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 AUTHOR
 jeff.ftw
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 1
help w/ paragraphPage 1 of 1    
hi there. i really just need advice on this 3rd paragraph i wrote. just wrote it, and on a night after i got kinda heated about an encounter w/ a lovely lady on here so i know this paragraph makes me sound bad. truth is though that i really am starting to get a lil jaded and tired of trying. if someone thinks this ought to go into a different section i can go do that. maybe i'm opening this up for discussion about dating someone disabled. idk. really just trying to see what ppl think about what i need to do. i know that 3rd paragraph is twice as long as the whole rest of the profile, ha. it just seems like every time i delete a paragraph, or even a few sentences, about the disability and try to not let it be my whole life then i get crap like that happening, but if i write something there then i get comments that i seem like an unconfident lil twerp. "damned if i do, damned if i don't". what do i do? or maybe what should that paragraph say, if the advice is to not completely get rid of it. thanks in advance!
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 2
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 2/9/2014 4:16:53 PM
You can address your disability positively and with brevity. What do you think of this?

Although I am in a wheelchair, I have an active life and can drive and take care of myself. I completed a Bachelor degree in June 2013. In college I played basketball on an athletic scholarship, had a blast volunteering with a junior wheelchair basketball team and helped out with the Wounded Warriors. I found my way back to church recently.

Your headline should be short and upbeat, and say something about you. "Life is Amazing!" is my headline.

Describe your best characteristics and strengths, activities you enjoy, and what you are looking for in a relationship. Talk a little about the type of woman you want to meet using personality traits.

I wish you the best.
 jeff.ftw
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 3
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 2/9/2014 4:54:38 PM
haha. yes, i need to re-write that headline. it was also a product of that encounter a few nights ago. it usually is positive, really. it was a joke a few days ago. that girl just really got to me. i can't believe how some girls on here are. i would grin and bear it back when i was 18 cuz i figured they'd grow up and then i'd date, but here they are not grown up at 25. hence the jaded comment.

about that short guy paragraph, campfires, i'm just speaking from experience that showing a positive attitude by not mentioning it does not produce better results. i had nothing written before but w/ the basketball pic, showing ability and not disability. but i would just get the "wait, what" reactions that i would like to stop. i have been unworthy of even a friendly conversation on here on two separate occasions cuz of the disability and blocked after it was "found out". but the point is i don't need to dwell on it, that's what makes that paragraph sound bad. i will mention it and move on. thanks for everybody taking time out of their day to help!

LiterateHiker, can i copy and paste that, of course w/ a few changes? that really is pretty good though. it shows it's a part of me but it doesn't define who i am
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 4
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 2/9/2014 5:31:20 PM
Jeff, of course you may copy and paste the paragraph I wrote. I wrote it for you. Feel free to revise it as you see fit.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 5
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 2/9/2014 7:21:56 PM
Jeff, my suggestion is to fix all spelling, grammar, capitalization, and punctuation errors.
I am not a big fan of abbreviations or contractions in online dating profiles as they appear "amateurish" to me.

Remove any and all negativity and ensure your opening paragraph is strong...especially for search purposes.
Ensure your interests show in BLUE font to indicate they are searchable terms. POF divides it into 3 columns, so my feeling is it looks sharpest with 9, 12, or 15 items listed.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 6
view profile
History
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 2/9/2014 8:01:02 PM
The best profiles I've seen belonging to people with disabilities have emphasized the things they can do (self sufficiency, as you mentioned) and addressed the things woman want in a way that reassures them you can provide it. Use words that bring images to mind of what time with you might be like, in a way that will fulfill the things they want.

Communication is going to be high on the list (which is why the last sentence in your first date section is so good).

If you wanted to be risky, you could mention sex. If sex is not an option, I'd emphasize activities in which companionship is desirable ... watching movies, games, etc.

Women are going to want to know that you are financially secure. Nothing wrong with saying "I am independent, financially stable ... etc.

I think it would be good to keep this in the end, but make it a separate paragraph


If you have any questions at all about anything, no problem. I understand curiosity if you've never talked to someone in a wheelchair. It might be new so it's different. It's all I've known so I don't think anything of it, so ask away


Overall, I would also suggest to remove some of the negativity, remove the wishy-washy comments (be confident, decisive), be less wordy and break your paragraphs up into ones that are no longer than 5 sentences for easier reading.


 jeff.ftw
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 7
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 5/7/2014 7:44:18 PM
ok, soooo.. really need help if it's just a vibe my profile gives or what it is about why i keep running into all the bad girls. i know ppl in wheelchairs get gf's. may not be easier than any other typical guy but come on, ha.. any help now would really be appreciated, i'm getting tired of getting screwed then being alone and "holding on". if it's me, what do i change in this profile? and i really hope it's me....
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 8
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 5/7/2014 8:09:25 PM
My earlier suggestion to "embrace brevity" still stands.
Strong efforts need to be made to reduce overall word count.
 jeff.ftw
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 9
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 5/8/2014 2:15:58 PM
Thanks everybody for helping out and I'm sorry, this is tough for me for personal reasons. Even putting myself out there on this site right now is tough, girls really can be pretty brutal. I really just tried now but I've been through a lot of crap. I do understand that I can't blame someone in the future for what's happened in the past. I guess writing a lot of what I had was just a wall to scare off most ppl intentionally all just in an attempt to not have the past happen again. But I had another thread up earlier where someone said girls really might just attack you if they know it's easy to, just for kicks, I guess. Maybe I scared off the right girl amongst all the bad ones.

