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 MOD3
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 1
holidays(and the new girlfriend)Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
It's been 4 months since I met my girlfriend.Things are going great and we are pretty happy so far...Now..Thanksgiving is right around the corner..She wants me to come over and spend sometime with her and her family(i have only met a few of her relatives).But My family(mom,dad,sis etc,,,)we have and always had the traditional thanksgiving..
My girlfriend totally understands that i want to spend time with my fam. But it is also a good time to meet more of hers..Both families are very laid back and there is no pressure from anyone..(no not even her! she wouldn't be upset if I couldn't go)
Sheesh..is it possible to do 2 things on one of the bigger holidays??
I will probably go do my family thing earilier in the day and maybe visit her family later..But man..thats a lot of Turkey!!!! Any thoughts? or should I just go with the flow?
I might gain 10 lbs by the end of the evening.....
What would you do? Thanks and Happy holidays......MOD3
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 2
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 12:17:22 PM
Go and enjoy both; but only plan on eating at one of them You could maybe save dessert for the other

(and I think the 10 pounds thing will happen either way, whether you do one destination or two; just plan on lots of hitting the gym after to make yourself feel better ) :)
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 3
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holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 12:22:12 PM
We always have dinner with one side and then dessert and coffee with the other.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 4
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 12:25:48 PM

But man..thats a lot of Turkey!!!! Any thoughts? or should I just go with the flow?


Go with the flow.
Pace yourself.
Take a long walk later. After the tryptophan nap.


Sheesh..is it possible to do 2 things on one of the bigger holidays??


I have gone to 3 gatherings in 1 day on past holidays. Not a problem.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 5
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 12:29:12 PM
If you're in the same city why not do both. But you may want to nibble instead of eat. You don't want to get a DUT. That is driving while feeling about to pass our and take a nap from so much turkey.
 IsabelleClaire
Joined: 10/28/2013
Msg: 6
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 1:10:16 PM
Since it's still a very new relationship then it's best to stick to spending time with your own family. Go visit her later and bring a nice bottle of wine to share.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 7
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 1:41:41 PM
OP do BOTH houses & don't bring wine, bring a dessert.
In a new relationship, the way a man acts around Holidays is very telling. If you dig her, you will include her esp. during this season. There are older threads about it, check it out!
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 8
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 1:44:26 PM
OP, you have been together 4 months, things are going great, she is good with whatever decision you make regarding thanksgiving. Wow, sounds like you two are doing great so chill out! Her answer of you doing what you feel is right is the correct one. When I was married, we would hit my parents first and hers afterwards, in the same day. Worked fine. If you are worried about feeding your face, then you have a problem. lol. Eat light at both places so you have something at each place. If it were me, I would do both sides the same day. Don't anal------ize this.
 sandytm
Joined: 9/25/2013
Msg: 9
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 1:56:14 PM
It would be best to ask the host what to bring. Sometimes a certain family member is in charge of the Thanksgiving Day dessert.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 10
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 2:22:01 PM

Since it's still a very new relationship then it's best to stick to spending time with your own family. Go visit her later and bring a nice bottle of wine to share.


IsabelleClaire (see message 6)

I agree with you on this one. Holidays are stressful enough without trying to figure out how to handle a new relationship.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 11
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 2:26:40 PM
I don't find holidays stressful. Why should they be?

We were never sure who was going to show up for
thanksgiving dinner. People would invite people that
had no local family, or simply no place to go and were
interested in a dinner. Sometimes they just showed up
for dessert. When our kids were younger, we went to one
family in the early afternoon and the other later in the day.

Just do what you are comfortable with.
Just because you go to the other family's house, doesn't
mean you have to stay for hours. Say hello, drop off a dessert,
or hostess gift and then boogey.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 3:14:01 PM

I don't find holidays stressful. Why should they be?


It depends on the circumstances. I've done the multiple location with different families for T-day or Christmas dinner. It's fine if there is an army of people at each house, where you can fade in and out and not be missed when going to another dinner because there are so many other people to fill in the void. But if you come from a small family, like I and my ex did, there were many times where my ex and I were the only guests at someone's home and at other times, there would be 2 or 3 others.

Yet at each house we went to, the hosts prepared enough food to feed the entire country for a month. Telling the hosts that we're having another dinner elsewhere a little later, so we're not going to go crazy stuffing out faces fell on deaf ears. We would try to minimize the amount we ate to pace ourselves, and the result would be the people hosting saying "You hardly ate anything. Have some more. Eat! Eat! Eat!" And they would serve every course to us-appetizers, main meal, dessert, after dessert tea or coffee and pastries. Hosts felt insulted if we didn't eat at least 50 pounds of food, whether it's the first dinner we went to, or the second or third dinner of the day. Sometimes, they would try to guilt us be saying: "Didn't you like the food? Was there something wrong with it?" And you wonder why holidays can be stressful?
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 13
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 3:45:48 PM
OP, just go with the flow and enjoy. And be happy you have such a situation. Some of us have no family and/or significant other to celebrate the holidays with.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 14
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 4:33:28 PM

I don't find holidays stressful. Why should they be?


They actually shouldn't be.
But humans have a knack for turning anything into a problem.

