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Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 1
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perimenopause and sexPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am almost 43 and am going through perimenopause. This has been confirmed by blood tests stating my hormone levels are dropping. 32 tests in all and I am medically fine in all areas. I do have the occasional mood swings but they seem to be close to my period.

I know that women usually hit their sexual peaks in their late 30's to mid 40's. I honestly cannot think of a time where my urges have increased. My boyfriend and I generally have sex at least 3 times a week. If we have sex twice within an 8 hour period, I am tighter the second time than the first. Is this normal?

Before anyone says this should be in the Sex and Dating column, I chose this one because I am looking for people who have experienced this.
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 2
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/9/2014 6:31:43 AM
I've never experienced perimenopause, but I have experienced mood swings and infrequent sex. Once you've reached the point of diminishing returns, you should pull back and conserve your energy.
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 3
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/9/2014 10:06:55 AM
Being a woman, I have been there and done that and every woman is different. That being said, no one on here can really help you other than to voice an opinion. You need to talk to your gynocologist. They will be familiar with your case and be better able to answer your questions and help, if needed.
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 4
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/9/2014 1:53:38 PM
Famed sexologist Alfred Kinsey inadvertantly started the sexual peak myth back in the fifties. He asked men and women when they had the most orgasms.

For men, it was around 18, masturbating. For women, it was around 35, when they were married. It’s just anecdotal evidence. But thus the sexual peak myth was born.

The vagina is a muscle (or group of). Muscle tone increases with use. The myth of the over-sexed woman’s sloppy vagina is just that. Myth.

However, this info came from the internet. Where I learned of confirmed sightings of teeth in the vagina and a clitoris at the back of the throat. I have my doubts about the former. But I may have seen evidence of the latter with my own eyes. Rock on.
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 5
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/9/2014 7:25:25 PM
Yes, perimenopause can cause us to be dryer, our tissues more sensitive, and our urges change--decrease or increase. It's very individualistic. The older we get, the more lube we need. Post menopause, always use lube, even for masturbation. Many post-menopausal women find that their sex drive increases, rather than decreases.
Joined: 11/11/2013
Msg: 6
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/9/2014 9:43:17 PM

If we have sex twice within an 8 hour period, I am tighter the second time than the first. Is this normal?

As hormone levels drop it is common for tissues to get thinner in the vaginal area and cause more tenderness, occasional bleeding with intercourse, and additional swelling of the tissues after intercourse which would make a second go round a bit more uncomfortable. Some women are helped immensely with dryness/soreness by taking replacement hormones. Lubrication (extra lubrication) is a must at this stage - especially if you are going to have more than one session of sex. Talk with your gynecologist about specific issues and he/she will be able to provide helpful advice.
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/10/2014 4:42:07 AM
The proper foreplay and man..You will not have issues for long.
Its a lot like breaking in a virgin again.

Could be the most exciting time of your life if you let it be or want it to be.
Nothing wrong with being tight as long as it isn't painful.Patience on both sides.
Have sex'll be surprised.
2-3 times a week wont cut it if you want to loosen up in a timely fashion.

If we have sex twice within an 8 hour period, I am tighter the second time than the first. Is this normal?

If you aren't used to it, maybe you tighten up because you fear pain.
You should be enjoying it enough hopefully and that doesn't happen.

DO NOT DRINK before sex.

Talk to your man, tell him to start out slow with a natural lubricant like coconut oil. Show him a position on how to hit the G spot with each entry and withdrawal which lubricates you like crazy (naturally).
Don't rush sex.

Your hormones will change somewhat if you are having a lot of sex with the right person.
Your breast will probably grow and you will glow like a candle.

Good Luck.
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 8
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/10/2014 9:58:30 AM
Just another excuse to have a choice of oils by your bedside! Being tight is great, being dry not so much, but it is easy to take care of and can be fun as well......trying it with flavored choices of lubricants, etc.....;)

Now, wait until you get to the part of menopause that your desire is great but most times when he does you deeply, you start bleeding and a period could be there without notice........none of which should be a reason not to enjoy the other and take advantage of that ever present increased sexual desire so pleasing to us men!!

Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 9
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/10/2014 12:05:25 PM
I'm 29 and have the same thing happen. It doesn't matter how wet I am, the first 1-3 minutes is painful because it's tight. It doesn't matter what position it is switched to, if at least 5 minutes have passed since it was last plugged in, it's like starting the same process all over again. It's rather annoying.

