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 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 2
Marrying during the Retirement YearsPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
well *i'm* not going to support him. who am I, the World Bank? he'd better be able to pull his own weight because that's what i'm fully prepared to do..... I'm having a hard enough time as it is waiting for my 201k to recover thanks to wall street SHEISTERS.

and if I can no longer do that, i'm going out like a gun moll.... shoot a few wall street bankers for sport... PEW!! PEW!! take that, you dirty rat. free strip search, free room and board for the remainder. (evil grin)

this of course assumes a LOT... that i'd want to get married again. dear god why?

vvvv

and if we're not married and he should die, I'd
have to pay a bunch in inheritance taxes. At least that's
what he tells me.

heh. that sounds a tad... OH WHAT IS THE WORD.... biased.

....... convenient??
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 3
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/1/2013 3:23:09 PM
I didn't think I wanted to get married again.
But then I became a beneficiary of a will and substantial
property and if we're not married and he should die, I'd
have to pay a bunch in inheritance taxes. At least that's
what he tells me.

I still haven't decided if it's worth it..it's all so romantic.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 4
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/1/2013 3:33:32 PM

heh. sounds a tad... OH WHAT IS THE WORD.... biased.


I can't figure out what it sounds like.
That's his only reason for getting married...and why should he care what
happens after he dies.

Sounds kind of golddiggerish (on my part) on the other hand do I want the
money or do I want to give it to the government.

With my luck, I'd marry him and then I'd die first.
ahahahahahahahaha!
 _islandbird
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 5
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/1/2013 6:09:07 PM
Mystical,
I do think it is important when mature/retired persons come together in a marriage that they are both contributing fairly to the household's finances. I think there should be a joint household account, contributed to by both partners, out of which all mutual expenses are paid.........................food, housing, travel, medical, entertainment, utilities, etc. Contributing "fairly" doesn't necessarily mean "equally". For one partner it may be no big deal to toss several grand into the "jam jar" each month while the other partner may be hard pressed to contribute a fraction of that. The important thing here is that each partner is contributing WHAT THEY CAN MANAGE. And this needs to be decided and agree upon beforehand.

I DON'T believe credit cards or other debt instruments like lines of credit should ever be combined. Mature folks have had a lot of years to develop their spending habits and they won't always mesh in a mature marriage. As an example, if you drive a beat up old pick up truck that you hold together with baling twine and bondo, why should the repair bills for your partner's Porsche show up on a jointly held credit card..................... one that you could get hung out to dry for in the event of a marriage dissolution.

If you have cared enough for someone to marry/co-habit with them then presumably you will be generous enough to ensure that the matrimonial home is held JTWROS (Joint Tenancy With Right of Survivorship). In other words, the roof over their head won't be snatched away from them and dumped into your estate as soon as you die.

Which brings us to................... how I, personally, choose to handle the "real" assets. Because I had no children of my own, my assets will go (mostly) to my nephews. They are blood. (Some will also go to my favorite animal and wildlife rescue charities.) If I remarried, I would expect that my partner would possibly/probably have children from an earlier marriage. I would expect/respect his decision to leave his assets to his "blood". And if we are both intelligent folks we will make sure that these directives have been all "buttoned up" by a very good lawyer, 'cuz this stuff is definitely lawyer territory.

Now.............. aren't you sorry you asked. And, aren't you just a tad young to be worrying about this............. like maybe by 30+ years? :o)
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 6
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/1/2013 6:14:23 PM
My girlfriend and I are both rather well off. However, if she wasn't, it wouldn't phase me. She's the most important thing in my life. Rather go to a restaurant with her, take a vacation together, make her happy.

