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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Creeped out      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 1
Creeped outPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I met a man online, we texted a lot back and forth and set a date for this evening. We texted in between and I limited my responses because I was at work, and to save interactions for in person. Our last text was about 24 hours before our date would have been.

So an hour ago I get a text with him canceling-because I hadn't initiated a text conversation-he said he "purposely" didn't send me a good morning text to see if I was excited enough about him to reach out-and that a big gap of silence meant I was uncommunicative and was a big red flag.

I just prefer to meet before going all out, and I like to let the guy take the lead-especially since he said he prefers women a bit on the submissive side. You just can't win, some guys don't like a lot of texts-others do-so why wouldn't someone communicate their wants?

So to expect a certain amount of communication, then "set me up", and cancel a date over it-I just feel creeped out. He also looked very much like Dexter Morgan-lol. Anyone have other creeper stories? Where you just went,"well thanks for waving that giant red flag!"
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 2
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 6:15:00 PM
You limited your responses and texts on purpose. So he took that as you were not interested. Nothing complicated here. If you didn't like his looks you should have never accepted a date.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 3
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 6:31:33 PM

So an hour ago I get a text with him canceling-because I hadn't initiated a text conversation-he said he "purposely" didn't send me a good morning text to see if I was excited enough about him to reach out-and that a big gap of silence meant I was uncommunicative and was a big red flag.


What an arrogant ass. Tell him being an arrogant ass is a big red flag to you, and that you initiated that text message especially to tell him that.

Guess he tricked you, huh…..because of his amazing detective skills, now you don’t get to indulge in the arrogant assiness of him.

Thank him for being an arrogant ass….since you didn’t have to waste your time with him, you’ve just met the most gorgeous, sexiest man ever, who doesn’t need his little hand held every minute of every day, or his phone filled with idiotic text messages from hoop jumping women to feed his ego.

That’s pretty much how I deal with arrogant asses. Except probably a lot worse.



ETA

vvvvvvvvvvvv I don’t mind Dexter, but I’d much prefer Fox Mulder. ;)
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 4
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 6:31:45 PM
I did like his looks, I think Dexter Morgan is hot.

I just don't think a bunch of texting before meeting is a good idea. I didn't really "purposely" not text him-I get no reception at work but when I was on break I would answer his questions-I mean it had been less than 24 hours since his last text, which was just him telling me to have a good night out with the girls-then I was out til 4am, went to see my mom, the garden store-I just didn't realize I was supposed to check in before the date we had set-I would have answered him had he texted.

Setting someone up to see if they will fail your text test, then canceling a date where you would actually get to know each other-is creepy and manipulative. Then to say I'm uncommunicative for not having constant contact-really?
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 5
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 6:42:37 PM
Oh, well, OP - just think of all the time and effort he saved you by showing you how he is before you even met. That would creep me out a bit, too, especially since he made assumptions and didn't bother to find out if they were true by, ummm, actually communicating his concerns to you (what a concept!) before canceling.

From what my guy friends tell me, this type of behavior is not limited to men - they've had women flake out on them, too.

Just chalk it up to "dodged another bullet"


And oh yeah, Fox Mulder...mmmmmmmm
 Me_Me_Me_Pick_Me
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 6
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 7:24:27 PM
Keep believing its all his fault if that gets you through the day.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 7
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 7:52:34 PM
I'm not getting the "creepy" vibe.
I think your experience is typical of on-line daters looking for reasons to NOT connect.
Many people spend their efforts looking for disqualifiers versus commonalities.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 8
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 8:47:20 PM
Well... I just went two rounds on Friday and Saturday with the guy I was trying to set up any other date besides the "come over to my place and watch a movie" date. I sort of blew him off yesterday to go to a beach party that I invited him to come with. Why... because he just wanted to watch TV at his place...No Thanks. Today, I asked him what he normally did on a Saturday night when he's not so tired... and I told him that sometimes I go to church on Saturday night, go out to the movies, or go to the Waterfront to listen to a band. He texted me back "Fine. Why don't you go to church. I don't want to see you." I said "Okay". Then he said that he was going to delete my phone number from his phone. At that point, I told him that I thought he was sort of strange, but if it made him feel better to delete my number... "go ahead". His last message was "I was hoping to watch a movie with you." At that point, I didn't care anymore and didn't respond. He was pretty cute too.

He sort of cancelled on me Monday night... that probably was the red flag there that I ignored. I usually let people step up to the plate and turn things around. However, I'm not interested in doing a home date with someone I don't really know very well.
 ForumRuler
Joined: 4/2/2013
Msg: 9
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 9:31:48 PM
Some of you women are really weird.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 10
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 10:03:07 PM
Op, after he threw his little tantrum. I would have responded yep I didnt text you intentionally to see if he could pass your test and he blew it. Then tell him sorry but your no longer interested. Just some cry baby guy that wasn't getting all the attention. Boo hoo OP, you missed the crazy train with this one. Feel lucky.
Better luck next Time. ;D
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 11
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 10:08:32 PM

Keep believing its all his fault if that gets you through the day.
So you feel "required" to regularly check in or send good morning texts to women you've never met yet? And feel that if you didn't check in it would be warranted for the lady to throw a fit and cancel just because you hadn't texted in 24 hours? Before a first date?
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 12
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 10:22:13 PM
that's not creeped out... that's manipulative.

creeped out is when you tell them to fuk off and they find you in public... and sit very close behind and skootch up a little more then lean over and breathe in your ear..... vfffffff, ghhhhhhhhh vffffffffffff ghhhhhhhh.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 13
Creeped out
Posted: 6/22/2013 11:39:06 PM
His failure to jedi mind trick you into texting him within the alotted approval time is pretty daym funny.What a turd.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 12:59:46 AM
His failure to jedi mind trick you into texting him within the alotted approval time is pretty daym funny.What a turd.



