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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ironwinecoffee
Joined: 9/4/2012
Msg: 2
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mamaPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Why are you spending time or communicating with him? He's a time waster. Trying to understand people like this won't help you, but going with your gut which you have done that will.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
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He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 12:47:06 PM
Why is a totally useless question in this context, but since you seem to like why questions, here's one for you. Why do you care?
 AnEvilGenius1
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 4
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 12:58:44 PM

Now I'm glad I had that inkling and didn't get too close and have continued to date other people.


1.)NOW you're glad because your dishonesty has some how been justified.

2.) No serial daters and yet you continued to date other people.


Yeah, lets ask others about honesty and why they lie about shet..
 Beauregard63
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 5
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 1:22:35 PM
Now I'm glad I had that inkling and didn't get too close and have continued to date other people.
The issue is that his profile says no players and serial daters and that he is an honest guy just looking for an honest girl for a relationship.


Maybe he saw you as a player and a serial dater and not the honest girl he was looking for. Seems like a clear case of Kettle calling the pot black on both accounts. Some people feel that they don't have to change their old ways until someone comes along that can make it worth their while I guess.

I'm not really sure why you are so upset about this. Just continue looking for the right guy as this one was not right for you. You say he is in his early 50's what made him such a catch for a woman in her late 30's was he wealthy or something.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 6
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He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 1:24:28 PM

he would always cause some weird drama and then blame me. When I would try to discuss it, he would turn it around and make it my fault every time.


his profile says no players and serial daters and that he is an honest guy just looking for an honest girl for a relationship


WHY do people do this sort of thing? What makes a man (or even a woman) say they want an exclusive relationship but do the complete opposite while they are practically still living part-time with their baby mama AND dating other people while lying their @ss off about it? Other than just being an @sshat pathological liar.

Because an honest person would know they should never question other self-described honest people, because then, obviously, they're insinuating that the self-described honest person isn't honest, and boy, they sure aren't going to take that! How dare you not trust them; they TOLD you they were honest didn't they? What the heck else do you need?

Hope that clears it up for you.
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 1:25:45 PM

WHY do people do this sort of thing?

a question that might produce a more productive answer is, why did you open yourself to hurt by letting yourself get emotionally involved? you know the value of keeping your emotional distance, since you went through the motions, but clearly you couldn't actually keep that distance. if you had, the split wouldn't be that important, so neither would be the reasons for it. you'd just be focusing on those other people you're dating.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 8
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He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 1:56:27 PM
He does it because he wants to AND because he for some reason decided you were not someone he wanted to be exclusive with, but were probably fine for sex.
Be glad you were perceptive enough to walk away.
 import_from_UK
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 9
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 2:19:17 PM

The big question is: WHY do people do this sort of thing? What makes a man (or even a woman) say they want an exclusive relationship but do the complete opposite while they are practically still living part-time with their baby mama AND dating other people while lying their @ss off about it? Other than just being an @sshat pathological liar. And this man is in his early 50s...


Oh, that's an easy question.

SOME people do what it takes to get what they want. They know if they were honest, they wouldn't get it. If his profile had stated that he was looking for a piece of action, would you have responded ? Likely not. So he's learned to misrepresent himself to get what he seeks.

HOWEVER, it's not all his fault. YOU enabled him. You have a responsibility to yourself to trust but verify. When you created your account here, there was zero validation, and so, there's zero validation for anyone else. If you were a liar, cheat, player, con artist, wouldn't you come to where the crowds are and it was free admittance?

Age doesn't always mean maturity.

A tip - stay away from all those profiles that list what they don't want like some sort of rant. Emotionally healthy people are able to sort out those people by themselves and so you'll never see these lists on their profiles. Learn to listen to what they say and truly hear their words. Most people will show you their true self if you let them.
 Kellticman72
Joined: 1/5/2013
Msg: 10
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 2:31:35 PM
WHY do people do this sort of thing? What makes a man (or even a woman) say they want an exclusive relationship but do the complete opposite while they are practically still living part-time with their baby mama AND dating other people while lying their @ss off about it? Other than just being an @sshat pathological liar.



