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 SoxFanSince93
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 1
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Did I screw up?Page 1 of 1    
Alright so this girl viewed my profile a few days ago, she didn't message me or anything but than I viewed hers I was interested about what I read, noticed she lived in the same town as me and messaged her. After going back and forth a few times messaging me on POF she asked me if I would like to go grab a coffee the next morning. Now I would of liked too but I had just gotten out of the hospital because I had just had surgery to have my appendix removed. I told her I couldn't and explained why and told her that I would love to go with her when I'm feeling better however I haven't heard from her since and that was 3 or 4 days ago... So did I like drop the ball on this or do you just think that she is truly just not interested ? I wasn't expecting her to ask me out that fast (after only maybe 4 or 5 messages in the span of like 30 minutes)
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 2
Did I screw up?
Posted: 6/30/2013 7:44:25 PM
If you're honest about your predicament, I don't see how you've 'dropped the ball'

See if she responds, meanwhile don't place your life on hold waiting for a reply.
 PS_4
Joined: 4/2/2013
Msg: 3
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Did I screw up?
Posted: 6/30/2013 7:48:34 PM
If she is that shallow, and 95% of them are, its probably a good thing you didn't hear back from her.
 SoxFanSince93
Joined: 3/12/2013
Msg: 4
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Did I screw up?
Posted: 6/30/2013 8:05:51 PM
Haha very true, thanks!
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 5
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Did I screw up?
Posted: 6/30/2013 10:35:19 PM
Of course not.
However, I hope you didn't expect this girl to hang around until you got better.
You just had major surgery. You aren't ready to date until you heal. This girl doesn't know you nor is she obligated to put her dating life on hold until you are ready to meet her.
It's just bad timing.
 SunForSome
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 6
Did I screw up?
Posted: 6/30/2013 11:01:35 PM
When do you think that you will be feeling good enough to get coffee? If you are up for it now, you should message her... Tell her that you enjoyed chatting the other day and would like to meet her in person to continue the conversation over a cup of coffee... if this sounds good to her. I think the ball might still in your court since you did not make a solid counter offer when she first asked you out. Your counter offer was more vague and up in the air.... "someday when you are feeling better."

Try not to get into too much game playing and counting the days before you contact people.
I despise that kind of behavior and I hate hearing about all the problems that are created when dealing with someone has a 4 day no contact rule or "plays hard to get". If you think you might like her act interested... be charming... be bold...take a chance. Most women still believe that men should initiate things.

If you aren't really interested in her... then carry on just as you have been. Who knows? By now she might have forgotten about you.
 Bearfish13
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 7
Did I screw up?
Posted: 6/30/2013 11:59:30 PM
this happens when a person decides to leave in the middle of a conversation, the same thing happens to me.. its what I hate the most

if you want, now I don't advise this, but its worth a try, just ask her a question in a message, if she responds then try to navigate through, however, if you don't get a response, then you know for sure
 NtvNtv
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 8
Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/1/2013 7:53:38 AM
No you didn't "screw up."
You told her you couldn't meet now however would connect when you feel better.
When you feel better, try again : ) Hope you have a speedy recovery.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 9
Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/1/2013 10:02:43 AM
^^^ ha^^^^
or really wow her and send the appendix :/
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 10
Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/1/2013 1:07:08 PM
Let me get this straight......

You start speaking to a woman you are interested in, while still recovering from major surgery? So there is 0% chance of meeting up anytime soon (within the week), but you still decided to chat her up. She seems a straightforward person and wants to waste no time chatting much, she wants to meet, but you can't (you weren't ready to begin with). Then you wonder why you haven't heard from her?

The momentum dies quickly when a meet is not possible and its alternative is a long way to go. Its kinda like, why waste my time?

1. don't talk to people (with intent to meet) when you know full well you cannot meet them anytime soon
2. don't reveal details of things that are unappealing (for dating purposes) about medical issues unless its a disability they need to be aware of.
3. You could have lied and said you were going to be out of town for a few weeks, and would follow up with her upon returning, you enjoyed chatting with her, and would like to follow up at least once a week, until you come back. Honesty is not the best policy in certain situations. What difference does it make whether its a trip or a hospitalization? but a trip sounds better and it conveys unavailability due to circumstances (positive), not due to illness (negative).

