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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How do you guys do it?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 3
How do you guys do it?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Go to the profile review forum and ask for help....you need it.

In that forum, at the top highlighted in green, are profile writing tips--read them.

The better your pics and profile are, the more luck you will have with messages.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 4
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/27/2013 11:50:45 PM
I learned not to get all "twitty-pated" over a man before we meet. Inevitably I wound up disappointed. Now I approach dating with a bit of amused detachment. I keep my heart in reserve. Remember: nothing is real until you meet. My sense of humor helps me laugh after ridiculous first dates.

Before meeting, I insist on a telephone conversation and ask a few key questions. "How long have you been divorced?" "Have you had a serious relationship since your divorce?" I refuse to meet men who are separated or recently divorced, with no photos, or have photos just from the neck up. Ditto photos from a distance.

Apart from getting my mother tanked on White Russians, the quickest and surest way to ruin the good and fun times is to load them up with expectations in advance.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 5
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 12:56:34 AM
I've gotten dates but never a relationship. It's all a numbers game, even if you seem like you're hitting it off in texts and phone calls a meet up can be an eye opener. I always end up on dates with women I already knew I wouldn't click with, the "down to Earth" ones you think you have the most in common with are the toughest to date it seems. You got better odds of winning a thousand bucks on a slot machine than you do getting a relationship on this site. No point of getting bitter towards women about it though, they get spammed by horny guys daily so you have to stand out somehow. Leave your profile up and come back in a few weeks/months and see if anything changes. You also got to realize too that women are busy, sometimes they can take a day or two to respond to just one messages and not to mention the chances are she is probably talking with other guys as well.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 4:38:49 AM

How do you guys do it?


Personally, I drink. A lot. Usually the good stuff but, there have been times when I've had to stoop to inhaling the crap too. Of course, those times were cause of my lacking of planning and the liquor cabinet is quite empty.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 8
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 6:11:56 AM
'The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world that he did not exist"- Charles Baudelaire

Here's a twist: The greatest trick online dating ever pulled was to convince people that everyone is looking for the same thing.

The kinds of things you will have to learn about this process is that nothing is real until it materializes. Even after you've gone on a few dates, some people just don't have it in them to stick around, they filter themselves out. Be grateful they are sparing you the time you would otherwise give them as well as your emotions.

Some people know how to morph into what you what them to be, for their own purposes. For example, someone likes you so instead of being themselves, they pick up on things on your profile to project some of the things you are into, into what they are into. I once had someone change their username to something French, and start a conversation with me. It got my attention (in a bad way) because the placement of the words was not correct French grammar, so I knew it was fake. The conversation was artificially interesting until it started to sound like he just wanted someone to talk to.

Things fizzle out fairly quickly online. I can talk to 5 people today and have a great conversation, but unless they express wanting to meet me within a week, I don't think about any of them the next day. That's what I think happened in your case, the conversation just didn't have enough material or interest to transcend beyond the chat window.

How do I do it? I keep my emotions out of the process, I'm as cold as a deep freezer. I focus on what happen, not what doesn't.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 9
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 6:43:52 AM

I've tried all different approaches and all I seem to get is girls that can't carry a conversation/give me nothing to work with, even though some messaged me first.


Unless you live in the middle of nowhere
The on-line sites is the last place where you should be looking for women at your age.
These sites are a refuge for all sorts of pple (men & women) with all kinds of issues.

by the pix you put up, your looks are not the problem
Nothing beats real life encounters
You are still young so don't be afraid to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them.


Anyone out there having luck on here?


You make your own luck by getting out there and see who you can meet
by whatever ways or means you can.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 10
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 8:22:02 AM
Welcome to the online dating club...thick skin required. I will also add that you need to go to profile review...right down the hall>>>>>>>>> You're a cute guy but you need to present yourself better. The first thing I would suggest is a great head shot of you alone...not with the cute girl next to you. It's a real turn off for most girls...would be for me. Take care, and don't forget real life...they're out there looking for you too. If I were 21, I'd go for it. ;) Good Luck
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 8:37:42 AM
Never heard from her after that, never added me and today I go on and she closed her account lol.

you don't even know whether this was an actual woman. coulda been a flock of grade school kiddies giggling around the computer when mommy busted them and forced them to close their false account. initial message exchanges are not about getting to know someone or establishing bonds or anything meaningful like that. they're simply about determining whether that person is someone you want to field recon in person - aka, meet

point is, your expectations are all cattywompus. you're investing too much emotion in initial interactions. you're complaining about how messaging is going when you're way ahead of the game - a lot of guys who get no action whatsoever, not even a reply, would kill to be in your shoes and ostensibly have women messaging them first. and lastly, you clearly expected to have a gf nailed down in short order, since you're kvetching after trying for not even a month. this ain't amazon, where you browse, click and pay extra to have your impatience enabled by overnight shipping.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 12
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 9:04:49 AM
How do I do it?

