Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is my friendship over with her.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 4
Is my friendship over with her.Page 1 of 1    
just look at that sofa and ask this question and you will get your answer .
Is my friendship over with her.
Posted: 10/15/2013 12:48:48 PM

We kept on seeing each other. At first I would go back home at the night. Then it was the sofa. Last time it was the bed. It was nice to have some one to go out with knowing I lost other friends. We were spending more and more time together.

man, you just twist the knife in your own heart when you do this. don't pay lip service to friendship with a woman unless that's really what you want and you know that's really what you're capable of. hanging around hoping for more just puts you in the place you're in now, which is having to watch some other guy get a piece of what you can't have.


Sometimes I would ring her just to ask her what time she wants me to come round.or me doing a small job she asked me to do for her. A phone call that would last 2 minutes but she makes me wait. Am I being selfish about this?

selfish? sounds like you were begging to be used as an emotional surrogate and handyman, and she was more than happy to take you up on it. what exactly were YOU getting out of this arrangement, besides a few crumbs of attention?
 RERE1026
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Is my friendship over with her.
Posted: 10/15/2013 4:31:29 PM
Move on Sweetness....hopefully you will find someone who appreciates you....as we age, we acquire more "problems" , I guess we have to find others that are willing to put up with each others "problems". Guess what, we all arrive there...
 StraylightRunn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 8
Is my friendship over with her.
Posted: 10/16/2013 12:43:16 PM
All I have to say is what in the hell are you talking about?

Did you kiss her? Did you have sex with her? Why were you sleeping in her bed if you were just friends? If you were just friends did you discuss the sleeping arrangement? Did she invite you into bed..and then you didn't make a move so she moved on and got with another guy? Was she never thinking it was a friendly thing?

The friendship is only over if you continue to sort of play inbetween boyfriend and friend. Either tell her to tell this guy to screw off and make a move, or accept that you're nothing more than friends and let her know that, and maybe tell her you want to stay friends despite her having a boyfriend. If you're confused and you are that close (sleeping in the same bed together is close dude) ASK!!!!!!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Is my friendship over with her.
Posted: 10/27/2013 7:08:00 AM

I meant I,m dammed in what ever I do with her now so I best give her the space she needs with her new boyfriend
My friends are fine.


A possible positive way to appraise all this:

the two of you got partially involved, at a time when you both wanted more companionship, and each provided some of that to the other. By chance, she met someone who she wanted to get more deeply involved with, before you did.

The next step, where she works on putting space between the two of you, is very natural and necessary. She HAS to adjust you from "almost FWB," to ONLY "F," in order to have a shot at building anything serious with the new guy. Exclusivity and all that.

The fact that she went about this process fairly gently, is a good sign that if you can get past your own jealously and/or resentment, that after she has established comfortable boundaries for herself between you, you will be able to actually BE real friends, as you seem to be saying that you want.

The trouble in such situations always happens, when the person who tells themselves and everyone else that they "want to preserve the friendship," is actually lying to themselves and everyone else, and what they actually hope, is that if they cling onto the skirt hem or pant leg long enough they will be able to work their way back up to the crotch again one day.

Therefore, if you DO want to be a real friend to her, then gracefully allow her whatever maneuvers and "space" she wants, to set her new boundaries. Neither cut her off, nor pursue her. When you both feel solidly comfortable with the new boundaries, a real friendship can become a reality.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 16
Is my friendship over with her.
Posted: 10/27/2013 10:50:30 AM
Op, Before I respond to a post I most often read the Op's Forum history. It didn't take me very long to get a clear "picture" of things. Here's what I learned. ............#1 Facebook is often used as your social interacting method. If your Facebook page is open to the public, keep in mind, everyone can read/see "what's going on", and often this creates, what some of us would refer to as DRAMA. Clearly not a good habit ................#2 It appears you are not comfortable/don't know how, to set your personal boundaries. IF you are looking for a friend only, be it man or woman, be very clear about your intentions. Keep it simple and don't cross a line.

The trouble in such situations always happens, when the person who tells themselves and everyone else that they "want to preserve the friendship," is actually lying to themselves and everyone else, and what they actually hope, is that if they cling onto the skirt hem or pant leg long enough they will be able to work their way back up to the crotch again one day
.......... #3 It appears you may not know exactly what you DO or DO NOT want from a woman. Only you can figure this out. IF you want an exclusive relationship/ a GF, then again be very clear, "up front" with a woman when you meet her. ..................No one here knows you, we can't make choices for you, we can only make suggestions. My suggestion is, to leave this most recent woman/friend alone. .........Move forward, AFTER you have done some soul searching and come to terms, with what you are REALLY looking for in a relationship with a woman.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 18
Is my friendship over with her.
Posted: 10/29/2013 11:14:33 AM

My goodness; are men really confused about this? I would NEVER ask a man into my bed unless I was planning to be intimate with him.

It's not the guys being confused about it, it's the women in such situations who are. You'd be surprised how many women will invite a guy into her bed and want nothing more than mere kissing they could do in a public parking lot. Add to that, it's not incredibly rare for a gal when on a platonic level with a guy, late at night, to have him share a (big) bed with him.

The gal should not be confused if the guy makes a move when invited into her bed. It's kind of like some girls who are confused about why others call into question being close 1-on-1 friends who go out on Friday & Saturday nights regularly, 1-on-1, for dinner, drinks, and dancing. People raise their eyebrows.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 20
Is my friendship over with her.
Posted: 11/5/2013 4:19:22 PM

This country is New Zealand, and our law states, conscent must be given before intimacy, conscent cannot be given if a woman is intoxicated, so any areas not covered by the above info is classed as assult or rape.

What level of being "intoxicated"? And what about guys? I could see someone under the drinking age, but women aren't children or even (necessarily) such young adults where they're not even of the drinking age. Guys have had regrettable "I can't believe I selpt with that woman" sex before due to too many beers. Women get into trouble for that? :)

I can definitely see passed out or nearly passed out -- but just drinking? Talk about a stupid law, whether it's one-gender sided or both gender sided!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is my friendship over with her.