Does the same happen when he takes it out and puts it in again (for whatever reason)?

Lubrication helps ease the tension of the first couple of strokes but it doesn't make it so that you don't feel like you're being stretched out down there or "broken in" in a way. At least you are fortunate enough that it happens within 8 hours, and not past 5 minutes.

I don't know if it's normal, but it happens to me every time I have sex.
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 10
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/10/2014 2:47:23 PM

loosen up

^^^^I didn't mean physically you will get loose as in loose, but relaxed.
You are tight or you aren't.
Tight is not bad as long as its not painful.

He may have to not completely penetrate ( not to sound crude, but not HIT TOP) for a while until you know it's not going to be painful.
Your level of desire will effect it also, so make sure you think about sex a lot, not in a fearful way.

Use coconut oil and organic aloe after bathing everyday.
Don't use commercially sold washes/unnatural soaps that have fragrance. Very drying.
Keep hydrated.
Watch salt

There are natural estrogen/progesterone creams or herbs you can use take that help like red clover,wild yam and black cohosh.
Non GMO soy products
Soloray makes a great female herbal blend.
Progesterone is the hormone that is produced by your ovaries found in plant steroids like wild yam.
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 11
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/10/2014 3:53:55 PM
Thanks for the replies everyone. I should have been more specific. Lubrication and arousal are not an issue. This is the first relationship I have had since entering perimenopause after not having sex for three years. It doesn't hurt all the time we have sex, just if we have it twice in an eight to ten hour period. It is not so much a hurt pain but more a burn at first that goes away.

As some posters have said, it sounds like swelling which I hadn't thought of. I have never had a problem with going twice in that time period and where it has just recently happened, I thought it may be due to perimenouse.
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 12
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/11/2014 3:15:14 AM

Going 3 years without sex explains a lot.
Joined: 12/23/2013
Msg: 13
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/11/2014 5:56:55 AM
Do yourself a favor & take some naturally compounded hormones either pill or cream- no this doesn't give u cancer etc.

It will reduce/eliminate all menopause symptoms, & you will lubricate like a porn star. If you have some testosterone in the meds as well as progesterone, u will be hornier than a rooster in a henhouse.
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 14
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/30/2014 12:23:12 PM
Sorry stumbled in to the wrong thread.
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 15
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 1/30/2014 12:41:34 PM
Please stay away from natural compounded medication.

Talk to your doctor and/or specialist if you feel you need some medical intervention which is probably not necessary.

'Natural' medications have often not been checked, are not controlled by any authority and have not been tested on anyone.

There is a big difference between what I have described above and medication which is designed for you and manufactured by a compounding pharmacy from a prescription. Often these prescriptions have been designed following medical tests to increase levels of hormones or other chemicals that your body is lacking.

Sometimes these chemicals can ben described as 'natural'.

If you are concerned, go and see a medical professional that you trust and perhaps a specialist.
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 16
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 2/1/2014 11:35:37 AM
burning? Maybe he has a yeast infection? Is there anything "strange" about his ejaculate? (smell, texture, colour?).

People do have some physical reaction to other peoples body fluids, maybe you are to his? Maybe after the first round, the reaction is happening?

Another reason may be that some alcohol and foods (like gin) have so much vitamin C that this causes your uterus to contract. This is why people who want to get pregnant should avoid certain foods and drink before intercourse or if they are pregnant and want to stay that way, they should avoid too much C.

Natives use juniper berry and other high C fruits to induce abortion or bring on their period if they are having issues.

The story of gin being a panty remover has some truth in in because when your uterus contracts, this can make you feel physically horny. The problem though is alcohol is drying with may make penetration harder/tighter.

Here's one that isn't common knowledge and supposedly just an old wives tale... your body may be shutting down penetration from his for a reason. Maybe your blood type and his clash and your body is telling you, don't go there, it wouldn't be good if a baby was made!

Is your ph level out of wack? Is his? (being peri, yours probably should be checked).

Both of you should probably get Candida tests done and treated. (It'll go back and forth between you if not treated.)

Are either of you big drinkers? Sugar fiends?