Curious. How do you have to support someone? Doesn't the USA have senior pensions and health care for the low income over 65 group? In Canada a senior gets a minimum of $1300/month plus health, etc. This would pay for a partner's food, necessities,etc. Not sure how your partner living with you is a big expense out of your pocket.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 8
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/2/2013 1:35:03 AM
It IS something that should be discussed and I freely admit I have not done so with my partner as yet. He is almost 60 but does not see himself retiring much before 70 anyway. I am almost 50 (what????? When did that happen lol) and I KNOW I need to work another 15 years minimum. He is much more stable financially that I am ( more super, owns a house etc) and I do need to sort things out. He recently wrote a will, leaving the house, some shares and his superannuation to his children, with me inheriting a Vespa, his car and any residuals in his accounts. We will NOT be marrying (why repeat a mistake!!) but as we have already lived together 2 years we are counted as a de facto couple. I think these things need to be addressed by both the couple and in front of a lawyer.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 9
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/2/2013 12:37:28 PM
What seniors get in retirement in the USA is based on what they pay into the Social Security system. I know seniors who are only getting $600 a month to live on.....Canada is quite generous.....$1300 a month minimum????
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 10
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/2/2013 12:59:09 PM
^^^^^

In Canada a senior can also get zero other than CPP ( like US Social Security). But no senior will have less that about 1600 income a month before they lose any of the 1300. In my province no cost for seniors for health, dental, drugs, nursing home etc. Anyways, not a lot of income but enough not to be a burden on a partner.

Also, remember that those of us with retirement incomes in Canada over 40 thousand or so will pay more in taxes.Than Americans. And, Canada isn't generous but about the same almost Northern European countries.
 _islandbird
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 11
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/2/2013 5:39:06 PM
Sciencetreker,
We certainly DO pay more tax than our American counterparts .................... like up to a 54% marginal tax bracket for top income earners. That's 54 cents tax of EVERY DOLLAR YOU EARN going to support our government's vision of a socialist nirvana. (We need to be honest with our American buds.) And I CRINGE every time I hear someone say we have "free" health care in Canada. We DON'T have free health care....................... we have VERY EXPENSIVE health care, and the tab for it is picked up by the same folks who pick up the tab for just about everything else.................... taxpayers, especially the big ones!
And, as for seniors here in BC getting all these services for free.....................could you let me know what part of the province they are in.................... ' cuz I (and probably a lot of my seniors buddies) would like to move there. Even after the government concludes the next two years of "means testing" me based on my pre-retirement income (during which time I will be paying "full fare" for the aforementioned benefits), I will NEVER see these services for free (or even significantly subsidized). And I was certainly NOT a top income earner during my working years...................... just part of that forgotten, abused and now disappearing middle class who consistently forked over 40% +/- of their gross income in taxes.
You are certainly correct that Canada isn't generous in terms of senior's retirement benefits. In fact, Canada devotes less of its GDP to senior's benefits than ANY of the G8 nations..................... oh!, except the United States.................. they're even stingier with their seniors.
 Rustyair
Joined: 3/26/2013
Msg: 12
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/3/2013 4:41:36 AM
Marriage in the late years is foolish. A lot of women want to marry for security at that age yet have nothing to offer but companionship. So after a guy gets tired of her what then? Its best to live together.
 meetme28269
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 13
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/3/2013 5:20:33 AM
Circumstances and thus beliefs are different for everyone.
Marriage has its pluses and minuses. For those that have an aversion to marriage can find that nearly all rights and benefits of marriage can be covered by legal documents. You just have to have the attorney draw up the documentation. Don't assume that because you are in a long term un married relationship that you are covered.
This presumes you want to preserve your estate for your blood relatives and still want to provide in some degree for your significant other.
 S58
Joined: 7/29/2010
Msg: 14
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/3/2013 5:43:23 AM
My advice (from my experience alone) never ever get married (in today’s values, morals… etc.) unless the other person (male or female) is doing as well financially as you are doing (paying bills/saving/spending).
This specially holds true if you are heading into or already retired… And, for those that say “opposites attract” and can work it out…, good luck with that one. The only thing that opposites attract is divorce…

While this all sounds cruel, insensitive and unromantic, I’ve found divorce to be very unromantic as well as financially devastating… (Been there, done that… LOL)

If one needs the companionship in their old age and or retirement, there’s the dating, single groups of all ages and and most of all, having great friends… Plus, your house/cars/and every day bills are paid up-in-full… Retirement life is fantastic! It’s really great! LOL
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 15
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/3/2013 10:03:46 AM
^^^^

The most important thing in this world is the happiness of my partner. Neither of us put any value in a piece of legal paper but If she put a value on marriage, I wouldn't hesitate. Life is about more than financial security.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/3/2013 4:54:10 PM

Marriage in the late years is foolish.


