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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 2
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
way difficult, I actually get responses in real life :)

But I work w/ a guy who's getting responses. He's also willing to drive an hour. his brother's having good luck too, and according to him, he's quite the pig about it--says on his profile, he wants a big rack. It gotten him laid. I haven't met the ladies they are getting tho, can't speak for the quality--or possible lack of same.

Its a numbers game if you aren't good looking--either be willing to travel or work a city's population. The closer you are to average, the more attractive you are to the average of people. Be unique, and you lower your attractiveness. I had great luck at a site that specialized in certain things, so thus people were there for one reason, and finding like minded people was a possiblity. Here, its a wide range, so again, being average helps. Having a limited range of beliefs (success is defined materially, don't be firm in your moral beliefs, be willing to bend some, don't be firm in the politcal minority, etc) or passions will limit your ability to interest the average person.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 3
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/21/2013 7:26:14 PM
I find online dating better because I feel like a fish out of water in Eastern Washington. As a well educated Democrat, an environmentalist, atheist, and hiker from Michigan- from a family of artists and musicians- I live in conservative, Republican-dominated Eastern Washington.

If I wanted an overweight, tobacco-chewing, Republican fisherman and hunter who rides snowmobiles and a Harley, and decorates with with antlers... I'd be ALL SET. I live here because sunshine is addictive and uplifting. I have good friends and the hiking is fabulous.

Needless to say, I prefer liberal men from the Seattle area. Hooray! They like me, too. Men are more than happy to drive from rainy, gray Seattle- I call it "Seattle's incontinence"- to hike with me under blue skies in the Eastern Cascade Mountains. La la la.
 Hi_Rick23
Joined: 6/16/2013
Msg: 4
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/21/2013 10:11:50 PM
It seems a lot easier for me in real life. I've tried POF last year for about 6 months. I sent out tons of messages and got only a handful of responses. During that same time, I started chatting with a girl from my apartment and we had a short-lived relationship. I'm not really sure why I'm trying online again. I guess I believe in miracles lol.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 6
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/21/2013 11:08:46 PM
What differentiates people that have a good experience from those that have a bad one?

Attitude. Skills – like people skills, writing skills, listening skills. Looks – presenting yourself as an attractive person. Discernment and intuition – knowing which people to approach. Kindness, generosity, leadership, confidence, compassion, self-care.

Why do some people meet more/better quality people than others?

Cuz they is more/better people themselves. And they smile. And know a few good jokes. And all the words to ‘Louie Louie.’

Finally, what is it that makes online dating work so differently from meeting people in the real world?

In real life, we receive tons of physical information about the people we see, and we get a gut reaction about whether or not we find them attractive.

Online, we get a lot of mental information. Reading and writing a profile is a narrow, cerebral exercise, like looking through a catalogue. We get to see lots of different people, we read a description of who they are and what they want, but we can only guess what they’re really like or whether they’ll like us.

The advantage is in the quantity of people available. Expect to meet many people. The disadvantage is in the quality of information. Expect to be disappointed.

op/6: I feel like there's always that belief that there is a chance of meeting someone you would never normally meet in real life.

There are many chances to meet people you wouldn’t otherwise. Many of them you won’t choose to meet again.

Who knows, maybe I just need to give it more time, but I'm starting to think that my time spent on here could be better spent doing something else.

You’ve been here a week. There’s a learning curve. And even when you get good at it, there’s no guarantee. It’s just a tool; you learn to use it. But it takes longer than a week.

Ps: the ratio of men to women in your age group is a zillion to one. Summon your sincerity and persistence.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 7
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/21/2013 11:31:51 PM
Online dating..complete and utter waste of time. Built of lies and assumptions. Intimacy way too fast. Running off way too fast.

Never ever again.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 8
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/21/2013 11:41:59 PM
I have not tried dating in real life. I feel like I'm not available for anyone to approach me, I'm always wearing my earphones, reading something, doing something on my phone, or with a friend. NYC is very noisy so I'm eternally tuning out to stay sane.

I find online easy and convenient since I don't go to clubs, bars, or many events that are non-professional in nature. The probability of me meeting someone out there are slim to none. I throw out that "can't be bothered" when I'm outside. I'm always on a mission.
.
 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 9
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/22/2013 1:40:49 AM

What differentiates people that have a good experience from those that have a bad one? Why do some people meet more/better quality people than others? Finally, what is it that makes online dating work so differently from meeting people in the real world?

