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 AUTHOR
 mattb62
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 1
Older womanm by 18 yearsPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I've met a wonderful woman who is 69 years old. I am 50. She is very cautious. Been dating her six months, she invites me to her place often and cooks for me. We've gone to movies, etc. whenever I seem to push she backs away. Any hope or not? Ihave never directly asked her, kinow her well and she does not like to be pushed.
 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 2
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 3:53:10 AM

whenever I seem to push she backs away.


So don't push! The age does not matter, what matters is knowing how to escalate this relationship from here.

Six months? JHC! I dunno what the heck you are doin' but obviously it ain't working!

You need to use humor, touch and eye contact.

No 1/ Forget about trying to "do" her.
No 2/ Make it your mission to make every minute you are with her fun.
No 3/ You need to touch her, lots! But in a non creepy way.
No 4/ You need to "connect" with her.
No 5/ You have been placed in her "friend zone" unless you escape this you are toast!
No 6/ You need to establish yourself as a sexual person in her eyes.

Women from all walks of life and all races say the same thing to this question. What is the single most important thing that would attract you to a man? Answer.......Humor! Are you a funny guy? Could you learn to be a funny guy?

How many times do you touch her when you meet? Once, twenty times, none? And how do you touch someone in a non creepy way? Could you high five her? "Hey that's a great cup of coffee! Give me five! Whoa, what did you do different this time? Tastes great! "Hey, (tap, tap, on shoulder) guess what I did today? (With enthusiasm) Bought a new......Gave myself a treat.......Booked us into........Whatever!" She. "Really?" You. "Yes I really did!" patting her on the back, or excitedly giving her arm a squeeze, You. "I'm so excited" Arm around her and give her a squeeze.

That's four times in one paragraph! Could you do that? Of course you could!

Do you kiss her? Kiss her! Look into her eyes, one at a time and switch between each eye and her mouth, in like a sort of triangle, then go for it! And not at the end of the night either, you can do this within five minutes of meeting someone if you get really good at it.

Remember fun! Treat this as a training session, because if non of this stuff works you need to find someone that is does work on!

Get out of that friend zone buddy, or get out! Time is marching on and you are firmly in her friend zone. If this doesn't work on her bail, and next time escalate quickly or the same fate awaits you. I'll leave you with this........

The reason this relationship is where it is is totally your fault, not hers. It is a man's duty to escalate the relationship and women wait for us to do it, if we cant? She thinks you haven't got the ba-lls and confidence to do it, you don't know how to do it or you don't want to do it. Whatever.......

She will put you in the dreaded friend zone from where you can be condemned to stay until she meets someone who will, do it for her.

Good luck, grow some, experiment and have fun. Both of you!
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 3
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 4:31:43 AM
If she is pushing you back , time to say good bye . Last relationship I was in was with a woman 5 years older than myself ,won't be going there again .
 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 4
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 5:08:15 AM

Pfffftttt. If she wanted it to escalate, she would have helped him to escalate it.
I have dated a man from here that had asperger's syndrome, he couldn't read facial expressions or subtle cues -
so, I kissed him and told him that I liked him...


I'm sorry, I must have missed where the Op said she had a disability, if I had known that I would have approached the matter completely differently.
 Moon_Rocket
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 5
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 5:53:09 AM

Asperger's isn't a disability...


The exact cause is unknown. Although research suggests the likelihood of a genetic basis,[1] there is no known genetic cause[10][11] and brain imaging techniques have not identified a clear common pathology.[1] There is no single treatment, and the effectiveness of particular interventions is supported by only limited data.[1] Intervention is aimed at improving symptoms and function. The mainstay of management is behavioral therapy, focusing on specific deficits to address poor communication skills, obsessive or repetitive routines, and physical clumsiness.[12] Most children improve as they mature to adulthood, but social and communication difficulties may persist.[7] Some researchers and people with Asperger's have advocated a shift in attitudes toward the view that it is a difference, rather than a disability that must be treated or cured.[13][14] Wikipedia (current)

3ff, Looks like the jury is split on this one.


You missed my point-
if 'she' wanted it to progress, 'she' would have helped him to make it progress.


You missed MY point which was aimed at the OP.

ALL women are not like you or your Mother and I would never accuse you of being passive, however my advice was from a man to a man, the OP. Whether he takes it or not is up to him, but in relation to that surely you are not saying that he should hang around and wait for this woman to make a move?

Wow have i had it wrong all these years. Next time I go to a party or bar, I'll just hang around and wait for all the ladies to come to me and ask me to come stay at their houses........