Yeps. I would really question the "value" of marriage in your later years, and what I would really question more, is a person that would place a high "value" on such a ceremony after some many years of "experience".
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 17
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/4/2013 9:07:19 AM
I have thought about this because sadly, I do need to consider the financials of the (hypothetical) guy if we were mutually inclined to get married...which is certainly unromantic, but a necessary fact of reality. If I remain single, I will receive my late husband's railroad retirement pension which is greater than my own Social Security. My 401k and IRAs went to take care of my elderly mom, so I had to start over from scratch on those. If I remarry, I will not receive the RR retirement, unless I am widowed again - I'd get my SS but would have to depend more on the husband's retirement income. So, this hypothetical fiance and I would have to look at whether we'd both be better off being married in retirement - since I don't have much to contribute and really don't expect to ever retire - or if we should just stay single and self-supporting. I really don't want to live with a guy unless we are married.

Now, if I win the lottery, not a problem! :laughing:
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 18
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/4/2013 10:38:14 AM
My widowed grandmother got re-married at around 80 years of age after being married for 50 some years. I thought it was sweet...Not silly at all. To each their own, no need to be so judgemental.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 19
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/4/2013 11:52:05 AM
Tony Randall got married at age 75, Clint Eastwood got remarried at 66,Elizabeth Taylor's last marriage was about about 59. Even Hugh Hefner the ultimate player got married again after age 80..

As far as I know, all of the movie stars would rather be married than date.

Since these people are independently wealthy, can easily date many others without getting married. They can afford to hire people to take care of them. I think this is as close to proof as one can get that being married at any age is more desirable.

If famous people that have unlimited options would rather be married, then how can it be so bad?

Howard Hughes was last married at age 52, after his divorce he never remarried. But then again, he wasn't the picture of good mental health.

Does anyone know any other exceptions actors and actresses not wanting to be married?
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 21
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/5/2013 2:36:05 AM
In OZ it makes no difference if you are married or defacto.

I would only ever get invovled in either with a prenup or co-habitation agreement so that everything is sorted ahead of time. And have done so - once - thank goodness. Luckily I did or I could have lost my house.
It costs money to pay the lawyers to set up such an agreement. But well worth it.

The arrangement was what is mine is mine, his is his. His children get his stuff if he kicks the bucket and my family get mine. If we gained assets together then they were to be split based on input.

I have seen too many women loose everything they have worked for because they fell for a handsome face and craved the companionship.
And men complain about being fleeced.

Gold diggers, leeches and people seeking someone else to provide the financial security come in both genders.

50:50 Equality. Fairness. etc etc etc all the way.

And YES I always offer to pay my half on every date.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 22
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/5/2013 7:17:08 AM
^^^^^

I must live in a nicer society. I don't know 'all of these people' who lost everything who craved the companionship. My friends over 50 tend to be a competent group. I suppose it happens now and then. Not sure the purpose of marriage during the retirement years with such a jaded attitude. Might be best just to keep it informal.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 23
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/5/2013 7:35:19 AM
I ve was married once, a long time ago. It did'nt work out and luckily me and my ex. parted on good terms. We came to a mutual agreement on assets/payments etc. and all was well.

I did'nt lose a lot during this experience. I did gain some knowledge of what I COULD have lost just because we were married. All I can say is I'd have to think long and hard before I'd ever sign another contract with a woman regarding my feelings. If I did I'd have some upfront understanding or written agreement over who gets what if our feelings should change.