Well, I don't. It took me awhile, but I determined the online thing just didn't work for me.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 13
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 11:14:36 AM
The reality is, I have the same odds of winning the state lottery, as I do meeting my "long term BF" on an online dating site. The difference is I hang around here in the Forums and I seldom buy a lottery ticket! LOL
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 11:28:44 AM
There are good people on here, you just have to be willing to spend the time weeding out the ones you wouldnt want to meet.

Dont spend too much time getting to know someone you have not laid eyes on in person. At least get that person to meet you for coffee, so you can validate they are who thier pictures were trying to convey. I would chat a few times and meet right away to get that out of the way.

Dont spend money on a first meet-ask if they are willing to meet you at a food court in a mall, or in a dog park during the day....it shouldnt cost you money to meet new people. Buying a coffee is fine, but if someone expects a paid meal just to meet, 'next them'. Unless you are looking for a hooker.

Think of this place like most do the lottery...you will never win if you never buy a tiket, but dont plan your retirement on winning the big one.

I met the love of my life on POF...but I have been a member since 2005. If this was a race, I would have lost! lol

Good luck!
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 15
view profile
History
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/28/2013 11:39:30 AM
A lot of women your age flake a lot.

Just stick to the real world and the online dating will work if you are more selective.
 sudo456
Joined: 9/22/2013
Msg: 17
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/29/2013 8:32:37 AM

Last thing she messaged me was if I had facebook and if I was comfortable giving it to her... so I did. Never heard from her after that, never added me and today I go on and she closed her account lol


I've had this happen a few times already but it comes with the territory. I've gotten a few dates from online but nothing really serious. But I keep an open mind and let things go rather quickly. It's part of the game we have to play.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 18
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/29/2013 10:40:35 AM
What Yule_liquor said.

At your age, there are too many guys and not enough women on here, so the odds are stacked against you here. The young women are beautiful and get hit on so much in the real world they don't have to be here. Get a part time job in the mall or go back to school and ask for women's numbers.
 Bachelorette.Number1
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 19
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 10/29/2013 8:48:07 PM
lol Walts....!

Don't expect too much from this venue. It's just plain goofy.
If you happen to run into someone ok, count yourself lucky.
Keep telling yourself this is not the only way to meet someone, this is not the only way to meet someone, this is not the only way to meet someone, and you'll be alright.

It's not you, you're fine.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 21
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/3/2013 3:30:32 PM
I agree with message 16
Online Dating has become a Mad House! Mad House I tell you!
especially in the 20-30 year old range
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 23
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/6/2013 11:43:07 AM
I don't do it. I stopped online dating over a year and a half ago. The instrument has yet to be invented to measure what a waste of time it is.

BTW, big ol' mistake putting a girl in your profile with you..friend or elsewise. Looks like you already have a GF. Also, for those who think it might make you look more attractive, that women like you, etc: Turn Off.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 24
view profile
History
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/7/2013 9:17:02 AM
You are a newbie on here OP, and need to step back and have some patience with the whole meeting and greeting activity, and then the dating experience.

Life is to short to place all your marbles in this bag called POF, and if this site is your main opportunity for meeting others and dating, you will be disappointed many times over. It is just a tool to use just as all the other parts of your single life that will present you with opportunities for meeting others and then deciding if you want to pursue more or not.

Expand your horizons and join clubs, do activities that are not limited to dance clubs, bars, and social settings that many gather to hopefully find others of similar type, but hard to make happen. Just as on here, the numbers of those wanting and looking for the same things, just overwhelms the majority, and one loses the "one to one" experiences that will make the selection process much more enjoyable and hopefully successful.

When you least expect it, is when it will happen, and when not looking but just enjoying what you are doing, that is when someone will enter your life and give you the opportunity to know them better. Patience is your guide, and experience your mentor, so use both and enjoy the ride!

cd
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 26
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/21/2013 7:31:53 AM
"Girls on here don't have the courtesy to respond to most messages"

Let's back up a second here before this comment is allowed to get away with itself.