You'll recognize me the next time you go there. I'll be the skeleton propping up the bar.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 6
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 6:40:40 AM
OP wrote..


kinow her well and she does not like to be pushed

Then don't push her..seems simple to me.
Look....Communicate with "words" that you would like more between you and if she isn't on the same page as you...then the ball is in your court.
Be aware...she just may be looking at you as a "friend"...no more!
There is nothing wrong...For two mature adults, that enjoy each others company..being just friends..
Your choice...after to accept or move on...get your loving somewhere else....
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 7
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 6:41:14 AM
Maybe I’m dumber than a box of rocks, but I do not understand what you mean by “pushing”. Let me look in my crystal ball. My guess is: Are you saying that you and this lady haven’t had sex and that you are pushing her towards sex? Ok, so I’m going to “assume” that is what you mean.

Honey, most 69 year old women don’t even think about sex. They think of companionships, which is what it seems like you are having. If she is cooking for you and you two are going to movies that sounds like a companion role to me.

The other thing, You make me wonder why you’re acting like a child. It’s not like you two haven’t been around the block! I’m wondering why you can’t just come right out and ask her? Tell her you’re a horny man and you’re wondering when she will offer up the goods?

Maybe not so direct… lol..

How old are you, really?
Jan
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 8
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 6:43:49 AM

Any hope or not? I have never directly asked her

Maybe ask indirectly. There may be an opportunity to talk about relationships, love and romance. Or talk about a couple you see when you’re out and abogut together.

Talk about age and age difference. Talk about friendship and feelings that are different from friendship. See if she’ll open up at all about her marriage or past relationships.

She may feel that’s all behind her now. Or she may not feel that way about you. I think by six months you’ve shown her that your interest is sincere. If a partnership is what you want, you may want to put a limit on how much more time you spend wishing and hoping this turns into one.
 sN0Flakes
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 9
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 6:44:48 AM

If she wanted it to escalate, she would have helped him to escalate it.


+1...and I will refrain from pointing out the literal duality of that statement.

I also agree with the same poster that she enjoys you company. If you truly "know her well".....ask her if she is now or ever going to be interested in a physical or emotionally deeper relationship with you. You can then decide if you need to continue your search for the kind of relationship you seek. Six months is not taking it slow....it has most likely peaked. I don't think she's interested in escalating below the belt.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 10
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 7:08:39 AM
This is all she wants from you. companionship. you want more then tell her directly because you are not getting her hints !
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 11
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 7:30:52 AM
You can go slow & let her initiate but @ 69 she may die before then....sorry me bad....

She may have been wanting just the friendship all along. I've said good-bye to a few women who only wanted companionship under the guise of a serious relationship. The more I initiated romance, the more they resisted & the truth of their intentions only came out after a heart to heart.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 12
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 7:56:33 AM
At this age many have lost their hormonal drivers for intimacy... nobody's fault just biology... You need a DIRECT heart to heart talk... then move on... or move forward
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 13
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 9:11:44 AM
I've met a wonderful woman who is 69 years old. I am 50. ... Any hope or not? I have never directly asked her ...

The OP is dating a woman from a different generation. She probably has an expectation that men escalate physical contact. More than likely, she is used to playing the role of a "lady" (whatever that means to her) and hopes that suitable men will pursue. Whether she considers the OP suitable for her is a question to answer. She'll probably answer honestly and tactfully, if asked.

If I were in the OP's shoes, I might look for an appropriate opportunity to kiss her and see how she responds.

Honey, most 69 year old women don’t even think about sex. They think of companionships, which is what it seems like you are having.

That's what I have to look forward to?

*sigh*

And at 69, no less ...
 Beauregard63
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 14
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 9:24:04 AM
if 'she' wanted it to progress, 'she' would have helped him to make it progress.


It's been my experience with women who were interested in me that they gave plenty of subtle clues to help keep things moving forward 0r progressing... " pushing back" as the OP describes it is not one of them.


Honey, most 69 year old women don’t even think about sex. They think of companionships


I have no idea what most 69 yr old women want. I am curious to hear from a few of that age on this topic.

If a woman was still pushing me back or away after 6 months I would be moving on.


she just may be looking at you as a "friend"...no more!


That's what I'm guessing

I suggest you find someone who is a better match for you OP and let this one go.
 theusmale
Joined: 6/29/2013
Msg: 15
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 10:14:36 AM
What are we pushing for here? A kiss? Have you kissed her yet? Sex? You want her to agree to bringing the boys over for Thursday night poker?! I need more information here. I'm only a part-time psychic and I'm off the clock right now!

