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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ready to marry after 4 months???      Home login  
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 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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Ready to marry after 4 months???Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
A friend!

It's such a huge coincidence that you have a friend who's in the exact same situation you are, OP. Dated for four months, both from great families (yes, I remember the "amazing family" post), and generally over the top, rushing into things behavior.

Did she say she won't go to Costa Rica, if you marry her?
 pureblisscatch4u
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 4
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 8:17:25 AM
I know a couple who've been together for 20 years, who got engaged after 9 days. It's rare, but different things work for different people.
I wonder more why the OP is so wrapped up in her various friends' affairs?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 5
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 8:31:48 AM
A 25 cent engagement ring would seem appropriate for such a quick engagement. With about half of marriages ending in divorce, everybody should start out with a 25 cent engagement ring at first.
 midable
Joined: 5/19/2013
Msg: 6
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 10:10:31 AM
You should wait 2 years before getting married. The gumball machine engagement ring is fine after two months. While you are at it, you can get me one too. I'll wear it with pride!
 m8t
Joined: 3/14/2013
Msg: 7
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 10:12:37 AM
People know when they are in love. If they want to get married soon thats their call.
Let the chips fall where they may, cause finding any happiness in life, is better than none.
At least some are willing to try; who are we to decide whats right for others?
I have hope in true love, that it does conquer most hurdles in life.
Then again Im still a hopeless romantic at 48,
even after the passing of both men I loved.

Life has not left me so jaded that I dont believe people can have a lasting relationship that started early.
 Misguided_Old_Mule
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 8
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 10:44:38 AM
[Before you get too carried away now, OP is a male.]

Five years ago I met my true love here on POF & we both felt it on that very first day
but we both waited to see
because we both know the difference between feeling and thinking.

Making major decisions while intoxicated is a high-risk behavior.
 ManOfAdventure28
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 9
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Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 10:45:35 AM
4 months.....I'm surprised that it took them that long
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 10
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Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 10:53:53 AM
You said it...they "seem to truly be in love." They might be, but probably not. Right now the hormones are raging and everything seems rosy and promising. But let the honeymoon period wear off and day to day living begin and that will be the true test of whether this is real or not. All you can do is wish them well and wait.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 11:20:25 AM
Of course in most cases it would be crazy and it won't work. I mean common sense will tell you that. But every once in awhile something comes along and it just works and you feel it and yes it's a huge gamble because you would still be pretty much strangers and all that. It would depend on whether you want to take the chance and if you are in a position to be able to walk away if it crashes. If you are going to be dependent on the other person for your living arrangements, etc., then you shouldn't go there. And if you do this sort of thing all the time, then you should realize you are totally unrealistic and might want to get some professional help unless you enjoy the drama & excitement more than you dread the down fall. Everyone is different.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 12
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 11:32:01 AM
Every single couple that I know, that rushed to get married like that, were as quickly out the relationship and divorced.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 13
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Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 11:41:33 AM
Who are you or any of us to say if its crazy or legit? Sometimes it works that way and sometimes it doesn't. I wouldn't presume to judge the situation.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 14
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Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 11:47:50 AM
The couples I know that got married the fastest are still together and the ones I know that waited a long time to do it got divorced, sometimes the fastest of any.

It depends on some things and your view on marriage. Look at it this way, people who know each other for years and then get married often end up in divorce anyhow. Time will not guarantee you anything. I personally know 3 couples that got married quickly after meeting and are still together years later. Sometimes, if you wait too long and analyze everything, you do it for the wrong reasons, because it is the next "step". If you go with your gut and are a go with the flow person and can handle the ups and downs you have a better chance of success no matter what.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 15
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Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 12:00:45 PM
Well...I can only offer casual observations.
The majority of marriages that I observe being rushed SEEM to be more likely to end in divorce within a short timespan. 5 years or so.
But there are exceptions to every rule.
Being a romantic...I cant help but keep my fingers crossed and think good thoughts. :)
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 16
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 12:35:47 PM
The two maybe feeling the honey moon phase of a new relationship. When the newness demolishes they may find they have very little in common. As some has said in some cases it does work. I wish your friend well.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 17
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/22/2013 3:38:41 PM
They should go through the proper program first before marrying by doing the standard testing: The usual mind games, the constant testing to see if he/she really loves me or is playing me, jumping through hoops, trying to p1ss each other off for the sole purpose to see how he/she reacts to BS, and so on for a year or two. Then tally up the points on the score card to see if the person gets a passing grade which would officially qualify the person as marriage material. If the person gets a failing grade, it's on to the next specimen.
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 18
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/23/2013 4:13:34 PM
I personally believe in waiting longer because waiting does no harm, whereas rushing certainly can. If two people truly believe they'll be together forever, why not wait a couple or few years for the formalities? Of course there are examples of "rushing" working out, but I wouldn't do it. I think the honeymoon period is around 6 months to a year, so people should at least wait that long.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 19
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/23/2013 4:29:04 PM
As with everything so deeply personal, it varies.

