can understand the motivation behind the cleanup - and whilst partially successful, no doubt, it does leave me with some questions in mind.
the 14yr thing doesn't bother least it will stop the ridiculous from emailing me for the day i go 'live'

i do however, wonder what that user-base will do now...registered on here under the IE cat meant they were 'contained' and they couldn't contact me due to my settings and the 4 IE contacts though, what's to stop those users re-registering and citing 'long-term' or whatever and then messaging me anyway?

i personally would have preferred to see a better reporting system...not just blocks but a system trigger that auto-deletes any users that are blocked by unique individuals - basically, 3 unique strikes, and you're off. IP banned.

as it stands at present, those type of users are still going to be around and human nature being what it is, people will find work-arounds.
saw a user earlier (on the gallery bit) she's 18, very very cute, with some suggestive pics. none that are in contravention of the rules but, suggestive enough...she's looking for 25+ cos guys her age are 'boring' - she's also got her email on her profile (citing your rule changes) so that guys may get in touch.

if one's motives are IE, then a few rule changes are not likely to discourage them...imo...they will just find 'gaps' and until ALL gaps are plugged...IE will continue to thrive on here along with those type of users...the only difference being that where before there was an IE cat and i had settings in place to deter those type of any one of us may receive mail...from anyone.

imho, a stringent reporting system would serve us all far better...and achieve your aims with greater efficiency.
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 18
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Posted: 5/21/2013 3:24:11 PM
Are the new rule changes expected to see a net loss or gain in pof traffic and users ? If a gain then from what demographic ?
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 19
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:31:10 PM
Well done!

You've managed to alienate every decent bloke on here and make us all look like we're sleazy pervs after noting but a quick shag.

After reading that "excellent bit of journalism" what woman in her right mind is going to take this site seriously?

Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 20
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Posted: 5/21/2013 3:46:05 PM
I haven't read the article but I seriously doubt we UK blokes are any more pervy than anywhere else.

Perhaps if you gave us more information, statistics we might be able to give you better feedback?
Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 21
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How to shoot yourself in the foot!!!
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:52:58 PM
If it was unatributable negative press comment you wanted, you got it
<div class='quote'>One 21-year-old female user told The Independent she joined PoF because she was intrigued after a number of her friends had been using it. She started dating online with the hope of eventually beginning a relationship.

Instead, she was bombarded with sexually explicit photos and messages: “I used to get all sorts emailing me, asking to be my slave and asking for sex. I met my boyfriend on there and we have been dating since August, so my general impressions are mixed. You can meet some decent people but I wouldn’t use it again, it seems people just want casual fun.”

I have now read the article and the press has outdone itself as usual - these remarks are not attritutable................

Case study: 'Some of the pictures were hilarious... guys just wanted to hook-up for sex'

'Emma', 29, from London

“I joined PoF in August last year and immediately started talking to guys online. Once I had spoken to them for some time and felt comfortable enough, I would exchange phone numbers. But once I did, I would be bombarded with pictures of willies and all sorts.

"Some of them were so hilarious, I had to show the girls in the office. At first I was really shocked by it, but it happened so often, it just became laughable.

"I wouldn’t say I’m very attractive, but I was getting about 53 emails a day from men which would be alerted to on my phone. Sometimes I would get the alerts at three in the morning, from men telling me their wife wanted to have a threesome.
Joined: 3/22/2013
Msg: 22
Posted: 5/21/2013 4:01:20 PM
So if Married men are being eliminated from the site, why not the ones looking for intimate encounter, don't understand why they are still here. As others have pointed out, anyone can put whatever they like on here as their status and it seems a bit absurd that the married option was ever on the site, this does seem like a publicity stunt.
The guy looking for intimate encounter who just messaged me has 'not single/not looking' so its rather wonky thinking.
EDIT .. My bad, I just read ALL of Marcus's letter so now I know what everyone is on about.
Joined: 6/3/2012
Msg: 23
Posted: 5/21/2013 5:00:24 PM
You can't ban an IP address effectively. Just unplug your router, plug it back in and you'll connect to the internet under a different IP address.

Static IP addresses just don't happen these days.
Joined: 1/24/2013
Msg: 24
Posted: 5/21/2013 5:08:47 PM
ere, Nottingham Fellow dear chap, I say, could you write some chat up mails for me to use, your style is so enticing that I nearly cycled round to your place a minute ago, then I remembered I couldn't get it up.

edit. the tyre. The pump broke.
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 25
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Posted: 5/21/2013 6:10:47 PM
It would be simpler just to make the 'must not be looking for an intimate encounter' a default setting, that way only those actively seeking an IC would get such messages, unless I'm missing something. As it stands those looking for ICs will still be around, but not admitting to such, and can't be group-blocked any more. Now back to my copy of 'Amateur Gynaecologist and Proctologist'.
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