Natural medication does work, (usually they are the active ingredient in pharmaceuticals anyway) and YES some have been proven to work and YES, they are tested as well. Our system as it is now, just WON'T give the thumbs up to prescribe alternative treatments because...well, you can ask yourself that question. $$$$$
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 17
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 2/2/2014 11:45:43 PM
if your hormone levels put you in peri menapause, then you need to have a good "saavy" gyn prescribe you bio identical hormones. make sure you have your progesterone levels checked as well, as there is a balance between the two. most saavy gyn's will advise that the scary studies on estrogen and cancer have more to do with non bio identical hormones and an imbalance with sufficent progesterone. i had to start this late 40's and would have been later if i did not have lyme. however, there are many women who do go into perimenapause earlier. you might try the E ring (estring) or if oral hormones don't work, then one of the creams you rub into your arm. these can be expensive. half that price off canada drugs dot com--unless your insurance covers. they also help with uti's if insufficient lubrication. however, not sure about your expectations re how many times and how often in a 24 hour period you "should" be doing it. many younger women with sufficient hormone levels can also get irritated and dry up. also make sure you pee before sex!
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 18
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 2/3/2014 4:58:46 AM
While I appreciate everyone's opinions, as I stated earlier, my sex drive and lubrication have not changed in any way. In the past, I have always had sex before bed and then sex first thing in the morning with no problems in the morning.

Now, when I have morning sex, I experience a burning hurt. There is no pain in the night, just in the morning. As another poster stated, it is probably swollen and then the swelling goes down and I am ok the next night.
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 19
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 8/20/2014 6:10:06 PM
Excuse me for being naive, but if I had this conversation with my mother she would probably die of embarrassment as I think she still thinks I am three, but since I have originally posted this question, my sex drive has not decreased. I don't really know a lot about menopause as no one I know has experienced it. All the stuff I have read about it says your sex drive decreases. Is this true? I really can't imagine not having a sexual drive or urge. I am still in a relationship with the same person and he still turns me on.
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 20
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 8/20/2014 6:42:13 PM
Why are you asking here and not asking your Doctor?
Sounds like someone has something..
check to make sure you don't have a UTI..
no your drive does not decrease
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 21
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perimenopause and sex
Posted: 8/21/2014 4:59:51 AM
Um perhaps you should have read post 19, ouija. There is no UTI as sex only hurts if it happens more than once in an 8 hr period. It only hurts for the first few seconds of entry.

I am asking about the decrease of sex drive after menopause. My doctor is about 30. She probably hasn't entered menopause so she is only going to tell me what is on the books. That is why I was referring to people who have either been with menopausal women or who are menopausal women.
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 22
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 8/21/2014 8:28:59 AM
Op, I had a Hysterectomy when I was 28, hence surgical menopause. Hormone replacement therapy for the first 3 years then nothing. No significant signs or side effects of the typical menopause symptoms.
At 59, my desire for sexual intimacy and all that entails is greater now, than when I was younger. At an older age I have more confidence to communicate my needs, I know what I like or don't like. LOL, I have learned to speak up!
(LOL, Now finding a man near my age, able to "hear and obey", (just kidding guys) is another matter.)
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 23
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 8/21/2014 12:27:28 PM
The Wisdom of Menopause was an excellent book, I think there are two from this author and I enjoyed both of them and learned a lot.

To Ladyinred. I concur. My experience was much the same surgery at 24 but hormone replacement for two years when I hit menopause. My "sex" experience is the same....hornier, sexier, no loss of libido and more confident in my general sexuality at this age than when I was in my 30's.
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 24
perimenopause and sex
Posted: 8/21/2014 1:54:36 PM

It only hurts for the first few seconds of entry.

My girlfriend and I have a ton of sex, about 3 sessions a night and then one or two in the morning. We do this with regularity. Meaning maybe 4 times a week. She lubricates quite well and has a huge libido. With that said, that hurt when first penetrating does happen, particularly on the second or third session. Because she lubricates so well, the idea of lubricants or oils is out of the question. The way we solved the problem was quite simple. Spit and slow down.

Tell your guy to put some spit around the head of his penis and as he enters, only go in small increments and go out. If he goes all the way in, in one thrust it not only is going to hurt like hell, but you can develop some chaffing. Also, you will know that you are chaffing if there's a slight burning sensation when he is in and you are lubricating.

Realize also, that if you have long sessions that involve periods of intense banging it's quite natural to then be very sore.

So it sounds to me, that your problem is not necessarily one of hormones, but how the two of you approach your sexual activities. So good luck there.
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 25
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perimenopause and sexu
Posted: 8/21/2014 8:40:10 PM

(LOL, Now finding a man near my age, able to "hear and obey", (just kidding guys) is another matter.)

Well you sure won't find that guy in this thread ;), we cringe at price check for tampons.

Hey IG you watch too much porn...LOL
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