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 heartof_Au
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 1
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughtsPage 1 of 1    
I feel like men have more success in the real world but one should always consider using any available means to improve chances of success. These sites should be wonderful tools if used to the best effect and yes I realize how subjective this process be; as everyone interprets the world in their own unique way. ^_^ I am just looking for any thoughts, comments, concerns that I can use to potentially improve the odds.

The idea of this profile is to take a glimpse of what goes through my mind, how I think, how I feel. It is not based around simply telling what interests me, what my personality is. It is supposed to be colourful and paint a picture.

Would really like to know if it reads well, if you get a sense of who I am. Tell me if you feel it is too long or wordy, how to better represent myself.

As for the photographs, a couple may need replacing or I just need to add more.

Thank you for your assistance in advance!

Warm regards

Kyle
 aanarchist
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 2
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/8/2013 10:38:35 PM
it's super long you want to keep it as brief as you can while giving out a taste of how it's like to be around you in everyday life. don't say who you are, what you do and what you like and all that nonsense. put action and emotion into your words so that you actually make an impact on the reader instead of having your resume put in the filing cabinet. your goal is not to give them a glimpse into your mind through your profile, the goal is to get your profile approved by the woman you're trying to woo, who is probably getting 20o messages a day and deleting at least half of them before even reading anything in your actual profile box, and another 45% getting tossed after the profile is read, usually not even all the way through. you can give her a glimpse into your mind after you get her interested in you, but before that you have to actually catch her eye and tickle her mind and heart a bit with a fancy profile that is short and sweet.
 MrRoboto27
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 3
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/8/2013 10:39:56 PM
Use the third picture as main and remove the boots picture because its just not right for the profile at all. Also your profile is huge and should be shortened by a bit.
 heartof_Au
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 4
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/8/2013 11:01:40 PM
Thank you, that definitely makes good sense.

My major concern is in the style of the writing. I have tried other forms of writing before that do not come across as genuine as they were not true to how I generally think. I am descriptive and colourful when using language, especially in the written form.

Certainly the text can be altered to describe what it is like to be around me on a daily basis. The only other style that came across as genuine was goofy witticism with a positive energetic vibes. If it were shortened substantially but kept the same feel to the text is that alright. Would it read well or would you be inclined to try and portray my goofier side along side my more thoughtful side?


MrRoboto27: Thank you, that was one of the photos I was unsure of. It has been removed :)
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 5
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History
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/8/2013 11:26:47 PM

My major concern is in the style of the writing. I have tried other forms of writing before that do not come across as genuine as they were not true to how I generally think. I am descriptive and colourful when using language, especially in the written form.


You should definitely be concerned with the style of writing. Stylistically, it's just not a dating profile. It reads more like a collection of thoughts rather than a dating profile. How should a dating profile read? Well, in a nutshell, it should cover who you are, maybe a few things you like to do, perhaps an anecdote or an opinion about something and definitely a synopsis of the woman you want. A dating profile should be a lot more concrete in style rather than the abstract style you have gone with. Not everyone is good at abstract thinking but just about anyone will understand a direct statement.

Overall, it should answer the question " Should I contact this person?". It should give the person incentive to start a conversation with you and then go out on a date. As a creative writing piece, it would work. But currently it doesn't really fit as a dating profile. You could have shortened the profile to just 25% of what you have and it still wouldn't work if you stick to that style. I'm all for introspection and tickling the reader's mind with imagery but that's ALL you've done so far. You haven't answered the question. Well, in my opinion.
 aanarchist
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 6
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 12:23:37 AM
i would go with goofy yet thoughtful i actually took a similar approach, the goofy witticism with positive vibes also sounds good, there's not much difference between the two if you ask me. keep it light you don't wanna come off as a know it all nor a clown. i know how it is when you've got some crazy vocabulary stacked up in your head you just wanna bombard people with it but unfortunately not everyone is into being serenaded with poetic verse. i can't pick which would be a better approach for you, my advice is be honest with yourself about which one is closer to the strongest and most prevalent version of yourself(hard i know when you're multi-faceted hehe). i'd say be that lighthearted, fun person you are around your buddies minus the crude sex jokes haha. if all else fails you can put up one and ask for reviews then put up the other afterwards a bit later in another post and see which people like more. personally i'm very skeptical of relying too much on people's reviews on here, we're here to pick up our match not to please the masses. ignore anyone who seems like their advice is more for making them like your profile more rather than actually improving the quality of the profile itself.
 juliettes7
Joined: 11/4/2012
Msg: 7
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 6:50:46 AM
Distilled down, not sure if this was what you were going for..but it is easier to grasp vs before..


