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 brwneyedwhit
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 1
Did this first date go okay?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hey guys!

So last night I went on a first date with a guy I met through this site. However, as always I am a naturally anxious person, so I was going to see if y'all thought this date went well. I know you guys weren't there so you won't know 100% but any feedback is good feedback.

So we met at a golf facility which is this really fun/ nice place here in town. Get to shoot golf balls at targets, and they have a really nice bar inside etc etc.

So he gets there I am a little early. We sit and chat for a bit, have a few drinks.While waiting for our game to be set up. It seemed fine lots of laughing, and whatnot didn't feel awkward. No hints of anyone wanting to play the "omg my friend has a emergency gotta go" card quite yet.

Then we start playing golf; we had a little friendly competition. That is where I felt like it was beginning to feel a little awkward I could also be reading into to much. I know while you're playing you can't really talk that much. We start to get a little more touchy feely at this point, but nothing too crazy.

Some people are mad at me for doing this, but I in my defense I was trying to be nice. He paid for our drinks which was like 40 bucks, and our game which was like 60 bucks. I offered to pay for some food that I ordered just to be nice.

I was wanting to go downtown afterwards he wasn't really into it. I understand he lives pretty far north, and it was getting pretty late. However, we did opt to go to a bar across the street. Chatted some more. At this point he was looking at me ALOT, I just remember jokingly/ laughing/ continuously asking him why he was looking at me that way. Kind of out of the blue hes like are you ready to go? Which caught me off guard a little bit. I mean I get it we weren't drinking, and just kind of sitting there. He said he wasn't tired, but then said it was past his bed time. I jokingly say bull shit, but we leave. He puts his arm around me for a couple of seconds and we get in my car.

I asked him if he thinks he would want to hang out again while driving back to get to his car, and he said yes but we didn't make any plans. The good bye was a long hug, and I went in for a kiss that wasn't even a kiss like a half peck if you can even imagine that. I joke, what was that?? And he was like you want another one? So I walk over there he places his hands on my face, and we have a better one.

Didn't hear from him after the date. So my friends told me to just send him a thank you text this afternoon. So I texted him, "hey, thanks for a good time last night! I hope you have a relaxing Sunday", he replied with. "Thanks, I had a good time too. Hope you have a great rest of the day". I mean great he replied back, but "hope you have a great rest of the day"?.

Do y'all think hes interested, or writing me off?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 5:05:20 PM
Why are you being so argumentative and confrontational with a guy you say you like?

You're questioning the way he's looking at you. You're challenging his desire to go home. You complain about his kiss good night.

Maybe if he's totally blown away by your looks, he's going to put up with all that nonsense, but, I kind of doubt it.
 RERE1026
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 3
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 5:13:12 PM
Guess you might just wait and see. We seem to be so impatient for immediate results. Yes, some of us have to get up early the next morning and cipher out what happened that day. It doesn't look bad at this point . The fact he made some physical contact should say something. Good things come to those who wait.......it may be marvelous!
 I_travel_light
Joined: 7/27/2013
Msg: 4
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 5:37:38 PM
I agree with Lillymartin...why so aggressive? And why such a long meet? You had a drink you played golf, you chatted after, be done. It seems to me to all drawn out. Being done too soon is a good thing. Makes him want to see you more....dragging it on too long and all he remembers is he is tired and wants to go home, away from you. Don't put so much pressure on the first several meets/date. Go talk, listen to what he has to say, see if have anything in common. I find the endless texting/emailing thing all day long as annoying. I have life, I hope you do, so you should be living it in present time, we can talk in a frequency that is comfortable. I don't text essential strangers more then my best friends. But that just seems to be me. And I may be weird.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 5
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 5:44:27 PM
I think he is writing you off. However, only time will tell. You sent your text. It's his time to do something. If he doesn't, there's your answer.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 6
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 5:50:41 PM
He's likely interested---I think you'll hear from him again. The fact that you two had some physical chemistry going on is a good sign. I do think you need to curtail the "joking". In all likelihood, you came across to him as somewhat nervous and insecure, so you probably lost a few points with him for that.
 brwneyedwhit
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 7
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 5:53:25 PM
haha yeah I am a naturally anxious person. Dating is fun, but confusing at the same time.
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 5:59:02 PM
why so aggressive?

this wasn't my interpretation - i thought it might be banter with an edge. some guys like that.

the op seems to be a mixture of boldness and uncertainty. not afraid to be forward, not afraid to speak out, but also craving reassurance.

op, just work your other contacts and if this guy calls, you slot him into your schedule per your availability. you ARE talking to other men, right? not just putting all your eggs in the basket of a guy you've been on one date with?

yeah I do have other contacts. but I also kind of like the guy I went on a date with last night :/

then there's the problem. you've allowed yourself to start thinking in exclusive terms of someone you're not even sure is interested in a second date. that's a recipe for self-inflicted hurt.
 brwneyedwhit
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 9
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 6:05:35 PM
yeah I do have other contacts. but I also kind of like the guy I went on a date with last night :/
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 10
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 6:12:45 PM
Honey, you were too much on this date. Why such emphasis on the drinks? Were you slammed?