Because if he told you he was a pathological liar who was just out for a piece of ass and wants to continue to date and screw his baby mama and other women then you wouldn't go out with him and give him what he wants.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 5:01:25 PM
^^^Yup.

And the proof of this is:

IT WORKED.
 BorderCollieMix
Joined: 7/4/2013
Msg: 12
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 5:15:28 PM

Because if he told you he was a pathological liar who was just out for a piece of ass and wants to continue to date and screw his baby mama and other women then you wouldn't go out with him and give him what he wants.


Yep.

I like the way kellticman worded it--sounds perfect for this guy!

But the more important question is, is someone really a baby mama/daddy after 20+ years?

Inquiring minds want to know!
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 13
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 8:06:43 PM
Why? Terminal immaturity. Dump the prick.
 marilynh47
Joined: 7/18/2013
Msg: 14
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/15/2013 10:40:21 PM
ha ha ha
Why do men do what they do? There are women on here who also play games, I'm sure. When a profile states "no players or serial daters" it's a red flag. Omg! Real men/women don't need to state things off the bat so negatively. Also post a picture of yourself so these men know what you look like. Why would a guy be willing to go out with you without knowing what you look like? It's because they want bootie calls!!! lol
Be careful. Lots of married men, crazies and men wanting sex.
Funny with these crazy married men, they aren't satisfied with their women. Shame! lol
Post a picture, take it slow and get to know these guys when you go out with them and when they persist on bootie calls, drop their behind. There are men here with girlfriend and want someone to the side. Hello? And it doesn't matter with age, it's their brain with the two balls and no knowledge that's doing the thinking.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 15
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/16/2013 1:59:00 AM
You answered your own question. I all capped "say"(words) vs "do"(actions). Just looking at behavior tells it all and words are too easily used to manipulate.

"SAYS no players and serial daters and that he is an honest guy just looking for an honest girl for a relationship. He kept SAYING he wanted to be exclusive but not sending the exclusive vibe and even emailed a friend of mine on this site..."

"WHY do people DO this sort of thing? What makes a man (or even a woman) SAY they want an exclusive relationship but DO the complete opposite while they are practically still living part-time with their baby mama AND dating other people while LYING their @ss off about it? Other than just being an @sshat PATHOLOGICAL LIAR. And this man is in his early 50s..."

So being 50ish means he's mature?

Also look at why you ignore what you know--wishful thinking replaces looking at the situation as it is.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 16
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He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/16/2013 9:00:47 AM
He has a relationship, and it is with the mother of his children. A 20 year partnership hardly qualifies her for the derrogatary term of 'Baby Mama'.
The fact is he may cheat and lie to the chicks he meets online but he always comes home to her.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 17
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/16/2013 10:08:51 AM

Dated on and off but he would always cause some weird drama and then blame me. When I would try to discuss it, he would turn it around and make it my fault every time.


That right there, would cause me to stop dating someone, and would end any relationship. That is one of my deal breakers, avoidance of communication or manipulating communication to always blame it on me. I've always thought that when a man does not want to address something I consider important (an issue in the relationship), it means that they are not interested in the relationship. They are satisfied with the status quo and my concerns need not to be addressed, as they don't see it as affecting them. Don't want to talk about? then you don't want this relationship, simple as that.

The next man that says the following, is getting dismissed on the spot:

"Can we not talk about this?"
"Can we talk about this later?"
"Do we really need to talk about this now?"

it's going to be following by "can we not have sex right now", "do I really really need to s*ck your d*ck?", "Can I do this later?", see if they like something they consider important, to be dismissed just as easily.