From an ex online dating buff, here's the scoop: If a guy messages you and you arent interested, and you repond nicely that you are not interested, you risk the wrath of God. I've been verbally abused, berated, spewed at, accused of having no sex drive, accused of being a "cold fish" and called all the names in the book. This after just simply, and very nicely, explaining I felt there is no match.

For alot of guys, this is not going to be the end of it. Now that they have a "foot in the door" and know I will respond, I would not only get the torrent of abuse (and one guy wrote this really really long thesis on on my personal hang ups, sort of like what a college professor would write)..there's also the guys who want to get into a discussion about "so what exactly is it about me that you dont like?" in order to drag the conversation out longer, get me to stay engaged, etc...removing these men is like trying to get gum off your shoe. They just cannot get a clue.

And I've been stalked, from site to site, the guy will find me on another dating site and message me with crude comments, nasty remarks, mocking me for "still being online."

You get the idea. I wish I could type this out for every single message I read where they guy thinks women are being stuck up or something for not responding.

No. We are tired of being abused. That's really about it. If men in general online were more cool, and could accept that most invitations are declined, and handle it gracefully and maturely, the flowers will bloom. Men seem to think that by tromping on the flowers, they are going to look and act beautiful.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 27
view profile
History
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/21/2013 7:50:04 AM

We are tired of being abused. That's really about it. If men in general online were more cool, and could accept that most invitations are declined, and handle it gracefully and maturely, the flowers will bloom.


Totally agree. I have seen guys just go off the deep end when they feel slighted.
The sad thing is its really just like being in a bar or party.

But even though it is a less personal thing, they take it way more perosnally than if they met in person.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 28
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/22/2013 4:28:27 PM
Rickys10- It's never a good idea to use a photo picturing you with a woman on POF. Women see that and think she could be your girlfriend. Get rid of that photo. I don't recommend inviting people to look at your facebook page. That's personal and off limits until you are more serious with someone.
Don't take rejection on POF so seriously, it will happen again, such is online dating.
I buy lottery tickets every now and then, but I know the odds of winning, so I keep my day job ;)
So it is with dating. POF should not replace getting out in the real world.
Good luck :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 29
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/23/2013 8:27:37 AM
My "approach" to dating was always not to approach it - to ignore the process unless/until I met someone I wanted to date; once I do THEN I will consider dating if it's a mutual interest. That pretty much eliminates the question of how I'll find someone to date - basically I'm never looking. Add to that the fact that I won't consider anyone who's not at least mutually interested, and the fact that I am social everywhere I go with no agenda and fine single or not. Most relationships I ended up in I wasn't looking to get into - they were accidental. Dating is a pretty stress free topic for me.

On this site I pretty much joined to help a friend get back out there after a divorce and found the forums, where I spend most of my time. If I have met anyone while single by checking my inbox it was a nice bonus, but never a goal.

I don't expect most people to get or do this, but it's always worked really well for me.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 30
view profile
History
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/23/2013 9:09:30 AM
Great approach and attitude "woman", and your statement fits me as well, and my philosophy for being single, dating, and being on any social site, especially this one!

The best seems to happen to me when I am not looking or trying so hard, yet just like shopping, one must be willing to window shop, and keep options open, even if not ready to buy yet!!

cd
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 31
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/23/2013 12:35:35 PM
I hate to break it to you OP, but this site is not designed for guys like you. It is designed for women who are unable to get dates through face to face interaction to give them an ego boost. What gives those type of women an ego boost? Guys like you. Guys who are good, have goals in life and arent on here to play games. So many women on here are jaded to the point they aim to reject as many guys as possible to build their own self esteem up. What you also need to realize is that you dont have to be a misogynist, creepy, unattractive jerk for a woman on here to write you off. Women on here can write you off simply because you dont wear name brand clothing. They can write you off because your hair is a certain length or because you did not send them the exact wording that they preferred in the initial message. If you want my advice, dont rely on POF to find love or decent people. Also, ignore advice that suggests you need to change who you are to get a date on here. If you have to be someone you are not to get a woman to recognize you, is that a referendum on her or you?
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 32
How do you guys do it?
Posted: 11/23/2013 12:38:50 PM
Also OP, most of the women on here will ignore the messages you send to them. Keep in mind this is their site and they pick and choose who they want to be respectful towards. Most lack respect, class and proper decorum so dont take it personal that the women on here ignore your messages. Its just how things are done on here. Those type of women dont believe in finding a mature and intellectual way of expressing their lack of romantic interest in the opposite sex.
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