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 Iteration77
Joined: 8/22/2013
Msg: 1
The Appeal of Sad SongsPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hopefully brief background: I'm nearly 18 months beyond a heartbreaking break up. I believe I've spent the 18 months well. I wanted to toughen up and I have. My single life is going well in many aspects: I'm taking good care of myself, work is going well, I've expanded my social network, etc. I've dated a fair amount. Though I've met some really nice guys, nothing has really stuck. That hasn't bothered me a whole lot and I don't know if it's because I just haven't met someone I clicked with or because I've done too good a job of building up protective walls. It just hasn't seemed natural to let someone get and stay that close.

Point of post: I'm long past the point of pining over 'the one who got away'. We were together over 2 years -- he was a terrific person but he simply didn't end up returning my feelings (or the depth of my feelings). It really (really) hurt, but I'm not bitter about it. A month or so ago a new song came into play on the radio and ... wow, it packed a punch. The first (2nd/3rd time I heard it: tears). Whew. It just struck such a chord. I can hear it now without tears, but here's the odd thing - I find myself REALLY wanting it to come on while I'm driving. I haven't bought the d*mn thing yet, but have thought about it.

What is up with that? I am just nuts? (ha) Anyone else have this happen? I wonder if I'm nostalgic about really FEELING something (even if that something was "hurt").
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 2
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 7:30:27 AM
music in itself can be hypnotic and reach the parts of our brains that aren't rational. I still cry every time I listen to Handel's Messiah but it's *not* because I'm sad or even religious.

that being said, I'm pretty sure the context of your question means that you're "nostalgic about really FEELING something". this allows you to say that you don't miss that guy anymore, but you still miss what he represented to you. that's ok, people tend to get over hurts in stages. I think of that kind of nostalgia as the final thread before really, completely letting go.

there are still songs in my memory that I associate with a certain relationship. while they evoke the memories, they don't bring on even a hint of nostalgia. that's how I know I don't care and that there's no wistful "what if" thinking in some back drawer collecting dust.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 3
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 7:32:18 AM

The first (2nd/3rd time I heard it: tears). Whew. It just struck such a chord. I can hear it now without tears, but here's the odd thing - I find myself REALLY wanting it to come on while I'm driving. I haven't bought the d*mn thing yet, but have thought about it.


If it struck such a chord with you, OP, by now you most likely know that sad song 'by heart'. Why not just belt it out loud while you're tooling down the road? Singing is good for the soul<
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 8:46:55 AM
Certain songs have always struck a certain 'chord' with me, they just tend to carry much greater resonance if & when the feel & or lyrical content of such tracks in some way pertain to my present situation/feeling.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 5
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The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 9:00:38 AM
I was going through my breakup/divorce when Adele was breaking onto the scene.
Boy that was sheer hell....:)
But eventually I came to embrace her songs as she was validating that I had been hurt and quite literally betrayed.
It became nice to know that there was somebody out there who had gone through as much pain as I had and was still alive and kicking.

I have a very strong association with songs and events. Sad songs that I associate with older breakups and sad events will remind me of them and also enforce that these things were in the past.
I find that when I can sing to a song that was once painful, I can pretty much call that hurt healed.

Then the song becomes a sad anthem that I have indeed survived and seems a little brighter and possibly a comforting feeling that I DID survive in a moment where I had my doubts.

Thats just my way of looking at it...others may have other reasons.
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 6
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The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 9:12:25 AM
I love my Baby Boomer music. To this day, I'll hear a song that transports me back to a certain situation/feeling and I'll feel it with the same intensity that I did 45 years ago. In fact, I'll turn off some songs because they still bring back a hurtful memory.
Our senses run deep. The taste of certain things will bring back memories, like ice cream on a hot day years ago. Smell will do the same thing. ..think bread baking. The touch of a newborn baby will do it too...their wrapped hand around your finger. And look at a sunset that's incredible and that will strike a chord that's deep and lasting. That is the way of the human being. Embrace it, cherish it, and know it's normal. You're not nuts. ;)
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 7
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 11:21:46 AM
The song that has always resonated with me is " Here I Go Again " by Whitesnake . Things always end up that way .
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 8
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 2:03:19 PM
I'm curious, what is the song?
 Iteration77
Joined: 8/22/2013
Msg: 9
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 2:13:34 PM
^^ If you are asking the OP (which is me) it's:

"Say Something" performed A Great Big World (Christina Aguilera sings on it as a guest/collaborator, not sure who wrote it)

It resonated so much for me -- being crazy about someone and yet eventually walking away because you realize they are just not as into you as you are into them.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 10
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 2:32:34 PM
Iteration77, what you're experiencing sounds completely reasonable to me.
There are certain songs that "isolate" a snapshot in my life and can certainly make me cry or alternately be joyous.
Oddly enough, whether the particular song raises me up or brings me down...both actually make me feel better.
Hang in there!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 2:55:07 PM
I suspect that what you enjoy when hearing a song that makes you feel deeply like that, it isn't because it makes you feel SAD.

It's because it makes you feel CLEAR.

It confirms and voices exactly what you went through. That makes you feel connected to the rest of humanity (i.e. lonely, but not alone). It also bucks you up in a way, because it helps you to believe that you didn't go through the pain you have, for no good reason.

I've found myself too, sometimes at least, it allows me to detach the sadness I feel from being directly in my heart, and lets me put it on a shelf behind me (so to speak) where I can cry FOR my own sake.

In other words, at least some of the tears aren't tears of fear or pain. They are tears of relief.
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 12
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The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 3:19:38 PM
Igor +1
If you want to join me in a crying jag here are some of my favorites.
Somebody that I used to know - Gotye
Ray Lamontague - This love is over
Sorrow - The National
The National - Anyones Ghost
Holding back the Years - Simply Red
etc.
 SngleNarlington
Joined: 6/8/2013
Msg: 13
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 6:08:06 PM
I haven’t heard that song before today! If you’re a “nut” so am I  It took me right back to some real deep emotions about my last relationship.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 14
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/19/2013 7:35:18 PM
Music is intended to be happy or sad, by the use of various techniques. One of the most common is the choice of the "key". If you listen to musicians talk, they will say to each other "This one's in C" or this "piece is in D", or whatever applies. The "key" indicates the range of notes used in composing the music, and the keys have very different effects, even without words.
Music theory can be very complex. This is a basic explanation, and might take you a little deeper into what music is about, and why : http://resource.takelessons.com/how-music-affects-emotions/

This one is 3 hundred years old, but the same rules apply: http://www.wmich.edu/mus-theo/courses/keys.html
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 15
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/20/2013 8:27:05 AM
Thanks, just played it :)
Interesting about the musical notes. I listen to Marianas Trench when I need something sad. I sing along - loudly in the car. I can't sing
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 16
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/21/2013 10:52:12 AM
OP: Interesting... My 14 year old and I share the same iTunes account....low and behold, "Say Something" has been playing a lot. I am one who can tear up on many slow songs. This song is no different. I love listening to music and depending upon my mood, I will seek out specific themes (slow, sad, RnB, etc...) I can easily tear up to "The Way We Were" not because of my personal life but because I loved that love story. I can also tear up easily to "Amazing Grace." A fairly recent song that gets my water works going is "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri from the Twilight movie....and I have not even seen any of the Twilight movies. Just thought of another song I tear up to - "Against all Odds" by Phil Collins. These songs let me know I am alive and I know there are many more out there..... :) Oh geez, I am such a sap..... don't tell anyone....shhhhhh..

But, I will not shed a tear for "Who Let the Dogs Out." hahahahaha!
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 17
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The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/21/2013 12:06:11 PM
OP; I watched a video on youtube of 'Say Something" and was touched by the elderly couple where he kisses his lover and slowly walks away. I forgot to mention the Black Keys song 'Too Afraid to Love You" with the puppet sing along Paul on youtube.
 actualizing
Joined: 9/3/2013
Msg: 18
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/21/2013 1:47:56 PM
I just saw the youtube video and I agree that the part with the elderly couple was very touching. It is a beautiful song and it is very touching.

