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Joined: 1/28/2014
Msg: 1
Lack of EffortPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Would you still message a person if there seems to be no effort on their profile? I mean they have a few pictures and seem physically attractive but nothing in their interest section or about me. Or in their about me it only says I'm not good at talking about myself if you want to know anything just ask. What are earth should you ask? Or should you play detective and find something in their pictures to ask about?
Or should you not bother with profiles like that?
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 2
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 7:14:12 PM
If you really need to send a message to someone with a lack of effort profile...then send a " how you are you doing, we should meet up for drinks sometime". If she replies great, if not move on.

Personally I don't waste my time. My train of thought is if she is here to meet "mr right" and can't be bothered with investing any time in writing a decent profile is she really going to put in any effort on an actual date?
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 3
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 7:24:52 PM
It can't really hurt to send a quick, short message, and see if it goes anywhere. Just don't expect much. Even some people with well written profiles are often lackluster in responding- since most people cannot live up to the glowing descriptions of themselves anyway.
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 4
view profile
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 8:13:29 PM
No. An utter waste of time IMO

A profile has to have semblance of what the person is like.
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 5
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 8:29:50 PM
When I see a two-line, lousy profile I think the man is lazy and/or stupid. Not interested.

An intelligent, well written profile with humor is delightful and intriguing. I often compliment the man on his well-written profile, saying, "I especially like the way you wrote...."

You can't catch a fish without bait.
Joined: 11/11/2013
Msg: 6
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 8:38:38 PM
I have actually tried a few times to do this and it always fails miserably. They are no more willing to talk in a message than they are on their profile. Now, it doesn't matter what a person looks like - if they can't write about themselves or give any hint of what they like I move on.
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 7
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 9:42:29 PM
Nothing wrong with saying hello and introducing yourself.

I try not to put too much weight in the writing of the profile unless they've written TOO much and reveal something negative.

Like they say in college, sometimes the bikini version of a profile is the way to go (less is more).

I chose to put a lot of detail in mine, and mostly about me. Why? I want someone that digs 'me'.

Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 8
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 9:52:55 PM
I am sure that a very short profile may not be a good gauge as far as the person but for me, if there isn't something that sticks out in a profile, I won't be interested. Kind of like the "meet me" thingy and the "hey there". Not interested.
Joined: 6/23/2013
Msg: 9
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 10:04:38 PM
OP: I agree with John! ^^^^
Personally, something has to stand out in the profile in order for me to initiate a message. Not much has to stand out per se, but something does. So, if there is very little info, but something does grab your attention, you could send a message noting your observation. If you have made your decision on sending a woman a message with very little info in her profile, find something about her photo that might be interesting, but don't comment about her looks, at least not in the first message. If she receives a message from you, she already knows you think she is attractive. :)
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 11:54:05 PM
It depends on my impression. There are short profiles which give the impression that the person is new, or shy, or not good at pretending to talk to someone (which you have to do, to write a profile)...

but the ones I immediately skip away from, are the ones that say something such as "I'll say more later when I have time," and are obviously extremely old.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 11
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 3:51:43 AM
As others have said, a quick message won't do any harm if you find the pics that attractive, just don't expect too much. They are most likely lazy and not seriously interested in actually meeting someone.
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 12
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 4:02:20 AM
I've seen my share of people who have a couple of sentences saying something like, "I don't like..." or...

"Single lady who likes to have fun, new adventures, and seeking my soul mate. I am not good at writing about myself, so feel free to ask any questions you may have."

And that's all.

I guess that qualifies their lack of effort? LOL
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 13
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 4:54:31 AM
there was a similar thread started recently about one-word messages from women..... yet another example of a lack of effort. the consensus seems to be if she's cute, you should reply because it doesn't cost you anything. I think the same thing applies to say-nothing profiles..... otherwise why would you even be wondering how to pry a coherent thought out of them?

so let that be the deciding factor. I think say-nothing profiles deserve one-word messages because obviously, the dialog isn't what's important here.


but only if the person in question is sufficiently attractive of course.
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 14
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 5:25:51 AM
You changed your user name, I like this one better :/
You find her attractive. Chances are lots of men feel the same way - so she doesn't have to have anything in her profile.
fyi - I have never had anything as a profile - I get lots of msgs. Trust me they find things to say.
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 15
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 5:39:04 AM
OP, your age group (early 20's) in online dating has more men than women participating in it. Women (especially if they are attractive) will get plenty of online 'attention' including a LOT of those one-word messages such as suggested above. If they are a real-life social creature (which many of them SHOULD be in their early 20s), they already go out and meet men in real-life settings and they're probably online more for the attention-getting factor than for a true relationship. They don't care about the quality of their profile because they don't care about the quality of who replies - just the QUANTITY. If they get lots of messages even though all they have is a few 'hot' photos, that just encourages them to keep doing the same thing, regardless of who may be doing the messaging.

People that are serious about online dating will make a serious effort to put themselves 'out there' and will expect the same in return. If you're not doing your part, you can't be hypocritical and still demand 'more' from others. You're only using three photos right now - you can use up to eight - I'd add a few more pix - probably with yourself and friends or relatives in them to prove you are a social creature as well. I hope you are doing YOUR own part to stay active in the REAL world socializing ( and perhaps volunteering ) and not just playing video games at home.
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 16
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 5:53:59 AM
The response rate is definitely lower from women who have a really short about me. One reason is they don't express their preferences or requirements.

