Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > POF in UK      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BigFish
Joined: 3/27/2001
Msg: 1
view profile
History
POF in UKPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/plenty-of-fish-dating-site-founder-pulls-intimate-encounters-option-to-ward-off-sleazy-men-8626107.html

How bad is the intimate encounter like messages for women in the UK? I know from the administration side the UK is by far the most pervy of any country.
 Norsewind1
Joined: 4/9/2011
Msg: 2
POF in UK
Posted: 5/21/2013 1:47:22 PM
I think you are barking up the wrong tree

I quite agree, doing away with the intimate encounter thing will not stop those that get a kick out of sending sexual messages, people who are in a dull boring lives get behind a keyboard and grow horns, take the keyboard away and they would not even say Boo to a goose in real life ..

and like Old Bill its not just the men that do it, i have had these sort messages from young ladies, and their intentions are not looking for intimate encounters put on their profiles........ but hey you have given us the "block" function ...

As for the UK being the most pervy country, i doubt that very much, it maybe that some women in the UK are more likely to complain the most .. perhaps if you put the link for the forums back on the top line you will get a better response from a wider audience and not just us that know how to get here .

Edit........... as the young lady said in the article, she got into a relationship from here so job done ......... again its our lovely press trying to make something out of a dull boring every day life story ..and the Guardian does that so well
 Jo van
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 3
POF in UK
Posted: 5/21/2013 2:44:00 PM
It's against forum rules to post a "polarised" thread, which only invites responses from one gender.
-But I'm prepared to let that slide..
So if I might offer an opinion:

Obviously, other than anecdotal evidence, I can't comment on how many unsolicited "pervy" messages the ladies might get.
From what I've read on the forums, over the years, it seems to be fairly commonplace, more so I suspect, if the profile pictures are at all 'revealing', eg., lying on a bed, in underwear etc., or if the user is attractive.

It seems to me, that this is a problem of anonymity, or at least the misguided perception of that, in the minds of the perpetrators.

We used to have the same problem of "heavy-breathing" type phone calls, made to women, before the telephone system offered "caller ID"., which almost stopped them dead, instantly. (It probably still goes on, but to a much lesser extent, from pay-phones, and anonymous 'PAYG' mobiles)

It seems to me that the internet still has a way to go, before the laws relating to sexual (or other forms of) harassment which exist "in the real world", are implemented on-line, in this context. But there have been prosecutions and successful convictions for offensive/hate messages. (Racial hatred, even "jokes" about bombs etc).

Sexual harassment is a reportable criminal offence, everywhere else, I don't see why anyone should feel they need to "put up with it", on the internet, or anywhere else. (Regardless of gender )

It is perfectly possible to track down individuals to their real-world locations, via their IP addresses and ISP's.
The internet is now very-much a part of the "real-world", it's simply another means of communication, within it.

Also, I'm no lawyer, but it seems to me that anyone lying about age, gender, or anything else, "for personal gain" (and surely finding a partner and/or sex, is just that..?) is fraudulent, there are also existing laws which cover that.

I have always tried not to write anything which I'd be ashamed of, either on the forums, or in "private messages".
My user-name is my name. I am under no illusions.
I think people need to "wise-up" about the internet, it's not anonymous, there are footprints, all the way back to you.

Anything you write, in the "public domain", however briefly, (and even if it's immediately deleted,) can come back and 'haunt' you.

People need to start getting their heads around that....

Having said all that...
I'm immensely proud that we've been voted "Most Pervy Nation",
thank you...
(There is absolutely nothing wrong with a bit of mutually consensual perviness. [IMO])

Go us...
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 4
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:05:04 PM
How bad is the intimate encounter like messages for women in the UK? I know from the administration side the UK is by far the most pervy of any country.

3 day forum ban surely followed by posting restrictions for posting a gender specific op.

Many women would feel quite offended if they went some time without receiving such messages,especially from "hot" guys. In many cases they are only deemed as such because the guy is a swamp donkey!
The fact is that most of those who get off from sending pervy messages in the hope of getting lucky will do so regardless of restrictions.

Edit:
This was looming large below the Op ...


If this thread is spam, a self pity thread, or any other type of thread that is against the rules request to have it deleted.
Reason for deleting:
 Nottinghamfellow
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 5
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:07:28 PM
Its true, its not just women who get full of sexual messages from complete strangers.