"I still believe that a man's worth is judged on the strength of his word and that a man should stand by it and uphold his beliefs. You look someone in the eye and make a promise you'd better be able to deliver.

I enjoy anything that puts me close to nature. During the summer months you'll find me spending a lot of time wandering through the hiking trails near my home. It is very peaceful and I love the feeling and awareness of the ineffable pulse of life present in the forest.

I am fascinated by the concept of living in the here and now. The difference between the prosaic and the imaginative, disconnection and awareness, the steely cynicism of adulthood versus the innocent wonder, the incomprehensible awe and insight of child.

As a child everything is fresh and new. The world is a big place, filled with so many amazing secrets and little wonders. The world of a child is so flooded with moments of earth shattering significance that every instance is one worthy of remembering. As we get older we loose that innocence, that beautiful childlike wonder. Ours is no longer a world of glorious splendor that makes every moment in time seem like eons.

That is what I feel when I ponder how to find fulfillment in this life.That in some small way my existence has left an indelible mark on the life of someone *I love!*

Journeys start with a step, and if you're lucky, someone to share that step with.
- Find someone who will treat ya right.
- Someone to come home to after a long day of hard work that will still put a smile on this mug.
- Someone to hold you close. So close that you feel no desire to be anywhere else in the whole world.
- I want to wake up in awe that I feel so much love for the woman who has chosen me. Proud to feel so loved by her. Most of all, satisfied to know it's where I belong. But first I have to get you to say hello, haha (wink)"
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 8
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 8:23:56 AM
Oh Christ. Another pseudo intellectual with a goatee, a graduate degree and verbal diarrhea. I swear you guys come a dime a dozen. I'm looking for the guy supplying the dimes. All right, let's do this:

Profession: Ask away = unemployed. You want a date? Get a job. And no, student is not a job.

Pictures: You're telling me that the best picture you ever took was a selfie in the bathroom with your shower curtain as background? Get out of your mother's basement. Go somewhere outside. Beg or pay someone to take 20 pictures of you. Post the best 8. AND SMILE. Teeth should show.

For: A long term relationship. Anything else is wasting your time here.

Do you have a car? No. Really? How exactly are you going to date? When I was your age, I bought a car for $100. The thing leaked oil like a sieve. A cat was living in it. I adopted the cat. I got laid the following week.

Interests: Jewelry. So how long have you been gay? Delete: science, jewelry (misspelled), tattoos, violin (The combination blows my mind), video games, tv and thunderstorms.


The difference between the prosaic and the imaginative, disconnection and awareness, the steely cynicism of adulthood versus the innocent wonder, the incomprehensible awe and insight of child.

Oh yeah. Who wouldn't love to listen to that for 2 hours? I fell asleep just reading that sentence. If a woman needs a Thesaurus to talk to you, you're out of luck.

The section is labeled "About Me", not "Personal Manifesto". Tell us about yourself. Expand on your interests. Show us you do something beyond studying. And name names. Your favorite restaurant tells me more about you than some bullsh-t about "if a man makes a promise, he'd better keep it." Whatever. This is your profile, not a Dos Equis commercial.

Total rewrite, a job search and a visit to a used car lot needed. Best of luck.
 heartof_Au
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 9
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 8:38:53 AM
All great thoughts guys, thank you for taking the time to read it through. Juliette, thank you for making the effort to really show me and not simply tell me. It makes a lot more sense to see it re-organized and condensed.
 heartof_Au
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 10
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 9:17:06 AM
Callmeken:

Thank you for your thoughts. I'm sure they came from the heart!

I would like to address some key points you made in your polite analysis of who I am. This is a work in progress and I expect it to be treated as such. If there is an area that has been overlooked by me then it will be resolved and I kindly request that you reserve such cutting judgement for someone you know well enough as to get away with it.