I sometimes send a one line message, not expecting anything.

If her settings are ideal to me (doesn't want kids, non-religious, thin or athletic, animal lover or treehugger, doesn't drink), I'll message her even if her about me is blank or random characters. If she has "dog" or "dog and cat" in the pets field, I'll ask something about her pets.

A picture says 1000 words, so a good pic (not just a closeup of her face) makes it easy to write something even if her about me is blank. Of course a long, well written about me is much more impressive.
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 17
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 6:04:16 AM

you should reply because it doesn't cost you anything. I think the same thing applies to say-nothing profiles

Yeah, I've actually seen people just put ".................................." or mashed on they keyboard to fill the space requirement for POF, but surprisingly uploaded numerous, well done, high resolution photos.

But, in defense of some of the female profiles, I've seen disgruntled, long time veterans of this site delete everything in their description field just to put, "No one ever reads these things, so if you have any questions just ask me." lol
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 18
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 6:48:45 AM
There's another type of profile I avoid as well as the "If you want to know anything about me, just ask": The women's profiles that I see where it's clear they are desperately husband hunting and need a wedding ceremony and husband immediately, asap. They use phrases like "If you are not serious about marriage and starting a family, don't waste your time contacting me", "I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Don't contact me if you're not looking for the same", etc. As long as the guy is somewhat physically attractive, they feel spending time to get to know what someone is really like should come after the wedding-not before, and having more than a few dates to get to know someone is a waste of time. If they don't get an engagement ring and marriage proposal by about the third or fourth date, they start whining about being used and being victimized by a player.

Thar reminds me of an episode of a dating TV show I saw a few years ago. A woman came on the show who had set a specific wedding date and was making wedding arrangements for that date, including already picking out her wedding dress. There was one minor problem: She wasn't dating anyone. So she came on the show hoping to find a guy who will go along with marrying her at her time line. I didn't see any up-dates after that, so I don't know if she actually followed through with her plans.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 19
view profile
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 7:30:00 AM
I also would like to put in a word on the side that opposes LOOKING for trouble.

Lots of people, whether because they were hurt in the past, or because they are fearful about not being sure of themselves, get caught up in making "Red Flag" lists for themselves. While there certainly is value in learning not to repeat your mistakes, too much caution can result in immobility.

Assuming you can read into a short profile, that the person is "lazy," or worse duplicitous, is an act of fantasization or presumptuousness on your part.

Another way to think about this: when you chance to run across someone out in the so-called real world, all you have to go on is their visual appearance. That does include a lot more than a still picture does, but it is close to being a profile without any words on it. You wouldn't assume that such a person is lazy because they don't wear a placard with their intentions and desires printed on it.

And, as has been said, since you risk almost nothing by saying hello (save for minor embarrassment when they entirely ignore you), if you do find the pic attractive enough, why MAKE the effort to dislike them?
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 20
view profile
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 7:31:27 AM
Msg. 1: Would you still message a person if there seems to be no effort on their profile?

Msg. 16: People that are serious about online dating will make a serious effort to put themselves 'out there' and will expect the same in return.

I agree with this. There are people who want attention, people who want (no strings attached) sex, people who want to date casually, and people who want a long-term relationship.

Older men who don't want a relationship generally don't change their minds, so I've learned not to hope for that. A profile that shows little or no effort might as well read, "I don't want to invest in a relationship." I pay attention to that and move on.
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 21
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 8:51:14 AM
Prejudge much?! You would like to see if they can string two sentences together, but most people go on the pictures anyway.
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 22
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 9:58:51 AM
^^^ k, that made me laugh!^^^
I take umbrage with the comment that women without a profile are attention seeking. Quite the opposite.. for many we aren't looking for oodles of attention on line.
Joined: 7/15/2013
Msg: 23
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 10:26:46 AM
OP if a woman`s pictures are attractive enough she really does not need to have any words in her profile or send any initial messages out to attract men. IMO the words are there more to weed out the incompatibles than it is to attract the masses.. You can decide for yourself whether there is enough there to entice you to send her a message.

Don`t overthink this OP I don`t believe there is much of a correlation between how much effort a woman is willing to put into her profile and how much effort she is willing to put into a relationship with the right man. It`s not a indication that they would be starfish in bed.
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 24
view profile
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 11:18:11 AM
Msg. 23: Prejudge much?! You would like to see if they can string two sentences together, but most people go on the pictures anyway.

There can be a difference between a short profile and one that has little or no effort put into it. Most likely, there are more men than women who "go on the pictures anyway" (your words), but for men and women, judgment is based on what the reader wants. If the reader is looking for someone with similar sex/dating/relationship goals, it makes sense to judge a profile by its contents.

A person looking for a pretty face will fixate on one part of the profile, and a person looking for a compatible personality and dating style will consider a greater portion (or all) of the profile contents. Ignoring the available information when choosing a potential dating partner is like driving while blindfolded. It's been done, but it's not wise.
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 25
Lack of Effort
Posted: 2/1/2014 12:39:27 PM
OP, your profile says barely anything, so I'm wondering why you asked that question.

And yes, it's true that women get tons of messages whether they put up a long bio or just a quote. The sender always seems able to find something to say.

It happens to me every day and I am definitely not an attention seeker.
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