I get them to from men. If you have the option of intimate encounter then obviously they are going to be looking for an intimate encounter.

Even without that some fellows get horny and want sex ad hoc so it cannot really be policed. Its bad enough one cannot type the word coc ktail meaning an alcoholic drink, so how on earth will you be able to police what some may consider to be a full on request for sex in a first message.

"I have looked at your photo, and read your profile. I long to feel myself pressed against you, to feel your warm breath against my neck, ears and mouth. To have your hands run over me, for you to feel the sensation as mine do the same. When wet I would like to ease myself to your pleasure. How do you feel?"

"I have looked at at your photo, and read your profile. I feel for a long time now I am hard pressed to find someone like you. I went for a run today which wore me out, it made me feel warm, I was out of breath with the sun on my neck and ears, my mouth was dry . It was strange to feel this sensation after all these years, I was wet through by the end of it, but I have to ease myself back into exercise, would be good to have a jogging partner, how do you feel about that?"

Whilst I have just quickly knocked these two up, where and how could one know which was one a come on by just a program on a computer.

I too feel that a +/- 14 year limit is strange. In the gay world I know many couples whose age difference is well over this, and this is not a sugar daddy or prostitution relationship. There are admittedly sites for younger seeks older etc but I have always taken, and told folk that this is one of the rare all inclusive sites.

I do have a problem with people approaching me selling sex though and have reported such people, kept the messages at the time, but see they are still on here (though no mention of thier work on the profile), but I guess that is another matter.

Thank you for deciding to approach us for feed back..


PS as you have used the forums for this feedback, any chance we can have the forum link from the home page restord??

Many Thanks
Nottinghamfellow UK

PS I have often read on these forums that men get perve messages from women too... perhaps the men dont report them...
 GeordieColin
Joined: 10/18/2012
Msg: 6
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:24:11 PM
Are the new rule changes expected to see a net loss or gain in pof traffic and users ? If a gain then from what demographic ?
 daver987654
Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 7
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:46:05 PM
I haven't read the article but I seriously doubt we UK blokes are any more pervy than anywhere else.

Perhaps if you gave us more information, statistics we might be able to give you better feedback?
 daver987654
Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 8
view profile
History
How to shoot yourself in the foot!!!
Posted: 5/21/2013 3:52:58 PM
If it was unatributable negative press comment you wanted, you got it
<div class='quote'>One 21-year-old female user told The Independent she joined PoF because she was intrigued after a number of her friends had been using it. She started dating online with the hope of eventually beginning a relationship.

Instead, she was bombarded with sexually explicit photos and messages: “I used to get all sorts emailing me, asking to be my slave and asking for sex. I met my boyfriend on there and we have been dating since August, so my general impressions are mixed. You can meet some decent people but I wouldn’t use it again, it seems people just want casual fun.”

I have now read the article and the press has outdone itself as usual - these remarks are not attritutable................

Case study: 'Some of the pictures were hilarious... guys just wanted to hook-up for sex'

'Emma', 29, from London

“I joined PoF in August last year and immediately started talking to guys online. Once I had spoken to them for some time and felt comfortable enough, I would exchange phone numbers. But once I did, I would be bombarded with pictures of willies and all sorts.

"Some of them were so hilarious, I had to show the girls in the office. At first I was really shocked by it, but it happened so often, it just became laughable.

"I wouldn’t say I’m very attractive, but I was getting about 53 emails a day from men which would be alerted to on my phone. Sometimes I would get the alerts at three in the morning, from men telling me their wife wanted to have a threesome.
 icarusi
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 9
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/21/2013 6:10:47 PM
It would be simpler just to make the 'must not be looking for an intimate encounter' a default setting, that way only those actively seeking an IC would get such messages, unless I'm missing something. As it stands those looking for ICs will still be around, but not admitting to such, and can't be group-blocked any more. Now back to my copy of 'Amateur Gynaecologist and Proctologist'.
 TheRe-SownRose
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 10
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/22/2013 2:47:07 AM
I have no idea whether there are more perverted men on UK POF than the rest of the world as I have only used it here so have no basis for comparison. I've never been sent the fabled c*ck shot, I have been approached for no strings nonsense which I decline. I have also been approached by plenty of genuine people.
It makes no difference to me that the intimate encounters section has been removed.
However, I'd like to see the forum link back as the forum is the only reason that keeps me using this site and differentiating it from other dating sites I could use.
The 14 +/- restriction is irritating, a man 14 + years older than me could well be someone I'd be interested in having a relationship with especially bearing in mind the immaturity of men my own age. But that it for me to decide not for someone else to dictate to me.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/22/2013 3:46:30 AM
marcus
i would agree with you, in general that more than 14 years is less likely, but it's the exceptions that prove the rule is it not?
(the interpretation of "prove" has been given as "test")