I would love to hear a wide variety of opinions on this.


I basically only date from introductions....meaning I don't date strangers, only friends of friends. Someone needs to vouch for the guy before I will go out with him. Living remotely with a small dating pool at the moment, I have tried online dating and it doesn't work for me. It's too stressful to date total strangers and personally I think the whole concept is real sweet however it's ass backwards. Supposed to be chemistry/attraction first then you get to know someone, that's how we are wired. Internet dating intellectualizes the whole process too much IMO and is too stressful....just not enough fun in it for me. It's like a series of blind dates that came from a website instead of friends.

Most of my single girlfriends love it. Male friends....not so much care for it.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 10
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Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/22/2013 5:31:45 AM
Online dating is far easier. It's just a tool to help find people to date. Then, you take it into the real world. If you're not good at that part, all that online dating for you will do is give you more chances to fail - but hopefully learn interpersonal skills as you go along.

I also agree with the person who said that if you are looking for someone of a rare type, you're much more likely to find them online - you may never meet such a person in your community. When used this way, it is a screening tool. You're not looking for just a date, you are seeking a highly compatible person with one or more specific traits.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 11
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Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/22/2013 6:44:46 AM

I have not tried dating in real life. I feel like I'm not available for anyone to approach me, I'm always wearing my earphones, reading something, doing something on my phone, or with a friend. NYC is very noisy so I'm eternally tuning out to stay sane.


I agree! I rarely get approached in real life. Sometimes I'll get approached at the gym but that's usually only after that person and I have seen each other so much it's unavoidable. For all they know I could be married or have a boyfriend so I don't think guys generally go out of their way to approach women that they don't know outside of bars/clubs. I don't hang out at typical meat markets anymore (clubs, bars) so having someone approach me in a grocery store, shopping or running errands is pretty rare.

Online is great. I meet people I would never meet in real life. Plus there's that added bonus of people feeling comfortable to make a move because rejection on a computer is way different than rejection face to face.
 PS_4
Joined: 4/2/2013
Msg: 12
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Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/22/2013 7:17:41 AM
Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy easier in person. I'm just here for the laughs of the forum.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 13
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Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/22/2013 8:03:59 AM

It's just a tool to help find people to date.


this exactly - after all, the dates only take place in real life.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 14
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Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/22/2013 8:20:54 AM
They're both the means to an end. I liked any form of dating other than trying to find someone in real life. It was an icebreaker,an easier way to strike up a conversation,make a new friend and take things from there. Of course I was a little shy about approaching women,so online or telephone chat lines made it easier.
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 15
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/22/2013 6:21:34 PM
I thought online dating would be easier. Since I don't do the bar thing. I expected it to be much easier to find someone. The theory seems to be good. Look at profiles, find similar interests and get together.

I find what many guys write in their profile is not what they really want. Many people have difficulty being honest.
 Lone-Loser
Joined: 10/11/2012
Msg: 16
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/22/2013 6:26:43 PM
For me, both are about the same, except at least online you don't have to worry over the 'comments' :P
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 18
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/22/2013 9:07:43 PM
I have not tried dating in real life. I feel like I'm not available for anyone to approach me, I'm always wearing my earphones, reading something, doing something on my phone, or with a friend. NYC is very noisy so I'm eternally tuning out to stay sane.

I find online easy and convenient since I don't go to clubs, bars, or many events that are non-professional in nature.


You live in NYC and you haven't done any kind of dating when out and about? That's fascinating. Ever consider certain groups where people with like interests can gather. Like a game night group, movie group, -insert name of interest you like- group, etc.


I throw out that "can't be bothered" when I'm outside


Best not to use online dating as a substitute for real world encounters and best to take out your earphones occasionally and make yourself approachable, you don't to stay single for too long because of these "I can't be bothered" actions, right? :)

This is a bit of an unnatural process in fact, wouldn't you say you're going against the grain here?

No offense, but I think you are an example of why men find it hard to approach women...some women seem to go out of their way as to NOT be approached.

It's like you prefer to go inside, lock the door, and have the ability to control who approaches you online. That's the problem with too much technology....it is driving people apart.


I don't think guys generally go out of their way to approach women that they don't know outside of bars/clubs.


