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Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 2
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)Page 1 of 1    
Way too long. I would drop paragraph 2, 7,8, and,9 under the about me areas and everything after your first paragraph under about her. Save something for the actual date.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 3
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 7:36:34 AM
It is not funny. Or amusing. It is however long. If that was your goal.
Some of your sentences make no sense.
Not sure who you are hoping to appeal too with this profile.. what did you have up before?
 sandytm
Joined: 9/25/2013
Msg: 4
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 7:56:31 AM
1. Username looks like latingal.
2. Either you have a car or don't. I guess it could be unavailable if it is in a tow lot.
3. Interests: Cooking & Cooking new recipes?

4. Don't care for the first paragraph. You could just politely mention English is your second language.
5. Paragraph 2 sounds a bit "Dos Equis". P3 is just okay. P4 blah.
6. P5 is too much and negative. In your interests you mention "Being crass and hilarious simultaneously", then "I am the kind of person that you would call a jerk", "my crass and humorous comments might disturb you".

7. P7, again has negativity.
8. Drop P9.
9. Let's Talk About You: Drop P1. P3-blah. Drop P4.
10. First Date: Don't mention psycho!
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 8:21:56 AM
Okay I'll be different (just like I am in real life). I loved it. It's possible that the main reason is it makes me crazy when people who have English as their first, as probably only language, can't spell or know grammar. So you already "had" me with that line.

I think it was easy to tell that you were being mostly funny, a little sarcastic. The only thing I wasn't sure about was the dress up clothes. I mean I couldn't tell if you were serious and I'm mostly a blue jeans person.

I would certainly not run right out to delete everything anyone tells you to. There could be a younger version of me who thinks you're a riot. And playing music would have gotten my attention no matter what else you wrote.
 You go first
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 6
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 8:38:39 AM
I quite like the version you have now with the exception of the last line/paragraph, unnecessary and can be deleted.

You are missing a word in the thumb wrestling line.

I'd never pass the fart test.
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 7
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 9:56:54 AM
Oh dear, attention spans are too short to read all that.
Cut it back and it will be more effective. It's not a writing assignment.
Every thought doesn't need a whole paragraph and it's so chatty that I would assume you talk nonstop.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 8
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 11:21:23 AM
I didn't think it was funny but then again not everyone appreciates my sense of humor either. if that's your style then I'm completely ok with it based on principle. I agree w/ the others that it's way too long. boil it down by 50% and let the chips fall where they may.

imo, your current profile is better than the test version.
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 9
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 11:54:47 AM
Ok, but standard disclaimer applies: you asked.

THE GOOD: 8 pictures and smiling. That's good. Are they all less than 2 years old? Your captions label them from Portugal, the Czech, etc. Recent (<2 years old) photos only please. Label them with the place and month/year. No corny quips about your hot jawline. It makes you sound like you're full of yourself.

THE BAD: No car? No dates. Welcome to America. We build cars here. Buy yourself a Smart Car. It's only $10k in Atlanta. With a job and no kids, you can easily afford the payments.

THE UGLY: You really expect a woman to read all that? Plus, it's chock full of negatives. Examples:


I am the kind of person that you would call a jerk

You're a jerk? Good luck with that.


and I have seen weird ass people at Walmart! :-)

You are in Baltimore, only a couple of hours from Washington, DC. Surely you've seen something more impressive than Wal-Mart. I know this country's only 200 years old, but we have some nice stuff too.


I like single malt Scotch (neat.please.) because I am strong, I like dirty vodka martinis (6 olives) because I am fun

I signed you up for AA because I am a profile reviewer. Stay away from alcohol, both in pictures and in text. It's a big red flag.


Now lets talk about YOU:

Let's not. You don't even have a car. You can't afford to be that picky.

Boil all that down to 3 paragraphs max. Keep specific details, dump anything negative or general. Don't like or can't respect something? You don't need to write about it.

Pictures are good, keep updating them, edit edit edit, and go buy or lease a car. Best of luck.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 10
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 12:20:08 PM
It doesn't matter one bit if every reviewer thinks this profile is the best ever.
You will know by the action you get online. If no action, then it sucks - lots of action it's great.
A long time ago there was a tuna fish ad on TV - and the tag line was "Starfish doesn't want tuna with good taste, Starfish wants tuna that tastes good." Sometimes we try too much to be clever, and the message gets lost in the process.
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 11
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 12:32:21 PM

Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)




an adorable sight accent. haha.



Maybe not THAT adorable! haha


You are on your way to a (FUNNY) profile...
Simply sprinkle in more "haha's."
Don't forget to strategically place a bunch of "lol's" as well!
That lets the dummies know when to laugh.
 You go first
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 14
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 5:49:40 PM
"If I am going to let you into my life..." can go. That's to be expected when two people are a romantic couple. And really, do you want your next partnership to be based on making other women jealous? You lost me there, sweetie, and it was going SO well....
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 16
Testing a new profile idea. Please review (FUNNY)
Posted: 12/30/2013 7:58:26 PM
Comedy is all about timing. Trying to inject it into every paragraph makes it look like you're trying too hard and more of a court jester instead of Prince Charming with a sense of humor.

I'm not a fan of the "you wills" and the "you musts". It feels like your giving out commands before you even met someone.
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