a relative (male) had a long relationship with a woman older than his mother, she ended it.(i suspect that was for his benefit but i dont know) he is now married to a woman 20 or more years his junior.
(i wonder if that would be listed as bi-polar:-) )

as sown has said some women prefer older men. often because they are more stable (i think)

well put serenity.
if you are who i think you are then we have swopped messages before, i dont recall any sexual or hook up content but maybe it's my age perhaps you could remind me? :-)

pandering to a bunch of women or users in general that fail to use the available filters is not the way to fix things.
their failure to use the available filters is "your" failure, as although there are rules and pointers etc to them, there are "NO" instructions full stop, so they simply do not know how to use the site because "you" have not told them.
it can't be that difficult to force signups to fill in fields in order to progress to the next step, i have to do it all the time when ordering things etc.
with an explanation of the selections available in that stage, rather than use your imagination.
i have never set any filters as until i found the need i never saw the point, i have never felt the need!

as above i've swopped messages with much younger women, i no longer can.
only they could say if thats a gain or loss, if any of them are left they are welcome to post their opinions of that contact on this thread, whatever that opinion might happen to be!

will i live to regret saying that? :-)

finaly: telling adults who they can and can't message (not to mention blocking on going conversations without any warning) is not going to be very popular, you have plenty of evidence of that!
it may well be seen as "your" site but the reality is, without users you have nothing!

the simple fact is that some men and some women are more adaptable to changing times and social values than others, it's these that are more likely to have a succesful relationship with a younger partner, than with those that cling to their original beliefs/values.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 12
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/22/2013 6:48:35 AM
to add to my previous post.
the help link is about as much use as a handbrake on a canoe!
there should at least be a link to the site suggestions/help forum.
even better a sticky at the top of that forum covering q and a's that occur frequently would surely help to reduce the number of threads that get repeated.
also it was never made clear that messaging activity partner or other relationship would count as messaging intimate encounter.
i should add i've not tripped that filter, so this is not a poor me post.
my interpretation of those seeking for's, was that activity partner could mean dance/tennis/chess etc partner.
other relationship i took to mean "none of the above" "read the profile for further details"
when i signed up the site claimed to be a social networking site hence the option talk/email in the looking for field, which has now been removed.
all this seems to be an attempt to turn pof into evow for those serious about finding a partner.
just how succesful has evow been?



from post 33:
"As for the age difference thing, just as one can select the age range when searching for a partner, it would be easy to have a similar thing whereas any message from someone outside a used selected range is automatically blocked. "

it's patently obvious this poster is unaware that what they are asking for already exists, and has done for as long as i've been here, "this" is the problem!
 Chuzz16
Joined: 3/26/2011
Msg: 13
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/22/2013 10:33:23 AM
^^^^^

Who? Alan Carr?
 icarusi
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/22/2013 3:05:35 PM

The 14 +/- restriction is irritating, a man 14 + years older than me could well be someone I'd be interested in having a relationship with especially bearing in mind the immaturity of men my own age.

I remember when age differences came up before on other forums +/-1/3 was a good rule of thumb for likely success (not a hard rule!). So for a 60 y.o. 40-80 but a 40 y.o. would be 27-53, and 27 y.o. would be 18-36 etc. It'll be a relief not to be troubled by toy-girls any more.
 Chuzz16
Joined: 3/26/2011
Msg: 15
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/22/2013 11:29:04 PM

Dear Marcus
This is getting a bit ridiculous now. I mentioned in a message to someone that the kids in school had drawn a picture of me looking a bit ropey.......
The message high lighted above is Click to Flag Message for Nude Images!!!!!!. Mmmmm how on earth is that related to nude images!!!!. I hope the screening techniques improve or there will be no one left!!!!