Firstly - Profession

I overlooked this little detail and I am glad you so earnestly pointed it out. You are right, currently not employed in what one might consider a conventional 9-5 career. I am taking significant strides in a self employed career and am actually known as one of the top makers of woodworking tools in the world. As a recent graduate a jewellery making/goldsmithing program I am taking all the necessary steps to becoming a high end custom jewellery maker. Being involved in local events, news papers, important commissions, entering design competitions, website, etc, etc.(By the way this is the correct Canadian spelling of the word. Perhaps you should familiarize yourself with a persons geographic location before judging their intelligence based on a "miss-spelled" word).

Pictures - I agree with you 100%, the photos need to be better. It is something I'm looking into improving, this is a work in progress remember.

Transportation - I own a motorcycle so I do have the ability travel. Do you see an option in that section for anything other than a car because I sure don't.

Sexuality - As you mentioned I'm gay, clearly that is the case. Every gay man in the world just loves looking for women to have a relationship with, (little known fact). <----sarcasm by the way. Considering the times that we live in sexuality is less of an important factor. It only seems to matter to the insecure and the homophobic, which is not to say that you are either. I don't know anything about you so I have no right to make that assumption.

Interests - do need a second look at. Consider it done.

Dos Equis comment - Really? Truly you would get a better sense of who I am by saying I prefer the keg over wendys. Seriously? Doesn't matter if a high class restaurant is your thing if you're still a lying dirtbag. I do believe that someone should conduct themselves in a respectful and honourable manner. It is worth mentioning because the world is full of lying, opportunistic, users who are only in it for themselves.

I do appreciate you taking the time to really give me some very useful advice. This is not sarcasm, I really do. It would just be nice if it were not so filled with judgement, as you have no real evidence to support it with.

Again thanks for your time

Kind regards

Kyle
 sandytm
Joined: 9/25/2013
Msg: 11
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 9:40:16 AM
Delete it and start all over.
Read, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" -Dale Carnegie

Here are some quotes to hold you over.
“Talk to someone about themselves and they'll listen for hours.”

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

“Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn't bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or grasshopper in front of the fish and said: "Wouldn't you like to have that?"
Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?”
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 12
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 10:13:19 AM
" haha (wink)" and "Hahaha :-)" Omit both, they are inane.

"Jewellery" - list it with both spellings in the Interests, since people use the site search engine on these words.

Use "Jewellery designer" as your profession. Modify the paragraph you wrote in Msg 10 and include it in the profile. Put the best possible spin on it; e.g. "I am self-employed. At 23, I am already known as one of the top makers of woodworking tools in the world. I am aiming to become a high end custom jewellery maker, by entering design competitions, accepting important commissions, etc. I have a website that illustrates some of my designs. In addition to a degree in ___, I'm a recent graduate a jewellery making/goldsmithing program at [school]."

I don't mind the length of your profile, it is interesting and readable. I am annoyed by the inappropriate use of asterisks and ha-ha's. Stick to conventional punctuation. You're a smart guy and you are appealing to smart women. Don't dumb down.

Continue to edit and tweak the text; e.g. "I took a trip to London, England last year. It was an unbelievable experience and much of it is still imprinted in memory. The history, the architecture, the people, the museums; they were all so different, so filled with fascinating unfamiliarity. Yet it took just five days to become jaded to the workings of the city! It did not take long to become used to how the city functioned. I would live there in a second, but my point is when we loose the feeling that we have a right to feel awe in the smallest of tiny wonders we lose what it means to be innocent, what it means to be human."

In the First Date section, quit after the first two paragraphs. Good fishing!
 sandytm
Joined: 9/25/2013
Msg: 13
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 11:24:02 AM
Fix:
make a promise(,) you'd better
we loose (lose) that innocence

You could be more succinct and yet choose to be wordy. It adds unnecessary filler.
The world of a child (A child's world)
is one worthy of remembering (is worth remembering)

And then, you throw in "ya" and "mug". It seems odd.
 heartof_Au
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 14
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 11:37:09 AM
Loose has been changed to lose. Late night typing resulted in one too many keystrokes. Does not excuse the blunder, it has been fixed.
 VinceR
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 15
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 12:46:56 PM
I can't think of anything to add besides what's been suggested, but OP, you're right about men having more success in "the real world." In the real world, most guys don't have the guts or social skills to approach women. The same women who get 100 messages per day here, don't get approached at all on most days. Women know that, and a lot of them aren't really hoping to meet someone online. It's more of a "if it happens, then it happens" mentality...just in case that 1 in a million guy shows up.

