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 gorilla03
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 1
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need opinions before i ask her to go steady Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
To start out almost a month ago I had met this girl on match and talked a while before we went on our first date. It went well I was a little shy but thats normal for me, we hit it off real well! So there was almost 2 weeks between our first and second date(to many things going on) where we were constantly txting each other. It was just crazy how much we talked and suprised it lasted that long. Well the just a few days ago her and I went on a second date which consisted of going out of town for dinner and shopping for the evening. It wasn't til the last half of the date it got fun. We pretty much held hands the whole way home, even got a kiss before we got back into town and as soon as I dropped her off at her house. In these past few days we can't stop telling each other how we miss each other and wishing we could be close. I just told her I wanted to see her tonight because she going away for the weekend, and im going to be asking her about where she thinks we are, and if things are good I want to ask her to be steady. What are your thoughts? Think I'd be dumb to ask her on the third date, even though I'm confident she like me.
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 2
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 4:14:05 AM
IMHO, you need to have a few more dates before becoming an exclusive item. You are still in the blush of infatuation. Get to know each other better first. This is a teenager question. You're 26???
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 3
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 4:54:01 AM
I totally agree with the two previous posters, slow down!!!

You're obviously infatuated, but don't overwhelm her with it, meaning trying to pin things down after two dates with asking her "where she thinks you guys are".

Keep going on dates for a while and get to know each other before making that move and forcing her hand.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 4
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 6:05:26 AM
Whoa, whoa whoa!
Son! Where's the fire!?
Let her know you have very positive feelings about your mutual involvement but to start pushing for exclusivity after 2 dates? Sorry, but that suggests a lot of things that AREN'T very positive.
I agree with the others who've said-SLOW DOWN!
Cindy O
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 5
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 6:29:37 AM
As a man it is always best to get your intentions out as soon as you know what they are. In this day and age it is very difficult to find some one that only wants to date one person at a time. Most have the candy store mentality and then wonder why they are still alone .You should bring the topic up with her , why, because she may feel the same way . At least it will give you an idea of exactly where you stand . An old saying comes to mind . If you snooze you loose .
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 6
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 7:10:39 AM
OP, if you are really into her and she you, things will take care of themselves. That's where you will know in time and if that happens, you have a solid thing and the exclusive talk will happen then. There is no timetable other then right now is for sure not the time only because 2 dates doesn't make it exclusive. Now you two may continue to feel how you are saying you both feel and that is great. What I am saying is let it happen, if it is meant to be, the excusive talk will fall into place. To me it is like getting remarried or not, some are able to be in a committed relationship for life and not need a piece of paper and get married. The talk of "exclusive" isn't really necessary right away if things are going the way you both want it to, it just happens. Things are not going to change if you don't have that talk right now. If they do, it wasn't meant to be!!
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 7
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need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 7:25:27 AM
'It wasn't till the last half of the date that it got fun??'....

While I agree that OP needs to slow it down a little, (texting constantly does not a relationship make) no need for redundant comments making fun of his reference of 'going steady'. He is a Lutheran from Wisconsin.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 8
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 7:29:46 AM
Goodness..the use of whatever words he used... "Going steady or being exclusive"...does it really matter?
We all knew what he meant.
I'm surprised the "date" police didn't jump on him....because in all reality...he's only had one date...the first one was called a meet..rolls eyes.


things will take care of themselves

Yes...I would just ask her out again and things will work out...remember, it has to be mutual.
Your age has nothing to do with the feelings you are having. One of the best feelings is to be swept off your feet.....whether it works out or not.....enjoy the ride but use common sense.!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 9
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 7:52:40 AM
gorilla03...your likely best path will be to SLOW DOWN considerably! No need to rush.
Exclusivity within the span of two dates is not typical in contemporary society.
Continue to treat her well, be mindful of her feelings, and things will fall nicely into place.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 10
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need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 8:10:50 AM
Seriously...slow it down.

It's too easy to miss flaws and flags if you are going too fast.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst etc, etc, etc...
 gorilla03
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 11
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need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 9:34:47 AM
We only had two weeks between dates because of both of our work schedules and thee fact that I'm in the middle if purchasing a house otherwise we would've nade time. It just feels like we have slot in common and we can't get enogh of each other.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 12:29:19 PM

In these past few days we can't stop telling each other how we miss each other and wishing we could be close.


I'm interpreting this to mean you two text each other all day every day. She is going to think that if you're really into her, you would make the time to see her instead of just being cyber buddies and occasionally meet in person. Texting is the worst way to try to build a relationship. If you two are in the same town, why can't you spare an hour once or twice a week to have a coffee or whatever together instead of waiting until you both have all day free to get together every couple of weeks? You need to manage your time better to be able to have a few hours of play time every week.

Here's a tip: If you ask her to go steady/to be your girl/to be exclusive, don't ask her by text message. If you can't find the time to ask her in person, she would not be a happy camper
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 13
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need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 12:43:18 PM
You simply are not ready to make such a commitment, you don't know her, she doesn't know you, try to find more time to be together in person and see where it goes. There's nothing worse than jumping in with both feet, telling her things that maybe you cannot do and then her thinking you were lying or using her, or the other way around, and becoming bitter and then blaming all of one gender for the actions that you put into motion because you just met and are giddy and full of hope and want to jump forward. By all means, tell her you really like being with her, talking to her, etc., be honest, but actually be honest, right now it's not honest that you want to go steady, you don't know her yet.