If I were him, I would not be interested, you were a little intense. A first date is not a life event that needs to go on for hours on end. It was inconsiderate to suggest to prolong the night as he lives farther away than you, and the whole kissing? The whole damn thing was too much.

I don't think he is interested based on the fact that he has not even vaguely suggested another date (like saying sometime next week, or in the next two weeks).

For next time, keep the drinks to a minimum
Stop showing off or wanting to take over (its not a competition)
Don't offer to fix kisses, lol, let it be (its flirty but on a first date?)
Let him (the person who invited) decide whether to extend the date or not

All we know is that you had a great time. If there is a second date, tone it down a notch.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 11
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 6:24:06 PM
Meow...

I think you are over-thinking this...relax and enjoy the wild ride!
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 12
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 6:25:00 PM
Just be YOU. if you try to change your behaviour next time with some other dates you will only be deceiving him. Can you wait one or two days to see if he calls or text you?
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 13
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 7:35:10 PM
I just had a 3 hr long first meet.. involving 2 beers.. could go either way..

wait.. be patient.. if he doesnt pursue you.. he is not worth the bother...
 aquila75
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 14
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 8:29:57 PM
Did anyone say stop overthinking it? Or everyone said it. You had fun; He had fun, might have been busy when you messaged him earlier give it time.
 tampasmiles
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 15
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 9:22:35 PM
Guys can be different...but he didn't make a second date with you....he didn't contact you after the date...

nuf said.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 16
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 9:45:54 PM
Is this how you normally get when your anxious. Holy smacks! Let's look at how you lead almost the entire date

we had a little friendly competition


I was wanting to go downtown afterwards


continuously asking him why he was looking at me that way


I jokingly say bull shit,


I askedhim if he thinks he would want to hang out again


I went in for a kiss that wasn't even a kiss


I joke, what was that??


So basically after you asserted that you were the "boss" in your competition, you tried to get him to go downtown where he gave you the first warning sign to back the hell off by saying he didn't want to go downtown, then chastised him for looking at you even though he agreed to hang out with you when he probably didn't want to, then he has enough of you and wants to go and you give him more shit. You put him on the spot trying to force him hang out with you again. Did you really expect him to say no I'm not going to hang out with you ever again? Of course he said yes. You forcefully kiss him and because he probably didn't want to kiss you it sucked, you made him feel like less of man and made him kiss you again just to prove he was a man. And you wonder why he hasn't called you back?

Him: wanted to go home early, didn't want to kiss you, didn't offer to hang out with you again on his own accord, didn't make a future date, didn't contact you after the date (you made first contact). Pretty sure he thinks your a little to cray cray. Lesson learned. Next time take some Xanax before you leave the house.
 brwneyedwhit
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 17
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:25:41 PM
lol yes I got soooooo wasted I didn't know what I was doing rolls eyes. No we were not drunk. He's only lived in town for a month so I doubt hes seeing other women yet. I thought the chemistry was mutual which is why I am slightly confused.
 usmaleagain
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 18
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:27:37 PM
Is this a first meet? It sounds more like it was a second meet, a real date. You should just meet for 45 minutes for drinks or coffee or dinner for a first meet. That was a little overboard. You don't even know he's attracted yet, unless he calls for a second date.

You did not do too bad. I guess you'll find out whether he likes you or not within the week... depends on if he calls for another date. But him not asking you out when you told him after the date you had fun was a bad omen.
 brwneyedwhit
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 19
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:29:51 PM
I asserted to him that I was the boss in my competition in a round of golf? Yeah okkkkkk. I didn't force him to do anything he's a grown man if he didn't want to hang again he could've said so. That's the beauty of online dating/ first dates, you can put things out there. Cause the odds are who knows you may never see that person again, so why not ask if they're interested in hanging again. He did mention hanging out over the weekend too. I cant explain every detail of that night. And yes I forcefully kissed him rolls eyes a 5 foot 3 girl forcefully made a 6 foot 2 dude kiss her...like I probably forcefully made him hug him. This is probably the worse advise I've heard all night.
 ShelbySask4friend1
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 20
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 10:48:12 PM

Some people are mad at me for doing this, but I in my defense I was trying to be nice. He paid for our drinks which was like 40 bucks, and our game which was like 60 bucks. I offered to pay for some food that I ordered just to be nice.