Hypothetically speaking: its the same thing as me not agreeing to meet with someone because my period came, I'm cramping and who knows when it will end (not true, just for the sake of the story). The guy doesn't need to know I have my period, he just needs to know that I am not able to meet him right away, that he needs to give me a week at least. KISS

Here's a story:

I went out with a great guy on two dates, everything wonderful (no chemistry though, but could grow). A couple of days later, I hear nothing from him, I texted him asking how he was, he replied 3-4 days later and informed me that he had been in the hospital and had surgery. I inquired how he was doing and how long would it take to recovery from it, jada, jada. He goes into details about the damn surgery (draining an abscess from his butt), like really? I didn't need to know details, he could have just said it's nothing to be concerned about and he'll be fully recovered in 2 weeks. The detail of the surgery turned me off. It was interesting and I was a Bio major in undergrad, but I don't need to hear that or know that of someone that I would likely have gone on a 3rd date with and possibly other things on the horizon. All I can think about is his white @ss bent over on a table getting puss extracted from it, not exactly something I want to think about, but he inserted the image in my head, and now, it cannot be erased.
 LeeleePhoenix
Joined: 12/13/2012
Msg: 11
Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/1/2013 5:58:49 PM
You didn't screw up, but if I got a response like that to asking for a date, I'd move on. She probably assumes you're not interested, or are screwing with her or something. And she likely has tons of other messages to choose from. Plus, I like to try setting up a meet ASAP, and many others are the same.

I'd try messaging her again when you feel better and try again, but don't be too hopeful.
 Silver_Sparks
Joined: 6/24/2013
Msg: 12
Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/1/2013 8:15:35 PM
A girl asked you out on a date and you said "no". Yes, you screwed up.
As others have mentioned, don't sow what you can't reap.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 13
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Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/2/2013 4:31:11 AM
Yes ,but life is not over.

She was in the mood when you asked and then lost it later or you just confused the hell out of her and she thought you were a flake.


Most men would have shown up limping in my experience.


I have been called a flake for canceling after burning my lip on hot ginger tea which looked like a herpes outbreak.
Don't think I missed the man of my fantasies though.
Its ok..if she won't respond again..move on


BUT that being said
Don't contact anyone and ask for coffee /a meeting with out being ready to go that day or the next.
Fickleness abounds and people are ready when they are ready or wonder why the **** you asked so soon then can't make it.
Be it after surgery, a burned lip, limited time or resources low again.
Doesn't make sense to me and seems not her.



You start speaking to a woman you are interested in, while still recovering from major surgery? So there is 0% chance of meeting up anytime soon (within the week), but you still decided to chat her up. She seems a straightforward person and wants to waste no time chatting much, she wants to meet, but you can't (you weren't ready to begin with).

^^^^^^^Nutshell and well put
 Tippi_Hedren
Joined: 4/6/2013
Msg: 14
Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/2/2013 9:38:33 AM
Yeah, you did screw up but it's not like a major crisis; just keep on fishin' (after you've recovered)


his white @ss bent over on a table getting puss extracted from it,

Getting what extracted from it?

The image in my head now will hopefully auto-erase in the next 5 minutes.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 15
Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/2/2013 12:02:25 PM

Getting what extracted from it?


pus, sorry I misspelled it. yellow-whitish liquid that is usually found in infections under the skin.


The image in my head now will hopefully auto-erase in the next 5 minutes.


You see how that leaves a lasting image in one's head? lol. I wish I could do "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" on that memory! This is why people shouldn't say unappealing crap (illness related disgusting-ness) early on in dating, it just becomes one of the images you associated with that person.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 16
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Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/2/2013 1:26:36 PM
Yes, the ball was dropped.

If someone invites you to go do something, and you turn them down without giving a specific time/venue that would work better for you, you might as well have just said you don't want to see them.

When women pull this on me, that's how I interpret it. I can't read these women's minds about what would be more convenient than what I suggested, just like this woman can't read the OP's mind about when he will actually be available.

Take it as a lesson learned, and move on.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 17
Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/5/2013 10:41:21 AM
Are you recovered now?
Contact her with a SPECIFIC date, time, and place to meet for your first coffee.

You should have made a counteroffer the very first time she sought to date you.
psytle is 100% entirely correct. Contact her today to ensure you maintain momentum.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 18
Did I screw up?
Posted: 7/6/2013 2:04:13 AM
For the most part, when someone asks "Did I screw up?", the answer is 99% of the time "YES".
I'm with Eric, you should have made a counteroffer, there on the spot - "I just had my appendix out yesterday, and I'm kinda hurting, maybe we could make a date for next week, say Friday night?" By not coming back with something else, you kinda let her know you weren't all *that* interested in meeting her. People who are truly interested, even if there's a reason they can't make a given date, at least offer an alternative.
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