As Linus tells Charlie Brown in the Christmas special....."Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem."
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 15
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 5:30:01 PM
Not everyone has family. Having to decide between two family get togethers is a good problem to have. I have no sympathy for you ;)
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 16
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holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 5:39:01 PM
One person's 4 months might feel like another person's 14 months.
First decide how important it is to you to share this day with her. If you stay together another year, at some point you'll have to work out the holiday thing. It's not impossible - it's actually quite common to visit multiple parts of the family on holidays like Thanksgiving.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 17
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/11/2013 5:48:07 PM
mod3- I like your idea, split the day between your family and hers.
You can either eat a little less at each place or do the dinner at one and desserts at the other.
I hope you are a coffee drinker, all that food is only survivable with a massive amount of caffeine to keep you from falling asleep and landing face first in the stuffing.
Btw- For years I went to three places for thanksgiving, my grandmothers, my ex's family(when we were still married) and then a nighttime turkey fry that a good friend did each year.
I didn't even want to THINK about turkey for 3 or 4 months afterward :D
You and your girlfriend are blessed to have both of your family's inviting you, so enjoy :)
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 18
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/12/2013 4:50:53 AM
I will probably go do my family thing earilier in the day and maybe visit her family later..But man..thats a lot of Turkey!!!!

nobody will be forcing you to eat a full plate, "or else".


Both families are very laid back and there is no pressure from anyone..

then why are you pressuring yourself?


What would you do?

I wouldn't introduce a man I've only been dating for a few months to my entire family on a major holiday, nor would I want to meet his under the same circumstances, but that's just me.
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 19
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/12/2013 6:09:11 AM
Don't let people pee on ur rainbow- I'd make this holiday season very special if u love/like ur new lady!

A normal woman will look back on her 1st holiday season w/ her man & use it a measure of what the future holds in the relationship :0) BEST OF LUCK!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 20
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/12/2013 6:55:56 AM

I wouldn't introduce a man I've only been dating for a few months to my entire family on a major holiday, nor would I want to meet his under the same circumstances, but that's just me.


So what is the proper time line where you no longer have to hide who you are dating? Are you going to keep a boyfriend a secret until you get engaged? All of this "when is it proper to have dinner with other people" seems to be the opposite of what Thanksgiving is suppose to be about. If I was hosting a dinner and a family member wanted to bring someone with them. it would not be an issue with me. When I was with my ex, her brother changed girlfriends as often as he changes his underwear, so at almost every family dinner and gathering, he would bring a different woman. Before he would arrive, everyone was wondering if he would bring the same girlfriend twice in a row.

I can see it getting complicated if either or both of the people dating have kids. People seem to have a specific time frame concerning when is the right time to introduce kids to a person the parent is dating, but if there aren't kids involved, I don't see it as a major issue. It seems to be more common now to split any special day between two homes and two families. The only thing I would be against is if I was invited to have Thanksgiving dinner at a home where the girlfriend's ex would be.
 MOD3
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 21
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/12/2013 6:58:42 AM
Hey, thanks guys..All good advice..I appreciate it..MOD3
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 22
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/12/2013 7:27:46 AM
So what is the proper time line where you no longer have to hide who you are dating?

i'm not sure why it's of such concern to you, but I'll say that in my opinion four months worth of dating anyone is not a very long time, nor does introducing some guy to my family after only four months say anything about 'what the future holds'. how could it after only 4 months? so i tend to keep certain boundaries between my relatives and someone i'm dating but don't know very well, because if things don't work out then it becomes 'so what happened to that guy you were seeing last thanksgiving??' not exactly the kind of family dinner conversation i care to have.


All of this "when is it proper to have dinner with other people" seems to be the opposite of what Thanksgiving is suppose to be about.

you are free to make thanksgiving about whatever you want to make it about. who is john-john laying this month??? let's talk about it.


When I was with my ex, her brother changed girlfriends as often as he changes his underwear, so at almost every family dinner and gathering, he would bring a different woman.

which begs the question of how often he changed his underwear, but so much for her family dynamics. keepin' things classy. 'should we mention who missed her period last month? because aunt flo is MIA wink wink' you'll have to wait for the jell-o. some people's taste is all in their mouth.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 23
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holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/12/2013 7:33:26 AM
How hard can life be?
2 invites on one day

Anyhoo
I'm having the late lunch with mine and maybe desert and rum at the other in case they are to laid back for my taste.TMI with all those laid back folk.

I personally am in agreement after 4 months I dont want your nieces all over me wanting to braid my hair or your "laid back" uncles and brothers telling me you ate boogers when you were 4.

Have fun
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 24
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holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/12/2013 10:35:31 AM
The heck with the gym...Thanksgiving sex! :)
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 25
holidays(and the new girlfriend)
Posted: 11/12/2013 11:10:58 AM
OP, just go with the flow and enjoy. And be happy you have such a situation. Some of us have no family and/or significant other to celebrate the holidays with.
Sorry to hear this Genuine Gentleman For You. ......Soooo OP don't sweat this. Be thankful you have options, have fun, together with hers and yours! LOL Just restrain yourself from pigging out !
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