You don't have to see other people if you don't want to, you don't have to see women who date others if you don't want to, but don't get locked into your own self-inflicted pain from demanding something that isn't ready to be there yet, then building resentment at others and being bitter because of the very things you did to bring it about. Not saying OP that you do these things but you can read posts of see how it happens. When we become resentful and bitter, it's because we have put ourselves there, other people can't force us to do this. So instead of trying to force a relationship out of a new meeting, go with the flow and have fun and see how it progresses.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 14
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 12:53:09 PM
Oh for Petes sake! He is into her, he can ask.. she agrees.. super. I think it is sweet to say go steady - all he is saying is that he;d like for them to not see other people. Lord you all jump on him .. he isn't getting MARRIED!!!
I say ask her.
 usmaleagain
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 15
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 1:31:10 PM
All you have to do is ease up on the texting, and continue to call for a date once a week. This is not rocket science.

I don't know where people come up with the idea that you need to have this exclusivity talk... people with integrity (who are not cheaters), who are in love or falling, the only kind you want to date anyway if you have your head screwed on straight, are naturally monogamous. You can't deeply love more than one person at a time.

There is no need to have a talk about being exclusive, it's natural.
 Midwest_Southwest
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 16
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 2:11:11 PM
Its already been said- slow down.
But if you look her in the eyes, say “I like you” and kiss her... that’s pretty good stuff, imo.
 Mr_Nonchalance
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 17
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need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 2:58:50 PM
im with message 26 you need to go for it and ask her out.only reason i would slow down is because i like my freedom and i tend to be date around.You and her seem to be really into each other and the fact you talk and text all time she must be really into you,chances are she waiting for you to ask her.its not like your asking her to move in with you or marriage,and only way to see if she is marrige material is by seeing how she is in a relationship,so makes no sense prolonging the dating phase,it just looks like your in a relationship without the label.realtionships are no different than dating, people can break up and move on anytime they want.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 18
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need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 6:15:15 PM
Go steady? Get the Saint Christopher first.
 April1963
Joined: 6/7/2013
Msg: 19
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 6:32:44 PM

You need to go for it and ask her out. Its not like your asking her to move in with you or marriage,and only way to see if she is marriage material is by seeing how she is in a relationship, dating phase,it just looks like your in a relationship without the label. Relationships are no different than dating, people can break up and move on anytime they want.


Totally agree with that advice!!!!

OP,
Go ahead and ask her to be your GIRLFRIEND, and give her a red rose that day.

Good luck!
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 20
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 7:00:48 PM
If she likes you she will be happy to hear those words of exclusiveness. if she is a player she will dump you. you got nothing to lose . take a chance !
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 21
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/22/2013 7:56:54 PM

IMHO, you need to have a few more dates before becoming an exclusive item. You are still in the blush of infatuation. Get to know each other better first. This is a teenager question. You're 26???


Ditto. And text & email is only knowing of someone & not actually knowing them. To me it seems those looking to jump into relationships so soon do so more to stifle competition & more often than not they have buyers remorse in a month or two.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 22
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need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/23/2013 5:58:17 AM
^^^I think women are just as likely to regret having 'put out' early for their own reasons, not just having been dumped by the guy...Another very 1950's stereotype.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 23
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/23/2013 5:58:19 AM
Going steady? We used that term in high school back in the day and I thought it was history. But you're not in high school...you are a grown up. As everyone has said...SLOW DOWN! Date, have fun, and see if the spark grows...or goes. You might be confident that she likes you, or you could just be seeing what you want to see. Only time will tell. And just as an afterthought...when you get to know her better, you might change your mind...or she might change hers. That's what the dating process if all about.
P.S. Keep the texting to a minimum...it's not the best thing if you want a relationship. It's impersonal and too many misunderstandings can occur. The personal touch is everything.
 gorilla03
Joined: 3/8/2013
Msg: 24
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need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/24/2013 5:26:21 PM
Okay a little update, I ended up picking her up and we drove around for a bit before I asked her. All i asked was what she thought of us and pretty much gave me the answer I wasn't hoping for. She was honest that on a previous date the first quarter of our date was horrible(she told me she was thinking to herself she wanted to go home) and that after dinner how I made the move to hold her and the whole time after and asking politely for some kisses changed everything to being more positive. She told me how her ex won't leave her alone because she was hurt mentally by him and scared to death if him. Her and I haven't really txt'd each other that much other then me being a man and apologizing for what happend on the previous date and about what happened. I'm obviously falling deep for this girl, its honestly felt her and I were exclusive, its just hard going from talking to constantly to not constantly. Now what, I don't want to give up on this because I know her and I would be perfect .
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 25
need opinions before i ask her to go steady
Posted: 8/24/2013 5:45:10 PM
Have you two scheduled another date into the calendar?
If you are at least still seeing her for dates it is a step in the right direction.
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