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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so      Home login  
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 forumgal1
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 1
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Why does everyone i meet and we get into a conversation about relationships always say...oh you know you may meet the right person and get married. Thing is i been there and done that and tell them i am happy single raising my son, yet they seem to discount and ignore what i say again stating I will marry one day and not to rule it out? Can't people just accept i have a full life and enjoy my time with me and my son and even when my son is not around i like my time to read, garden etc. I have friends which i see from to time but love my alone time...why do people find this hard to understand?
 forumgal1
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 2
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 9:40:58 AM
this is not a pity post...quite the opposite i am happy with my life but want to know how to reply to someone who tells me don't worry you will meet someone someday and get married.....they are the ones who have pity for me and i don't want that ! LOL
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 9:41:47 AM
Why do you have to reply? Just let them have their opinion, and you have yours.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 4
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:37:34 AM
Some people think that they know what is best for others and cannot imagine that any way other than theirs is the right way.

I personally think marriage and all its trappings are an outdated convention unless you are a deeply religious church goer. Stunned that my son is getting married, could have sworn that the two of them said they were never getting married. Something changed and they decided they wanted to get married.

I really have no plans to marry again, why would I? But my guy is not as quick a learner as I am and says that someday will get married (I keep telling him that we have other steps first, such as living in the same city). If it comes to the point where it means that much to him, we probably will get married because the paper means so little me. Won't change my level of commitment.

Now I am not saying that you will change your mind, you are happy and your life is good that is all that matters to you, but my dear, never say never.
 NtvNtv
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 5
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:38:24 AM
I can relate. I have two people who seem to not take my word at face value. I just ended a six year relationship four months ago and I am not interested in having another man in my life just yet. I am content where I am...sure at times I think it would be nice to have a S.O. however I need to be completely ready.

I have the same conversation with these two women. They seem to think I am desperate for a man, I am soooo lonely and soooo sad....LOL. I usually reply with "Oh my gawd...here we go again..."
 sN0Flakes
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 6
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:39:01 AM
It sounds like a discussion where you state your opinion...and they state theirs. They don't have to be the same opinion. You believe you will never wish to marry. They believe you may. After all...you did a 180 on marriage once already. Be free to live happy regardless of others opinions and allow them to have theirs. What I want today is different than yesterday. I can't tell you with any degree of certainty what tomorrow will bring.
 Just_Bopping_Around
Joined: 6/28/2013
Msg: 7
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:43:24 AM
Obviously, you won't be getting married to the people expressing this opinion.

So, I would just reply "Well, I guess you never know." and keep on trucking. They're not doubting your opinion or your self knowledge. They're just expressing they're opinions on life.
 aquila75
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 8
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 11:08:26 AM
Just tell them you absolutely promise to marry the first Polynesian cannibal you ever meet; or Buddist monk living in Tibet, Eskimo, whatever.... Just don't use the easter bunny; It's my favorite excuse for everything.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 11:48:21 AM
I think with a single parent, like the OP, people feel that once the kids are grown and cut the apron strings and are on their own, there will be a void and the parent will have empty nest syndrome. People feel the only way to avoid the loneliness of an empty house is to get paired up with someone else and the "proper, traditional" way of getting paired up is to marry. People can't wrap their brains around an alternate lifestyle like living with someone without marriage, having a partner you don't live with, or enjoying the single, not attached lifestyle. There's probably some jealousy with some people who are in a marriage they're not satisfied with, so they want other people to be as miserable as them-the "misery loves company" syndrome. Just tell them when you find someone as rich as Bill Gates and has the body and looks of the latest Hollywood hunk, you might consider marriage. Until he comes along, you're content with life as is.
 import_from_UK
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 10
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 12:09:00 PM
I don't actually believe in marriage which is rather ironic for someone whose been married twice. I do believe in commitment with the right person but the ceremony of marriage has never been important to me.

You might meet the right person - isn't that why you are here? But the right person for you, doesn't have to fit what other's consider to be right.

Right for you might mean a casual relationship, a dating relationship, or a long-term commitment without the ceremony but maybe with a shared home and life.

I think people have their own definition for what a relationship involves and if they can't imagine a different relationship for themselves, they try to apply their version of a relationship to everyone they care about. They associate their happiness with the relationship they have and so wish for you to be happy by applying their standards to you. Don't take it to heart. They mean well, I'm sure. They just don't can't imagine themselves living your life and being happy and so don't understand that you are perfectly content with your situation, as it is.
 BorderCollieMix
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 11
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 12:42:32 PM
Why do you feel it is important to get validation from people you barely know? They are correct if they say you "might" change your mind one day (you can't predict the future,) and they are idiots if they say you "will" change your mind one day (they can't predict the future, either). Either way, to insist that they should accept/validate your choice is just asking for conflict.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 12
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 1:22:52 PM
Well partly because it could happen, I don't ever want to get married again but I know things can change, that's how life is.. Why they feel the need to tell you that is probably because they can't imagine their life without marriage or the hope of marriage. Stop telling people you don't want to get married, as in stop bringing it up, that comes under the idea of thinking one is protesting too much. If it's a non-issue for you, don't go there. The same thing happens to people who don't want children, some people are just tactless and nosy. But the more you are willing to talk to people about it or worse are the one bringing it up, the more people think it's alright to discuss with you. Change the subject or tell people, bluntly, that you aren't going to discuss that part of your life with them. If people are rude enough to push, they deserve a rude reply.
 usmaleagain
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 13
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:54:07 PM
A lot of divorced people feel the same way.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 14
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/4/2013 11:39:15 PM
People fall into society normality, when the idea of marriage is thought about, why it is a normality...

