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 actualizing
Joined: 9/3/2013
Msg: 1
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn StarsPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I read an article this week by a woman my age who has emerged to say that she is discouraged with her younger lovers who seem to make love like porn stars. She says the effects of porn culture on real life relationships is disheartening. She thinks that young men need to be re-educated about how to make love to a woman. I would imagine that the same would be true for women who watch porn and then translate what they see there into the bedroom.

What do you think people? Do we all need to do a "stop-check" regarding lovemaking and re-define it in a way that is more loving and mutually satisfying (women not forced to fake orgasms).?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 2
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/3/2013 9:54:43 AM
I think she's gotta stop robbing the cradle. Seriously, it's not porn that messes up young lovers - it's maturity and inexperience. They need coaching, not someone who thinks they can read minds. I once read about an older woman complaining about a man not picking up facial expressions or nonverbal cues, and I thought - if you're in a dark room at night with no lighting, a blind man has a better chance to pick up whatever 'cues' you may be sending in a facial expression!

Blaming the porn is a cheap excuse. Anyone over the age of maybe 20 should be well aware that porn isn't real life, and that ANY movie or TV scene is shot with a LOT of camera-angle adjustment breaks, lighting, makeup, stand-ins, extra lube, Viagra, whatever it takes to complete the scene. Immature people get just as messed up over notions raised by Romantic Comedies and seeing SERIOUS emotional issues that get edited to be magically resolved in an hour-and-a-half.

If you need a 'stop-check' regarding lovemaking, then I'd say the key problem is NOT TALKING during sex. If you shut up and 'take it' without saying a word until you fake the big O, how can you expect ANYthing satisfying out of it? You communicate with your lover through the whole damn thing - beginning, middle, end - encourage what you like, tell them what you don't - be MORE than just two dogs in heat, fer chrissake!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/3/2013 10:15:08 AM
RE-educated? You've GOT to be kidding me. No one has ever INITIALLY educated people about how to make love to each other in THIS country, to begin with. Therefore asking for RE-education isn't possible.

Anti-porn people have come up with all sorts of reasons why they want to re-oppress porn, and I think this is another one of them. Not that I think porn is wonderful, it's just as bad in general at educating people about sex, as mainstream stuff is. But I think that I would have been a LOT better off in my own life, if I had had access to more porn when I was younger, just to counter the claim by the then thoroughly censored entertainments of the day, that all women hated sex, and only did it to reward guys for performing either monetary or physically heroic tasks.

As for "forcing women to fake orgasms," anyone who thinks that PORN is where that idea comes from, has never watched enough porn. It's again the more conservative versions of love-making that turn it into a game of status-seeking, and one-upmanship.

I will grant you that lots of porn, especially the stuff that shows up on the basic cable TV that I can afford, tells everyone that everyone has sex for no reason at all, much like a meaningless-though-fattening midday snack.

But if someone goes after youngsters of any kind, expecting to find a real grown-up, sensitive and loving experience, they have only themselves to blame. I too would vote for "Don't want ineptitude in the bed? Stop chasing children."
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 4
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/3/2013 10:27:07 AM
LoverS plural. With that kind of mass consumer mindset i think the btch needs to consider the source before she presupposes educating anyone. How arrogant. Will she be charging for her undoubtably vast knowledge or just giving it away....o
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 5
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/3/2013 12:20:55 PM
At my age I'm resigned to the fact that we are finally smart enough to do what feels good and what we enjoy. I feel sorry for younger people these days - they have all the positions down, but they totally lack the intimacy to where sex is almost on the same level as going to the fridge for a late night snack.
 billingsmason
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 6
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/3/2013 1:21:48 PM
who is forcing women to fake orgasms?
that is nowhere near as hot as real forced orgasms.

making love and fucking are two completely different two backed beasts.