The song I listened after the break up was by Martha Wainwright: "Bleeding All Over You"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWFm9cj42xU
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 19
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/22/2013 5:11:32 AM
The "appeal" of most songs is basically because they do makes us "feel". It's one of the bonus' of listening to varying forms/themes of music. You can't get as "high" or as "low" as you want, at the moment.

When I used to play a certain sport, myself and a lot of teammates "used" certain music to get us going before a game. When I hear some of those songs when they now come on the radio, I can still feel the adrenalin get pumping within, and of course, with that, the speed of my vehicle increases just a tad.

Music, it just reminds ya how to feel.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 20
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 12/22/2013 9:22:45 AM
OP, I agree with everyone else as far as it is very normal. It's a good thing actually, very healthy. It's not about "staying behind" in your mind and never moving on from heartaches. I like to think of myself as a chameleon, always changing in regards to what it is that is "in the moment". Being passionate in that moment whether it is laughing, working, intimacy, talking, enjoying sports, "feeling the music", whatever type it is at that moment etc. It's all good!

You are experiencing music at that particular time, doesn't matter if it is a happy song or sad song or "gets your blood going" song, the mood you feel while listening, you will experience different emotions. Very natural.

Good luck!
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 21
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The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 10/17/2014 6:07:18 PM
I heard this today and wanted to share it somewhere ...

Anyone who has lost a love one to Alzheimer's can probably relate. I sent it to my mom. In the end months, my dad thought my mom was his nurse. He fell in love with her all over again and asked her to marry him (again). They were together 45 years. I don't ever remember one day that my parents not kissing goodbye when he left for work, even if they were angry with each other. I hope love like that still exists for many many people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8TsAh-zYFI
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 22
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 10/17/2014 6:26:41 PM


Anyone who has lost a love one to Alzheimer's can probably relate. I sent it to my mom. In the end months, my dad thought my mom was his nurse. He fell in love with her all over again and asked her to marry him (again). They were together 45 years. I don't ever remember one day that my parents not kissing goodbye when he left for work, even if they were angry with each other. I hope love like that still exists for many many people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8TsAh-zYFI


That may be the saddest song I have ever listened to.
I have no personal experience with Alzheimer's but my mother speaks frequently about her friends who have it and how painful it is to watch it progress.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 23
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 10/18/2014 11:10:56 AM
Oh yeah, I agree, here would be my all time favorite.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTrPJvEzmwQ
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 24
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 10/18/2014 3:21:45 PM
iteration77- When I was married, "our" song was Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton.
When I ended our marriage after 21 years, it was the right thing to do, but still THE hardest thing I EVER did.
For a while, I refused to go anywhere that I didn't absolutely HAVE to go, I was a mess.
My sister showed up at my house one night and TOLD me I was going out with her, she all but threatened to kid nap me. I reluctantly gave in and went out with her.
We went to a local bar, sat down and the FIRST song they played was Wonderful Tonight.
Before I could even stop it, the tears came.
Somehow, I managed to pull my self together and made it through the song.
For a while, I changed the radio station if it came on.
Then I MADE myself start listening to it.
Now, years later, it's just a beautiful song that I still enjoy.
Break ups are never easy.
Whatever you feel, just allow yourself to feel it, it will pass in time. The only time you should worry if you stay stuck for too long, otherwise you are ok.
Music is one of my passions.
It can invoke sadness, joy, calm, etc.
Another thing-Joy and sadness are much closer emotions than people think. There's a reason the expression "tears of joy" is around.
Laughter and crying are both cathartic and neither is right or wrong.
I would be more worried about you if you felt nothing than the fact that it's painful sometimes.
This too shall pass, I promise :)
 BeachBikeHike
Joined: 8/15/2014
Msg: 25
The Appeal of Sad Songs
Posted: 10/19/2014 4:59:58 AM
LOVE "Wonderful Tonight" bamagrl68 ^^^ What an awesome song :)

For me, the sadness trigger is George Michael's "Careless Whisper." When it came out in 1984, it was especially pertinent to my situation. Especially the line "Should've know better than to cheat a friend..."
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