Or it worked perfectly. He "wasn't the droid you are looking for."
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 4:20:19 AM
He sounds like a crazy control freak. Now, if he asks you out next week, don't go!
 grantfl80
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 16
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 6:03:07 AM
Don't worry. All of this is okay since he looks like Dexter Morgan. If he looked like Steve Buscemi then none of us would have had to have read this "amazing" story.

G
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 17
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 6:20:13 AM
Just be glad you found out quickly (before you met even!) and didn't waste a ton of time on this guy.
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 7:53:57 AM
You failed the secret test that seems to underlie online dating. You don't know the questions or the assessment criteria until it is too late. The key here is to keep pushing through. You need to expect 10 failed attempts for every one successful meet up. Chalk this up as one of them. Now don't waste another ounce of mental space worrying about this, just move on.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 19
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 8:47:51 AM

I'm not certain creeped out is the proper terminology for this guy. He seems immature.


I agree.
 Mixture24
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 20
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 10:01:08 AM
I think you're trying to hard to have a creeper story. He just sounds stupid, or needy.
 WHITEROSEFOREVER
Joined: 3/18/2013
Msg: 21
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 10:53:03 AM
i've noticed that some men want to know they are number one before they will even take the time to date and find out if there is even any compatibility. i think they are just lazy and filled with low self esteem.
as for me, i hate to much texting. it is a waste of time because until you meet and get to know a person, you have no idea who they are. just because someone writes pretty words does not mean you can tell anything about them and then there are those that just sound stupid when they text. except for the every now and then, quick text, i believe texting is the worst form of communication.
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 1:58:12 PM
Not sure I'd say creeped out but I think it's good you didn't meet him. If he thought "testing you" was a good idea before you even met, I can't imagine how controlling he'd be if you got into a relationship with him. So far I've never txted with anyone I haven't met. Don't want them to have my phone number. I just do the emails.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 23
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 3:19:14 PM
So an hour ago I get a text with him canceling-because I hadn't initiated a text conversation-he said he "purposely" didn't send me a good morning text to see if I was excited enough about him to reach out-and that a big gap of silence meant I was uncommunicative and was a big red flag.

So basically you guys had your communication "honeymoon phase" of texting a ton, then he noticed yours dropped down. And he felt like he wasn't going to chase you after that, the ball was in your court. And you didn't. And he still didn't hear from you. So he figured lack of interest. It wasn't a set-up. It was a read on you. Probably some truth to it.

It isn't that a woman has to be all excited -- it's just that if a guy or girl sees the other person going from very communicative to lack of communicative and they'd have to chase them -- they see a problem.

I just prefer to meet before going all out, and I like to let the guy take the lead-especially since he said he prefers women a bit on the submissive side.

Take the lead? The date was already set. And what do you mean "going all out"? If you're really busy and can't text much, first let him know that and cease texting and start it up later. Don't sit back and expect him to text you after. A woman a bit on the submissive side isn't the one who expects the guy to initiate communication at all times when the girl's busy.

He was in the right to not chase you, as you were backing out of communication (due to work) and never followed up with it after. However, I think he was hasty of calling everything off. But you have to understand that it's not a gender thing after you kick things off and already have a date set up: Whoever is too busy to talk during a particular timeframe, is the one to initiate communication afterwards when they aren't busy. You can't sit there and say "He's a guy, he has to write me."

He had every reason to doubt your interest by not hearing from you, and/or have worry about play gender-games -- he'd obviously not want either. But he should have at least reached out and read you as a person best in person. He shouldn't have jumped the gun due to signs of lack of interest. But ya can't blame him for having doubts!

I think through his experience he found that there's a high % chance that your interest wasn't all there anymore to go out and wouldn't want to face a cancellation or lukewarm "postponing" done by you, so he went on the offensive. Again, too hasty, probably due to bad experiences of gals cancelling. Where does one see that? When they're texting in a lackluster way and are "busy" and don't initiate anything. Live and learn! Him being so hasty & ticked is a sign it wouldn't have been good for ya anyway though.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 24
Creeped out
Posted: 6/23/2013 3:47:17 PM
the person who gives all the time would also like to receive . it is just human nature .
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 25
Creeped out
Posted: 6/24/2013 10:41:18 AM

He was in the right to not chase you, as you were backing out of communication (due to work) and never followed up with it after.


Well, as far as I was concerned a date was set-I guess I will just not give out my number until I meet someone in real life, because I feel like 'communication' never really STARTS until it's real-in the flesh. In fact, most of the dates that "don't go through" start as texts. Sometimes it's me-if they text too long, without setting a date-especially if it's boring superficial texts, I get bored.

Dating should be in person. Once a date was set with this guy---that's IT! I don't care if I 'didn't reach out' people have lives, and my plan for the day included playing pool with him-but a 2 second "Good Morning" text was more important than playing pool with me-and I'm the uncommunicative one. Alright. lol.
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