I'm guessing this lady just isn't all that "respected" by these young guys.
maybe if she found someone her own age he would make love to her before cumming on her face and wiping his pecker on the drapes
 I_travel_light
Joined: 7/27/2013
Msg: 7
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/3/2013 7:24:21 PM
This thread validates my personal belief that older men are much better at this sort of thing. Young men have little command of there emotions, that comes with age, little experience, and no life history. All these make you a better lover. They will likely learn with time, and if older women want to educate them, by all means knock yourself out. I would rather be the one who is getting the education, thus I always choose older men.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 8
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Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/3/2013 7:45:53 PM
Sheesh......and here I wish for a man that can phuck like a porn star! LOL
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 9
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Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/3/2013 8:54:09 PM
It has been my experience that women aren't looking for a guy to make love to them. They usually want me to phuck them like I hate them. That 50 Shade of Grey garbage isn't about a guy tenderly making love to his girl. That's the sort of thing most women ask for these days.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 10
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/3/2013 9:52:06 PM
No one teaches/shows anyone how to have sex, you just know x goes into y.

Then you watch tv and you imitate what you see and find out, you like a,b,c,d, but not some of other stuff. You discover that the stuff on TV is not practical (you can't have sex with no curtain on the windows, can't scream as loud as they do when you have neighbors, the pizza delivery guy didn't shower so no not ready to drop right there, the guy is not going to last long enough for you to orgasm you're gonna have to be creative, some guys are awkward and only know to stick it in and nothing else)

As time goes by and self experimenting, you start adjusting and learn what works for you.

Hey, sometimes you want to be f*cked like a porn star (a minimum of 5 positions, minimal eye contact, act like you just want to have sex and don't care about who the other is).

Sometimes you want to make love (candles, music, passion, caressing, eye contact, slow motion, etc)

Sometimes you want a quickie.

Porn is just guidance, a source of ideas, a fantasy fulfilled, a projection of our inner desires and we wish the other were. Theory and practice are vastly different, as with everything.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 11
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Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 6:30:33 AM
I think many people make the mistake of believing what is portrayed in most commercially produced porn is actually love making. It's not. Not even close.

I've never been forced to fake orgasms. I've never faked an orgasm. I don't believe that is a realistic thing to do. I'd rather take the time to educate my partner on what I need and want in order TO orgasm. As I've gotten older, I'm way more vocal and less likely to deal with the BS of a partner that can't be arsed to do more than stick his penis in me until he gets off with no care or concern about me and what I need or want.

Yes.. a lot of younger men (in their 20s) who have grown up consuming porn tend to use "porn moves" a lot. Honestly? Roll up a newspaper and rap 'em over the nose with it and tell them to knock it off. Then get to work and teach them what they need to know. If they can't learn or can't be trained, then move on. You should be able to discern their ability to learn fairly quickly.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 12
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Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 6:52:35 AM

Women can be just as guilty. Sex is messy, it is nervous, it is sometimes clumsy. It is rarely the perfectly romantic "performance art" as portrayed in chick flicks either.

That may be true, but since I don't date women, it's outside my scope of experience.

Also, I don't put that kind of pressure on a man to perform to a paid actor's level.

I expect respect, honesty, communication of expectations from both parties. Some of my favorite sexy times have involved a lot of laughter, some goofiness, and someone usually falling off the bed (mine's over 3' off the floor, so it's hilarious and painful).

I've never expected scripted perfection in the bedroom. How f*cking boring would that be??
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 13
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 7:40:37 AM

Hey, sometimes you want to be f*cked like a porn star (a minimum of 5 positions, minimal eye contact, act like you just want to have sex and don't care about who the other is).

Sometimes you want to make love (candles, music, passion, caressing, eye contact, slow motion, etc)

Sometimes you want a quickie.

Porn is just guidance, a source of ideas, a fantasy fulfilled, a projection of our inner desires and we wish the other were. Theory and practice are vastly different, as with everything.


I have no idea what is meant by fck like a porn star. One would have to get into more detail for me to think it was or was not realistic.

I grew up before the age of Internet porn, but when I was a teenager I read 1000s of book about many subjects.

The Story of O, Way of a Man with a Maid were porm based novels, they seem better than the porn now days. But todays porn pretty much is covered in just those two books. And I read other more old school stuff like kama sutra or more fact based books like erogenous zones. This was all before I was 22.