Other than that, you have been dating for 6 months and she cooks dinner for you... sounds like things are moving along?
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 16
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 10:31:42 AM
I guess dating someone old enough to be your mother isn't such an issue after a certain age? I'm almost 50, and I couldn't do it.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 17
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 10:33:53 AM
Moon rocket- None of us know this woman, or the op really.
He may be in the "friend zone" or she may have been burned (likely at her age) and is being cautious.
He won't know until he asks her, that's not "pushing" after 6 months, he needs to know where this is going in order to decide if he's going to stay.
If he had a crystal ball or was psychic, I'd be asking him for next weeks lottery numbers!
I don't understand why people won't just come out and ask/communicate.
Btw-I seriously doubt you wouldn't have any women approach you at a bar, some of us do that you know :)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 12:47:49 PM
Pushed for what? Never asked WHAT directly? I have no clue what you are or aren't getting from this woman. Why not just ask her directly, whatever it is you want?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 1:27:54 PM
What exactly are you pushing for my friend? Sex, love, commitment perhaps another helping of potatoes???
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 20
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 2:20:16 PM

she does not like to be pushed

got one of those electric wheelchairs, does she?
 Beauregard63
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 21
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 2:23:11 PM

how it does affect things in the long run. To think a few years ahead that a 55 year old man would still be interested in a 74 year old woman


I don't know about the rest of those in the 50 yr age category but I tend to think of 10 yrs or more as being in the long run. As the OP I would be more concerned about his desire to take care of this woman in her old age which depending on her health may not be in the too distant future.

By the time the OP reaches 65 this woman will be 84. Personally I can't see the appeal in dating someone this much older unless the older person is young and healthy for their age and the younger person is old and not so healthy for their age.

I suppose there is always the possible appeal of having a rich woman to help him achieve early retirement in a style to which he would like to become accustomed. Some women are not beyond coupling for personal advancement and these days there seems to be a growing number of men entertaining this idea as well.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 22
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 3:25:46 PM
That's my question too Carolann...

Pushing for what?
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 23
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 4:37:28 PM
OP, either you met her somewhere in real life, or on this site prior to the age restrictions being there's a 19 year difference. If it was from this site, but had you tried to contact her recently, well, you wouldn't have been able to do so, and so you would never had met this woman, and this would not be an issue. Though if everything was going as you wished in your relationship, that would not matter either, as you wouldn't have met her if this site is where you found her. That's if you found her after the age restrictions were put in place and so couldn't contact her to begin with.

(OP, I'm sorry to have rambled on like that. And this was more directed at POF's age restriction policy, than to you. Yes, I know there's a huge thread on that issue. But the OP's post is relevant to that issue, as the age difference is the subject of this thread.)
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 24
Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 5:43:37 PM

I would suppose the woman has some decency and she is well aware of the age gap….


I have a feeling the gap ain’t quite as gappy as OP claims, if you get my drift.

OP. I dunno, she invites you over “often” and cooks you dinner, that doesn’t seem very cautious to me. I mean she’s letting you in the door, right? You go out and have been dating for six months. What’s the problem, other than you’re disrespectfully trying to push her when you know she doesn’t like it. Keep that up and you can kiss your home cooked dinners bye bye.

Maybe you “seem” to push because you know she does not like to be “really” pushed…? She probably doesn’t like to play games either. If you want to know how she feels about something, ask her.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 25
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Older womanm by 18 years
Posted: 7/30/2013 6:07:53 PM

You need to use humor, touch and eye contact.

No 1/ Forget about trying to "do" her.
No 2/ Make it your mission to make every minute you are with her fun.
No 3/ You need to touch her, lots! But in a non creepy way.
No 4/ You need to "connect" with her.
No 5/ You have been placed in her "friend zone" unless you escape this you are toast!
No 6/ You need to establish yourself as a sexual person in her eyes.

Women from all walks of life and all races say the same thing to this question. What is the single most important thing that would attract you to a man? Answer.......Humor! Are you a funny guy? Could you learn to be a funny guy?

How many times do you touch her when you meet? Once, twenty times, none? And how do you touch someone in a non creepy way? Could you high five her? "Hey that's a great cup of coffee! Give me five! Whoa, what did you do different this time? Tastes great! "Hey, (tap, tap, on shoulder) guess what I did today? (With enthusiasm) Bought a new......Gave myself a treat.......Booked us into........Whatever!" She. "Really?" You. "Yes I really did!" patting her on the back, or excitedly giving her arm a squeeze, You. "I'm so excited" Arm around her and give her a squeeze.

That's four times in one paragraph! Could you do that? Of course you could!

Do you kiss her? Kiss her! Look into her eyes, one at a time and switch between each eye and her mouth, in like a sort of triangle, then go for it! And not at the end of the night either, you can do this within five minutes of meeting someone if you get really good at it.

Remember fun! Treat this as a training session, because if non of this stuff works you need to find someone that is does work on!

Get out of that friend zone buddy, or get out! Time is marching on and you are firmly in her friend zone. If this doesn't work on her bail, and next time escalate quickly or the same fate awaits you. I'll leave you with this........

The reason this relationship is where it is is totally your fault, not hers. It is a man's duty to escalate the relationship and women wait for us to do it, if we cant? She thinks you haven't got the ba-lls and confidence to do it, you don't know how to do it or you don't want to do it. Whatever.......


Moon Rocket, I like your attitude!

OP - you can either take Moon Rocket's advice, or just ask her straight out. Is there hope? Only she knows. You won't know unless you pursue it.

As for women losing interest in sex at that age, I wouldn't know, I'm not there yet. I wouldn't assume anything.
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