Never say never regarding marriage is what I think. I just have a hard time signing a contract guaranteeing my or anothers feelings.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 24
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/5/2013 10:09:43 AM

How important is it to people who marry after age 45+ that their prospective spouse be able to financially support himself or herself during retirement? Is that one factor that single people closing-in on the retirement years consider when deciding if s/he's a person to marry? (Have retirement pension, savings and/or other tangible assets). Thank you for sharing.


Its pretty important to me but what’s more important is that he’s comfortable and candid talking about money and finding legal and financial solutions that are best for both of us. I do a lot of prenups, trusts and cohabitation agreements for second and third marriages and relationships. Its amazing to me how many people assume prenups are always and only about protecting their pot of gold as it is today. Then when you start to balance rights, they realize that the other person has assets too and that they’re also giving up rights. The process of disclosure and negotiation is a very good process to undergo before you make a commitment to someone. You can really learn a lot about someone’s personality by how they view and discuss money.


Marriage in the late years is foolish. A lot of women want to marry for security at that age yet have nothing to offer but companionship.


There are men like that too. And there are people of both sexes who do value companionship and don’t view their partners’ assets only in dollars. If I found a loving partner who was a wonderful companion and made my life better and “richer,” I would think I had hit the jackpot no matter how much money he had. We’d just work together to protect us both and make the household work.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 25
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/5/2013 4:48:54 PM

Its pretty important to me but what’s more important is that he’s comfortable and candid talking about money and finding legal and financial solutions that are best for both of us.




Great point black hawk # 1!
As imo, when your both in love & mature, you both would think in us terms and there is" is no what ifs later on." And a definite a leap in faith for most nonetheless.



I do a lot of prenups, trusts and cohabitation agreements for second and third marriages and relationships. Its amazing to me how many people assume prenups are always and only about protecting their pot of gold as it is today. Then when you start to balance rights, they realize that the other person has assets too and that they’re also giving up rights. The process of disclosure and negotiation is a very good process to undergo before you make a commitment to someone.



Great point # 2 !


You can really learn a lot about someone’s personality by how they view and discuss money.


And great point # 3 !




And there are people of both sexes who do value companionship and don’t view their partners’ assets only in dollars. If I found a loving partner who was a wonderful companion and made my life better and “richer,” I would think I had hit the jackpot no matter how much money he had. We’d just work together to protect us both and make the household work.




Yes yes & yes.....you know your legal stuff & what truly binds those together beyond the assets & whats only in it for me. And if me is the only one, then love is fleeting before it ever begins imo.

And,when both parties realize that their partnership,companionship is greater than gold, richer in life because of what both have in each other core values, because of their bond,then yes they are much richer then those who only have "face value" in what binds them together.

I know it's just a piece of paper, but between me & the love of my life it's something much much more.

And maybe be more so now being older........
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 26
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/5/2013 5:06:27 PM

If famous people that have unlimited options would rather be married, then how can it be so bad?


Don't forget "famous" people can afford good lawyers. Which includes very well written "agreements" between the two parties involved. The "not so" famous 1/2 may get something if the marriage dissolves but, most of the time it ain't automatically "half" of the other party's assets.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 27
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/8/2013 9:44:41 AM
Then again, considering that marriage is a contractural arrangement there could be other reasons to marry after 45. Maybe to share assets or medical coverage? Maybe to bilk someone of half of their worldly possesions? [I've heard there are people who do this type of thing]. Or, maybe simply to legally declare your undying love for one another? Nothing says "I love you" like a legally binding contract.
 pamioakley
Joined: 5/26/2013
Msg: 29
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Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 7/16/2013 7:56:06 PM
I see no reason to marry to begin with. The worst choice I made when I divorced was to NOT take half of his retirement from a financial point of view (he was a doctor). I would never want a man I was seeing to look at me as a gold digger or as my savior. My plan is to work until I am no longer physically able to. Because of my circumstances, I am very open minded about his circumstances.
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