So today's porn doesn't guide nor give me any ideas, it's more like a trip down memory lane. Aspects of porn are realistic, while the action is presented in a way to appeal to camera angles. And of course one doesn't fck every strange women that happens to come within 20 feet of a man. And some porn only appeals to those with some sort of fetish.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 14
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 8:12:04 AM
Generally speaking, the younger generation is more Internet-oriented, where you don't have to buy porn (ie, that makes it more accessable). Joymii and Dane Cook are good, for example, yet sometimes even they show the guy jackhammering away. So, in that case, yes, I could see guys watching porn online and then thinking every woman wants "the nicest smile I ever came across", among other disgusting tactics.

I will have to agree with the other posters, tho, it seems the writer is dating men younger than her, and running into the always-true factor of lack of maturity in a lover makes them less interesting. or to put another way, old guys rule :)

people should be interested in anything they do, enough to learn how to do it well. especially in the Internet age, when its not a big deal to go on youtube and learn nearly anything. not that they always get it right, but there are many who don't want to admit they can get better at sex.

i don't think the issue is any worse than it has been in the past, when people couldn't go on the Internet to complain about their problems. I think some of the old Playboy magazines had polls saying that things weren't so magic back then, either.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 15
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 8:15:21 AM
Dragonbits,

There are channels on sex education, on teaching men/women how to perform oral sex among a myriad of things. They also speak about women prepping for specific scenes/acts, etc.

It is not just the action, there are programs of other types which aim to teach you how to please the other. I've read plenty of books as well, and that's another source of ideas/information you can use. The books themselves also describe actions, information on what do you and how to do it.

You know what's missing from porn or readings about erogenous zones and such? Feelings are not discussed, and it is feelings what drive one to be one way or the other toward the person you are with. It is not the mechanical function that produces results, its the feelings behind the actions. Porn is all mechanical.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 16
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 8:25:13 AM
she is discouraged with her younger lovers who seem to make love like porn stars

Like, lasting a long time for the audiences' satisfaction too? Doing it doggy style and her on top and not just missionary? Very very vague....

She thinks that young men need to be re-educated about how to make love to a woman.

That's incredibly vague. If she's picking up young guys from the bar to pork, she's not going to get rose petals and candles lit, if that's what she's getting at. :)

What do you think people? Do we all need to do a "stop-check" regarding lovemaking and re-define it in a way that is more loving and mutually satisfying (women not forced to fake orgasms).?

LOL. Like what? "No honey, I don't want you shooting it all over my face while yelling 'Take That, ****!'", mimicking what can found in some circles of porn?
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 17
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 10:23:44 AM
belletresor


You know what's missing from porn or readings about erogenous zones and such? Feelings are not discussed, and it is feelings what drive one to be one way or the other toward the person you are with. It is not the mechanical function that produces results, its the feelings behind the actions. Porn is all mechanical.


Yes, I agree. It takes a lot of talent to convey emotions in a movie, and most porn is 2-10 minutes in length on a shoestring budget. It isn't practical to expect any emotional content, and a lot of users wouldn't watch long enough to appreciate it.

That is where books excel, Story of O was written by a women, these books I mentioned dwell on the emotional aspects of sex.

I don't take the stories literally, The Way of a Man with a Maid had a large component of rape and incest, the S-o-O was largely BDSM, branding, sexual domination. But the emotional development over time is similar to what happens in a real life sexual relationship as it develops, though from my own POV not nearly as extreme.

In more extreme BDSM relationships I am sure it is accurate, but I don't think this is common, nor am I that into it. I am not into BDSM per say, just incorporate elements of it from time to time. Sort of like you said, sometimes this, sometimes that.

When I am in a LTR, I often imagine how I would like our next sexual meeting to proceed. I create mental “specific scenes/acts” like a play. I have various different plays in my mind. Sometimes I even assume a certain position by myself to see how comfortable it would be for her, how to move into that position from the previous one I had in mind.

Real life never goes according so my mental script. It might start off like that, but I adapt depending on the mood I perceive at the time. Like changing reels in a movie as it progress.

BTW, I had tried to create a violet wand toy from a ring generator when I was 24 back in 1975, but I was scared of maybe creating a heart attack if I got it wrong. I did see they came out with that sort of thing back in 2003.