Everyone likes to get attention. For a lot of women, these sites are just ego-boosters. Look at the pictures that they post, haha! Let me get this straight: a woman who wants "long term" takes bikini pictures in the bathroom and posts them online? The same women who say "no shirtless pics" are half-naked or wearing SUPER tight dresses in most of their pictures. They know exactly what type of attention they're going to get. Claiming that they want a relationship just keeps them from seeming like attention-seekers.

You have to take this for what it is. If you can meet a great girl here, then fantastic, but you've got a much better chance if you see them in real life.
 aanarchist
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 16
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/9/2013 10:34:20 PM
also you have to keep in mind that you're a top 10% quality male, that leaves a lot of rabble below you. chances are you're searching for a quality female since you are a man of character, that leaves a lot of rabble on her side to sift through. on top of already having a tiny pool, you take into account differences in character, personality, interests, my guess is that incompatibilities cut the pool down to 5%. many people end up settling in their late 30s and 40s, taking what they can get because either they had stupid expectations or made stupid decisions. on the one hand don't be ridiculously picky, like just cuz she doesn't like the same music as you that's no deal breaker, but keep your standards high. because you have the "misfortune" of being a man of quality, you won't be happy unless you find someone of similar quality, and such quality is very rare. the attention seekers and whatever else are nobodies, low quality rabble that isn't worth your time, so to hell with them and look for the good ones.
 heartof_Au
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 17
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 11/10/2013 11:31:15 AM
That is exactly how I feel aanarchist. One of my very good friends is a woman of uncommon quality. We can talk for hours about anything that happens to come to mind, literature, philosophy, the social acceptability of a quiet fart vs a loud fart. ^_^ It is because she is educated and not ashamed of the fact. Is she a little pedantic and opinionated at times, absolutely, but so am I and that is part of her charm.

It is tough to find women of substance but that is exactly the type of woman to look for, someone who can meet you on an intellectual level. Now with that being said, you are all deserving of immense thanks. I took what each of you said very seriously, tweaking, modifying, omitting and adding aspects to my profile. I feel it is a far more honest representation of who I am.

For the first time I had 3 women in one day approach me to talk and actually had one invite me out for a coffee. Unfortunately the schedule doesn't jive this week but I left an open invitation for a future time.

Archiver - about your comment regarding the length of the summary. I understand your point about the length being acceptable for the type of intelligent woman that would appeal to me and vice versa. It seems that mine is structured to attract the upper end of the "average" woman. Which is totally fine. However I feel you are correct in saying that an intelligent woman would have no problems at all reading a longer profile if they were already interested. Will have to work on slowly elaborating and honing in on that type.
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 18
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 2/22/2014 10:39:28 AM
** Bump **

One profile review per profile.

(It's in the rules.)
 heartof_Au
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 19
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 2/22/2014 11:19:01 AM
I wasn't sure how to delete the original post. I can repost my request to here if that is preferable. I was not trying to flood the message boards, just wasn't sure what the protocal was. My apologies.
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 2/22/2014 2:27:31 PM
I like picture number 2 better. I like your nice, long profile. The right woman your age will too.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 2/23/2014 4:21:56 AM
Headline is a cliche women usually use. Lose it.
Lose the fish face pic....... effeminate turn off imo

Lots of meaningless words in "About Kyle"(first 2 sentences..delete)
Your case, less is more.
I frankly got bored and didn't finish it.
 heartof_Au
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 22
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 2/23/2014 8:43:23 AM
Thank you firefly, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 23
Y'all know the drill :P I appreciate your thoughts
Posted: 2/23/2014 9:03:05 AM

I am taking significant strides in a self employed career and am actually known as one of the top makers of woodworking tools in the world. As a recent graduate a jewellery making/goldsmithing program I am taking all the necessary steps to becoming a high end custom jewellery maker. Being involved in local events, news papers, important commissions, entering design competitions, website, etc, etc.(By the way this is the correct Canadian spelling of the word.


I would find a way to include that in your profile, it shows a lot of initiative and dedication.

You could include both the American and Canadian spelling of jewellery , though if you aren't interested in anyone in the USA, I suppose there isn't a point to including both.

Young people more often have goofy pics, though I don't think you need 2 of them. I like the one with you melting gold, and outdoor pics are always good.
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