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Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 1
I like to listen to NPR when ever I drive the car instead of riding my bike. So listened to this show. They mentioned that it would be done over a few days and each time they would cover a diffrent topic about the issue.

In a way most people on here already know that the older we get the less open we are to a relationship. One reason why so many older people are single. The ones who do want to find someone find it hard. You just know that the women in that house would be out of the dating market except for a date here and there. I read somewhere else that its more common with more educated and better to do people then. That goes for both men and women. Which shows why it is hard to meet someone single who you would like to actualy date in the first place.
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 2
Posted: 5/22/2013 9:59:12 PM
What I get from this article and from some people ...the reason to date is to find someone to take care of you if you get sick so you dont have to die alone.

I seriously resent that, I went thru stage 4 cancer and while it would have been great to have a working support system for me it didnt happen due to my ex being bi-polar, I had kids who were 11 and 13 at the time, I stood in food lines to get them food after having chemo that morning...was it a pleasant experience no and I have no clue at times how I made it but you do what you have to do.

I can honestly say if i met someone and it ends up that the only interest they have in me is as a future nurse I will so walk away--I think people write this crap for whatever reason --maybe a scare tactic to try and force some hidden agenda and then others use it...

If you are so cynical that you view the only reason to date someone is to find a future nursemaid, what you going to do if they get sick before you?
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 3
Posted: 5/23/2013 7:55:27 AM
In a way most people on here already know that the older we get the less open we are to a relationship.

I don't know that, and I don't think you do either. After reading that article, one could just as easily suppose that the older we get the more desperate we are to have someone look after us, even if it means settling for a few roommates of the same gender (according to your thought process). Whoa not as good as having a man but way better than the old folks home or hoping to rely on one's ungrateful spawn for your personal care.

The ones who do want to find someone find it hard.

When it comes to finding a good partner, there are a lot of variables, most of which you can only influence indirectly and one of the biggest variables is one you can't control at all -- timing. That makes it "hard" for everyone.

You just know that the women in that house would be out of the dating market except for a date here and there

Why, because they're dried up old bags according to you? OMG what man would want any of them?? (Insert thought balloons of dried up old men who can't keep it up, trying to pick up women more than 14 years younger than themselves on POF.... Oh sorry, Markus just put an end to their fun.)
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 4
Posted: 5/23/2013 1:53:23 PM
Cowgirl, I think the article was more in the way to show the trend that there are more single people out there and more people with no kids. The way some people deal with being single and getting older and dealing with it. Some people do move in togther to help each other out. Be it money, help with every day life or just for company.
As it being hard to meet someone the older you get. Just read the forum and you would notice that the older we get the longer most tend to stay single.
As why I say that most would be out of the dating market is that, When people find them them selves in a comfortable position they tend to just stay there. The four women in the article seem to have almost everything that you would have in a regular relationship besides sex. Like so many women keep saying that older guys can't get it up on here all the time. I can see those women just stop dating all togther. Thats what I meant when i said they would be off the dating market. Some women on the forum even mentioned that they would be more then happy to live togher with other women just like the golden girls.
I had no agenda by posting the article,Just found it intresting and thought I would share. So there is no reason to try and figure out what was my secret motive behind it. I added my opinion just like everyone else has there own opinion about a subject.
Now what I don't understand is why are there more older single women out there then men??? I always thought that it would be about same ratio. Unless that many guys do tend to marry much younger or just die??
I do can see more guys live alone unlike women who tend to be more social.
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 5
Posted: 5/26/2013 9:44:12 AM
I heard the program driving to work, too, and remember thinking that this was my attitude when I decided to divorce--I can always live with other women and/or men. I still have that attitude. I will do what it takes to have a lifestyle I find enjoyable--and for me, "enjoyable" includes some alone time as well as time with others. I do not need to live alone, and I have thought about taking in students or others once my children establish their own households (if that doesn't happen, I will consider living with them, too, if they will consider living with me).

Not everyone is flexible in this way. Some people (my ex) consider it "losing" or something if they are not coupled--that is, even at 54, my ex sees himself as a "loser" if he does not have a female partner. I could not care less about this. He makes incredible compromises that leave him unhappy, but darn it, he will be coupled (his current gf will only see him on weekends, for example).

Men tend to have more financial resources, so they may choose to be alone b/c it is less financially stressful for them while women prefer the company and reduced financial stress of sharing living space. I'm sure there are nearly as many exceptions to this, however, as there are individuals who "prove" the point. It is--like most things--a lot less about gender than about individual choices.

As times change, the idea of the nuclear family will change (it is a modern configuration, really, and may not stand the test of time). Older couples living alone may just be a "stage of life" for some. People will do what suits them. We are becoming somewhat less driven by cultural expectations as our awareness of the price too many pay trying to meet those expectations becomes more and more apparent. Freeing ourselves to make individual choices is, to me, the ultimate triumph of individualism (vs. considering the rejection of community as the triumph of individualism, as too many still do). The person who chooses to live alone is no better than the person who chooses not to--just different. And when we can all see it that way, well, a lot more of us will be happy.
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 6
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Posted: 6/6/2013 7:26:34 PM
I didn't interpret the article the same way you did - that the older we get the less open we are to a relationship. In fact, I've been considering having a widowed friend I've known since I was a teen move in after 10 years of living on my own. I don't think cohabitating with others of the same sex is reflective of your dating preferences or of the living choice you might make in the future. Finding a compatible partner at my age has been hard, no doubt, but my living arrangement has never been a factor in that, and I can't once recall a date asking me if I lived alone. Having a roommate would reduce my expenses and provide for both of us another person who is aware of where we are at any given time. Because my family is not local to where I live, it would be nice to know that someone would be aware if I didn't come home for no reason. For me, the arrangement would be purely practical.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 7
Posted: 6/7/2013 12:15:55 PM
As we get older and wiser we realize what we can tolerate and what we don't have to tolerate. The ones who find it difficult to find someone are the ones looking for the care giver. Someone who is naturally a care giver, has given most of their lives and find themselves single later in life, discovers it's nice to have just themselves to look after. When you have kids they eventually grow up and become independent, but a when you have a needy spouse, you have to do things for constantly, they never grow up.

Personality has a lot to do with compatibility as well. Second time around most women are looking for that equal partner. If a man is an independent, capable man he won't have trouble dating or finding a partner.

As far as the article goes, it's about companionship. I think it's an excellent idea for a group of single, independent people co-habitating at a later age. Every single person regardless of age needs a support system. Like it mentioned it's about saying, hello to someone; it's the interaction. When people retire and no longer go to work daily and live alone, they lose that interaction. We all get sick at some time or other (cold, flu etc.) it's as simple as someone asking how you are and if you need a glass of water.
Posted: 6/7/2013 1:26:35 PM
I will check out the article.
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 9
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Posted: 6/7/2013 4:06:03 PM
This was an excellent article. Most of the women appeared to be in a dating afterlife for one reason or another and had little or no close family. Some had serious health issues. They banded together for companionship. More power to them!
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