Some of the stuff in the first paragraph I can't find it in me to get rid of after taking a breath and looking at it, it does show off some stuff that's important to me, like the volunteering I did. I hope it's looking better though. I can't get myself to delete that sentence mentioning that I'm in a wheelchair :/ it really does feel awful to be getting along great w/ someone for a few weeks then "wait, what, you're in a wheelchair" and blocked. Getting screwed like that sucks....
 jeff.ftw
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 10
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 5/8/2014 2:19:05 PM
And I do understand I need some more pics, I'll have to take some. Haven't exactly been too social lately and I'm not a selfie guy. I'll work on getting some more pics
 jeff.ftw
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 11
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 5/9/2014 12:15:34 PM
yeah, i've thought about that. i hadn't been maintaining any conversations in awhile, half of it not wanting to get screwed again and half not wanting to hurt anyone else cuz of what i've been through being in my head. i don't see bad in ppl so i get out there and don't see it coming and someone does something stupid, "omg, how could i dance w/ someone in a wheelchair, go away". i can't help how i was made. honestly hadn't even barely talked to someone since last summer and the first girl i talked to extensively for the past few weeks was back to the same ol' stuff. you are correct, all it is is just trying to protect myself. i'm tired of the way girls are. i hate being alone though, that's the thing. so maybe your suggestion will help. i need to start being social again, i hadn't even talked to guys in almost a yr, who would obviously be just friends. just being social might help the overall frame of mind though. i understand that it comes across as lashing out and i know i can't blame someone in my future who i haven't even met yet for what's happened in the past. i really have thought about hiding the profile, i've been working on just myself for a yr but the profile's still up i guess cuz some tiny part still has hope. i'm looking at it and working on it. i'm not sure what there is to "fix" though. i mean, i know i'm far from perfect but when i don't do anything but be regular ol' nice friendly me and i get some senseless vicious comment about how weird i look, it's crazy. i'm sorry, it's just tough right now. i'm getting tired. thank you for the advice. thanks to everybody for their advice
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 12
view profile
History
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 5/9/2014 1:54:49 PM
Jeff :
i need to start being social again, i hadn't even talked to guys in almost a yr, who would obviously be just friends. just being social might help the overall frame of mind though


Yes, you've got it!

When I was your age I started to cultivate friendships….many of these friendships have lasted over 30 years. I haven't had a single long-term relationship last that long. Friends will be with you through thick and thin. A few years ago I ended a long term relationship, it was a very difficult time for me. How did I get through it…..friends! When I started dating my go-to supports were my friends - advise, laughs, cries… we all need to have kind and compassionate people in our lives, most friends fill this gap. You are setting yourself up for disappointment if you rely on random people on-line for this.
 jeff.ftw
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 13
help w/ paragraph
Posted: 5/9/2014 3:53:15 PM
ha, i mean.... where i moved from where i was in college, i had tons of friends. i'm not sitting here "relying" on pof.com. maybe today so i can get to tomorrow cuz i'm at my last straw, yes, but as a whole, i used to be perfectly capable of finding friends. i needed a profile review so i could get some advice on whatever the heck might have been preventing success on idk how many different profile edits i've had on here. i hate being alone. turns out what i'm guessing the answer is is that it's me holding me back. it's tough to see that being the answer cuz i don't ask to get any sh*t that i get and all it is is i just don't want it happening again. but i guess i need to quit thinking about every instance that happened and put myself out there. i'm just afraid if i completely remove any hint that i've been hurt before then someone will come along and be needlessly harsh again. i didn't ask to look like this. and it's happened before, i'd had profile versions before where i just tried to just move forward and that happened. girls are brutal to me no matter what. i guess i just need to keep on trucking no matter what though. sh*t happens. it's just rough when you really don't do a darn thing wrong. oh well. i guess i need to find some guy friends first and then their sh*t will be more bearable. the first step to that is figuring out how to quit thinking no one wants to talk to me cuz of how i am. i'd had friends before, i can get there. sure as heck gonna try, i'm feeling better than i was 3 days ago and i'm not gonna let those dumb girls win. thanks everybody, that dark cloud's going away
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