I just took a peek back over some of my sent messages, and I had 'click to flag for nude images' on nearly every page. All I did was send little smileys.
 Norsewind1
Joined: 4/9/2011
Msg: 16
POF in UK
Posted: 5/23/2013 12:40:33 AM
I do find it rather odd that it seems every major newspaper in the UK is running this shock horror story of our leader making new draconian rules to stop it becoming a pick up site for loads of rumpy pumpy but nothing from other newspapers around the world ...... so one has to ask is it a UK problem or is just that its more noticeable here than other countries

I have to say that in my time on being on here, both times, i have noticed its just not men looking for a casual bit on the side, some women on here do exactly the same ...

It does not help things either when you find sites like this one
http://www.returnofkings.com/5927/how-to-get-laid-on-plenty-of-fish
Is it this sort of article that has prompted our leader on his latest quest, or commercial reasons.

I do agree that the latest thing to report nude images in your inbox a good idea and long overdue.
 jimssearh
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 17
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/24/2013 12:13:00 PM
Interesting how Markus shows up and brands the UK as the most "pervy" country, and nobody seems to think that's a bit rude?
 Nottinghamfellow
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 18
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 5/24/2013 12:53:09 PM
The moving pic of markus on the message is making me feel giddy. I never go on fun fair rides.....
 scareymush
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 19
POF in UK
Posted: 5/25/2013 2:35:53 AM
I think this is a great innovation and a fairly generous amount of years apportioned to those who prefer the younger woman.

I don't understand at all why a man would wish to befriend a youngster almost old enough to be their daughter or worse their granddaughter - it's completely unnatural and I think using the excuse of being forum buddies is spurious - be friends with people closer to your own age and stop monopolising the attention of young people who probably don't know how to tell an old duffer of a coffin dodger to get lost politely and nicely.

I used to be really innocent before I joined this dating site...now I've become innured to so much bull..so much exploitation...so much crassness...I really truly rue the day I lost my quintessential innocence.

It's quite unbelieveable the horrible disgusting stuff you have to put up with from users on here..and certainly the UK crew are distinctly perverted in so many ways...possibly the worst thing about them is that often they are not so overt with regard to their intentions - generally they draw you in with offers of just being a friendly ear and being there for you...even proclaiming that incredibly they feel you both share a deep bond...a couple of weeks later they are pressurising you into talking to them via webcam...a couple of days later they are telling you that mustn't like them or feel quite as bonded with them as they do you if you won't show them your tits....I never got beyond that...I just decided to pretend that my webcam was broke and couldn't be replaced to avoid the constant manipulation.

Definitely...UK men are abusing this site for their own despicable sexual gratification....not all...but quite a lot.
 VeronicaUK
Joined: 8/29/2011
Msg: 20
POF in UK
Posted: 5/27/2013 4:38:08 AM

It's just blatant discrimination. Naturally or in the wild nobody really knows how old a person is. They look at the person, observe their movement, listen, smell etc. and make a judgement about their potential as a mate from that.


very well put animaltime!!

i have lots of opinions on this topic, but i shan't bore you with reams and reams (did i hear someone shout "yay"?!)....suffice to say pof hasn't chatted to me personally to find out my thoughts on this new rule so how can they know i don't want to chat to someone who exceeds 14 years my junior/senior.

i agree that age is just a number and it doesn't determine maturity, level of intelligence, chemistry, or even just physical attraction.

i've been on dates with guys of various ages and some of my generation acted far less mature than others of a younger generation....my last boyfriend was 18 years my junior but we connected on an intellectual level and shared a similar sense of humour, amongst other connections....it is true some 24 year old guys enjoy national trust membership or playing scrabble on a rainy weekend!

this rule is supposed to weed out those wanting just physical fun rather than a relationship, so why is it the majority of guys that have emailed me over the past year and a half asking for a quickie are those of my generation?
 Gandalfrodo
Joined: 9/22/2013
Msg: 21
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 1/7/2014 11:53:17 AM
Well, I take the view that all sex is good, but sex in a relationship may be better.

I see no justification at all for a bar on seeking an intimate encounter. It's exactly what we are all here for - it's only a question of timing.