You decided out of the kindness of your heart to pay for food YOU ordered, "just to be nice",LMAO, and on top of that you have "people" mad at you for such an amazing gesture,lol, After he payed for drinks and golf? (possible humanitarian award here)

I agree with a couple posts above, you drewwwwwwww itttttttttt outttttttttt, to long, when he wanted to end it , he was being polite...


I was wanting to go downtown afterwards he wasn't really into it.

Nice of you,lol...


I understand he lives pretty far north, and it was getting pretty late. However

Yes, however,lol...


Kind of out of the blue hes like are you ready to go?

lmao....

He said he wasn't tired, but then said it was past his bed time.

He was tired or bored...


He was defiantly in write off mode...
 usmaleagain
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 21
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/4/2013 11:00:29 PM

He did mention hanging out over the weekend too.


- As they say, talk is cheap. In dating, sometimes you have to go a few rounds to find out where things are headed... if anywhere. Like I said, you'll know in about a week, depending on whether he calls or not. Actions don't just speak louder than words, actions scream.

By the way, you getting drunk on the first meet might not have been wise... perhaps keep it to a 2-drink minimum next time.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 22
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Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 7:31:33 AM

I didn't force him to do anything he's a grown man if he didn't want to hang again he could've said so.

Look, lets face it you were on top of him the whole night. The guy couldn't breath from start to finish! It's fine to have a friendly competition, that's not where you went wrong, it was that you continued to throw yourself at him all night in an aggressive forceful way both psychologically and physically. He kept dodging you but still you kept going at it anyway. I'm not the first poster to point out how aggressive you were on this date. Perhaps if you'd laid off the sauce you'd have seen he threw you the dodge ball MANY TIMES throughout the evening!
What is so hard for you to figure out here?
*He didn't want to hang out with you, wanted to go home and told you so on two different occasions.
*He didn't try to kiss you, fine he could have been shy, but when you kissed him, he didn't kiss you back until you made him feel like shit so he kissed you to prove something not because he wanted to.
*He didn't ask to hang out in the future (you did).
*He didn't make first contact after the date (you did).
Don't mistake politeness for interest.

And yes I forcefully kissed him rolls eyes a 5 foot 3 girl forcefully made a 6 foot 2 dude kiss her.

You psychologically forced him to by saying "that's all I get" or whatever it was you said just like you did all night long. He didn't want to kiss you otherwise he would have kissed you back the first time. Not only that but he tried to escape your clutches several times before the kiss.


This is probably the worse advise I've heard all night.

Tough to hear isn't it? You likely already know you made an azz of yourself and that's why my post resignates with you. We've all done it. Live, learn and do better next time. Avoid getting white girl wasted! Seems you and alcohol don't make good bed fellows.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 23
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 7:32:09 AM
I thought the chemistry was mutual

really hard to say what it was based on that mealy mouthed message you sent which read more like a sympathy card than anything else, although it could certainly be read as either a weak fishing expedition or a polite goodbye depending on your POV. and since you have this aura about you that's wide open to interpretation, my own take on it is that HE was being polite. --->"Don't mistake politeness for interest" (quoting jessiebunnies).


Dating is fun, but confusing at the same time.

it couldn't have anything to do with those mixed signals you're sending. there are people on this thread who are at polar opposites about how ok your first date went, which is no surprise. carpe maƱana.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 24
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 8:02:38 AM
I am still shaking my head over the fact that the guy spent a hundred dollars on a 'first date'.
 brwneyedwhit
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 25
Did this first date go okay?
Posted: 8/5/2013 8:24:39 AM
I'm not sure how the whole I was wasted got put in this thread... Lol I wasn't wasted at all neither was he. I don't usually drink that much but ok. And yeah he tried to escape my clutch as he was hugging me for really long time near the end. And please enlighten me how did I throw myself forcefully physically??? Cause I don't think I mentioned that at all either. I said we hugged, kissed, and maybe had a touch of the arm like once or twice... Yep you're right I guess I threw myself I him. I appreciate everyone's opinion even though everyone has a different idea of what he's thinking. Guess we shall see what happens in the next week or so.
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