They consider it the "happy ever after" and without marriage there is no happy end, in their minds...

A lot of people(not the divorced ones so much,lol) associate marriage with happy times, a grand festival uniting two people forever in the eyes of god, a celebration bringing close friends and family together, the womans wondrous special day, who can not love weddings...

This site, and other dating sites, always have the special testimonial, we met ,fell in love, blah blah blah, and got married, to form a more meaningful relationship, it works,lol, do not dismiss the fact marriage SELLS a lot of different items, and employs a fair amount of people from wedding planers, structuring religion faith, to divorce lawyers,lol...
 Cheating_at_solitaire
Joined: 7/30/2013
Msg: 15
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/5/2013 12:05:55 AM
So! Big deal! You don't want to get married and you have been there and done that. Do you want a cookie. Your friends and family bring it up because you bring it up. As the great John Lennon and Paul Mccartney would compose, "Let It Be"!
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 16
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/5/2013 12:23:49 AM

Just tell them when you find someone as rich as Bill Gates and has the body and looks of the latest Hollywood hunk, you might consider marriage. Until he comes along, you're content with life as is.


I likes this version very much. If you permitted Maleman, I would like to use it sometime. :-)
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 17
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/5/2013 4:51:36 AM
OP......I myself was in a very very long term relationship and have no desire to be married.

The reasons why you don't want to get married are YOURS alone and you do NOT have to explain to ANYONE as to why you don't wish to. Your personal preferences and what you need and want are YOURS alone and nobody else's.

If the subject of marriage is brought up....all you need to do is politely state that subject is not open for discussion, let it go at that, and change the subject. - Repeat as necessary.

And if the same people keep bringing it up, then you can get rude.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 18
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/5/2013 7:19:32 AM
When I read about people that are absolutely, positively resolute in something like a relationship goal, I would tend to bet on the opposite as well - simply because love and relationships tend to change over time - sometimes radically - and there is really nothing THAT absolute. If they are just giving you playful grief, you know better than to get upset about it - unless you truly ARE upset yourself.

If people KEEP being insistent, I'd start asking who made a bet with who and for how much money.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 19
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/5/2013 7:36:58 AM
OP, first I wonder if you don't bring this up yourself by saying something like you have no interest in getting married again. I never got that sort of thing when I wasn't dating, some people wanted me to get out there and date but that was as far a it went. Likely because I made no effort to date. But if you don't do something to encourage their saying this, then ...

I would say anything's possible and while I don't feel like it now I wouldn't rule it out.

That way they understand how you feel and but you acknowledge their own feelings about it.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/6/2013 5:53:25 AM
I'm not unhappy by myself but here's the thing. We are pretty programmed in this society to see the happy marriage, the growing old with someone, as something we would like. Having the odd experience of almost dying once and knock on wood beating cancer, I can appreciate how those times would really have sucked a lot less if I had been happily married, so for me, while I'm not pursuing finding someone with great verve, I'd like to think that I might meet someone that I want to share my life with even if I forego another wedding.

Most of the people who make those comments either do so because they are meddling twits but most of them probably hate seeing someone they like and/or respect permanently closing off herself to possibilities.

Either don't respond or say you're right and smile. You know what's in your mind and heart who gives a rat's ass what others think?
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/1/2012
Msg: 21
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/6/2013 6:18:37 AM
This is like an old fashioned thinking. It’s the same with some people think “there’s something wrong with some people who don’t have children”. But nowadays many people don’t want to have kids on purpose for some reasons. There’s nothing wrong with them. It’s better to have no kids than to have kids and they cannot raise them right. Some people just don’t understand that.

Everybody has his/her own opinions. They ignore yours; you ignore theirs, and live your life the way you want.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 22
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/6/2013 6:20:21 AM
do you have a lot of jewish mothers for friends???


but want to know how to reply to someone who tells me don't worry you will meet someone someday and get married.....

if you're going to tell me everyone you meet keeps saying that to you without any prompting on your part whatsoever, i'm not going to believe it.

if you're happy being alone, then there's no reason for you to make the kinds of leading statements about relationships where others start showing concern for your feelings. you are doing something to evoke this behavior. so either stop dropping negative little hints about not being married, or quit complaining about the encouragement you were covertly soliciting.
 hounddoug
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 23
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/6/2013 8:09:22 AM

Yet, for the most part... they end up doing just what they claimed they wouldn't....


Too, too true. Which is why the words 'not' and 'never' shan't be spoken by me, else I end up eating those words almost every damn time.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/6/2013 8:46:34 AM

Yet, for the most part... they end up doing just what they claimed they wouldn't..


I don't recall seeing a post where the OP said she is proclaiming to the world that marriage is an absolute no-no. She said she's currently happy with her life, so why change it? What's bothering her is when people refuse to acknowledge the fact that some people can be happy without marriage. It should be common knowledge that people can't predict the future and know for sure how their lives will turn out down the road. So there is a possibility of marriage down the road, even though she's not planning on it. But there is also the possibility of getting in a car accident today or tomorrow and being maimed or killed. Should she be reminded of that when getting together with friends and family?
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 25
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Been divorced for over 12 years...i don't plan on getting married so
Posted: 8/7/2013 4:28:40 PM
What difference does it make what they think or say? You know yourself better than they do. I wouldn't even keep the topic going. I'd change the subject and let them think whatever they want to think.
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