And I don't see the justification for a 14 year rule either - my last serious girlfriend was 37 when we hooked up together, and I was 64. It was a very good 8 months - and it was she who asked to come to my bed. And she could not swing an axe like me although she looked fit and athletic and her 1500 metres record from school had stood for over 20 years. I was a bit surprised that she liked to watch me shower, as I've never been that confident about my body - but I was very pleased that she seemed (as she expressly said) very happy with the the way it worked.

People did ask whether - er - you know - was OK in view of the age gap and her replies (even when she didn't know I was listening, I have good ears) were very frank and very enthusiastic. I was a bit shocked when my youngest daughter and son-in law asked her - but not as shocked as they were when her answer included "tied up and screaming" (not a reference to pain).

So I'd say the reforms are a bit Grundy-ish. But it's nice that the forums are relatively free of the neo-fascist nutters who used to be here (a long time ago, a different name and profile, long deleted, at my request).
 Gandalfrodo
Joined: 9/22/2013
Msg: 22
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 1/16/2014 6:29:17 PM
And Grundyism is on the increase (a bit like entropy in that respect).

Cheerio.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 23
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 1/25/2014 12:09:03 PM
An age limit does seem a bit patronising in a way but of course when there is a generational gap (for arguments sake 20-25 years) its less likely to work. Not that doesn't of course.

As for the original topic I think perhaps it was sensible to remove the 'Intimate Encounters' option. However it does seem a bit unfair that although the option has been removed, those who have used it in the past aren't given a clean slate so to speak. There is something slightly different to sending messages (sexual or otherwise) to those that have stated they are looking for that and when they haven't.
 G3 M1 N1
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
POF in UK
Posted: 4/6/2014 6:34:09 AM
I used to use the forums many years ago, before they removed them from view, i incorrectly throught they had been eradicated from UK use, Google search on my old threads brought me here today, to read -

A polar thread by the sites founder? How can you expect others to follow the sites guidelines and ignore them yourself?

A totally negative offensive comment aimed at another nations residents? "I know from the administration side the UK is by far the most pervy of any country." How to alienate many good members in one easy swoop based on the reported experiences of a polarised section of one country, some of which may just be made up fantasies.

Exclusion from Forums - again polar it seems, to the UK alone!

I suspect that removing the forum link from the UK web page has made much differance to the people you aimed it at, all it was likely to have done is remove from the general population of users , site information, an inability to voice a concern, lack of feedback on issues from a genuine cross section of users rather than the minority that could find the forum and of course suggestions on a possible future course.

The thought arises on a site alike to this that whilst perhaps it was initiated by an individual or small collection of people if it subsequently grows to such a large user base, is it the property of that individual still? or does it truly belong the the user base?

I'm just an average Joe, still it seems with little to offer to the females on here - as yet, not snapped up! I can live, love, laugh, view the future as that to be yet written and feel with both heart and mind. I for one would need lessons and guidance in how to write pervy messages to the ladies, having never done so, and yet, i see - womens profiles with images aimed not at depicting how they truly look but of sexual allure, cleavage emphasised, outlines emphasised or minimised (dependant if they are of the hoofing great pie-hoovering munters types or not mentioned elsewhere in this thread (avg apparently to me and you)) subliminal messages in bgs used (that bed shot) along with bieng underwear clad, well, it used to be regarded as underwear at any rate. I am sure there is a lot more i fail to mention here. I am no prude, it bothers me not, look and move on, but send a pervy email in response? nooo! And then, there is the text these ladies use, the majority totally innocent, and some? well, perhaps no wonder those pervy messages get sent is all i can suggest, but, isn't that what those ladies aimed for? and yet, then complain?

Any site in general useage will get a share of the grey area no doubt or even the outright erotic (is that what you call pervy?) but, the members are over 18, adults, in a realistic world where sexuality is a part of it and both sexes can display elements of a pervy nature. You dont allow nudity in images on the site ( have to mention here that the reasons fro disallowing use of an image on the site needs the available categories looking into) so it should remove the element of obscenity and those appendage/genitalia shots from mails....from both men and women! That just leaves the written word and the options to - 1. block user 2. report user 3. delete message - all in that order, simple, effective, and really, no need for histrionics.
Show ALL Forums  > UK forums  > POF in UK