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Joined: 5/23/2013
Msg: 1
Etiquette QuestionPage 1 of 1    
I'm sorry not thinking really straight right now and I don't know what to do here. Going to need to put this PoF thing on hold for awhile. I am a POF newbie -- just started here and had put some ladies in my favs to contact them. Don't want to creep them. Don't want to be dramatic.

Been told earlier today my dad is coming home to go into hospice care. Although he was in heart failure, I wasn't expecting this now.

I think I'd rather have my face beat in right now.

What is the right thing to do?
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 2
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Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/28/2013 2:46:44 PM
If you haven't already contacted anyone, there's nothing to say, is there?
Don't worry about the correct etiquette with complete strangers. Concentrate on you and your father and how you can do best for both of you.
All the best to your family, OP.
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 3
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/28/2013 3:03:12 PM
Put a heading on your profile- saying your profile is on hold for right now due to family issues. IF you think the ladies you favourited would wonder why you hadn't contacted them

But honestly, people come and go here, unless you had lengthy conversations with someone, don't worry.

My sympathy for your situation.
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 4
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/28/2013 3:39:05 PM
Hide your profile, that way it won't show up in searches.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/28/2013 4:00:03 PM
You could simply put a date in your profile, at the top, saying "as of this date I am concentrating on family matters, and will take this up again when they are resolved." That way, anyone who you did contact, or who was aware of your attention, could easily see WHEN you shifted gears.

That's what I'd do.
Joined: 5/23/2013
Msg: 6
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/28/2013 4:21:41 PM
Done. Thank you everyone for your advice.
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 7
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/29/2013 1:43:03 PM
Only one thing you really do at this point in time , spend as much time with your father as you can .
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 8
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/29/2013 2:59:43 PM
That's nice and clear. I agree with the suggestion to also hide the profile - the option should appear near the top of the page in the first "Edit Profile" screen that opens up.

My deepest sympathies. Been there... it will be a huge comfort to your father that you are there for him.
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 9
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/29/2013 6:25:10 PM
I agree with Igor's advice.

I had a similar situation with my dad. The best advice I can give is spend as much time as you can with your dad but be sure to take care of yourself: eat well, get proper rest. When the time comes, be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to mourn.

Many of us over 45 have to deal with the loss of parents (or spouse). We can find strength and comfort from those who have walked the walk.
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 10
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Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/30/2013 3:42:46 PM
Spend the time you can with your family. I put my dad in hospice earlier this year. He was not there very long, but one of my favorite memories with him came from that time period and it's the one I think of first when I think of him, now. Precious Memories, indeed...
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 11
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/30/2013 4:15:07 PM
I'm always amazed that people are concerned that others are thinking about them/their actions.

I have to say I do not make any assumptions about anything on here. If someone favorites me, I'm unlikely to even know it b/c I don't check. I only pay attention to direct contact, and I take that at face value. It means nothing until followed up with action.

It's a newbie mistake, I think, to assume anyone even knows or cares that you put them in your favorites. Just lead your life w/o reference to people to whom you owe nothing, and who owe you nothing.
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 12
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/31/2013 5:52:43 AM
OP, sorry 4 ur sad & stressful situation. If YOU ARE NOT AVAILABLE FOR DATING, why are you here? Either delete ur ad & come back when things are better, or hide ur ad, & un-favorite the women.

I oftentimes think men like to come here to window shop & it kinda ruins it for the more serious male daters...

I'm always amazed that people are concerned that others are thinking about them/their actions.
Refreshing that someone does realize that their actions can impact someone else's life :0)
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 13
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/31/2013 7:32:19 AM
I think it's weird that so many of you are suggesting he delete his profile. He may need all the support he can get. Some of us our very isolated except for people we meet online.I USED to be and when I was new here the people who reached out and supported me got me through something very similar.

I see nothing wrong with "window browsing" hard to believe we don't ALL do it from time to time. Those who JUST do that should be allowed to also, though I'm not one of them ( no time for that!). I don't think how others use this site is anyone's business. Unless that browsing turns to "shop and return" like a bad habit with no regard for others feelings or lives. : P
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 14
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Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/31/2013 9:08:31 AM
If you make your profile specific enough, most will get what you want and what you are asking for from others, as well as yourself!!

Some just like to window shop and hope that one day they will be able to afford the price of buying what is in that window, while others place theirs on "lay away" and make monthly payments on their purchase. If you are looking for someone that can afford you now, walk in and purchase you without having to think about it, or save up, then you had better explain who and what you are looking for, and only accept those invitations from those that meet your expectations.

Life is to short to wonder about it all when one can just open up more and communicate what they really want, why, and how that will be......for them!

Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 15
Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/31/2013 12:53:51 PM

But that's just the problem...there are LOADS of people here who do NOTHING but 'shop and return'...makes it VERY difficult and hard for those of us who are NOT 'serial daters' and/or 'window shoppers', who chat up EVERYONE but NEVER meet up IRL...that's what all these changes were implemented, to help get rid of people such as that...

one size doesn't fit all, he doesn't need to delete his profile or need to justify as to why he is on here
what if . . he starts chatting with someone going thru similar circumstances and they find a common bond
and click?

if weeding is a difficult problem for you, delete your profile and save yourself the aggravation, as well the above poster who recently had one of her multi profiles nuked,

implemented rulez indeed
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 16
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Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/31/2013 2:01:25 PM
I don't see the need to hide/delete your profile. You made it clear in your post, just make it clear in your profile. Let people decide for themselves. You just never know.
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 17
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Etiquette Question
Posted: 5/31/2013 5:14:32 PM
Like just about everything in life there really isn't any one thing that is "right". He asked for advice. Various suggestions were given to him. He chose what he felt worked best for him. Case closed. No need to start the flogging because some don't think he should have done anything or posted the thread or whatever. Different strokes and all that jazz, you know? If you are ever in the same situation, then you can make whatever choice works for you. Isn't it great that there are some areas of life where we can do that? Having recently been thru what he is now facing, I know he has enough on his plate without having others second guess something trivial like this that was really his choice and not theirs to begin with.
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