Some people want to have single-sided relationships, in which the relationship goes exactly the way they want to, and there is no regard as to what the other person wants. This gentleman in question expected you to be a fallback in case nothing else works out, wanted to also have a relationship with his baby mama, and have you be exclusive to him, when he is not to you. You guys talk, and everything becomes your fault. What a catch!
 Beauregard63
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 18
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/16/2013 1:07:36 PM
"can we not have sex right now", "do I really really need to s*ck your d*ck?", "Can I do this later?",


You say that like those are phases that are not commonly spoken by women who are in a relationship when everything is going just peachy. I think many men who are have been in a relationship where their desire for sex is significantly more frequent than their partners have gotten so used to hearing those words they hardly give an impression that something is wrong.
 AnEvilGenius1
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 19
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/16/2013 1:21:02 PM

You say that like those are phases that are not commonly spoken by women who are in a relationship when everything is going just peachy. I think many men have gotten so used to hearing those words they hardly give an impression that something is wrong.


Now that's some funny shit right there..
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 20
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He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/16/2013 1:33:48 PM
He may want a exclusive relationship...with his ex wife. Or maybe with someone he hasn't met yet.

He doesn't want one with you. He doesn't respect you.


Be glad you turned him away and don't look back. Looking for reasons to explain unreasonable behavior is...unreasonable. lol


He may just be a lying, self serving ass.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 21
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/16/2013 1:40:01 PM
You say that like those are phases that are not commonly spoken by women who are in a relationship when everything is going just peachy. I think many men who are have been in a relationship where their desire for sex is significantly more frequent than their partners have gotten so used to hearing those words they hardly give an impression that something is wrong.

It is not common to me. If everything is peachy, why is there an issue in the sex department?
 GenJayne
Joined: 5/13/2013
Msg: 23
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/17/2013 6:21:18 AM
To be blunt: He wants you to be exclusive and he wants to get his dyck wet with whomever else he desires.
To coin a phrase: He wants his cake and eats it too.
Why does he do it? Bottom line: Because you, OP, allow it.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 24
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/17/2013 6:35:54 AM
He does because he can, it works, and he'll get away with it because a lot of women will let him.
It's that simple!
 Cheating_at_solitaire
Joined: 7/30/2013
Msg: 25
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/17/2013 7:21:23 AM
Some people won't commit in whole because they can have the pick of the litter, so why settle for one when they can have many. This seems like the case with your situation. He's got the baby mamma, other willing daters, and you in his back pockets. People like this tend to be very selfish in satisfying their needs while leaving a trail of emotional flames behind them.

I see this all the time; people staying together and giving chance after chance when it is clear that the person possesses bright red flags that says no, not a good choice. So the real question is, is why do people tend to stay with and put up with such drama and baggage when the writing is clearly on the wall?
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 26
He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/17/2013 7:56:09 AM
Such people date others as a distraction from their complicated yet otherwise established life. They really have no ambition beyond casual dating, which most women feel means just sex, so he lists no players or serial daters to seem genuine & sincere. Good to trust your instincts when it comes to feeling out others intentions when it comes to dating.
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 27
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He says exclusive but can't give up dating or even the baby mama
Posted: 8/17/2013 8:02:10 AM
Dated on and off but he would always cause some weird drama and then blame me. When I would try to discuss it, he would turn it around and make it my fault every time.

Control and manipulation. Players, abusers do this to keep you off emotional balance. If they have you going backwards in your head then you don't think about what their doing.


Then recently, I discovered that he is still in a relationship with his baby mama (they have adult children together so this is a 20+ year relationship!).

Why are with a guy that Proves he's a liar and a cheater? Your just dating him. Get out now. Learn the game!


The big question is: WHY do people do this sort of thing? What makes a man (or even a woman) say they want an exclusive relationship but do the complete opposite while they are practically still living part-time with their baby mama AND dating other people while lying their @ss off about it?


Do you really think he'd get laid if he was honest? Men (and women for that matter) can be players at any age. Again this relates to my comment above. A player knows how to work a woman's insecurities and her desires. He sells you a dream, your dream! For sale to all women who'd rather live in the clouds than see through the game. All he really wants is his cake and eat it too. Your dreams aren't for sale!
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