I do like the new wifi / remote controlled sex vibrators like the we-vibe, they didn't have that 20 years ago. This kind of thing are more of a occasional suggestion to use, they are cute in certain situations.

It's popular to say the porn culture today has changed life,and maybe it has for the youngest generation. Maybe we are going the way of Japan, declining population and young people would rather have virtual sex than actual sex with real people. Surely we are headed that way with people shunning traditional marriage type relationships, I don't know how far down that road people will go.

Google the sex drought celibacy bubble in Japan, it's apropos to the current discusion.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 18
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 10:23:57 AM
So
today's porn doesn't guide nor give me any ideas, it's more like a trip down memory lane.


Pretty true......over & over stuff...........^^^^^^


There are channels on sex education, on teaching men/women how to perform oral sex among a myriad of things. They also speak about women prepping for specific scenes/acts, etc.

It is not just the action, there are programs of other types which aim to teach you how to please the other.


Thank you Dr Ruth ^^^^^

As women and men can learn more in how to please each other, in sensuous ways, together or alone & vice verse......

And being open with each others ideas, in what rocks their boat safely in sexual pleasure. And after glow is not bad either.......
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 19
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Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 10:26:38 AM

I will have to agree with the other posters, tho, it seems the writer is dating men younger than her, and running into the always-true factor of lack of maturity in a lover makes them less interesting. or to put another way, old guys rule :)

Actually, I never said that, I don't know where anyone said that. The "old guys" that I've been involved with, with one or two exceptions, have been horrible in bed, and a waste of my time and efforts.

I do prefer younger, and am generally rewarded for it. Saying "running into the always-true factor of lack of maturity" is so false it's laughable. Yes.. SOME young men are immature. Guess what? So are SOME older men. And some women. Immaturity has nothing to do with age.

I spent 5 years with a man who is 16 years younger. Probably one of the best things I ever did. One of the best lovers I have ever had. He was 23 when we met, and came already well-trained... I just fine tuned the things specific to me and my needs.

Regardless, pick the one that interests you and go for it. Don't let anyone dictate who you should or shouldn't be involved with.
 phoenix_55
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 20
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 12:51:24 PM
How young are these guys this woman is banging? In my own experience with a younger man, they all lack finesse. Mainly because they have no intention of continuing a relationship with an older woman so why would they take the time to make sure she's happy?
 seafoodandeatit
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 21
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Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 1:36:48 PM
so many woman seem to say "men just dont get it."
maybe woman should understand that a woman needs to have romance and tenderness to make love.
where as men can feel the same with just a chat/ laugh and sex.
or: Woman need to feel loved to have sex. Men need sex to feel loved.
Or so i read some where.................
Do these woman saying young men are not up to the older men when it comes to the bedroom?
How many woman spend sometime saying "look can we do it this way? and can you do this and that?"
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 22
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 2:10:27 PM
OP, you shared the woman who wrote the article that you read is approximately your age...which is 55 y.o.
How old are the men with which she is having sex? That is a critical component.
If she is seeking males in the 18-22 y.o. range, she is going to have to understand lots of jackhammering will happen.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 23
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 5:17:10 PM
You get out of sex what you put into it - and if you're not contributing d1ck, you're gonna get screwed.
 KrazyChikk
Joined: 7/11/2013
Msg: 24
Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/4/2013 5:45:01 PM

If she is seeking males in the 18-22 y.o. range, she is going to have to understand lots of jackhammering will happen

Lol @ jackhammering...
But from what I remember, it's more like a hammer hitting the nail on the head and the job being over and done at that age;)

I don't know...making love (phucking) like Porn Stars doesn't sound so bad to moi~
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 25
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Making Love (Phucking) like Porn Stars
Posted: 11/5/2013 7:21:34 AM
Well, what's sex suppose to be like? Should it be real slow, like sex you see in porn just done in slow motion (if even possible)? Or should it be done considerably different altogether? What would woman think if the man got hard put it in and did nothing after that? I heard of a woman once who encountered that situation as much of a head scratch-er as it is for me. You don't know what problems are until you encounter ed, or a man with no sex drive. Until you encounter real problems like that, why not just take sex for the way it more less has been and quit trying to customize it to be just right for you?
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