Might be crazy, might work well.

I guess you'll see!
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 20
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/23/2013 5:05:17 PM
When my late Wife and I met, we knew within weeks we were going to marry......We got married 10 months after meeting each other and were married for 29 years.......YMMV.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 21
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Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/23/2013 5:21:51 PM
my mother met my stepfather in 1967 and is still with him.

my step-sister has been married for 42 years to someone she became engaged to after 3 months of dating.

one of my friends is about to celebrate her first anniversary of marriage to someone she met on this site 5 years ago. they were engaged 2 weeks after they met. (okay, not as long-standing as the others, but they did meet right here on PoF.)

so... yes, it is possible.

and i'll bet for every story like the ones above, other people have 10 where the opposite is true.
 Hanoverfella
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 23
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/23/2013 7:03:19 PM
Not sure what the price of the ring has to do with it but anyway...
I agree with the above that they are just in the honeymoon stage, they haven't begun to act themselves, haven't noticed things that may annoy each other yet, how they may or may not get along with significant others family members, hopefully it's the real deal though for their sake.
 iola345
Joined: 4/28/2013
Msg: 24
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/23/2013 8:23:15 PM

I personally believe in waiting longer because waiting does no harm, whereas rushing certainly can. If two people truly believe they'll be together forever, why not wait a couple or few years for the formalities? Of course there are examples of "rushing" working out, but I wouldn't do it. I think the honeymoon period is around 6 months to a year, so people should at least wait that long.


+1

What's the harm in waiting? -- None. you actually get some time to learn about the good, bad n ugly of one another before diving in head first. Time allows your honeymoon state of feelings to cool off first and see each other w/o the rose colored goggles.

What's the harm in rushing? -- You don't know squat about if the other person has some skeletons in their closet or some other shit that may come to haunt you later. ... there's no way to know a person well enough in a matter of months to decide if you can put up w/each others shit ... Yeah there's always that one story or that one time where we knew such-and-such who got married on the whim and are still together to this day .... but those ones are the exceptions that beat the odds.

Sure marriage is a risk either ways, but if it's going to be a risk I want to do as much homework as possible so I at least have some sort of idea what I'm getting myself into.
 Bachelorette.Number1
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 25
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/23/2013 8:42:03 PM
Never know...my sister met her now husband and after 6 weeks they were engaged. They've been married for
almost 30 years.

I knew another couple that dated/lived together for 9 years and were divorced after 5 years of being married.

No one can say for sure.
 Razerbladez
Joined: 6/17/2012
Msg: 26
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/27/2013 2:40:37 AM
Uhhh no bro it's crazy, plain and simple.

Don't be dumb.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 27
Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/27/2013 5:16:54 AM
The more underlining question is the motives for why people want to get married, that tend to determine the length...
Some people just want to get married so badly, they marry someone, anyone,lol, for the sake of being married, belonging to a society normality that is expect of them...
Will that last?...Sure, they have achieved their goal, and they got there in record time per say...

She even said that she would say yes even if he gave her a .25 cent engagement ring.

Awwww, now that is love in is finest,lmao...
What about no ring?,lol...
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 28
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Ready to marry after 4 months???
Posted: 5/27/2013 7:11:15 AM
Very definitely agree with bachelorette number 1, some people did get married after barely knowing each other and stayed happily married for eons while a couple that "did everything right," from the standpoint of not rushing and those relationships go down the tubes.

Nothing is perfect and even really strong marriages do not last if there is tragedy like the loss of a child.

If you care about your cousin, it is the cousin's choice but there is nothing to be lost from a long engagement and also whether your cousin and the partner have really considered their compatibility. If they are young enough to have children have they talked about how many they want, how they wish to raise them discipline, etc., are their money management ideas the same, blah, blah.

Four months is barely enough time for the monkeys to be falling from the trees and those idiosyncrasies that can drive someone crazy are still cute. I used to think premarital counseling was for people that were very religious but I've come to believe that asking the same questions that would arise in that setting is wise for any couple considering tying the knot or even moving in with each other. If people are not on the same page with their basic wants and needs they should really look for someone that is better suited. The passion is great until you get beyond that point and realize you'd rather not be in the same room with the person you were swinging from the chandelier for.
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