Yeah, that's why it's good to join special interests groups (take a class, outdoors group, movie night with a movie group, etc)...that way people have a reason to approach you. :)

I only approach if I have good reason. I would sometimes strike up a conversation with a woman waiting in line for the Barista to make my coffee....usually it's coffee related and "what's your favorite coffee" or "what brews do you recommend" type ice-breakers.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 19
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Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 4:31:05 AM
Hmmm, it was the exact opposite for me. Much more interest online than ever IRL. Also, because the qualities I was looking for are much more easily determined online, it was the better way for me.

Finally, my love and I would never have met, IRL, because we live 200 miles apart.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 20
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 5:09:42 AM
What differentiates people that have a good experience from those that have a bad one?

their attitude about it.


Why do some people meet more/better quality people than others?

better quality is relative and open to interpretation. someone else's better quality is my riff-raff and vice versa.


Finally, what is it that makes online dating work so differently from meeting people in the real world?

the people who like online dating like it because it's so easy to not talk to the people you don't want to talk to, and you don't even have to smell their Red Bull & vodka breath first.
 grantfl80
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 21
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 6:04:23 AM
No. I'm a dismal failure at both.

G
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 22
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 7:16:50 AM
Hmmm, let's see ... I've been doing the dating site thing for 5+ years with no more than 2 dates with anyone, hence, no permanent relationship. Prior to trying this, in real life I never had a problem finding a boyfriend. Real life wins in my opinion.
 Mixture24
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 23
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 9:55:00 AM
Real life by far, seems everyone's standards get way higher on pof. Chicks that I wouldn't normally approach in real life aren't hitting me back.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 24
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 11:13:19 AM
Online dating increases your potential dating pool. That can be both a good and bad thing. The good thing is a person can talk with someone that (s)he otherwise wouldn't have been able to. The bad thing is some people raise their expectations or have the "grass is greener" attitude when there are more available options. Thus sometimes it can be more difficult to find a possible date.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 25
Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 12:30:20 PM

Why do some people meet more/better quality people than others?

Looks & Type & Looks. IMO, especially in your younger age range, Type comes into 3 basic flavors:
(a) Totally their type
(b) NOT not their type (HIGHEST %)
(c) NOT their type

In essence, as long as you're not clearly not their type, it's about Looks. You're all strangers. It's paper-n-pencil method. Looks rules the day, red flags and blatent type differentials aside, for you to be considered. It also influences personality assessment without much thought, too.

Finally, what is it that makes online dating work so differently from meeting people in the real world?

Because many people are trying to make a judgement about someone based off a profile and an initial message. It's a totally different avenue. Kind of like taking a boat ride somewhere VS taking a car. Plus, online here, it's a sausage fest.

IRL, in person, it's a different experience. They are introduced to the real you, not a piece of paper. Guys aren't in line saying "Hi, pick me pick me", and you get your chance to say an intro, then letting the next guy in line at the bar say his to her.

You may want to shorten your profile and not explain so much about yourself. Since you're the approacher online (a guy), leave things about yourself in the initial email. OR change up your profile with a different attitude and just shorten it a bit -- and if you already write long emails to each gal, make those only 2-3 sentences.

There's another free site online that has more women who aren't single moms, and have more hipsters, nerds, vegans, etc. You may do better on that cupid site. :)
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 26
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Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 12:58:14 PM
In my opinion, whatever way you meet the person, still you need to have a dose of luck on hand as there are no guarantees in life. Having said that I'm an optimist and would rather try than to bury head in the sand.
 newstart1949
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 27
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Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 1:09:00 PM
I think the worse thing about Online Dating is that one bad experience can sometimes make you overly suspicious of what is out there...
This is why total honesty is so very important with on-line dating, even about what one might think is minor white lies.
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 28
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Do you find online dating easier or harder than real dating?
Posted: 6/23/2013 1:47:19 PM
I think real life is easier for the most part. If you feel attracted to someone in real life it's relatively easy to figure out quickly if they feel the same way. I waste my time here sending messages to men I find attractive but are apparently not attracted to me. And Men I'm not attracted to send me messages.

However a pro (rather than a con) I do like being able to see if someone can write well. It's nice to see what hobbies we have in common. In real life there have been a bunch of times I learned something on a first date which would have prevented me from going out with him in the first place. Some of that may be filtered out online.

I've been on 2 free dating sites in about the last 4 years. I've only met one person from each one in all that time. During the same times I've gone out at least a few times with men I've met at singles dances.
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